Show Me How It Ends
by DeniPie
Summary: After the battle with Naraku, a death leaves Kagome with some unexpected obligations.
1. Show Me How It Ends

Ok I'm going to admit it. I suck at action scenes!!! I swear, anything to do with battle I couldn't write if someone held me at gunpoint! So trust me, I know this whole battle scene with Naraku is gonna suck, but I'm so much better at everything besides fight scenes, so I swear that it'll get better! I have an entire plot all worked out and its pretty good, so just bare with me I only had to do this first chapter to give the fic a good foundation to rise off of kay? So I promise, the next chap will finally start the plot of my ficy, okie dokie?

Luv, peace, and tanning grease

Deni

p.s. Your lord and master……………………FOAMY! Lol………………….okay yeay that was dorkie but I luv those foamy the squirrel cartoons! Go to illwillpress.com and watch 'em! I've seen like every single one a quadrillion times! So funny! I highly recommend 'Foamy's rant II' and 'five more minutes!'

---------------------------------------------------------------

S h o w M e H o w I t E n d s

_If you find your family, don't you cry   
In this land of make-believe, dead and dry   
You're so cold, but you feel alive   
Lay your hands on me one last time_

_So cold – Breaking Benjamin_

---------------------------------------------------------------

So this was it. Naraku was dead, the tribe had been avenged, and the dead were put to peace. So where was the wonderful feeling of exhausted accomplishment, where was the ambiance of closure and new beginning? Ginta waited and waited. Waited to be like the others around him with exception of his friend, who appeared to be just as lost as he was. Ginta gazed around him suddenly feeling very small and lost, like a young child separated from his mother at market. He looked to Hakkaku who was staring down deep in thought at the very cause of such feelings.

----_flashback_----

"INUYASHA!"

Kagome screeched as the thorned tentacle ripped its way through the hanyou's left shoulder. The demon's tentacles curled about her like swirls of oil in water as she recoiled her thorn adorned weapon. Inuyasha dropped the but thankfully landed on his feet returning to fighting position and supporting the brunt of Tetsusaiga's weight with his right arm.

Demons, demons everywhere! All flowing around Naraku like the devil's halo. Losses were already being counted and tragedies marked for later mourning. Seeing the life giving shard plucked from her brother's back and watching him fall limp like a doll with the batteries removed shattered the last bit of mental restraint in Sango. She began to fight like a woman possessed, the Taijiya riding on Kirara's back flinging her Hiraikotsu like a crazed Valkryie.

Miroku faired no better, the kazaana spreading at an alarming rate as he opened the void using it recklessly as it was his last chance to rid himself of his curse. Demons were torn from the earth and sucked into the vacuuming void with such force that hailed onto the quickly exhausting Houshi.

Kouga along with what was left of his tribe had arrived just in time to help the barrage of demons and slowly force them back to allow Inuyasha greater access to Naraku. Unfortunately all intent on Naraku was lost to the wolf prince when he caught sight of the wind sorceress that had decimated his tribe. Eyes flashing red he was nothing but a brown and black blur as he ripped the head of the demon he had been fighting clear off its neck, and leaped from the ground towards Kagura.

"COME AND FACE ME WIND WHORE!!"

The wind demon turned just in time to see an enraged Kouga make a gravity defying lunge for her, his muscles taunt and fangs bared with full intent on ripping her apart with one or the other. She reared her fan back quick enough to block his first attack but could not shield herself from all of his barrage of claws and fists. Kouga was no longer the confident prince but rather a snarling, foaming, crazed, shell of himself. He swung, kicked, snapped and flung himself into every attack he could muster. Kagura growled and shoved him back just long enough to raise her fan and defend herself. The wind slice did nothing to deter the wrath filled youkai. He lunged at her again going for anything vital he could sink himself into.

There was no doubt about it, they were getting closer to Naraku as demon after demon dropped in bloody heaps. Inuyasha and the rest seemed to have a plan that Kouga and his tribe were not aware of but at the time it didn't seem to matter.

"Foolish hanyou, where do you think these meaningless efforts will get you?" Naraku drawled as he looked on with an amused grin, as an adult would a young child throwing a fit.

"Your blood on my claws you worthless bastard!" Inuyasha shouted back as he closed in, finishing youkai after youkai.

They were getting tired, the fight was slowly being beaten out of them. Sango was loosing the strength to back her fury and Miroku was weakening against the storm of demons flooding him. Ginta and Hakkaku were willing participants to fight in the background and keep the hoards of youkai back. Kouga still battled Kagura and was lost to anything else around him. Even though Inuyasha gained more and more leverage towards Naraku, the defenses would not be able to hold forever.

Though, through all of this, no one appeared to notice Kagome. Not Naraku, Kanna, Kagura or any other saw her zigging and zagging, dogging debris and tumbling out of the way of hurling demons being tossed from the battle field. Eyes were set on her destination as she used any sort of unintentional training her years of shard hunting had given her. _'Naraku, Naraku, Naraku, Naraku' _She chanted in her head doing her best to take her mind off the burning in her air depraved lungs and the stinging in over worked calve muscles and even the occasional cramp or Charlie horse. She was doing her best to be small and unnoticeable in the sea of fighting demons. _'Good Kagome, Good Kagome, faster, oh Kami why didn't I sign up for the track team or something?' _Kagome gasped for breath trying to get morr running fuel for her struggling lungs. _'C'mon legs, just a little furth-OOMF!!'_

Kagome's body was batted aside like a rag doll as the tail of one of the more giant youkai sent her careening towards the center the field.

"KAGOME!"

Kagome groaned as her body hit the earthen ground with the muffled 'thud!' barely registering Inuyasha's panicked roar.

She had to get up, she knew she had to get up, but she racked her brain to figure out exactly _why _she had to get off of the ground that acted as a cradle for broken body. A cackling hiss brought her out of her pained reverie and forced her to jar her head up in time to see a rather large and grotesque figure loom over. Kagome vaguely registered the figure as a spider demon as she reared back into a crab walk to get some distance from the youkai before jumping to her feet. The demon sensing an impending escape attempt recoiled its body and lunged forward using the momentum to pounce on her. There was no time to run and it was too big to roll out from under, though this fact didn't stop her from trying. Kagome yelped as she jerked to her feet jarring her aching body. She waited for the weight of the demon to crash into her back as she tried to dive away.

Instead of the breath taking weight forcing itself into her back she felt a lighter weight collide into her right side abruptly yanking her away from immediate death. Kagome opened her mouth and desperately gulped at the air to regain the breath that had been forced from her with such an unexpected blow. Hard arms clenched around her knees and back bringing Kagome to look up at her supposed savior.

"Kouga!"

A quick 'arigato' dripped on her tongue but was swallowed back by the look on his face. His mouth was set into a cemented line and his eyes were hard like slitted diamonds rather than the deep oceans they used to be. Kagome swallowed and gathered her mission back into the forefront of her mind.

"Kouga-kun, drop me as close to Naraku as you can!" She shouted above the ringing in her ears and the sound of screams and torn flesh.

The wolf youkai gave a curt nod of acknowledgment. He had been drawn from his fight with Kagura. The filthy bitch that had destroyed his people and his home. He had seen Kagome careening through the air and managed to knock Kagura away with the a hasty kick to the gut. He would deal with the wind beast later, he had to protect his intended for now. He clutched her tighter, dodging attacks and falling demons. Kouga darted through the crowds of battling demons and made his way closer to Naraku's turned back.

The said demon no longer wore the amused grin he previously adorned. He frowned and overlooked the loss of his followers and the prevalence of the hanyou mutt. It may appear that he would have to kill the cur himself after all.

They were getting closer. Under any other circumstance Kagome would have grinned at such an accomplishing plan but knew better than to underestimate Naraku. She would celebrate when she could dance on his grave herself. She brought her mouth close to the wolf youkai's elven ear in order to be heard without having to scream.

"Stop here, I need you to have my back, this is important." She informed determinedly.

Kouga nodded skidding to a stop before gently setting her down. The instant his eyes caught her shoes touching the blood stained earth he was overcome with a feeling of inevitability. _'This is it, this is it, this is it.'_ His mind seemed to bellow at him as though it had never crossed his mind that this journey had an ending and that not all of its previous participants would be there when it ended. He looked at Kagome, searching her profile. She wore expressions of fear and dread but engulfing them was her resolve. Kouga had never had the time or the spare concentration to realize that she was actually out here, she was fighting Naraku and his youkai with the rest of them. _'Inu kuro actually let her come out here…' _An unexpected wave of realization and dread over took him. This was a war. And wars' never let their player's go unscathed.

Kagome steadied herself on the ground but the arms around her shoulders didn't move, rather they only tightened their grip. She turned her head to look questioningly at him but felt her body suddenly swerve around to face him. She panicked, not liking the idea of Naraku at her backside but it was quelled as she looked into his face. His eyes expressed a desperation that somewhat unnerved her. He gripped her tighter and she moved with his hands to keep her footing.

"Kouga-kun?"

This was quite possibly the worst time to be having this conversation. But Kouga could not control the uncontrollable feeling that churned his stomach like a whirlpool, a feeling that only fear can cause. This was something he hadn't felt since his youthful years as a pup ever dependent on his parents.

He could see it. He could see bodies hitting the now scarlet earth with small splashes as they involuntarily dived into a minuscule pool of blood. He saw the tiny, insignificant, burgundy drops fling themselves away from the crashing corpses. It hadn't affected him then. He had seen and caused death more times than numbers can count. But now……now he could see her being among those numbers that death claims. He could see her body being ripped apart and her blood draining from it like crimson rain. He could see her ears embrace eternal deafness that would forever block his words of affection and passion from her. So this could possibly be his last time confessing them.

"Kagome-"

"Kouga hurry! Now isn't the ti-"

"Now could be _last _damn time!!" He snarled at her abruptly cutting off her statement but not ending her impatience.

"What are you talking about?-"

"Listen to me! There's death everywhere! With shinigami this close to us things need to be said. You're going to live. Naraku is going to be defeated and then we can be together! You're going to come me and we're going to make a new life, start a new tribe! We're going to have our own litter and they'll grow up in a good world, a safer world. You're my woman and I'm in love with you!"

Kagome choked on her breath and stared at him. He was right of course. Death was everywhere. Just look at Kohaku. How many things had dear Sango never got to tell him. Did she ever get the chance to tell him that she loved him too? That she would die for him? That he would always be her little brother? No. Instead the last thing she heard from him was the shattering thud of his body on the cold ground. One would think Kagome would think of Inuyasha when considering things left unsaid. But no, after hearing Kouga's words the first image that popped into her mind was her mother. _'Oh Okaa-san, I'm so sorry.'_ She thought. _'For all the worrying, and excuse making, and the trouble I know you're going through.' _Now she had wished she had stayed home just a few minutes longer to at least hug the person that loved her and understood her when it seemed as though no one else did.

Quickly she shook herself of the distracting thoughts and feelings and squared her shoulders.

"Kouga, I _need_ you to cover me ok?" She didn't have the heart to correct Kouga in his assumptions of her future. It was a desperate time, let him believe whatever he wanted. Let him have faith in anything that gave him strength.

Kouga nodded determinedly and forcibly turned her towards Naraku seemingly unaffected by her lack of return of his confessions.

Kagome drew her bow and reached for an arrow, she strung the purifying arrow and took aim. _'Concentrate Kagome, focus.' _She aimed at Naraku's heart as the corrupted hanyou guardedly watched Inuyasha. A lavender aura began to collect around the arrow as Kagome concentrated every bit of miko energy she could muster into it. She felt her force draining from her, weakening her. Her body shook with the effort it was starting to take just to hold her aim. _'Oh kami this isn't good!' _She thought. All she got was one shot at Naraku and that one shot had to be all she was worth, unfortunately she didn't count on having the reserved strength for holding herself up. She panted with the effort when suddenly she felt strong arms grip her to hold her steady. Kouga took himself from his appointed task to steady the wavering girl. Kagome relayed on those arms to hold her as she drew back her bow.

"KOUGA!!!"

Came a spastic far away screech accompanied by a much closer choke and gurgle. Suddenly Kagome felt an explosive pain rip into the top of her back and a crushing unsupported weight fall into her, distorting her aim and sending her arrow off prematurely. Kagome grunted with a brief attempt to bare the unknown weight before collapsing to the ground. She felt her temple touch wet earth and winced as the new pain tied with the former. Her back felt wet and she could feel that liquid wetness dripping down her sides. Kagome opened her eyes and felt the air strangle her.

Kouga's forehead touched the earth as he lay on top of her. His mouth open in a distorted, silent cry of agony, as blood dripped from it like a broken faucet. His lifeless eyes lay open staring unseeingly at the ground.

Kagome's pupils constricted as if trying to block out the sight, her mouth hung open baring to the world a shaking chin and trembling lip. She felt tears gather at the corner of her eyes but did not feel the burning sensation behind them that usually accompanied crying. She no longer felt the searing pain in her back as her entire body seemed to go numb. Kagome's brain barely registered a familiar feminine chuckle.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Ginta watched in horror as Kagura lunged at Kouga, it happened to fast that even his youkai eyes barely recognized movement at all. Before he could even alert his distracted friend the wind demon's hand snaked out and plunged itself into the wolf prince's back and leaped through his chest. Right through his heart. Ginta felt the bile rise from his stomach and bubble up his throat along with his howl of terror.

"KOUGA!!"

Ginta leaped away from his position and took off towards his fallen leader. He panted more in urgency and in weariness. He darted left and right avoiding anything that could hinder his flight. He leapt forward not even acknowledging Kagura as the demoness seemed to be waiting for him.

It appeared that her wait would be in vain as Hakkaku pounced on her preoccupied figure ripping into her with rage. Kagura shrieked in surprise and tried with useless effort to buck Hakkaku off her weary body as he tore into her tired frame. Flesh flew from the feminine body like a topless blender and in no time it appeared Kagura would be much like those flying pieces.

Ginta skidded to a halt next to the prone bodies. He cringed and once more felt the familiar bile of nausea bubble in his stomach at the sight of the fist sized hole in his friend's chest. It appeared to go right through him and out the other side. _'He's dead, he's dead, he's dead. He's dead, he's dead, he's dead.' _Was the mantra looping in Ginta's head. He collapsed to his knees and placed a trembling hand on his leader's bloody shoulder. Shaking! Kouga was shaking! Ginta lurched forward over Kouga's body an ecstatic smile crossing his features. He was hurt but still alive! Ginta gently gathered his friend into his arms and removed him from the young woman child beneath. The shaking had stopped. The instant Ginta removed Kouga from Kagome's body he had stopped shaking. He examined his leader's body and realized that Kouga's heart was indeed torn, possibly from his body itself. Ginta felt the panic return and his jaw began to tremble. He heard a tiny whimper that stole him from his horror stricken reverie. It came from the ground. Or rather from a trembling Kagome that lay stricken on the ground. Her entire body from head to toe shook as if in the throes of a miniscule seizure. Ginta looked from Kouga to Kagome before softly setting Kouga to the ground. He leaned over the prone and quaking figure of his leader's mate-to-be. He saw that Kagura's fist had truly gone through Kouga and straight into Kagome's upper back, but not through her. Ginta shuffled his hands underneath her shoulders and lifted her up turning her along the way. Even her face was shaking. Had Kagome's mouth not been open her teeth would be chattering.

"Nee-san?" Ginta asked hesitatingly.

This was different, it was so different. Kagome had seen death before. She had seen youkai die plenty of times and had just seen Kohaku die. Yet this was different. This was _Kouga_. She knew Kouga. Kouga was a wolf youkai, he was confident, he was arrogant, and very determined and persistent. She knew him. He had just been there talking to her, telling her the sweetest things that at the time her impatience and paranoia would not let her appreciate. And now, his dead bleeding body had lain on top of her. She had heard his last breath. Her friend. Her friend was dead. No, her friend was _murdered_. Death was different this time. It was _so_ much different.

Ginta stared into her face. He did not want to worry about her right now. His leader, his best friend was dead and bleeding right next to him.

"Kouga."

Someone breathed from behind. Ginta's head snapped around to see a crimson covered Hakkaku staring at the lifeless body of his prince. Ginta nodded sorrowfully, feeling a familiar stinging from behind his eyes but closing them before the stinging could set. He turned to look once more at Kagome before feeling a sudden jerk and absence of weight in his hands.

"NEE-SAN! COME BACK!"

But Kagome didn't hear him. She didn't hear anything but a dull ringing in her ears and head. Her fault, her fault, it was all her fault. Kouga was right, this was a war and people had to die. But she didn't think it'd be _her_ people! It wasn't fair! She wasn't strong enough, she had to distract Kouga from his alert task just to help her steady a bow! Tears lined her cheeks flowing behind her like a liquid banner as she ran as fast as her human legs would carry her to her destination. _'There's death everywhere!...You're going to live…..' 'NO!!' _Kagome could still hear him. She clenched her eyes shut as if it would block the words from her mind. _'No! Keep them open!_' She had to keep her eyes open, she couldn't risk being careless and going off course.

She could still hear him. His sweet words. Sweet words that he would never say again, never say to someone who could love him back. They were wasted on her. Why couldn't she have returned his feelings?! If just for a moment he would have at least went knowing someone returned his love. _'But you didn't…' _A voice whispered in the back of her head. Kagome let out a strangled sob. _'I don't care!'_

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, congratulations Inuyasha. It appears you've earned yourself a position in the finals after all." Naraku drawled the amused grin reappearing on his flawless face.

Inuyasha felt a feral snarl rumble in his belly and work its way through his chest. "You're not walking away this time Naraku." He growled.

"Let's let fate decide that now shall we?" Naraku paused and cocked his head as if considering something. "Of course, I have always believed in making my own fate." A wicked parody of a smile stretched across his lips and he slid his hand out. His fingers curled gracefully outward like a demented flower before revealing a full and complete Shikon no Tama.

InuYasha's eyes widened and he felt his hybrid blood go cold as Naraku drew the marble shaped jewel to his lips.

Naraku never took his eyes off the motionless hanyou as he opened his mouth and whispered with deceptive sincerity "Make a wish InuYasha." And with that the precious jewel was elegantly tossed into his mouth.

InuYasha's muscles froze watching the small ball slide down the other demon's throat.

The said demon frowned and his eye brows furrowed as if studying some sort of curious concept. Suddenly his head was thrown back in a gasp as his muscles grew and mutated creating a grotesque symphony of cracking bones and tearing flesh.

There was nothing InuYasha could do as he stared at the convulsing body of Naraku. The demon continued to grow and transform as the hoard of youkai that made up the hanyou changed and grew with the strength the shikon no tama had given them. He rose as his skin was manipulated. New limbs grew, colors changed, smiling teeth turned into hideous grinning incisors. InuYasha looked up at the newly transformed Naraku. He no longer hid under the guise of a man. Now his gigantic skeletal body took its place, long spindly arms and legs stretched out under blackish skin, claws extended to what looked like the very size of InuYasha himself, long, coarse, purple hair flew out of a hard skull that encased a long demonic beak full of hideous fangs and not a single tooth. And finally the eyes. Blood red eyes mockingly bore into InuYasha as if attempting to stop his heart just by looking.

InuYasha shook off any sort of fear the tried to clamber into his stomach and squared himself against his enemy. He bared his fangs raising Tetsusaiga.

"THIS CHANGES NOTHING YOU DISGUSTING ASSHOLE!"

InuYasha leaped up and lunged towards the new Naraku bringing down Tetsusaiga. Naraku laughed and easily dodged the blow.

"I have told you what I believe, InuYasha, now tell me, what do you believe in?" Naraku mocked with maniacal laughter.

InuYasha growled and continued to swing. The blows that didn't hit only served to make him dodge an attack from Naraku, and the blows that did barely left a scratch upon his scaly skin.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"NO!" Kagome screamed as she watched the small orb disappear into Naraku's human mouth. _'No no no! It wasn't supposed to happen this way!' _She screamed into her head. This wasn't right! Kouga wasn't supposed to die, her arrow wasn't supposed to miss its course, and Naraku was supposed to make a wish on the shikon no tama! Not swallow it! The plan had failed. She was supposed to wait for Naraku to reveal the Shikon and release her arrow when he was distracted with making his wish. This was _not_ supposed to happen. _'Well then I guess you'll just have to adapt to a new plan, now won't you……' _whispered the same voice in the back of her mind. Kagome nodded and set herself as she looked up at the newly transformed Naraku. She took a deep breath ignoring the spastic bellows and screams coming from behind her and took off once more. _'I can still do it! This can still work!' _

---------------------------------------------------------------

"InuYasha, once more I have to ask you, where do these meaningless efforts get you? I am stronger, more powerful, and already possess the Shikon no Tama. The game is over and you have failed, now why not just lay down and die?"

"SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH AND FIGHT!" InuYasha screamed back.

Naraku shook his massive head dodging another blow and let out a low chuckle from the back of his throat. "As you wish." Naraku waited for InuYasha to raise himself to strike again. Right before the attack came Naraku reared his twisted clawed hand back and backhanded the hanyou away from him.

InuYasha flew back, the attack an unprecedented one. He shook his head to clear it and growled. This was not going well. He had seen Kagome's arrow fly off course but didn't have time to inspect what had happened.

"INUYASHA!"

Both demonic heads snapped to attention down at the darting Kagome. Naraku grinned and InuYasha felt panic flood his gut.

"KAGOME, GET AWAY!!"

It all happened in the blink of an eye, even InuYasha's enhanced vision could barely register what had happened before seeing Kagome fisted in Naraku's grip. Naraku licked his false and stared at the hanyou.

"I saw this and thought it belonged to you." He drawled as if having a conversation over tea.

"Let her go! She's useless!!" InuYasha roared. He had never felt so helpless, and found that he did not like the after feeling it left in his throat.

"I believe the saying goes 'finders keepers' neh?" Naraku chortled. "All joking aside, that blasted ball did not satisfy me nearly enough. Perhaps a second course?"

"NARAKU!!" InuYasha screamed watching Kagome mercilessly thrown into Naraku's massive mouth like anyone would pop a pill.

Naraku chuckled and ran his lavender tongue along his the side of his elongated beak where his lips used to be.

InuYasha froze. The helplessness seemingly paralyzing his entire body. The only movement a small tick that had suddenly appeared in his left eye.

A surprised look spread over Naraku's hideous features as the Tetsusaiga dropped to the floor. The hanyou didn't even seem to notice it leaving his blood covered hand.

Gradually the tick appeared to spread over his entire body. His muscles twitched and his golden eyes clenched shut. The helpless feelings were rapidly turning into a fury propelled wrath he had never felt before. His entire body now naked, with the exception the torn bottoms of his hakama, clenched and trembled with rage as he suppressed it, not fully understanding the blinding emotions within him.

Naraku looked on entertained with the spectacle. He had always wondered how the hanyou would react to the death of his second miko. Hm, it was indeed interesting. He thought and cocked his head as InuYasha's body stopped its tremors and waited to see the hanyou's expression when he rose his head.

InuYasha's eyes snapped open to reveal pools of crimson and violet. Fangs and claws long since elongated and his cheeks streaked with mauve stripes. He flung his head back to look the rival demon in the eyes. Foamy saliva dripped from the dog demon's mouth as it shot open to let out a fang filled snarl.

The new Naraku recoiled his head in an amused surprise. Maybe this would get interesting yet. Those were his last thoughts as Inuyasha flung himself at Naraku.

---------------------------------------------------------------

The new demon could recall nothing but blinding, maddening rage and the absolute need for blood to quell it. Something had disappeared. Something precious. He couldn't exactly remember what it was but new that the massive demon in front of him was the cause. He lunged and drew back and lunged again releasing attack after attack of claws and razored teeth.

He was fast. Much faster than Naraku had anticipated. He was having trouble blocking and returning blows. This was unexpected, Naraku thought grimacing as claws tore down his shoulder. The demons very claws were piercing him deeper than Tetsusaiga had.

It was still living. The damnable demon was still alive. _'Kill it kill it kill it kill it..' _InuYasha's instincts chanted to him. The demon had invoked his blood craving wrath and he would deal with it.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Sango looked around as the youkai seemed to be backing off and retreating. Miroku too noticed the phenomenon.

"Kohaku! I have to find Kohaku!" Sango shouted to the houshi.

The Taijiya ran about searching for her brother's body, hoping that it hadn't been torn to pieces. She suddenly felt a hand grip her shoulder. Sango turned to look at Miroku whose eyes were focused on something beyond her. Something above her. She frowned and turned her attention to see what was so enthralling.

InuYasha had transformed. The newly transformed dog demon was hurling itself at Naraku blindly tearing at anything he could reach.

Sango's eyes widened and on instinct began scanning the ground for sight of Tetsusaiga. She spotted it, it was a ways from Naraku's very feet. She made a move to go for it when Miroku tightened his grip.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now he seems to be doing better than he was."

Sango frowned and nodded worriedly. If they were possibly winning then why did she have this foreboding feeling in her abdomen?

---------------------------------------------------------------

This had stopped being amusing and was now swiftly becoming annoying. Naraku glared at the new youkai blocking himself from its attacks. This would have to end. _Now_. Naraku snarled and threw his weight at the Inu Youkai slamming it down with his enormous palm. He growled and smashed InuYasha into the ground determinedly crushing the full youkai into the earth with his palm.

Trapped, trapped, trapped. His instincts screamed at him to get out, that he was trapped and would die if he did not escape. InuYasha struggled and clawed into the gigantic hand encasing him to the ground. He desperately tore into it trying to go _through_ the hand if he could not get around. He grunted as he reached unrelenting bone. He couldn't get out. The hand wouldn't give! Frustrated and panicked the demon flung his arms out to reach anything in which to escape with. Quickly and unexpectedly he felt his fingers brush metal.

Naraku's eyes widened a fraction and he let out a smirk as he watched the youkai become a hanyou again as he gripped his sword. Crimson turned to gold and mauve returned to tanned skin. He chuckled and pressed harder. This would be _much_ easier.

InuYasha struggled and looked around trying to get his bearings. What happened? He cringed feeling his ribs snap under the pressure of Naraku's enormous hand. He swung Tetsusaiga down and down trying desperately to either cut into or remove the offending limb altogether.

And suddenly, the pressure lessened. Curiously InuYasha looked up at Naraku's looming face to see a look of surprise and confusion, and was that a hint of pain?

---------------------------------------------------------------

What was happening? Where was the pain coming from. His stomach, yes Naraku investigated, most decidedly his stomach. It had started out just like a warmth spreading from it, now it was a searing heat that was developing into a burning pain. He choked coughing up a spray of pea green blood.

InuYasha grimaced as the disgusting and foul smelling liquid dripped into his face. What the hell was going on. Inuyasha began to feel warm. Or rather Naraku's palm was getting warmer. _'What the fucking hell is that?' _All exertions seemed to stop as both demons looked down towards Naraku's stomach that had begun to pulse with a faint lavender light.

Naraku's entire massive body reared back, his head thrown backwards in a silent cry of agony.

"WHAT IS THIS?!" He bellowed.

InuYasha leaped to his feet and stared at the crazed youkai. Naraku brought his grotesque hands to his temples and swung his head back and forth trying to block out the plain that was slowly eating him from the inside out. Naraku stopped rocking back and forth and fixed his maddened stare on the hanyou.

"YOU!! _YOU_ DID THIS!" He roared lunging forward swinging his hand back to create a death bringing blow.

InuYasha set himself into fighting position ready to defend himself with Tetsusaiga. He bared his fangs and tensed his body when suddenly……………..it stopped. Naraku stopped, his talons only feet away from InuYasha. InuYasha looked on, curious as to what was happening to the gigantic demon. Naraku choked and looked down towards his stomach. The light had increased into an intense pulsing and with an ear splitting cry Naraku knocked himself back and felt his body burn from the inside out. The light grew engulfing his entire body with its pulsating glow. Naraku gasped as his body let out one last throb of light before exploding into disintegrating pieces.

All occupants on the field which mostly consisted of Sango, Miroku, InuYasha, and the dwindled wolf tribe shielded themselves against the flying gooey pieces of the once world threatening youkai and against the blinding light that seemed to have swallowed the earth whole.

The light dimmed somewhat and InuYasha removed his arms from his eyes to see Kagome floating, completely incased in the lavender glow with the transparent presence of a raven haired woman floating all around her. Her eyes were closed and head tipped slightly upward in reverence, her hands closed around something over her heart, her hair lifted swirling around her body like charmed snakes. The transparent women then began to become ever more translucent and faded away to nothing. Kagome dropped from the sky like a falling star.

He was nothing but a snowy blur as InuYasha dove to catch the descending miko. She landed in his arms with a sticky 'whoosh'. He gasped as she almost slid from his arms like oil. InuYasha knelt to the ground ignoring the rapidly approaching remnants of his friends. A foul odor reached InuYasha's sensitive nose and he blanched, scrunching his offended nose away from the smell that had combined itself with the green and yellow substance that seemed to encase the girl like a mother's womb. He shook his head in an effort to regain his bearings and also to weakly fan away the stench. He raised a clawed hand from underneath her legs and wiped away the gut saturated bangs from Kagome's eyes. InuYasha looked into her face as she weakly tried to open her eyes. He sighed a breath of relief and clutched her tighter to his overheated and overexerted body. He looked down at her noticing her hands still clutching something to her heart. She struggled to look up at him as she parted her hands to reveal a dull but whole shikon no tama. It was strange, just the mere rumor of a shikon shard sent him running, the whole world be damned, but now as he looked upon the whole thing he didn't feel the thrilling elation he expected but rather a dim mixture of exhaustion and accomplishment.

"i-inuy-" Was as far as she got before her head went slack over his arm and she passed out.

InuYasha shifted the girl so her head rested on his chest and he looked around. The ground was littered with bloodied and decimated bodies, any surviving demon with the exception of himself and the wolves had retreated. Sango knelt at his side desperately trying to support the weight of her brother's corpse in her arms but exhaustion was fighting her ever step of the way. Miroku slumped to the ground a few feet behind him. InuYasha quickly heard the violent tearing of cloth and rattling of beads. He gently rocked Kagome back and forth not really knowing what to do now. Naraku was gone and the shikon- the shikon no tama! What were they going to do with it? Had Kagome made a wish? Wouldn't the shikon no tama disappear or something after a wish had been made? They hadn't really talked about it. InuYasha sighed, he would deal with it when he had to.

Miroku tiredly looked over at the remaining occupants of the field.

----_end_ _flashback_----

Ginta watched on as Hakkaku knelt by Kouga's blood soaked figure. Hakkaku began to pant with barely suppressed rage and suddenly let out and blood curdling scream flinging his fists to the ground and tearing at the crimson dirt pulling up burgundy grass and weeds. Neither knew what to say, to curse, to scream. Nothing could describe the onslaught of emotions and physical feelings. Ginta looked over to see InuYasha and the rest surrounding Kagome, the hanyou cradling the young woman child in his arms. _'Kouga wouldn't like that' _was Ginta's first thought. Thinking of his lost friend brought his eyes to the body. Ginta rapidly tore his gaze away and fixed them on something else, _anything_ else. He was not ready to face the sight of his den brother's bloody soaked figure. Hakkaku continued to snarl and beat on the ground obviously loosing his once charming composure. The white haired wolf sighed fighting the burn behind his eyes, no, now was not the time to cry, Kouga wouldn't have cried. Ginta swallowed and crept over to his remaining friend placing a gentle and soothing hand on his shoulder.

"Come, we….we have to go." Ginta spoke softly, his usual hyper spastic attitude lost to him.

"_WHY?!_" Hakkaku spat, before retracting his feral anger realizing he was taking it out on the wrong person.

"We have…….we have things to do." Ginta said in a quiet voice, unable to bring himself to say the specifics of those 'things' that needed to be done.

Hakkaku sniffled, swallowing his sorrow down and allowed himself to be helped up. The two youkai looked at each other knowing what had to be done but both were neither ready nor willing to do it. A panicked look entered Ginta's eyes resembling the once paranoid expression he often got before all of this. Hakkaku sighed, his friend was slipping, and doing this task would certainly shove him off the edge.

Ginta let out an unheard breath as he watched Hakkaku bend over to scoop up their leader's body. He felt guilt eat at his belly seeing the cringe that overtook Hakkaku's face upon touching the corpse of their fallen friend. With that they began to walk. They walked away from the battle field neither knowing exactly where they were going but had a vague idea of what they were searching for. Ginta slowed his pace as the thought of looking back to cast one last gaze at their allies and the field, but quickly shook it off and continued. The two friends did their best to set their faces to stone but neither really accomplished the task. Hakkaku's eyes were too glossy and Ginta swallowed and gulped a little too frequently to be normal. While mourning their friend, and adapting to a sense of deep unalterable loss, and sorrow churning and bubbling in their stomach a single question arose that struck a dull pang of dread yet stayed at the forefronts of their minds.

_'What do we do now?'_

---------------------------------------------------------------

Okay how was that? Too descriptive? Boring? Too much detail? Off subjecty? All criticism is wholly welcomed kay? Except those lil' nit pickers that spend their time reviewing every single chapter and waste it picking out any sort of spelling or grammar error. Ok nit pickers, I'm gonna warn u here and now, there will be fragments here, k? I know the sentence fragments are there, I do have mic.word. They are there purposefully, okie dokie? Ok, review people's and it'll get the better next chappie out k? C-ya

Luv peace and tanning grease!

Deni

Chapter II – O b l i g a t i o n

_-"Do you hate me?" She asked in a small quiet voice. She stared up at him both fearing and dreading the answer, but needing to know it just the same._

_ He didn't look at her as she probably wanted him too. He looked into his lap and then at the window before whispering a determined "Hai"._


	2. Obligation

Hey everybody! Did anyone go to illwillpress.com? Isn't foam awesome! Kay here's the next chappie and hopefully I fixed the first chap. If not just email me at TeenZombyyahoo.com and I'll email you what you missed. But you really didn't miss anything considering it was practically the end, I think. Kay anyway. I hope they don't cut off this chapter like they did the last one. 

Deni

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Chapter II – O b l i g a t i o n

_Lying through your teeth again  
Suicidal imbecile  
Think about it, put it on the fautline  
What'll it take to get it through to you precious  
Come to this, why do you wanna throw it away like this  
Such a bitch, why do I wanna watch you  
Disconnect and self destruct one woman at a time  
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die_

_'The Outsider' – __Perfect Circle___

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"We have to go."

Everyone looked up to see Miroku standing, staff grasped in one hand and the other extended in front of him sporting a few rain drops. Sango and InuYasha nodded rising to their feet. The time for quiet reflection was over; it was time to move on now. Miroku attempted to help Sango with her precious burden but she merely moved Kohaku out of his reach and walked ahead of him hiding her strain. InuYasha closed his eyes and let out a breath silently saying goodbye to the long quest that had changed him so much. He turned back to his comrades and began to walk as the rain fell at a greater pace.

Sango clutched the cold body that was once her brother. She looked on ahead determinedly. Her face was that of a statue, etched in stone and cold. She hugged the last piece of her family tighter before speaking. "InuYasha."

The hanyou's head rose at being called.

"Go on ahead and take Kagome to Kaede's. We need to know if anything's wrong with her and it would be best to get the shikon no tama out of such an open area." Her voice was hard and commanding leaving no space for objection or suggestion.

InuYasha nodded without argument grasping Kagome firmer before taking off from the group.

Only Miroku stayed and looked at her. Sango didn't even glare at him.

"You too Houshi, it would be best you move on."

"And what are you going to do Sango? You can't possibly carry-……you can't make it all the way to the village yourself." Miroku spoke quietly and gently.

Sango didn't waver. "I'm not going to Kaede's." She retorted then calling briefly to her cat youkai. "Kirara!" The transformed demon bounded over to her master allowing her and her large bundle to slide on.

Miroku's eyebrows rose in slight surprise. "Then where _are_ you going? Surely you're not leaving us?"

The Taijiya adjusted Kohaku in her arms to better grip the feline. "I need to bury my brother. I'm going to my own village. I'll be back within a week or two."

"I'll help you." Miroku interjected.

"No! I must bury my own, Miroku." Sango snapped. Seeing the surprise mixed hurt must have softened her because she said her next statement softly. "I'll be back. It'll be ok. You go on."

Miroku nodded and walked ahead not looking back as Kirara took off to the east towards what was once the exterminator village. _'She'll be fine.' _He thought, but it didn't quell the worry in his chest.

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Um, I think we should stop."

Ginta looked ahead at Hakkaku. "Why?"

"Because we don't have a clue as to what we're actually doing."

"Oh." Seemed like a reasonable answer the two toned youkai thought plopping down in the grass.

Hakkaku gently placed his deceased leader on the grass before moving to sit across from his friend. They both sat as far from Kouga as they were able to without feeling guilty for doing so. They couldn't help it. This was their friend, their leader, their den brother. And now he was their corpse to bury. It was just too hard to be face right now. Ginta looked up at the worn eyes of Hakkaku and again felt the pang of guilt for making him carry Kouga. It just,…..it was just too hard! Ginta couldn't bring himself to do it and now left the responsibility to weigh itself upon his friend's shoulders. He sighed and looked at a nearby tree, maybe, maybe he could manage to carry it the rest of the way. He turned back to Hakkaku.

"We have to reach the mountain or we'll be fighting off youkai all night." Ginta couldn't make himself say the more specific words of 'He have to reach our home to bury Kouga in, because if we don't we'll be fending off scavenger youkai all night to keep them from eating his corpse.'

Hours seemed to pass when in reality it was probably no more than five minutes. And awkward silence washed over them that they had never experienced before. They used to joke and wrestle, they used to be such an optimistic group. Would they ever be that way again? Ginta couldn't help but wonder rolling the situation around in his mind. The question that plagued them both came back to him. It had to be asked and it hung in the air tormenting them and yet at the same time was never acknowledged by either. Finally Ginta couldn't stand it. Maybe if he asked, the dread and empty feelings the question brought would disappear with the answer.

"What do we do now?"

Hakkaku shifted uncomfortably. He and Ginta were equals, and Kouga was the boss of their group so neither had to worry over decision making. Now that their leader was gone, no one knew what to do. Especially since it seemed the entire survival of their tribe rested on their shoulders. Neither he nor Ginta were accustomed to making such decisions. They were followers, not leaders; and had been happy with their simple uncomplicated life. They were born and raised to follow the alpha male and that's what they had always done up until now. And one's entire upbringing cannot be erased and rewritten in a single day.

"We can't perform the ceremony yet." Came Hakkaku's solemn reply.

"What?! Are you nuts!? We can't leave him out here!" Ginta panicked.

"Nee-san's not here!" Hakkaku shot back.

"Oh, right." Of course, Kouga's intended mate would need to be at his funeral. Ginta calmed down and went back into his slumped sitting position letting Hakkaku continue.

"You go fetch her and I'll watch over him tonight. We'll head for the mountains in the morning."

Neither said anything about the other factors that would complicate this particular mission. Demons would eventually be lured to them by the smell of blood and flesh if they had not already been alerted to it by now. They couldn't speak of those things right now, if ever. They couldn't talk about their leader like that, like he was a piece of rotting meat they had to defend; like he wasn't the strong willed and powerful wolf prince they had known him to be.

Ginta stared at the ground missing the chatter that used to posses their group. They had not been so depressed since their tribe's slaughter, and even then they were thankful that they were left a leader and had each other. What would they do now? Hakkaku had never answered his question so it only confirmed his suspicion that neither youkai was able to be leader. But the subject did need to be discussed. Their entire tribe depended on it. "And after this is over. What do we do? Once Kouga is put to rest. Are we going to find and join another tribe?"

"No!" Hakkaku exclaimed with and urgency Ginta understood.

The two toned wolf nodded. He was just as unwilling to let their entire clan die out as Hakkaku was. "What will we do then?"

"What is with you and your questions?! I don't know! Is that what you want to hear!" Hakkaku watched Ginta recoil and immediately felt bad for snapping at his friend for the second time that day. "We… we'll figure something out. Let's not worry about it now." He said softening his tone.

Ginta nodded but could not let the question go. They couldn't just let their clan name die out. He leaned back against the grass and stared into the sky as if waiting for answers to drop from the sky, much like the rain was beginning to do. Ginta frowned before scooting underneath the nearby tree he had been looking at, Hakkaku followed, after laying Kouga underneath another tree. The guilt again returned full force, punishing them for alienating their leader so. Ginta leaned against the tree as Hakkaku laid back into the grass mimicking Ginta's previous position. "What about rebuilding our tribe?"

Hakkaku opened an eye to glace at Ginta, he smirked mischievously at his comrade. "I don't know about you but I'm not quite ready to sacrifice my sexuality for the sake of the clan, Ginta. But you can go ahead and try." Hakkaku snickered.

Ginta glared down lazily at him before snapping his foot across the grass to clock the other wolf in the head. "Not that way baka yaro! I'm talking about finding another tribe and taking over. Stupid." He murmured the last insult as more of an after thought.

Hakkaku yawned considering whether to take him seriously or not. They were not the second strongest in their own tribe, what made Ginta think they could be the strongest of another? "How do you plan on doing that? Kouga was alpha male for a reason. And we're definitely not Kouga."

Ginta imitated Hakkaku's yawn with his own. The rain was bringing a sluggish lazy feeling to the atmosphere. "No, but we could find a weaker clan. We..(yawn)..we could beat their leader and take over."

Hakkaku nodded. He guessed it wasn't _that_ bad of a plan, when you looked at it just right. It was a matter of honor and they couldn't just let their tribe die. "Wait, you said _we_. Only one can take on the alpha male. Two on one is unfair." Hakkaku stretched his weary muscles. "I say we just steal a couple of females from a neighboring tribe and mate until we've repopulated our own clan." His head was able to dodge Ginta's foot this time. He chuckled and then was reminded of a previous matter he had thought about. "Nee-san will have to come with us."

"Hm?" Ginta mumbled tiredly. Damn rain.

"Nee-san. Kouga was going to make her his bride, and now that he's…..gone, we'll be taking her in."

Ginta nodded. It was customary that when a female's mate was killed, her mate's family took care of her, usually the brother and his family took her in. He frowned, he didn't want to take her in right now. She definitely complicated things. For instance, their own tribe still considered her an appetizer even when Kouga declared her his intended, how was another tribe going to react to her? He sighed, there was so much to do and he wasn't sure if he and Hakkaku could do it all on their own. "I'll go get her as soon as the rain stops, you…you take Kouga home and I'll meet you there." It was hard to talk about their leader like this, like he was nothing more than a bone that needed burying.

Hakkaku nodded and for once since his death, an awkward silence didn't follow talk of Kouga. The youkai made themselves comfortable to sleep the rain out.

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

InuYasha was pleased with the time he made. He had reached Kaede's in under two hours, that was pretty good considering how far away they had been. He looked down at the motionless Kagome. She still hadn't woken up and though he knew she had every right to sleep after accomplishing what she did, he still worried over her coma like unconsciousness. The rain had evolved from a light drizzle to an all out downpour, it looked like there could be a storm coming for as long as it had lasted.

InuYasha spied Kaede's hut and went in search of the old women to seek her help. He walked in as he usually did, like he owned the whole village.

"Oi! Baba!" InuYasha called out loudly. After a few minutes of waiting and looking around her heard a shuffling in the entrance way.

"Is it necessary to alert the entire village of your presence, InuYasha?"

InuYasha turned around to see Kaede frowning at him condescendingly from the doorway.

"Keh!" InuYasha huffed and proceeded to look and sniff about the room.

"What are you looking for now? Is that Kagome? Is she alright? For heaven's sake InuYasha put her down, she needs to be looked at!" Kaede scolded.

"What do you think I'm looking for! Where's a futon!"

Kaede sighed though used to the young hanyou's rude behavior. "Stay here, I have one laying around somewhere." Kaede instructed walking into another room only to return a few minutes later with a rolled up mattress and a clean cut knife cradled in her arms. It was no surprise to her to find and irritated hanyou pacing impatiently. "For Gods' sake you're going to give the child brain damage, stop that!" InuYasha growled stubbornly but stopped all the same. Kaede grunted with the effort it took her old bones to straighten out the mattress on the floor. She rose again and straightened her back. "There, lay her down and I will have a look at her." She instructed pointing to the navy blankets covering the mattress.

InuYasha nodded and went to lay her down. "Good heavens what is she covered in!" Kaede shouted startling InuYasha out of his previous assignment.

He started a bit and glared at her. "Naraku's guts, probably! What's the matter with you?!" InuYasha snapped back.

Kaede glared at him and began to wave her hands downward. "Set her down this instant, we don't know what that poison could do to her!" She commanded urgently.

Seeing now was not a time to be arguing, InuYasha gently set Kagome on the floor still cradling her from the waist up. He observed somewhat suspiciously when Kaede seemed to tackle the girl the second she touched the ground.

_RIIIIIIIPPPP!_

InuYasha's face heated up and his eyes crossed as Kaede desperately tore the girl's shirt off her delicate frame. He choked and turned away. "What the hell are you doing?!" He shouted irritably.

Kaede didn't look up from her work when answering him. "Naraku's blood could be poisoning her body, we have to wash it off immediately."

Sensing that it could be a crisis at hand the hanyou did his best to swallow his boyish immaturity and help the old priestess.

The old woman looked a bit surprised to see InuYasha use his claws to rip and tug the rest of Kagome's skirt off, she would have chuckled to see the ramped blush staining his face as he did so but now was not a time to be laughing.

InuYasha choked on his own saliva as Kaede now set to remove Kagome's panties. He again looked away, "Baba what are you doing?!" InuYasha demanded for the second time.

Kaede let out and annoyed breath, quickly becoming irritated with the boy's lack of sensibility. "She is soaked through, InuYasha. We must get everything off her at once and wash her off." She informed now struggling to remove the strange piece of cloth that bound her breasts.

InuYasha looked down at the unconscious girl and looked at the floor slipping his index claw under the back strap of the cloth when he cut through. He clenched his eyes willing himself not to look when he felt it go loose around her shoulders.

Her lips quirked up in a small approving smile as Kaede watched him retrain himself from taking advantage of the situation. Though she guessed it would be too much to ask for him to take her to the river and wash her off himself "You may go, InuYasha. I will handle the rest."

The hanyou nodded and carefully handed a very naked Kagome to the old woman. He looked at the window before adding, "You sure you don't need me? T-to help or anything?" He felt more than actually saw Kaede shake her head. InuYasha accepted her answer and stood. "I'll wait outside." InuYasha felt no more than five years old at that moment.

"It is raining. Why don't you wait in the other room." Kaede said sympathetically. She watched him nod acceptingly and observed him cautiously staring at the floor as he made his way to the other room. Kaede shook her head at the boy's modesty before cutting a wash cloth out of her robes. Oh! She almost forgot. Kaede set the knife down and looked to the other room. "There is one last thing you can do, InuYasha!" Kaede called out to him. His head instantly poked through the door way, his ears swiveled to hear her. "I need you to bring out a few buckets of water if you can."

InuYasha nodded and went to his task.

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

They both awoke to the sound of ripping and pecking. Ginta heard the slight shuffling of grass as Hakkaku willed himself to move. Ginta fought his eyelids, demanding them to stay open. Instantly he felt a jerk and his eyelids shot open to see Hakkaku pounce on the ground near Kouga.

"GET AWAY YOU FILTHY BASTARDS!!"

Ginta leapt to his feet ready to fight but only saw a few scavenger birds scurry and fly away. He carefully walked over to where Hakkaku now stood inspecting the damage. His friend shook and his hands balled into fists at his side. Ginta looked over his shoulder.

The damned birds had been tearing at him. The hole through Kouga's chest now looked torn and decayed where it had once been a clean shot through. Ginta felt a vile liquid rise over his stomach and jerked his head to the side to look at anything else. He wobbled over to their tree and sank to his knees resting his forehead forcibly against the bark. They were pecking at him. Pecking at him like they would any dead thing. Pecking at his remains like his was-…Ginta clenched his eyes shut tighter not able to even think the words. He heard Hakkaku grunt with the effort it took to lift their leader's limp unsupported body. He heard the sound of footsteps moving closer to him.

"Go get Nee-san. I'll head to the mountains." Hakkaku said trying to keep his voice strong but it only came out strained and slightly hoarse at the end.

Ginta panted against the tree, "But its still raining. We can't perform the ceremony in the rain." He replied, but Hakkaku was already walking.

"Then hope it stops raining before we get there." Hakkaku called to him.

The two toned youkai kneeled there for a long time after Hakkaku had disappeared. He could feel his eyes burning and another heat rising up this throat that made his mouth salivate rapidly. This time the bile could not be swallowed. Ginta let out a short muffled sound in the back of his throat before throwing his head down to release the putrid yellow and brown liquid of uneaten things. He gave a few short breaths and again released the same substance onto the previously stained ground. He panted, mercilessly raping the forest for air and slumped against the tree bark exhaustedly, ignoring the painful 'thud!' his head made against the hard scraping wood. Releasing the bile from his stomach had stopped him from releasing the tears from his eyes. He felt oddly relaxed and didn't' want to take an inch away from this place, vomit or no. He winced as his task came back to him. He looked through half lidded eyes at the dark brown bark. _'I've got to get Nee-san.' _ He struggled to his feet and took a step out from under the tree's protective limbs. The rain poured down on him, punishing him for being so weak when his friend obviously needed him strong. The arduous rain drops hit him pitilessly, washing away any vomit remains from his knees. He took a deep breath and began to walk in the opposite direction of Hakkaku to track down either Kagome or InuYasha.

They had been pecking at his remains like his was nothing more than a carcass……..

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

It wasn't coming out. Kaede grumbled in frustration. She set the wash cloth down and rubbed her temples trying to think of what to do. She had been scrubbing Kagome for thirty minutes and still the vile goop refused to leave her body. The water just slid off it as if it were oil. She sighed and rested her head in her hands looking at Kagome. The girl would need to be looked at but she couldn't do that unless the disgusting slime was off her and she also needed to rest, which she couldn't do because she couldn't saturate herself with the slime while laying in the futon. So again it all came to getting the horrible substance off the young miko. _'I had hoped it would not come to this…' _Kaede thought looking at the other room that no doubt InuYasha was probably pacing in. "InuYasha!" Kaede called to the dog hanyou. Again, almost instantly his snowy haired head jutted through the door way.

"Nani? Is she clean yet?" InuYasha asked feigning a tone of irritability when Kaede could plainly see the concern on his face.

"Iie, I cannot remove this…this _liquid_" She spat the word 'liquid' like a curse "with just a few buckets of water and a piece of cloth. I need your help."

InuYasha blushed from head to toe and resumed looking at the floor.

Kaede took his silence as consent and continued. "It is still raining, take her behind the hut and see if that will wash it away."

The hanyou's head shot up his golden eyes narrowing at the woman. "That's not help! That's me washing her myself!" He ranted furiously. InuYasha stopped waving his clawed fists realizing what exactly he had said. The horrible redness again took over his face and he quieted immediately.

"I will be right here if you need anything, InuYasha." Kaede said softly. This task was defiantly putting a strain on him and she knew it, but there was no other way. She gathered Kagome in her arms and waited patiently for InuYasha to take her.

InuYasha shuffled nervously over to her and Kaede raised the girl as best she should when he leaned down to gather her in his arms. He cringed baring his teeth and looking at the ceiling when he felt her now damp, naked body pressed unforgivingly against his. He continued to look up when she handed him the wash cloth and he walked out of the hut to around back.

Within seconds a loud band accompanied by several curses could be heard. Kaede laughed softly at hearing the hanyou bump into yet another obstacle outside.

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

The evil witch was out to get him, InuYasha decided. It was pouring out and he was getting soaked as well and could now feel her entire body even clearer than he could a half hour ago. He swallowed when he reached the back of the hut. He looked around uneasily, making sure no one was out here that would catch him. Swallowing, he gently setting her down and leaned her back against the back of the hut. InuYasha took a deep breath and knelt down. _'What're you gonna do? Just blindly wash her?!' _InuYasha scolded himself. He had seen her naked before, well those occasions had only lasted about three minutes before she screamed and him for being a hentai and sat him. He shook himself and steadied his breathing taking the cloth to her shoulder and scrubbing. _'Good, the shoulder's a safe place.' _Sure enough as Kaede had said, the stuff wasn't coming off. Five minutes had passed and he was till scrubbing her shoulder, partly because he was too afraid to move elsewhere and partly because it still felt slick and slippery. He braved a glance down at the offending shoulder and noticed that indeed the goo was still there. His brows furrowed and he let out an irritated growl.

"Even dead, that bastard has to make my life a living hell!" He snapped. InuYasha again gave it a few hard scrubs but stopped, realizing his release of frustration was taking its toll on Kagome's skin. He felt a bit guilty and shaking his head, "Fuck it!" He grumbled picking her up and leaping into the forest.

He jumped from tree to tree looking for a river he knew was near by. That was the thing about human villages, they always built them near a good water supply. His lips curved in a triumphant grin upon finding what he was looking for. He leaped from his branch landing softly on the ground and trotting over to the river. He observed it and was thankful that it wasn't going terribly fast. He knelt down with Kagome in his arms. He carefully pulled his arm out from under her knees and slipped it into the water to test it. His lips curved downward in an unsatisfied scowl. The water was very cold to him so it must be absolutely freezing to the average human. A debate went on in InuYasha's head as he considered whether to quickly put her in this one or find water supply. He growled and decidedly trudged into the river bank. He let out a small hiss as the ice water sunk through his clothes. Cringing he looked at Kagome but knew he had no choice, Naraku's disgusting guts had been on her long enough.

The hanyou gently turned her body to face him before he slowly knelt in the water. His clawed hands slid under her back and shoulders to steadily cup her head. The force of the current pushed at her body stronger than it affected his own. InuYasha quickly realized that he wasn't looking at the floor or ceiling but was actually looking at her, Kagome. He felt his body relax and ran his claws through her hair. The water seemed to be doing much better than the bucket water and cloth did. He could already see the green and yellow juice seep off her body to form an ugly aura around her before allowing the current to carry it away.

InuYasha repeatedly told himself that it was wrong. That he was taking advantage; but he just couldn't stop his eyes from scanning her body. He had always been very curious about her. Her world was so different from his own and she brought such strange things from her era. He had always been curious to see how her body would differ from the few times he had seen other females' bodies. It was paler he decided. She was somewhat tanner than when he had first met her due to shard hunting but she was not born into work as most other females were so she had not been constantly under the brutal sun as they were. She was also softer, her body not hard and firm as Sango's probably was along with most women who had worked every day of their life. He decided he liked the softness. It was like an embracing feather bed compared to a firm unrelenting mattress. Her legs were clean too he noticed. Not a hair on them unlike every other female he had seen, he wondered why that was. She smelled very clean to. Not just now but normally. Whenever she poked herself out of the well she always smelled different, but in a pleasing way. She either smelt of some sort of fruit or flowers. This was probably accomplished by those bottles she called 'shampoo', he noticed that they smelled similar to her.

_'Sick hentai.'_ A voice murmured in the back of his head as his eyes dared lower. InuYasha kept darting his eyes upward trying to avoid the place his gaze most wanted to venture, but they refused to listen and kept traveling downward. InuYasha decided he would deal with the guilt later, besides, she got to see her body every day, he had maybe seen it once or twice in the entire time they had known eachother. _'Oh that's wonderful logic…' _drawled the voice in the back of his head. _'Shut up!' _InuYasha shot back. _'She's never seen you penis before and you get to see it every day, gonna let _her_ look _you_ over?'_ InuYasha knew his reasoning was stupid at best, but it was all he head to justify himself at the moment.

Her breasts, he decidedly confirmed were very pleasing to look at. They looked nothing like they did in that 'bra' contraption she always wore. They weren't large, they weren't small, they were possibly a little over a handful. He clenched his fists in her hair and back, he was only looking, not touching. _'Yes, its so much more moral to _ogle_ a naked, helpless, girl when she's unconscious than it is to _touch_ a naked, helpless girl when she's unconscious.' _InuYasha paid his conscience no mind as a tightening in his lower regions violently beat out that part of his thought process.

Kagome breasts looked both soft and firm at the same time, and absolutely delicious with the way he was arching her back to let the river drain the slime from her hair. Her nipples stood out in their natural reaction to the cold. They were a light pink and rather, _'cute?' _InuYasha, thought but was immediately disgusted with himself for thinking something like that. _'Oh, you're disgusted with yourself for inadequately describing a naked unconscious girl, but not for leering at her?'_

A muffled groan broke InuYasha out of his reverie. His eyes shot up to look at Kagome's sleeping face. He wasn't sure if the sound had come from her or from him. Either way with the pool of guilt seeing into his belly he wasn't ready to stay anymore. Besides, her body was clean, the blood and guts having been washed from her skin leaving her body silky and fleshy again instead of the slimy, putrid smelling mass it had been. InuYasha raised her out of the water and treaded to the bank. He adjusted her in his arms before once again leaping into the trees towards Kaede's.

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Has it come of?" Kaede asked looking up at her returning visitors.

"Hai." InuYasha nodded walking over to the mattress bringing up the covers to slide Kagome inside.

"All of it?"

"Didn't I just say so!" InuYasha spat.

"I am just checking, InuYasha. Even a small portion of that, if it belongs to Naraku, could work its evil into her." Kaede informed getting up to walk over to the futon.

InuYasha leaned against a nearby wall folding his arms across his chest. "Keh! We don't even know if the stuff was poisonous."

Kaede kneeled by Kagome. "Is that what you plan on telling her when she lay on her death bed?"

"Keh!" InuYasha turned away but Kaede could see a rising paleness taking over his face.

"You can leave now, InuYasha. I will take it from here."

InuYasha said nothing and went for the door. He wanted to go outside and think, and it looked as though the rain may be letting up. It was raining softly now instead of violently pelting the ground and the sky was a misty silver instead of a blackened grey.

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_'Focus, focus, getting better……ok there we go.' _Kagome had gotten the strength to open her eyes but everything was rather blurry. She began to blink and squint trying to form a ceiling out of the smear of blotchy brown. Finally after a few final blinks she managed to make a ceiling and even spot the teddy bear shaped crack in Kaede's ceiling she had noticed a long time ago. She winced and let out a painful groan, _'note to self. With focus comes eye strain and with eye strain comes head ache.'_

The head ache quickly went away as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. She looked around and gathered her surrounding. It was dark so it must be night, and there was a violent pitter pattering on the roof. A far away thunder and crash confirmed her suspicions that it was storming outside. So where was everyone? Were Sango and Miroku ok? Where was Kaede? Where was InuYasha? Kagome's brow nit into a confused frown. Where was everyone? Was she alone?

"Inu_-cough _"The last part was stifled with a cough. She suddenly became aware that her throat was very dry and horribly scratchy. Kagome automatically rose her hand to her throat and swallowed to get some saliva back down where it belonged.

Her eyes widened when she felt her naked neck. Kagome pawed around her throat frantically. Where was it!? Where was the Shikon no tama!? On instinct Kagome's eyes scanned the floor. InuYasha was going to kill her!-Oh. The day's events came rushing back to Kagome flooding her mind with images. She rolled calmly onto her belly her fingers gently petting her throat almost believing that if she felt long enough the jewel would return to its rightful place around her neck. Kagome supported herself lazily on her elbows. She quieted and began to go over the day's events in her head. Naraku had sent his youkai out to attack them after stealing their shards. They had retaliated and the battle had begun. They had already had a plan that was made a few weeks ago so everything seemed to be in place. InuYasha was to distract Naraku and Kagome was to put all of her purifying energy into her arrow and weaken Naraku._ 'Kouga…' _Kagome's hand unconsciously began to pet her throat a bit more forcibly as the memory of Kouga came back.

_---flash back---_

_"Naraku is going to be defeated and then we can be together!"_

_---end flash back---_

Kagome winced remembering his words. Her hand unconsciously began leaving thin white lines of uprooted dead skin as her fingers trailed harder down her neck.

_---flash back---_

_"We're going to have our own litter and they'll grow up in a good world, a safer world."_

_---end flash back---_

A safe world. The world was never safe. Kagome swallowed and bit her lip not even noticing the thin pink lines her nails were making in her throat.

_---flash back---_

_"I'm in love with you!"_

_---end flash back---_

A small sob ripped through her lips before Kagome could stop it, but thankfully it was muffled by the lightening and thunder from outside. Tears danced in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She bit her lip tighter to stop anymore outbursts from coming. _'Oh kami, those were his last words…' _She thought paying no attention to the pink lines that were now red and the small crimson dots that leaked from the red path ways down her neck.

_---flashback---_

_Kouga's forehead touched the earth as he lay on top of her. His mouth open in a distorted, silent scream, as blood dripped from it like a broken faucet. His lifeless eyes lay open staring unseeing at the ground_

_---end flash back---_

Her lip was wrenched from her teeth, the sobs becoming violent and uncontrollable. Tears rained down her cheeks unforgivingly. Her once petting fingers now left brutal lacerations on her pale throat. Blood trickled happily down her neck as she dug her nails deeper and deeper hoping that the physical pains would cleanse her of the unbearable emotional ones. _'My fault, all my fault, I caused this…' _Kagome's shoulder shook at another memory, a worse memory worming its way into her brain. She rose up from her elbows and supported herself on her palms the sobs viciously wracking her body. The tears seemed endless as they melted down her cheeks to her neck mingling with the blood and making her wounds throb.

A flash of lightening brought a glittering to Kagome's attention. Her eyes darted across the room to see a clean cut knife resting innocently a few feet away from her futon. It gleefully reflected at her and Kagome saw her appearance in its glare. Her hair was ragged and unbrushed. Her clothes were gone and she was naked and pale. Snot trickled from her now stuffy nose. Old tears crusted to her cheeks and new ones continued to pour out of her blood shot eyes. Her throat was now a bloody mess of torn flesh.

Another memory beat at her forcing more vicious sobs from her. Kagome jerked the thin sheet of a blanket around her shoulders and dove for the knife. She snatched the knife up and hunched over it like something holy and precious. Kagome cried at her reflection bringing the blade to her wrist allowing her shoulders to support the sheet. _'I can't live with this…'_

_---flash back---_

_"Now is not the time to be selfish, Kagome."_

_---end flash back---_

Another flash of lightening and crash of thunder muffled her howl of mental agony as she darted out of the hut, running away from it as though it were the sole cause of her emotional anguish. Kagome ran and ran, her legs already tired and weak using only her terror and sorrow to fuel their flight. The sobs would not give her rest and they continued to streak her face, merging with the rain that hammered her fatigued body. The sheet struggled to fly behind her but the rain was making it awkward and heavy.

Kagome clutched the soaked sheet tighter around her even though it had lost its original purpose of bringing warmth long ago. The ground was slick and muddy, splashing fiercely with every step of her naked feet. Kagome didn't know whether she was running home or just running, it didn't really matter one way or the other. She clenched her eyes shut to bear another onslaught of sobs. She didn't even see one of the deeper puddles ahead of her before she stepped in it sliding and crashing into the watery earth, the mud playfully sliding her around a bit before she stopped. Kagome grasped the sheet, the thin make shift blanket sucking into her skin as she curled into a ball. She gasped for the breath her hysteria was taking from her and noticed the knife lying a foot away from her. _'I couldn't even land on it right..' _She thought pathetically. Kagome shook her head in a vain attempt to clear the tear induced madness. She sat up plucking the knife from the ground and once more bringing it to her wrist with hopes that she had outrun the memories. She bit her lip as she again glanced at her reflection in the muddy mirror. She pressed it harder to her wrist willing herself to make it quick.

_--- flash back ---_

Kagome groaned and opened her eyes to the blinding light that was surrounding her.

"Ah you are awake. That is good because you do not have much time left."

Her eyes snapped open at the sound of another voice. Kagome was floating but she felt as though she were standing on solid ground. There was nothing but a white light that had seemingly engulfed the entire world. And there, standing strongly was a woman. She was dressed in what looked like a cross between miko robes and a warrior's garb. Her long raven hair swished to and fro playfully as she walked towards her. Kagome suddenly found the words to speak.

"Who are you?"

"I am Midoriko. And you, my dear, are a miko that needs to make a wish." She answered, her eyes twinkling and smiling down at the smaller girl.

"What? Wait, what happened? Wasn't I-" Kagome stopped and blinked. "I-I was swallowed. Wasn't I swallowed by Naraku? What am I doing here?"

Midoriko laughed pleasantly. "Yes you were indeed swallowed, as was the shikon no tama. Which you retrieved. The jewel is protecting you for now and here you are to make your wish."

"Wish?"

"Of course."

Kagome shook her head. "But I'm not supposed to make a wish! The plan was Naraku was supposed to try to make a wish and I was to shoot him and then-and-and then-" Kagome just didn't know what to say, it wasn't supposed to happen like this and now she didn't know the words she needed to put together. She sighed and looked pleadingly up at Midoriko. "InuYasha wanted to be a full demon. Or bring Kikyo back. I'm not sure which. I'm not supposed to make a whish."

Midoriko lifted a slender hand to cover her laugh. "Things do not always go according to plan, my dear." She set her hand down in its previous position at her side. "But, is there not something that you must do? Perhaps your wish will be able to help you." She said wisely.

Kagome stood and thought. Things had gone so off course. What was she supposed to do now? Kagome's head snapped up upon remembering, "Kouga!"

Midoriko looked at her, gazing patiently.

"K-Kouga, my friend. He was killed. Can't I bring him back?"

The older Miko's gaze became firm. "Your friend was killed, yes. But so were many others. Is it fair that you are able to wish away your sorrow where others do not have such a blessed opportunity?"

Kagome immediately thought of Sango. Kohaku had died, and would stay dead, while Kagome would bring back a man who's feelings she did not return just so she didn't have to live with such gut wrenching guilt. Tears came to her eyes, this would make Kouga's death weigh even more heavily on her shoulders. "Please. Y-you can't give me this kind of responsibility." Kagome pleaded clutching her fists to her heart which was slowly cracking.

Midoriko said nothing.

"I'm only seventeen!! I can't do this anymore! No more searching, no more fighting, no more dieing!" Kagome begged helplessly. She felt a hand touch her shoulder and looked up. Midoriko looked down at her sympathetically.

"We all have burdens we must carry, Kagome. So is the life of a Miko and guardian of the Shikon no Tama."

Kagome's bottom lip trembled. "What do I say? What do I say to them when I had the opportunity to bring back a man, whose death I'm responsible for, and threw that away? Sango! If Sango were put in this position she would bring Kohaku back in an instant!" Kagome beseeched. "Its not fair." She whimpered looking up into the empathetic eyes of the older woman.

"You are not Sango. Your world is in grave danger, you are needed. And now is not the time to be selfish, Kagome."

The younger miko bit her lip and looked away. "I just want to beat Naraku." She murmured.

"And so you will."

Kagome didn't have time to look up as all the light around her seemed to be sucked into her body and radiate out of her in a burning mass.

_---end flash back---_

A scream ripped through the storming night. Kagome put all of her frustration and hatred of the world, destiny and herself into that scream. She yanked the knife from her unmarred wrist. Destiny wouldn't even allow her control over her own death. _'Now is not the time to be selfish Kagome…' , 'Your world is in grave danger, you are needed.' _

"FUCK THE WORLD!!" Kagome screeched. Her sorrow and fury blocked her instinct to naturally cover her mouth at saying such a foul word. "I'm so sick of being selfless! Can't I control _anything_ in my life?!" Kagome sobbed throwing the knife to the muddy ground and curling in on herself to cry in her lap.

She sniffled covering her head with her arms and shoving her face into her lap. _'Its not fair..' _Kagome buried her fingers in her wet and mucky hair once more sobbing into her knees. Another flash of lightening caused the knife to glare in Kagome's face. She squinted and looked at it reflecting back at her. She scowled thrusting herself up her rain soaked hair flipping backward and slapping her back with whip like ferocity. She yanked the knife from the ground. Pulling her hair over she shoulder she fisted it in the other hand and pulled it tight. _'I can be selfish all I want…' _Kagome thought tearing through her once long, gleaming locks with the filthy utensil. She growled and continued to chop through her hair until her arm could take no more. Finally her fist swung away from her head with the force of a child who had lost a game of tug-o-war, holding a limp pony tail of black hair that clung to her wrist like a sun starved vine.

Kagome was tired. She was wet. The once dry, warm sheet now fearfully clung to her body like a second skin. Her knees had settled themselves deep in the murky mud that cascaded over her thighs, hands, and body. Mud that spattered itself onto her face and mingled with the tears and her blood caked throat.

Kagome was so tired. She fell into the puddle surrounding her, ignoring the violent splash and rain of filth that fell on to her. She closed her eyes against the heavy rain only opening them briefly when she felt it stop. A dark shadow hung over her. It looked like a human figure but Kagome was too tired to care. Her head fell to the side sinking into the muck and with that she gave in to the yumminess of sleep.

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"InuYasha! Have you lost your mind!?"

InuYasha looked down at the now soaked old woman that was trying to call up to him over the rain. He gave a short 'Keh!' of annoyance before turning away from her. Although she did have a point. Contrary to his earlier prediction, the storm did come and the rain did not look like it was letting up.

Kaede scowled. She had followed the fool out here, finding him up in the Goshinboku, when it had begun to storm. She cupped her hands to her mouth. "Come down! I left Kagome to come get you and I am not staying away for long, now get down here!"

This seemed to get InuYasha's attention. "You left her alone! BAKA! What the hell is wrong with you?!" He jumped down from his limp and glared at her. "I'm going back, don't think I'm gonna wait for you!" He snapped.

The old woman growled and had she been a lesser woman she would have slapped the mongrel. She began to trudge back to her hut.

"Ungrateful cur." She grumbled.

Kaede looked up at the sky as she noticed it didn't seem to rain as hard as it had before. The thunder now seemed far away and the sky brightened somewhat to what it was before. A misty silver with a lighter, less offensive rain. Kaede let out a breath of relief. Perhaps the walk wouldn't be _so_ life threatening.

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_'So tired…' _Exhaustion fought with her but it didn't stop Kagome's eyes from brushing slightly open of their own accord. She was back in her mattress, the sickly wet sheet long since discarded and a fresh one covered her unclothed body. She lay on her back, her head tilted to the side with her knees brought in, much the same position she had been in outside. The first thing she noticed were a pair of flesh colored knees. Her brow furrowed and she dazedly looked up through sleepy eyes to see a youkai staring at her. This definitely got her attention and her eyes snapped open, her body lurching upward to get away.

A clawed hand reached out to stop her but looked as though he reconsidered and let her back herself against a wall drawing her knees close to her body and clutching the blanket fearfully to her chest.

Kagome's blurry eyed panic left her as her eyes resumed their accurate focus and centered on the person in front of her. She sighed recognizing the pelt covered shoulders and white and black hair. "G-Ginta, is it?" Kagome asked uncertainly. She had known the male youkai only through Kouga and had never actually been alone with him.

Ginta nodded kneeling before her, his hands resuming their position in his lap. He seemed to be waiting for her to speak again but rethought it, gathering a question of his own to ask. "Why were you out on a night like this, Nee-san?" Ginta asked in a tone that indicated he thought her to be a very strange girl indeed.

Kagome didn't really know how to answer him. "I-I woke up…" _'Very nice people skills Kagome…' _Shethought sarcastically.

For some reason this seemed to be a good enough reason for him and Ginta nodded acceptingly.

An awkward silence possessed the room as neither knew what to do or how to start. Kagome looked around curiously. "A-are we alone?"

The wolf youkai looked up, "This is where you live, or stay at least, isn't it?" He sniffed around the room. It had her scent alright, but still. "This was the closest hut."

Kagome nodded reassuringly. "Yes, but I don't live here. It belongs to my…..my friend." Kagome didn't really know what to call Kaede, the word friend seemed….awkward…..to use when classifying her relationship with the older woman. Kagome ventured again, "Has InuYasha been here at all? Have you seen him?"

Ginta looked at her, a confusing frown taking over his features as though he were piecing together something unpleasant in his head. "Why? Were you….with him?" Ginta implied gesturing to her naked form.

Kagome didn't seem to understand his implications and took it literally. "No, I haven't seen him at all actually. The last time I saw him was after Naraku. And then I wake up..well…..like this" Kagome gestured to herself much like Ginta had done "and no one was here." Her brow furrowed in thought. "Actually you're the first person I've seen since I've woken up. I don't know where anyone is."

Ginta nodded somewhat relieved. For what he knew of Kagome she definitely wasn't the type of female to rut on her mate's fresh grave.

"Um Ginta?"

The youkai raised his head upon hearing his name.

"I don't mean this in a rude way or anything. But, what're you doing here?"

Ginta didn't looked offended but his posture stayed stiff and unrelaxed. "Hakkaku and I must give Kouga a burial ceremony." He stated looking at the wall behind her.

Kagome felt as though she had been kicked in the gut by a particularly strong mule. She swallowed and looked away. She couldn't look at Ginta right now, he reminded her too much of her sin. She hoped he would never find out about the shikon no tama, and how she had spat on the opportunity to raise Kouga. She didn't think she could stand the blatant hatred in his eyes. Her head rose when he continued.

"As his future intended…" Ginta stopped, looking for a better word, Kouga had no future that Kagome was intended to be in. Unfortunately there were no words he could think of and he did not want to remain scanning for words in his vocabulary that would fit his friend's death. "As his future intended you must be there." He repeated.

Kagome was not engaged to Kouga. Kagome was not _in love_ with Kouga. But neither of these facts stopped her from nodding, staring sadly at her pillow on her mattress. She took a breath and clenched her fists to fight off the confessions her conscience beseeched her to speak. Kagome looked down at her chest feeling something thick and stringy in her clenching fist. A thick wet rope of raven thread hung limply from it. Was that hair? Her hair?? Kagome pulled her knees closer to cover her chest as she raised her other hand raised to paw carefully at her head. Kagome's hair was so knotted and caked with mud that she couldn't tell how short it was, but it was certainly not anywhere near the length it used to be. She dropped her hand away to pull the blanket back to her chest and looked longingly at the tassels in her hand. The longing quickly turned to regret and self disgust and upon remembering what had caused her to commit such a violent act towards something that took her years to grow. She felt a small fire fly glow of pride within in at her accomplishment. As small and insignificant as the act was, in the long run, it did leave her feeling a bit more in control of her life. _'I can be selfish…' _Kagome thought hauntingly.

But acts of selfishness only seemed to remind her more of the one selfless act that disgusted her. She sloped down and resumed laying on her mattress. She nuzzled the pillow sorrowfully with the side of her face.

Ginta looked curiously down at her and noticed a long pony tail of black hair in her grip. He looked up at her head and pieced the two together but chose not to say anything. He brought his attention back to her when she began to speak again.

"When do you want to leave?"

"As soon as possible." Upon seeing Kagome begin to get up again he quickly added "but not now!"

With that Kagome flopped back on her stomach. Guilt and self anger churned in her gut. Seeing Ginta and Ginta being here brought nothing but memories of Kouga to her. He had known Kouga for a lot longer than she did. He more than likely grew up with him. Kagome buried her face in her pillow and groaned. Oh God, how he must hate her. Kouga was his leader and friend, he helped them get through the decimation of their entire tribe. What would he do now that he was gone? Kagome turned to lay the side of her head on her pillow and looked up at Ginta. She didn't know where she got the strength to even speak of the subject, let alone ask such a question. "Ginta, were-were you there?"

He didn't need to ask what she was referring to. "Hai."

"You saw?" Kagome felt her body tense. A selfish, self survival prone part of Kagome greedily whispered _'Please say no, say no, say you didn't see me distract your best friend and get him killed. Please say you didn't see that'_

Ginta swallowed closing his eyes. "Hai, I saw."

"All of it?" Kagome whimpered, that selfish part of her hoping cruelly that he only say Kouga die and not the reason why he was so distracted from defending himself. She clutched her dead hair to tighter to her. Kami, she was a disgusting creature to hope such things.

"Hai." He whispered in a pained voice.

All the hope and fight seemed to leave Kagome's body. There was no hope for salvation. He saw everything. That little selfish part shriveled into itself at being 'caught'. She swallowed, the disgust coming back. 'Caught' as though she were just sneaking a cookie before dinner. Kagome rose her eyes to look him in the face.

"Do you hate me?" She asked in a small quiet voice. She stared up at him both fearing and dreading the answer, but needing to know it just the same.

He didn't look at her as she probably wanted him too. He looked into his lap and then at the window before whispering a determined "Hai".

Kagome's face clenched and winced as her fears came to life. She bit her lip to keep the sobs at bay. She had no right to cry, not when his hatred was so justified, she thought, quickly turning her head to bury her face into her pillow.

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Woah that was a long one! Yay! Ok we're getting to the nittie grittie! Isn't everyone happy the fight scene is over! So whatchya think? Review people!

Luv peace and tanning grease

Deni

_Chapter __III__ – When You're Evil_

_-She couldn't stand this. The death, the burning, the hate, the regret. This was hell. She was a fallen angel in hell. No, this wasn't hell. She would welcome the deserving punishment that would ease her self hatred. No, she was a demon in heaven._


	3. When You're Evil

Kay here it is! Ch III

The deni pie

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter III – W h e n Y o u ' r e E v i l

_I'm the fear that keeps you awake  
I'm the shadows on the wall  
I'm the monsters they become  
I'm the nightmare in your skull  
I'm a dagger in your back  
An extra turn on the rack  
I'm the quivering of your heart  
A stabbing pain, a sudden start.  
And it's so easy when you're evil  
This is the life, you see  
The Devil tips his hat to me  
I do it all because I'm evil  
And I do it all for free  
Your tears are all the pay I'll ever need_

_When You're Evil – Voltaire_

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He didn't hate her. Not really anyway. But it was so much easier to hate than to feel the torrent of emotions and thoughts frolicking in his head. The silence got to him and he turned his head away from the window to see Kagome's face smothered in her pillow. There were no sounds of weeping or sniffling, just breathing. Ginta looked down on her and said nothing. He would let her sleep for a while. They would leave tomorrow. Ginta nodded accepting his decision not a little proud of himself for taking affirmative action. His gaze returned to the window. The rain was letting up. Throughout the whirlwind of confusion and sense of loss, one small part of him couldn't help thinking something the rest of him knew to be cruel. Ginta shook his head and resumed studying the rain. Perhaps tomorrow they would be able to find dry wood for the ceremony, maybe Hakkaku had already found some and saved it for the occasion.

_MMMmmmmmgggggrrrrr_

The surprised youkai placed a hand on his stomach. He hadn't had anything to eat since yesterday morning. His belly was obviously not happy with this arrangement. Ginta sighed and paid the window another mournful stare looking at the outside, no doubt crawling with little edible squirrels and bunny rabbits. He heard another growl, this one more vicious and hissing. _'Maybe I _should_ get something to eat_..._' _Was Ginta's last fleeting thought before feeling a malicious taloned hand snatch his hair yanking his head back. He gasped startled at the feeling of claws on another hand grip and puncture his neck. Rapid breaths, warm and harsh offended his hear before he heard a menacing voice interrupt them.

"What the _fuck_ have you done?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Something was wrong. InuYasha could just _feel_ it. Soft rain playfully tapped his sprinting body. Something was wrong. Something was wrong with Kagome. How the hell could that idiotic old woman have left her alone? _'Huh?' _InuYasha paused, his toes clutching the muck covered ground with their claws to keep from slipping.

There lying pitifully in the mud next to a particularly deep puddle was a familiar looking dagger. It reflected up at him pathetically as if pleading to be plucked from the offending mud. InuYasha's brows furrowed, what was _that_ doing out _here_? His eyes automatically scanned the ground, darting side to side to take in whatever would lead him to the answers. Sure enough his frown turned into a panicky scowl. Deep foot prints made small foot shaped bowls for the rain to pour into. There were mud spattered droplets in the act of pushing themselves away from the imprint suggesting the maker had been running quite fast. That is, up until the puddle had taken that person down. There was a long body sized mud skid leading up to a few more indents. Something was wrong.

InuYasha growled, taking off faster than before, becoming nothing more than a white on red blur. His imagination pitted scene against scene of all things horrific that could have lead to Kagome leaving those marks in the mud. His feet gripped the ground tighter to urge him on as the silhouette of Kaede's hut came into view. He snarled plowing through the rain and muck to get to the hut quicker. The home became bigger and bigger as he got nearer. InuYasha smirked and began to dig his feet into the ground to stop.

Unfortunately he underestimated the humor of Mother Nature. "SHIT!" A low far away rumble of thunder muffled the curse warningly. InuYasha yelped trying to gain control over his footing but the mud seemed to enjoy playing with his feet far too much to let him go. He braced himself feeling one foot slip and shoot out from underneath him, and sure enough, gravity claimed his as a friend. InuYasha thrashed furiously, thrusting his body up from the mud that clung to him so desperately. An arm drew back and wiped across his face to rid his eyes of the intrusive muck. A low threatening growl of frustration escaped his lips as he stood up to walk towards the hut, hair, face, and body covered in the thick, brown, mush.

His glare deepened seeing the entrance way completely open. InuYasha stepped through ignoring the drops of mud and water that pelted the ground blending in with the rain's orchestra outside. His fears jumped from his imagination and landed in his line of vision seeing a dark, masculine, silhouette of a figure hovering over Kagome's tussled looking body. A death promising snarl thrust itself from his lips, his fury fueling his feet to step closer and inspect what had happened. The closer he got to the form the more his impulsive rage took over any sort of reasoning ability he possessed. Finally InuYasha could no longer contain the wrath fueled frenzy dieing to burst from his body. The instant the silhouette was within reach, InuYasha's hand shot out snapping up a hand full of hair and yanking it back. He felt a twinge of satisfaction at hearing the startled yelp come from the other male. With lightening speed, InuYasha's other hand lunged for the figure's throat and closed. He wrenched the male's body closer to his in a life crushing embrace. His anger was only stroked at the sound of the breath indeed being crushed out of the supposed assailant.

"What the _fuck_ have you done?" He hissed through his teeth.

He felt the other male struggle and claw at the hand enclosed around his throat. InuYasha tightened his grip and paused. Confusion welded itself with his anger and he brought his nose to the attacker's neck, sniffing suspiciously. 'Youkai!' InuYasha's rage grew. A low rumble worked its way through his chest, his eyes looking over Kagome's form worriedly. InuYasha tried to calm himself, the angry sounds he was emitting weren't helping him hear her any better. A debate went on, on whether to release the youkai to look Kagome over or to kill it and inspect her later. The demon in his arms decided for him.

InuYasha's head snapped backwards as the back of the youkai's head came smashing into his face. The other male's lithe form tore away from his leaping away to land in a fighting position. InuYasha jumped to his feet, his body mimicking the other's stance.

"Bastard! What the fuck have you done to her-hey? Aren't you-"

"OSUWARI!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kagome's head lifted itself in a groggy haze upon hearing to thuds of something hitting the ground. It sent a brief vibration underneath her and she took her face from the pillow to see what appeared to be a familiar looking mud monster and Ginta ready to tear into each other. Kagome gasped picking herself up from the futon, sheet and all.

"Bastard! What the fuck have you done to her-"

Kagome glowered. She knew that voice.

"Hey? Aren't you-"

"OSUWARI!" She shouted before either could get the chance to spring. A violent 'thud!' reached her ears, accompanied by an expected 'Bitch!!'. "InuYasha, that's Ginta, you baka!"

"Bitch! I know that!" 'now anyways.' He added silently, still fuming at her.

The said youkai released himself from his fighting stance and took InuYasha's confession as permission to carefully move towards his previous sitting place. The spell began to wear off and he could see the hanyou's movements becoming less restrained.

Kagome adjusted the sheets around her and knelt in a more comfortable arrangement, watching the returning hanyou suspiciously.

InuYasha lifted his head to look at the moving wolf. "You're that wimpy wolf's lackey aren't you? What the hell are you doing here?"

Kagome was somewhat disgusted but not really surprised with the dog's lack of empathy. "Ahou! Osuwari!" She heard another shout of obscenities as the heavy thump met the floor again. She glared down at him. How dare he be so disrespectful towards….towards the dead. Kagome choked. It was still so hard to think about it.

Ginta felt his muscles clench at his leader being spoken of in such a way. But the miko took care of it before he got the chance to retaliate. Still, he decided to answer the hanyou's question. "I'm here to fetch Nee-san. I'm leaving for the mountains tomorrow. She must come to the burial ceremony." He chose to conveniently forget the part where he and Hakkaku were also supposed to take her into their tribe.

"Nng! The hell she is!" InuYasha did his best to look threatening while struggling to get his mouth off the floor long enough to speak. Of course he failed pitifully.

"InuYasha, I'm going." Kagome said quietly staring down at her knees. She couldn't even face Ginta and didn't want to look into the impending cursing scowl of InuYasha.

"Keh! Stupid girl! You don't know what they want with you!" He shouted back beginning to feel blood circulate to his limbs again.

Kagome jerked her head up to glare down at him. "What could they possibly want with me InuYasha! Kouga's gone and its just Ginta and his friend! Don't be dumb!" She snapped.

"I'm not the one running off with the same guys who kidnapped me!" InuYasha now had enough mobility to rise up.

"They didn't kidnap me! Kouga did!"

"Keh! Right, because they definitely would've taken it upon themselves to return you!" He retorted sarcastically.

Kagome growled, seriously toying with the idea of sitting him again and again until she felt better. "You're not the boss of me!" The minute the words were out of her mouth she felt the sheer force of its immaturity hit her, but continued anyway. "I'm going and this isn't any of your business!" Her fists clenched, balling the sheet together at her chest.

Ginta looked around uncomfortably. He knew the miko would still come, whether InuYasha 'allowed' it or not, but it didn't make the situation any less awkward with him standing there.

"Well, I'm _damn_ well making it my business!" InuYasha spat getting in her face.

Kagome glared heatedly. If she was going to win this then she would have to hit below the belt. "If Kikyo was put to rest do you think _I_ wouldn't let you bury _her_?!"

InuYasha blanched, his head backing away from hers for a moment. "This is completely different!"

"No its not! You're just grasping at straws!" She accused.

Although he didn't really understand the expression it didn't stop him from denying it. "Yes it is! I loved Kikyo! You barely know that weakling of a youkai!!" He snarled at her.

Kagome stared him down feeling a calm quiet take over the room. "I. Am. Going." She stated with a coolness that disturbed the hanyou. Her face wore an expression of assertion and resolve as she struggled to get up with the sheets wrapped around her. She gracelessly walked towards the entrance of Kaede's hut, every now and then tripping over the elongated sheet.

InuYasha's arm darted out attempting to steady her when she slipped on the make shift blanket but she only slapped it away like one would an irksome fly. He took his hand back and looked at her with a mixture of hurt and irritation. "Bitch! Where are you going now?!"

"Not that it's any of your business but I'm going home!" She shouted back now that her normal voice would have been out of earshot.

"It_ is_ my business and no you're not!" InuYasha yelled starting after her.

"Osuwari! And don't you dare follow me!"

THUD!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She ignored the string of foul language that now flowed from the hut. How _dare_ he?! Where did he get off?! Would the entire _cosmos_ go out of line if for _one day_ he decided to be somewhat sympathetic? Kagome thought bitterly, absentmindedly yanking up more of the sheet to keep from tripping on it, and the added factor of mud didn't aid her quest. _'Well, at least it stopped raining..' _She idly thought. Yes, it had stopped raining, the lack of falling watery pellets had allowed the area to be covered in a somewhat misty aura that every now and then the moon would be able to shine through. Thankfully the humidity that usually accompanied any fog was absent tonight.

She sighed, slowing her anger fueled pace. InuYasha would know better than to go after her now, and she could probably take a more languorous walk. She supposed she should feel grateful to InuYasha for taking her mind off Kouga, if only for a few minutes. _'Kouga…' _

"Nee-san?"

Kagome turned at hearing her name. A lean, masculine shape came closer to her through the fog. Gradually she could make it out to be Ginta. The uneasy feeling she recently associated with being around him came back. Her gaze flickered to the ground but awaited his approach. "Sorry, about back there." Her voice sounded nervous even to her own ears.

Ginta nodded accepting her apology. "Where are you going?"

She looked up at him, feeling a small sense of déjà vu. Well, at least he asked nicer than InuYasha. "I have to go home. To…to get something to wear for tomorrow. I don't want to go to Kouga's fune…to his burial ceremony like this."

He opened his mouth to object to her leaving but thought better of it. "Where is home?"

"Oh, it's not far. Just a little ways ahead."

Ginta said nothing and began to walk with her. They could have gotten there faster had he offered to carry her but didn't really want her that close to him right now.

The silence.was.UNNERVING! Kagome struggled for anything to say. She had always hated awkward silences and this time was no exception. 'Maybe he'd like to play 20 questions?' Not the most dult way to handle things but it was the only thing she could think of at the moment. She was about to ask him if he knew of such a game.

_---flash back---_

_"Do you hate me?"_

_"…hai."_

_---end flash back---_

Kagome fought off her question and received the silence with reluctant arms.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THAT BITCH! How dare she sit him! He had only been looking out for her own good. InuYasha grumbled crawling up from his prone position.

"And what have you done now, InuYasha?"

The said hanyou raised his head and glared at the old woman standing in the doorway.

"Nothing!!" He shouted defensively.

Kaede shook her head. "Yes, naturally. 'Nothing' always brings you to into submission, neh?"

"Urusai!" InuYasha shot up at her.

She said nothing as she walked to the other room. "You are welcome to stay. I will retire for the night. Accept Sango or Miroku in if they come back."

"Keh!" But she was already through the door.

InuYasha struggled against the curse in the darkened room. Finally he managed to roll on to his back and ease himself of the marble sized discomfiture grading into his chest. He let out a breath of relief reaching into his hakama. Sure enough he pulled out what appeared to be a lavender looking marble. He twisted it this way and that, studying it curiously in whatever light the moon provided through the window. He would have to give it to Kagome when she came back. For now he had no idea what to do with it.

"All this work for this?"

For some reason while he lusted for just the tiniest shard, the entire shikon no tama didn't even bring him a quarter of that longing. InuYasha sighed and put it back into his hakama. He would discuss this with her tomorrow.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You live in a well?"

"Well, um, no, not really. Not _in_ the well anyway." Kagome mumbled incoherently, unable to stand the way Ginta was looking at her. Like she was one of those people in her time that ran around wearing nothing but a box and screaming about the end of the world. "I'm kinda different, you see…" Ok she really didn't know how to start off. Ginta's silence quietly urged her on. She took a deep breath, worst possible case scenario: he didn't believe her and thought she was crazy. That wasn't so bad. "I'm from a different time. I live 500 years in the future and……ok here it goes…" Kagome closed her eyes from his reaction and proceeded to tell the youkai from start to finish how exactly she came about in this era.

Ginta listened quietly, seating himself on the edge of the swell. It wasn't really so far fetched a story. Actually it explained quite a bit and with all the magic out there, who said it couldn't be true. Her strange clothes, the strange objects she could sometimes be seen with, even her dialect and he could detect the slight bit of an accent he had never heard before.

"And I sorta shattered it. But it was an accident! I swear! And I've been looking for the shikon no kakera since up until now, I guess." She looked at the ground and shuffled an idle foot around from under her temporary toga. She had expected the sudden laughter or even a subtle chuckle but was surprised to hear nothing more than a calm declaration of

"Oh."

She glanced up at him with a look of astonishment. Oh. That was it. She just told him that she came from the future to save the entire world of the past and all she got was an 'oh.' Like he had pinned that exact biography on her the minute he laid eyes on her. She shook her head feeling the awkward silence return.

"So, yeah. I better go." A slender leg lifted itself and just as she found herself straddling the edge of her well a hand snaked out to grasp her arm. Her eyes flickered to his to see a torn expression on his face.

"I..I'd prefer it if you stayed here, Nee-san."

And that was all it took. InuYasha for all his ranting, raving, threatening, and shoving a tree down her welling, never stopped her from throwing herself down towards her much missed home. But just a composed statement of preference from Ginta and her longing for home suddenly seemed silly.

"Oh, ok."

"It's just, I'm supposed to watch you." He said uncomfortably. He wanted to let her go. Let her go to her own time. It would be better for them all. That crueler part that appeared earlier reared its ugly head to whisper in his ear _'Let her go, then you can destroy the well. It's so easy. You'd never be stuck with this responsibility again. Besides, Kouga would want her to be out of harm's way in her own ti-' 'Kouga….'_ Ginta thought. _'Kouga would want her with the tribe. _That's_ what Kouga would want.'_ And that thought guided his hand to her arm to stop her. He had a responsibility. Kouga wasn't here to protect her and he couldn't protect her and ensure that she would, indeed, come back if she went to her own time. His friend was counting on him, even if he was no longer with him.

"Like a baby sitter?"

Ginta was snapped from his musing at her question.

"Hm?"

"Like a baby sitter. You said you were supposed to watch me. Are you supposed to be my baby sitter, or something like that?" Her voice held no accusations or vindications, it was just a question that she would like to be answered.

"Um, no not really like a baby sitter." He watched Kagome sling her leg around to join the other on the inside of the well. He didn't stop her. She wasn't jumping in or getting ready to, she was just perching herself on the edge opposite of him. Kouga trusted her, so he could trust her.

"I don't understand." Her nose scrunched in confusion, like she was unsuccessful at trying to solve a complicated problem.

Ginta sighed hunching his shoulder's forward in a relaxed posture and lazily swinging his leg back and forth to bump at the well. He looked up at the stars as though they would magically give him the answers. "With Kouga…..gone, traditionally you're supposed to be taken in by the closest family. And with our tribe….gone, that would be me and Hakkaku."

Kagome sat and contemplated this for a while before speaking. "What's going to happen to me?" Kagome was in debt to Kouga. Maybe Ginta was the only one who could undertand that. With Kouga's death it seemed her entire little world was tossed upside down. Pain brought relief, and pleasure brought guilt. She wasn't sure what she could do to make the gut searing regret leave her belly. Ginta hated her. She could sense it. This kind wasn't a vengeful sort of hate, more a dull acknowledgement of the feeling in the pit of his stomach. The hate derived from his inability to forgive her. And for that she was glad. She couldn't forgive herself either. And had he been able to, Kagome didn't think she could take it. She didn't deserve it.

"We'll take you into the tribe and watch over you, just as Kouga planned to do."

"But, there isn't really a tribe to be in anymore, is there?"

"Hakkaku and I are figuring that out. We're going to find another tribe and one of us will defeat their alpha male and take it as our own."

"Oh." She said simply. Was that going to be her life? It seemed very dismal and lonely. She didn't want to be taken in. She surely never wanted to join Kouga's tribe-_'Just like Kouga didn't want to die…' _Her conscience whispered to her. Yes, she could see Kouga's life. After Naraku, had he lived, Kagome would have told him that she saw him as just a friend. He would probably be hurt, but would eventually move on. Take a wife, have children. He may have married Ayame. _'He'll never be able to live that life.' _She closed her eyes willing the tears back. She had cried enough tonight.

_'Now is not the time to be selfish, Kagome…'_

It seemed fate was destined to screw her over, Kagome thought humorously. "I, I need something to wear for tomorrow."

"What did you have in mind?"

"A Kimono? Black?"

Ginta nodded looking towards the forest. "Perhaps someone in the village can lend you one?"

Kagome mimicked his nod and looked inside the well longingly. "Ginta?"

"Hm?" He didn't look up.

"Can, can I saw goodbye to my family?"

He tossed this idea round in his head. He wouldn't delude her into believing that she would possibly see her family every other day. They would be moving around a lot, looking for tribes, and migrating. He didn't know when she would be able to see her family. The same problem of letting her go and her coming back arose in his mind. He was very reluctant to change his very thought out decision. He sighed, why couldn't he just say no? "You must promise to come back." Ginta looked her in the face.

Kagome realized it was one of the few times he had ever done that. Looked her in the face that is. "I promise I'll come back." She repeated confidently.

He seemed to accept her answer and crossed his legs to sit Indian style on the edge. "I'll wait here."

"Ok." She slipped downwards a little but struggled to stay up by her arms. She still couldn't look at him. "Ginta?"

His gaze flickered to her.

"Thank you." And then darkness accepted her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"OOMF! Ooowww…" Kagome whined rubbing her tail bone. That drop never got easier. Wait, her tail bone. Her very _naked_ tail bone. The sheet! Kagome frantically felt around, blindly pawing at the ground praying to any God that would listen that her only covering had come with her across the time travel. She let out a breath of relief upon feeling it somewhere behind her. Thank Kami! Picking herself off the ground she tied it around her chest in a little makeshift ballroom gown._ 'Okaayyy, now how do I get out without it slipping?' _

Well, nothing worth achieving in life was ever easy. So why should she expect this situation to be any different. Kagome gritted her teeth and began the climb. She supposed it wasn't as hard as she had anticipated, but still. Why couldn't the well spit her out in front of her house for once?

A slender feminine hand popped out of the well and grasped the outside edge of it. She grunted and with one great heave the well gave birth to a teenage girl and named it Kagome. The said girl wiped her muddy forehead, but since her hand and arm were dirty too it only succeeded in a polite exchange of filth between body parts. Kagome rose to her feet and started towards her house.

Upon reaching the door she popped her head in and looked around. 'Jeeze Kagome, it's not like you're sneaking in after staying out past your bedtime.' She mentally scolded herself. Still, it was a relief that no one was up. Her mist colored eyes instinctually flipped to the green numbers blinking on the VCR under the TV. It was 3:35 a.m. no wonder everyone was in bed. Kagome bit her lip, it was hard to keep track of the exact time in the Songoku Gidai. Remembering the past brought Kagome back to the present and reminded her of what she came for. Suddenly flooded with nostalgia and not a small amount of sadness she began to softly creep to the one place that had always banished the nightmares from under her bed and shoved the evil monsters back in her closet.

Kagome held her breath when she reached the middle of the stairs to stop the knee jerk reaction of screaming when something furry entwined itself with her ankles. She looked down to see a purring and smiling sack of cat. She smiled back carefully bending down and picking up the obese feline with the tenderness of a proud mother.

"Buyo Buyo, fat little kitty! You're just so fat, yes you're my fatty kitty! But I love you anyway!" She cooed rubbing her face against his furry head.

Buyo himself didn't seem to know the difference between insults and words of endearment as he caressed her nose with his cheek. Then again Kagome had never spoken those them with anything but high pitched adoration, so maybe Buyo had taken the words the way they were meant.

Kagome kissed him sadly on the back of the neck, unable to reach his head that was now preoccupied with rubbing itself against the underside of her chin. She gave the cat she had, had since childhood one last careful hug before setting him down. He meowed once before darting off down the stairs. She looked longing after him, seeing him and realizing it may be the last time brought the memory of seeing him for the first time.

_---flash back---_

_"Okaa-san!__ I want him!" An eager eight year old Kagome exclaimed jumping up and down and pointing down at a rather plump ball of fur resting lazily in his glass box._

_ "Er-Kagome, sweetie, This kitty isn't very….um, frisky?" She said looking at all the other kittens that were frolicking with each other, playing with their string toys, or wrestling with one another. "Besides, wouldn't you much rather have a nice little puppy instead?" She said trying to appease her daughter. Mrs. Higurashi had decided that it was time to give in to her daughter's pleads for a pet, she was old enough and hopefully responsible enough to have one of her own._

_"Iie Okaa-san!__ I want that one! The fat one!" Kagome now had begun jumping up and down and pointing at the lazy kitten with excitement. _

_ By this time the said kitten had decided to raise its head from its comfortable position tucked away in its stomach and look up at the commotion. _

_"Look! Look! Okaa-san he's looking at me!" She screeched pressing her face up against the glass._

_ Mrs. Higurashi laughed nervously. "Yes he is, dear." As was everyone else in the store, she thought looking around at the people staring at the hyperactive girl. "Well, then how about one of the other kittens, honey?" She said, noticing the kitten that her daughter was so infatuated was rather plump. That couldn't possibly be healthy. "Oh! Like this one!" She exclaimed picking up a rambunctious black kitten that had begun toying with its reflection on the glass. It mewed and batted at the finger Mrs. Higurashi presented it. "See, Kagome? This kitten is much be-"_

_ Of course, little Kagome didn't 'see' and had already stretched herself over the glass box attempting to pluck the spotted kitten from his prison. She had it from under the armpits and the young feline's obesity fell to his bottom stretching him like a gack filled stress ball. He didn't' seem to notice once he was out of the box and Kagome was cuddling him baby style in her arms._

_ Mrs. Higurashi sighed disappointedly. It was a loosing battle, besides, maybe it was a good thing that her daughter was already seeing 'inner beauty' at such a young age. "Alright, Kagome, lets go pay for him." She smiled at the squeal of happiness and the rapid pitter pattering of sneakered feet racing to the pay counter. She looked longing at the black kitten placing him back in the glass box. _

_---end flash back---_

Kagome giggled, and they thought Buyo had been fat back _then_.

_---flash back---_

_"What's that?"_

_" 'Tou__-san! Look I got a kitty!" Kagome exclaimed proudly presenting her plump burden to her father._

_"Oh. Is that what that is? I thought one of your mother's coats had shrunk." He chuckled ignoring the glare of his wife and ruffled Kagome thick hair. He watched his daughter race off into the living room leaving them in the kitchen._

_"So I guess all the normal animals were sold, neh?" He laughed._

_"Oh now don't you start." She warned playfully poking him in the chest letting him take the bag of cat food and toys away from her._

_"Well he seems friendly, he hasn't scratched Kagome has he?"_

_"No, for the longest time I just thought he was in a coma." She joked and sat down, her husband placing the bag on the table._

_"Well she needed her own pet anyway." He said reassuringly not paying attention as said daughter trotted back into the room, blubbery kitten in one hand and gigantic salad bowl in the other._

_"True, she had earned it, with her grades and helping out at hom-Kagome what are you doing?" She asked suddenly distracted by the sound of avalanching pellets. _

_"Buyo's hungry, Okaa-san."__ She replied as a matter of factly. _

_ Mr. Higurashi stifled his laugh with his hand watching his daughter fill the salad bowl to the brim and beyond, the cat pellets cascading on to the floor. Mrs. Higurashi on the other hand rolled her eyes heavenward, her head slumping into her hand sadly. Another mess to clean up, she thought observing her daughter use all of her little girl strength to lift the gigantic spouting bag away from the bowl. _

_ Buyo was definitely the happiest of the three. He watched in heaven struck awe as more food than he had ever seen before poured into a bowl twice his size. When the little girl took the bag away he dove for it, greedily chugging down as much as his quickly expanding belly could handle._

_ Kagome looked on proudly. "He's gonna be a sumo wrestler kitty, Daddy!"_

_ This time the laughter would not be contained as a burst of it flooded from Mr. Higurashi's mouth. He stroked his daughter's silky hair and watched the plump little kitten down the cat food like he would never see it again. "I'm sure he will."_

_--- end flash back---_

Kagome giggled at the memory. Yes Buyo was definitely a wonderful sumo wrestling cat. Heck! She had no doubt that he could probably take on some of the sumo wrestling men! With a shake of her head she reacquainted herself with the task of climbing the stairs.

Upon reaching the top she took the journey down the hall to that wonderful place. She raised her hand to knock on the door but thought better of it and just turned the knob. Her head poked inside her mother's room. Instantly the familiar smell hit her. The smell that all children remember their mother by. That special one that all mother's have that can make a child's worries and tears go away with just one whiff.

"Okaa-san?" She called creeping over to the bed. Gone!

Her mother was gone! " 'Kaa-san!" She called more urgently. Where was she?! Kagome was sure her mother was safe. Probably somewhere else in the house, maybe she had decided to sleeep in Souta's room with him tonight. Just the panic that this may be her last chance to see her crept over her heart. Kagome sighed and headed for her own room.

She clutched the sheet to her breasts forlornly walking towards her room at the other end of the hall. She would search her closet for something appropriate to wear tomorrow and then venture to Souta's room to hug and kiss him goodbye and also to see if their mom had, indeed, slept in his room tonight.

Kagome opened her door wanting to smile at the familiar creek it always made. It was funny how Kami always seemed to know exactly what someone needed right at that moment. Because there, on her very own bed sleeping not so soundly, was Mrs. Higurashi. Kagome's eyes lit up and she started for her bed kneeling next to it and gently placing her head next to her mother's for a minute or two before whispering.

"Okaa-san?"

Mrs. Higurashi groaned, her eyes spasming.

"Psst, 'Kaa-san." Kagome whispered again.

This time the desired effect was won and Mrs. Higurashi's eyes languidly opened. Her sleepy expression didn't change as her eyes began to focus from their sleep derived blur. Then when they had finally focused on the face of her daughter, her filth covered daughter, they snapped open and the young teenager was instantly crushed in a breath taking embrace. The one only mothers know how to give.

"Oh, Kagome! Daijoubu?! Where are you're clothes? What happened? What are you covered in? Kagome, your hair! Daijoubu?!" Mrs. Higurashi asked frantically scanning her daughter for injury or tear traces.

"Hai mama, Daijoubu. My clothes were kinda stolen while I was bathing in a stream." She hated lying, she really did.

"Bathing? But Kagome, you're filthy." Her mother's asked worriedly.

"Some animals, took off with them. I tried to chase after them and slipped in some mud left over from the storm."

Her mother greedily kissed each of her daughter's cheeks holding the girl's face in her hands. "Oh, Kagome, I had such a bad feeling! It wouldn't go away so I came to your room. It did make me feel a little better I suppose. But I feel so much better knowing you're home. Are you sure you're alright? What happened to your hair?" She asked her finger's getting tangled in the muck covered strands.

Kagome fought the mist that threatened to take over her eyes at the memory of what caused her hair's brutal attack. "I don't want to talk about it mama." She tried to keep her voice strong but it sounded more like a whimper.

Mrs. Higurashi's maternal instincts kicked in and ordered her not to bring up the subject again. "Gomen sweetie. I was just worried. But I'm happy you're back." She smiled kissing her daughter's forehead.

"Otou-san, I…I can't stay." Kagome didn't even try to keep her voice strong now.

"Oh, oh I know, dear. Have to look for those shards and all." Mrs. Higurashi tried her best to keep her tone upbeat but couldn't deny that she didn't enjoy her daughter's continuous absence from her life.

"No mama, the shards are all collected. The hunting's done." She whispered dejectedly. She couldn't stand breaking her mother's heart.

"Then, then I don't understand. That's what you went there for, and now that it's done why can't you stay, here?" A confused furrow worked its way into her mother's brow.

Kagome sniffled, fighting off the tears that leaked out of the corners of her eyes. "S-Something terrible happened, Okaa-san."

Mrs. Higurashi's expression became even more apprehensive and creased with concern and she easily plucked her daughter from the ground sitting her on the bed next to her. "What happened? Did someone hurt you?" She asked worriedly caressing her daughter's mud spattered cheek.

"I-Iie, someone _tried_ to hurt me but another someone stopped me from being hurt." Kagome hated not using names, she wished her mother just magically knew who these people were. Her mother's silence quietly urged her to continue. "His name is Kouga, mama. Someone tried to hurt me and he stopped it, and ended up…..he……oh 'Kaa-san he's dead!" With that the sobs tore from her throat and she propelled herself into her mother's arms. Kagome began to pour every worry and feeling of self hatred into her cries. "Okaa-san, he's dead and it's all my fault! Do you know what his very last words were? He said he loved me?! And I couldn't even say it back! He was going to _die_ and I couldn't just give him _that_! He died helping me and making sure I was safe! Why couldn't I love him, mama? Why couldn't I have been strong enough?!" The sobs tore through her quivering frame and left her breathless.

Mrs. Higurashi held her daughter tightly and stroked her head, filth and all. "Shh, sshh, it'll be alright baby. Sshh sshhh." She whispered. She softly began to sing the same song her own mother rocked her to sleep with. "Kagome Kagome, Kago no naka no tori wa, Itsu itsu deyaru? Yoake to ban ni. Tsuru to kame ga subetta, Ushiro no shoumen dare?"

Her sobs died down to mere sniffles. "I was named after that."

Her mother smiled and tightened her grip, knowing that she would have to let go very soon. "Mm hm."

Kagome sniffed her stuffy nose and broke away. "I have to go to his funeral, 'Kaa-san. I just came back to get something to wear." _'and so I say goodbye..'_ she added silently.

Mrs. Higurashi seemed to hear the silent addition and nodded softly, smiling a gentle smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I'll find you something sweetie. You don't have much black, do you?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"No. Not much, but I'll look." Kagome rose from the bed to her closet and began to forage.

Her mother looked on sadly, the smile still hiding her face. Her daughter had grown up so suddenly. Her cradling arms couldn't protect her from the world anymore. She then decided to leave the sanctity of the bed as Kagome had. "I'll be back, Kagome-chan." She said before disappearing through the doorway.

Kagome poked her head of the closet and sea of strewn clothes to watch her mother leave. Her lip firmly tucked itself between her teeth. She wouldn't cry again. Taking a deep reassuring breath the young woman resumed her search for the perfect outfit. "Too short." , "Inappropriate for a funeral. Hmm, but still cute." , "doesn't fit anymore." , "I'm never wearing _that_ again." Shirt, by skirt, by dress, could be seen flying from the closet in rejection.

"Darling, what about this?"

Again Kagome's head jutted itself out to see who had called for her. Mrs. Higurashi stood there smiling her sad little smile and holding up a wooden hanger that held a very familiar looking dress. Kagome just couldn't place where she had seen it before. It was completely black, held up by thin straps which tapered to a slender waist and flared out to end below the knees. _'Is that…?" _Kagome couldn't help but think.

"Ano, Okaa-san. Isn't that the dress you wore to Otou-san's funeral?"

Her mother smiled at the dress. "Hai. It's my funeral dress. But since I don't have a funeral to go to, it's _your_ funeral dress." She said lifting the dress, bridal style and walking over to Kagome sitting in a pond of dismissed clothing. "Do you think you have time for a bath?" She asked looking her daughter's mud caked body over.

Kagome followed her mother's gaze and smiled sheepishly. "Probably not, but I'll take a quick one anyway."

Mrs. Higurashi smiled watched the girl bound off to the bathroom.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn't a bath. The young miko thought bringing her now clean hands to touch her quickly cleansing hair. Mud ran off her body under the shower spray like a demon under exorcism. She sighed happily enjoying the feeling of warm water running over her. It was a wonderful contrast to the frigidity of the ponds, lakes, and rivers she had been forced to bath in.

She squirted some of her favorite strawberry shampoo into her hand and lathered it in her hair piling the shortened strands onto her head. Her hand snaked out routinely for the body wash right next to the shampoo and squeezed some into her favorite pink 'hello kitty' lufa. Scrubbing her body always made her feel as though she were washing her troubles away with the dirt and sweat. Kagome smiled happily rinsing away the shampoo and starting in on the conditioner.

Of course all good things must come to an end, wonderfully warm showers included. A disappointed sigh escaped her lips as the last bit of conditioner and body wash ran off and down the drain. She grudgingly reached a hand out pushing the shower knob in and turning the spray off. Instinctually she reached behind her back to grab her hair and ring it out. Upon finding nothing she remembered that it was gone. Not for the first time she mourned its loss. _'No! No I don't! It was _my_ decision!'_ She thought vehemently. Kagome confidently thrust open the shower's glass door and reached blindly for a towel. It was found in its normal spot that would always read 'Kagome' in childish chicken scrawl. Her face was wiped clear first, then her hair shook and dried of its water, before wrapping the fluffy pink 'hello kitty' towel around her body, where, before she had grown up, it had covered the entire length of her and then some, now only covered her chest and reached above her knees.

Stepping back into her room she was surprised to see her mother still sitting on her bed, the dress still in her lap but this time a few onyx hairclips in the shapes of roses and other sorts of flowers joined it. She wasn't so surprised that her mother was there, she had just gotten into normal showering routine. And normal showering routine did not involve mom waiting in her room for her.

A smile lit her mother's lips, but still it did not reach her eyes. "Okay, Kagome-chan, have a seat." She said gesturing toward her desk chair where a new vanity mirror hung in front of her desk. Seeing where her daughter's gaze rested she touched the mirror and explained, "I took it from my room, it would be easier to do your hair this way."

Kagome nodded not asking. She approached the chair her mother had pulled out for her and allowed herself to be pushed back in.

Mrs. Higurashi picked up a brush and began to comb Kagome's hair dry. The raven hair that was once long, luxurious, and untamably beautiful, now was just untamable. She frowned at reaching a rather willful knot and grabbed the lock gently before cautiously pulling the knot out so as not to hurt the hair's beloved keeper. It dried quite quickly, being that there wasn't as much of it as there used to be and the towel drying accompanied by the brushing helped. She smiled triumphantly placing her hands on her hips. "There, the knots have been taken care of. Now on to the task of,…Oh dear, Kagome, did you cut your hair yourself?" The question derived from seeing the uneven and butchered ends of the now neatly brushed locks. Mrs. Higurashi reluctantly picked up the scissors. "Well, let's straighten this out." She was happy that the ends where not so haggard that she needed to make the hair shorter, she just had to cut the longer tassels of hair that set off the fine balance.

Once she was done she affectionately pet her work. Softly caressing her manicured nails through her daughter's shining hair. It was shorter, yes, but it looked devine. To Mrs. Higurashi, Kagome would be beautiful bald. She smiled, this time it did reach her eyes, and she leaned down and kissed the top of Kagome's head. She picked up two onyx hairclips and began to arrange her newly found client's hair. She grasped one lock that fell to frame Kagome's face and pinned it against its corresponding side of Kagome's head. She did the same with a similar piece on the other side. She ran her fingers though straightening it out before turning her daughter's head to face her. She fluffed her bangs and took two longer strips from their clasps to hang down and resume framing Kagome's face.

She smiled at her accomplishment, both her daughter and her daughter's hair. She kissed Kagome between the eyebrows taking her hands and helping her up. Mrs. Higurashi stepped over to the bed picking up the dress and carrying it over to Kagome. "Go put this on, sweetie." She instructed affectionately. Kagome nodded and padded off to her bathroom once more.

Was this what her mother felt like going to her father's funeral? Kagome thought looking at herself in the mirror. She had expected the dress to be too big or at least awkwardly hang off her. But then again she hadn't seen the dress in five years so she couldn't possible expect to be as small as she had been back then. The dress fit wonderfully. The straps reached across her shoulders and down her back. The cloth that covered her breasts extended down to her tapered waist and hugged her like a long lost friend before rejecting her at the hips flaring out like fire works to her knees. Kagome looked down from the mirror to the sink and ran the water pushing down the plug so the water didn't run into the drain. She waited for it to rise before dipping her cupped hands in it and splashing it across her face. Her tongue snaked out darting over her lips picking up stray water droplets. Her slender frame hunched over the sing her hands grasping at the sides. Her eyes flickered up to the mirror. For once since the incident had happened, she didn't feel bad for cutting her hair. It wasn't really that bad, she thought studying the strands that now rested and inch above her shoulders. Besides, now no one would _ever_ mistake her for Kikyo.

Mrs. Higurashi waited patiently for her daughter to come back into the room. She couldn't wonder if she would ever see her again. She couldn't think that something bad had happened to her, worse that what she had told her. She couldn't think that even more bad things lay ahead for her precious first born. She couldn't think it because her heart couldn't handle it. She took a deep steadying breath and looked towards the door just in time to see the knob turn and the object of her thoughts step bashfully in.

Oh, but she looked lovely. The dress complimented her hair and brought out her dazzling eyes. The little rose hair clips really set it off, she thought watching them glitter every time Kagome moved her head. "You look beautiful…..Which I really shouldn't be saying since you're going to a funeral."

Kagome laughed softly and hugged her mother.

"What're you doing up so late? Kagome? Is that you?" Came a groggy voice from the door way.

Both women looked over at the new comer to find Souta standing there lazily rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Souta, sweetie, Kagome's just come back for some things." Their mother explained.

Souta, now very much awake looked at Kagome. "Why did you come back so late? Why are you leaving again? What happened to your hair?" He asked walking closer to his sister.

Kagome smiled and rolled her eyes hugging her little brother. Why did all the torrent of questions always include one about her hair? She clutched him a little tighter before releasing him and kissing his cheek. "I'll be back when I can, ok?" She was sure not too say, soon, or I'll be back, as in she knew she'd even be coming back. I'll be back when I can was a good answer, it meant she would come back when she was able. Whether or not she'd ever be able was left up to decision.

Mrs. Higurashi picked up Souta and kissed Kagome. "C'mon, gather some clothes for your trip and we'll meet you by the well."

She nodded and quickly began gathering clothes and tossing them in her yellow back pack she had left ther before she went last time. Formally rejected clothes sailed happily into the back pack as she mumbled "I want this one." , "These have to come too." , "I can live without that." , "Where would I wear this? I don't care."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Souta sat down with his mother near the well waiting for Kagome. He could see her casting sad and slightly hateful glances at it every now and then. He was in between wishing Kagome to hurry up so that they could get back in the warm dry house, or to go slower so she would stay longer. He settled for a nice safe "Mom, what's Kagome _doing_ in there?" He asked in the voice all male's take when waiting for a female for whatever reason.

"She's just doing a little packing, dear." She responded patiently.

A shuffling at the entrance of the well house signaled that the object of discussion had arrived. Kagome stood there climbing down looking very awkward in her nice formal black heeled shoes, nice formal black dress, and then the big yellow camping pack clinging to her back like a gawky baby panda.

Mrs. Higurashi got up to help her down. They both walked to the well together, Souta waiting in his little 'Dragon Ball Z' pajamas for them both. Their mother looked at her daughter, the same sorrowful smile on her face. She crushed the breath from her in a wonderful goodbye hug. Kagome didn't need that breath anyway, she thought hugging back with matching ferocity. Souta stood there uncomfortably shuffling his foot looking away from the two women having a 'girl moment.'

Stepping away from her mother Kagome yanked Souta from the ground and gave him a hug very similar to the one her mother gave her. "I love you so much you little brat!" She cried affectionately.

He hugged her back though lacking the intensity of the one he was receiving. The mushy moments most females give only bring discomfiture to most males. "I-I'll see you when you get back, Kagome." He wheezed lungs collapsing as her grip became firmer for a moment before letting him go.

Kagome stepped over to the well, carefully climbing in with the aid of her mother. She took one last look at her family, and waved at them. "I love you mama, souta!" and with that, the well sucked her up again.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ginta was thankful that InuYasha had not decided to come to the well for Kagome. It had been probably an hour and a half since she left and he was getting anxious. What if she wasn't returning? No, she was trust worthy. What if she visited her family and found it impossible to go? No, she was a girl of obligation and honor, she wouldn't shame Kouga in such a way, would she? Questions and uncertain answers battled in his head.

He twisted into a more comfortable position leaning against the side of the well. He had long ago given up waiting for her on top of it, he was more than likely to fall asleep and fall in. He briefly wondered if he too would be transported to her era if that did happen. Maybe he could go get her himself? Ginta growled to himself, this was it, she wasn't coming back! Half of him was happy to be relieved of such obligation, the other half fretted over the situation and how to honor Kouga if his intended wasn't even going to be there for his burial ceremony! Before he got the chance to think of too many ways on either how to strangle Kagome or give thanks to the Gods for keeping her there, an overwhelming very yellow, weight was pitched into the air and had come to land on him, crushing him to the ground forcing the air from his lungs in a loud "OOMF!"

His eyes felt as though they had bugged out of their sockets as he desperately shoved the humungous pack off his body. He sat up shaking his head of the daze the pack had so graciously bestowed upon him. His attention was turned to the well where grunts of strain could be heard. Ginta peered over the rim to see nothing but pools of misty silver, now pools of fleshy peach, and then silver again. He blinked confusedly recoiling his head back to see a certain overdressed Kagome blinking back up at him.

"Hi."

He stared at her as if truly not able to grasp the concept of her coming back. Disappointment and gratitude warred within him but he reached down and helped her out anyway.

"You came back."

"Yeah, sorry I took so long. I couldn't find anything black to wear and Okaa-san insisted on doing my hair." She smiled sheepishly.

He could see her better now that they were standing on the same ground. She did look quite beautiful, even if her clothes were strange. But, of course, they were better than the mud she had been sporting before. His eyes looked her over. Her hair was much cleaner and now gleamed in the slowly fading moonlight. Her odd kimono _was_ rather appealing. He had never seen anything like it and wondered if all girls from her time dressed this way. His attention was taken from her garb hearing her voice ring out.

"Is this ok? I'm not really sure how…wolf youkai…do burial ceremonies. We usually have to dress up in black, to mourn the passing, you know?" She asked uncertainly.

"It's fine." Ginta reassured.

Kagome yawned stretching her arms towards the sky, a crunchy pop could be heard as her back cracked. A small groan of delight formed on her lips when the discomfort , she hadn't even known she'd been suffering, vanished. "I suppose I better get to sleep then-"

"Actually, we better head out now." Ginta cut her off.

The Miko whirled around, her jaw dropping. "Nani?!" She watched him nod and proceed to prop her yellow back pack on his back.

"Hai, the sun will be coming up very soon, and it's a long walk to the mountains." He had already begun walking away by the time Kagome came to her senses.

She sighed feeling the already heavy bags under her eyes become heavier. They were going to _walk_?! With her in _these_ shoes?! Kagome groaned once more, the delight now completely absent from the sound.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every single instance leading up to this exact moment replayed itself in Ginta's mind again and again, desperately searching for the one moment that lead to this particular situation. He guessed it was somewhere around noon that he had caught her falling asleep while walking, again. Kagome had become slow and wobbly, her blood shot eyes gradually losing their normal function. Ginta had hoped they might get there somewhere before sunset so as to help Hakkaku with anything that had not yet been prepared for the ceremony. Obviously that wasn't going to happen, not at her pace anyway.

And so that lead to his current state. Her pack on his back and her asleep in his arms, carrying them _both_. With the frustration climbing of not being able to reach the mountains in time he had picked her up, she didn't even seem to notice the difference between being carried and walking falling asleep faster than if he had simply knocked her unconscious. Well at least they would be getting there in time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Nee-san."

_'mm..g'way…'_

"_Nee-san_."

_'sleep…so yummy..'_

"NEE-san!"

Kagome cracked her eyes open just in time to see the ground coming closer to her at a mind boggling speed. "OW!" She cried, her mouth now being crammed with dirt. She reared up stumbling on her shoes to glare at Ginta. "Chikusho! How dare you!" She shouted at him looking down at her now dirt and grass stained clothing. "This is my _mother's_ dress!" Unfortunately what was intended to be a very intimidating roar came out as more of a mournful yell. Her hands immediately descended on the victimized fabric, smoothing and swiping away various blades of stray grass and dirt. She turned enough of her attention away from her task to glare up at him through her now less than perfectly kept hair.

Ginta tried his best to ignore the faint pang of guilt at hearing the kimono he had dropped in the dirt belonged to the mother she may never see again. He quickly shook it off but felt pleased that she would wear something so precious to her to Kouga burial ceremony. He looked down at his own garb almost wishing he had something better.

"Well, I…..guess we should get started, neh?"

He looked up to see Hakkaku coming towards them.

"Hai, where is everything? Is it all ready?"

Kagome paused her frantic sweeping to take in her surroundings and listen to the conversation. The sun was still firmly placed in the sky as they had come to a grass covered hill close to the mountains. Where were they going? Was it being held here? Where was everything? Kagome looked down at her dress sorrowfully, it still had a variety of dust spots buried too deep in the fabric for her to get out without a washer. She made a frustrated noise in the back of her throat and looked over to the two youkai to see Hakkaku point at a valley directly below the mountains.

"Everything is ready down there. Come on, we should start." Hakkaku waved them over to follow.

Ginta didn't look back at Kagome, had he done so he would have seen the venomous glare drilling through his back. She could get there without his help, she didn't need him to wait for her. Which he obviously wasn't going to do anyway….She thought spitefully. A growl emitted from her lips her feet picking up the pace into a light trot to catch up with the others. It was a difficult task, semi high heels, or any heeled shoe for that matter, were not made to walk on grass and dirt. Somewhat pleased at catching up so quickly she didn't stop until she surpassed Ginta.

Upon reaching the intended location the said youkai looked around at the valley that would be hosting this imperative ceremony. It was overlooked by the mountains that all wolf youkai loved so much and true to his word, Hakkaku had prepared everything. A huge mound of sticks, logs, and other wooden forms made a small teepee around a familiar wrapped form. Ginta tore his gaze away from the scene. _'I'm not ready, I'm not ready, I'm not ready, I'm not ready…' _He chanted in his head. He was not ready to see his friend like this. He was not ready for it to be official. He was not ready for his leader's death. And most importantly he was not ready to be alone.

Kagome faired no better. Her gaze flickered everywhere from the grass, to the insects supposedly in the grass, to Hakkaku himself. She couldn't look at the sight. Her mind wasn't able to accept the horribly realistic vision of a mummified Kouga.

Hakkaku gazed on stonily. His position in their tiny tribe had already been mutually and unspokenly confirmed. He would be the support. The unwavering pillar to support Ginta, and possibly Kagome. He didn't like his position. It was too close to leader. And some small piece of him that dwelled in the deepest pit of his heart resented and blamed Kouga for it all. He had died and left them to fend for themselves. He had left them alone and unguided in this world. He had abandoned them….. "What's everyone waiting for?"

Ginta and Kagome turned their attention to the white haired youkai questioningly. Kagome leaned in towards Ginta, cupping a hand to her mouth to hide its movement. "I thought you said it was going to be held at nigh-"

"But night hasn't fallen yet!" Ginta cut her off, speaking to Hakkaku directly.

Kagome rolled her eyes at his lack of tact leaning back up into her previous standing position.

Hakkaku seemed unaffected by Ginta's objection. "We can't wait. We have to move on and find another tribe. He'd understand." He replied coolly.

Ginta frowned but said nothing. No, Kouga wouldn't have understood. He thought. This was their leader and den brother and Hakkaku was acting as though it were just another useless body they had an obligation to. A scowl overtook his face at his inability to do anything about this injustice. His eyebrows drew downward his arm snaking out to grab Kagome's arm leading her to the three lit torched leaning against the mountain wall.

_'Ok so there's fire involved.' _She thought spotting the flaming torches she ahdn't even noticed before. Some how Kagome didn't like where this was going. Her arm slumped a bit as the unsuspecting wait was dropped ungracefully into her hand. She nervously jerked her head away from the flaming tip. She contained a yelp feeling Ginta pull at her arm again to stand between him and Hakkaku next to the teepee of wood. Her eyes awkwardly flickered between the two not really sure of what to do or how to act. Hakkaku appeared to take on the position of priest and began to recite something that sounded like a sermon in a language she didn't understand. Her attention went to Ginta who she noticed was now kneeling with his head bowed. She panicked quickly dropping to her knees and mimicking his position. Soon Hakkaku joined them and continued his sermon.

This wasn't right, this wasn't right, this.Was.Not.Right. This wasn't supposed to be happening yet. All burials were held at night, it was just common knowledge of tradition. Ginta didn't like disrespecting Kouga's burial ceremony so blatantly. It felt too much like spitting on his grave. He licked his lips opening his eyes long enough to check on the woman next to him. Thankfully she was following the procedure accordingly. _'Unlike some people…' _He thought glaringly at Hakkaku before closing his eyes again.

Kagome's eyes' opened as the chanting stopped. She cautiously looked around relieved to see that the other's had done the same. She was ready to close her eyes again when Hakkaku resumed speaking but it appeared to be a finishing statement and she never got the chance. She watched the two for some sort of movement to figure out what she was supposed to do. Something out of her peripheral vision caught her eye and she turned to Hakkaku in time to see him toss his torch into the teepee. A small twinge of horror alighted in her heart seeing the fire explode around the wood and envelope Kouga's wrapped figure. She swallowed and held her hand out to do the same but for some reason she couldn't will her fingers to let go. She had already caused him so much pain, how could she do it again to his body? _'He's gone, he won't feel it, he's gone, he won't feel it…'_ Unfortunately all her little mantra did was allow the torch to slip through her fingers long enough to soar into the wood pile, but it didn't quell the feelings of betrayal in her heart. This wasn't right. The sight of Kouga's body alight with that horrible fire did things to her stomach she couldn't even think about. She couldn't stand this. The death, the burning, the hate, the regret. This was hell. She was a fallen angel in hell. No, this wasn't hell. She would welcome the deserving punishment that would ease her self hatred. No, she was an undeserving demon in heaven.

Two down and one to go. Now it was Ginta's turn. He watched in horror as the thickening flames licked and danced seductively around his leader's body. Sweat poured down his frame and his breath quickened. He couldn't do it. He couldn't sign his den brother's death certificate. He wouldn't, he wouldn't, he wouldn't.

"Ginta."

He heard Hakkaku's voice but his brain didn't register it the flames engulfing his vision.

"Ginta." Hakkaku said for firmly.

He wasn't listening, already enraptured with the steadily growing fire. It was like watching murder, too terrified to do anything but too captivated to look away.

"Ginta!" Hakkaku snarled.

Ginta instantly clenched his eyes shut looking away as he tossed his own torch into the fire, making it burst with the added fuel it needed to grow. There, he had done it. The devil had pricked his finger and forced his signature on Kouga's death contract. Ginta's head fell into his hands and he once more fought against the hysteria that threatened to take him over.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He stayed in his kneeling position long after Hakkaku had given his excuse and left into the mountains. He would have felt completely alone had it not been for Kagome's remaining presence. He didn't raise his head from his hands but felt his body grow somewhat colder signaling that the flames where beginning to die. He finally looked up from his hands, but he did not see Kagome. Instead he saw orange fade into a midnight blue.

The sun was just beginning to set……

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okie dokie, part III is all done! Sorry it took so long, I've been gone for a while.

Chapter IV-

Sorry, no summary for chapter 4 ; its super late and I haven't gotten the chance to work on it…..


	4. Bad Things

I'm not sure why, but FF.net keeps cutting off my stories and I have to keep re-uploading 'em. Its kinda pissing me off, so I'm sorry if one day you go to read this and its cut off, I promise I didn't just stop there. N.E.wayz, here's Chapter 5, read, review, and enjoy.

The deni pie

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter IV – B a d  T h i n g s

_You're like me  
We're both alone  
What's the problem  
I don't know  
We're the same height  
The same eyes  
But you can't borrow my clothes all the time  
Bad things  
Dead things  
Sad things have to happen  
Sometimes  
I let the snow  
Melt in my mouth  
Until my head hurts  
Until I'm out  
Makes me laugh a bit  
Makes me cry  
Same way you confuse me all the time  
Bad things  
Dead things  
Sad things have to happen_

_Sometimes….._

_'Dead Things' – Emiliana Torrini_

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

          Liar! Her mouth was full of nothing but lies! InuYasha growled sniffing urgently around the well. He snarled, his claws digging into the offending well. The little witch! A certain scent wafted through his nostrils sending doubt through his mind. InuYasha leaned forward further into the well using his knees to keep him from falling in completely. Perhaps she hadn't _completely_ lied to him, then. Her scent went straight down the well, but it also spread into the forest with the familiar smell of wolf. He had always detested that odor. A rumble began to emit through his chest, his eyes scanning the forest that hid her trail. He'd teach her to lie to him. He thought angrily leaping into a tree ready to take off and hunt the young miko down.

_'Osuwari! And don't you dare follow me!'___

Damn. InuYasha hesitated, pondering the vitality of her previous declaration. Was she really willing to fight with him over that issue? He cursed sitting down on the cradling branch. Even dead the mangy wolf still couldn't take a hint and let Kagome go. A dull vibration resided in his throat ready to emit as his thoughts turned to a rather upsetting subject. Many others had suffered at the hands of Naraku. Sango's brother, Sango's _village_, Miroku and his family, the entire wolf tribe, and possibly hundreds of other victims he didn't even know about. Yet did anyone see Kagome running off declaring life debt to any of them? …Yes……oh, wait, no, cross that, definitely not. What made the wolf cur's case any different? Had Kagome retained feelings for him that she hadn't let on?

            InuYasha frowned crossing his arms over his chest in consideration. He had always measured Kouga to be a threat, but Kami help him if he'd ever admit it out loud. Kouga had status, and was generally accepted by the youkai population. He could possibly provide for her in ways that InuYasha could not. On the other hand, Kagome _did_ come from 500 years in the future, _no one_ in the Sengoku Jidai could possibly provide for her in the ways that she was used to. The thought gave him somewhat of a cold comfort, although he himself also resided in that certain category of the providably impaired.

            Thinking of the future brought him to the matter of where his own was headed. Well, _their_ own, anyway. If Kagome held feelings for the wolf prince, then why did she stay with him and the others? Was it because of her obligation to complete the shikon no tama, since she _was_ in part responsible for it breaking in the first place? If so then what would happen now that her debt was paid? Would she go back to her own era? If that's what she intended to do then why did she go with the other wolf? So many questions swam through InuYasha's mind he wasn't sure which to deal with first.  He looked off into whatever part of the horizon the forest allowed him to see. What was she doing right now? InuYasha scowled gripping the branch he sat on harder. Well he was just going to find out.

_'If Kikyo was put to rest do you think I wouldn't let you bury her?!'_

The hanyou paused in mid lunge still grasping the tree limb. He stopped, slowly settling himself back into his previous position. Maybe he should leave her be…for now. He would find her tomorrow. InuYasha thought with an air of finality. "I'll just find her tomorrow, didn't want to listen to her mouth anyway…" he grumbled huffily. The words could come from his mind, the words could come from his mouth, but nothing would subdue the unease in his chest.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            __

"..Ginta?"

"…..Daijoubu, Ginta?"

            His incessant and total lack of response was beginning to get to her. Kagome sat on her feet watching his profile carefully. He didn't seem to hear anything she was saying. Her arm reached out, her hand hovering over his shoulder, so close but so hesitant to make contact. Setting her face in determination her hand descended onto his shoulder.

"Ginta-"

            Kagome was cut off by the wolf's sudden jerk to his feet. She looked up at him in surprise watching his body tense in restrained fury. An erratic looking pivot sent his back to her and Kagome watched as Ginta made his way towards the mountain caves in the direction Hakkaku had taken. The call to ask where exactly he was going hung on her lips but refused to pass them. She bit back her comment on his curious behavior and remained where she was. Her attention turned toward the horizon watching the last rays of sunlight begin to give way to the night. She cringed seeing what remained of the burial fire caught in the winds' current and fade into the discolored sky. 'Those are Kouga's ashes….' She thought observing the fine black cinders in awe doing their own morbid ballet with the breeze. It was strange, she had expected a strong discomfort to come over her at being left with the remains of the man that had loved her so. But no such feelings came, oddly enough she felt serene and at ease. Almost as though Kouga himself was telling her it would be okay, maybe even giving her his own form of forgiveness. Kagome closed her eyes calmly letting the wind play with her hair. When she opened them the sky seemed dimmer than it had been, and the air was growing cold.  Kagome bit her lip nervously wondering if she should head for the caves as well or if Ginta would bother to come and get her.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            The sound of thumping footsteps alerted him to his friend's aggravated approach. As they grew closure so the thumping grew louder.

"Hakkaku!"

            The said youkai didn't stop his spelunking deeper into the darkening caves. "hm?" He responded distractedly.

            Ginta caught up with him grabbing the other wolf's arm, trying his best to contain the violence in his grasp. "Th-That ceremony, it……it wasn't right!" He struggled for the words to describe the awkward feelings of having done something wrong, as though something wasn't quite right and now everything was out of place.

"It was all we could perform with the time we had, Ginta." Hakkaku replied firmly.

"Hakkaku it was wrong! And you know it!"

            Hakkaku abruptly turned to Ginta his teeth gritting in the darkness. "I didn't hear you stepping up!"

"We've never done such an inappropriate burial for any other of our clan yet_ this_ is what we give _Kouga_!?"

"What do you want from me, Ginta?! I did what I could, we couldn't wait for nightfall-"

"So we had to do it out in broad day light where any scavenger can see and pick at his ashes later?! Not only that, now no other tribes even _know_ of his passing! So good job Hakkaku, his memory leaves with us!" His voice gradually grew louder and the anger he tried so hard to contain steadily spilt into his rant.

"We couldn't wait for nightfall" Hakkaku continued "-oh wait, no, correction._ I_ couldn't wait for nightfall because _I_ need all the strength I can get for the journey _I'll_ be going on tomorrow! That's right Ginta! While _you_ stay in your little bubble of bliss and ignorance, _I_ have to search for another clan so Kouga's name _won't _be forgotten! Summer's here and no doubt most tribes will be splitting to go hunt to feed the spring pups! But you didn't think about that _did_ you?! So you can go ahead and live in your little world where everything is perfect, where the sun never sets, the winter never comes, and Kouga _isn't_ dead. But for the rest of us I have to do what he never got to."

            Ginta stood there taken back. His eyes wide and his fingers twitching. Had his friend really changed so much in so little time? Ginta's eyes narrowed his body going as taunt as a bow string. "BASTARD!" He screamed lunging at Hakkaku.

            Hakkaku could do nothing, Ginta's sudden attack too unexpected, as his body was slammed into the cold stone ground behind him. He grunted upon impact quickly regaining his senses to fight back at the raging youkai on top of him.

            They grunted, snarled, bit, clawed, and bled as they wrestled each other for dominance. The two tumbled through the caves not caring where they ended up just as long as one bled more than the other. It was almost like old times when they playfully wrestled each other to chase away the boredom, only now the playful wrestling became vicious and brutal.

            Normally Ginta and Hakkaku were equal matches for each other, but now Ginta's rage maddened him, handicapping his usually calculated attacks and battle sense. He bit and struck like a temperamental child having a fit. As they toppled through the cave eventually Hakkaku was able to gain the upper hand and pin a snarling Ginta to ground. He panted straddling the other's lower back forcefully digging his elbow into Ginta's back the other arm slung across the back of the other wolf's neck keeping him down. Hakkaku tried to gain control of himself as Ginta seemed to have lost his. The other youkai struggled violently foaming at the mouth desperately snapping at him like a wild thing.

            Hakkaku growled grabbing Ginta by the back of the head and slamming his face in to the cold stone. Exhausted, he slowly rose to his feet stumbling a bit and spitting bloody saliva on the ground away from them. On leg swung away from the subdued youkai and Hakkaku stepped away. Ginta coughed on choking blood before mimicking Hakkaku and spitting it out. He rose on the palm of his hand the other darting up in an attempt to repress the rapidly escalating pain in his forehead and nose. Blood gushed from his swelling nostrils like a grotesque Greek fountain. It was no doubt broken, Hakkaku thought watching the other youkai gently pet the searing body part trying to control the throbbing ache.

"I'm leaving in the morning, I'll check the caves and then you and Nee-san can come in. After I leave stay with her until I come back. Hopefully we'll have a new tribe to come back to." Hakkaku tried to work the cold indifference into this voice but it came out sounding defeated and regretful.

            Ginta glared up at him with uncontained malice out of the corner of his eyes from his hunched position on the ground. "I'm not your bitch." He hissed spitefully before rudely spitting more blood onto the floor by Hakkaku's feet.

            Hakkaku sighed turning back into the caves and limping his way back to his task.

            With that said and done Ginta turned his attention back to his own problems. He was covered in scratches and bruises, but worst off were his forehead and nose. His hand not occupied with cradling his gushing nostrils rose to his forehead touching his fingers to it tenderly. With a violent hiss of pain the offending hand was immediately extracted and sent to aid the other in catching the red liquid oozing from his nose. He went to hold his head back hesitating as an aiding memory came to him.

_---flashback---_

_            Blood dripped all the way from where the cause of it happened to hopefully the end of it was to be. A chibi Ginta raced cupping his small hands over his nose trying unsuccessfully to retain the pouring liquid. He skidded to a halt when he reached a small stream. Falling to his knees the little wolf hurriedly forced his head under water cringing as the icy current assaulted his injured cartilage. He hadn't been in the position for long before he felt a slender but firm hand grab the back of his head and pull him up. His lip was instantly bit to retain the cry of pain as his swelling nose was abruptly extracted from the numbing effects of the water. He tried his best to turn his head only to be greeted by a pair of eyes the same color as the stream._

_"What are you doing?" The eyes asked with a mixture of austerity and gentleness._

_            The hand released his head but the fingers stayed threaded through his short two toned locks. Ginta drew back enough to see the full length of his mother, Niroki, staring down at him. Her thick white hair was pulled from her face in a loose ponytail while two black locks fell to brush against her high cheek bones. Her brows knit in concern her face coming closer to his to inspect him. _

_"I smelt the blood and came to find you. What happened?" She asked with the same amount of firmness but Ginta could still see the maternal concern behind her almond shaped eyes._

_"We were wrestling outside the den but there were too many of us and I got kicked off the mountain." His little boy voice explained his hands still holding his nose._

_            His mother frowned seemingly unsatisfied with his explanation. "Who kicked you off?"_

_"Kouga, but it was an accident." _

_            She nodded her fingers tensing in his hair in contemplation. It was the alpha male's son so she couldn't really do anything serious about it, plus it was just pup play so in itself it was nothing major. "What were you doing out of the den?" The firmness in her voice promising punishment if it was an answer she didn't approve of. _

_            Ginta nervously looked around taking on the appearance of twitching that he usually wore. "The den was stuffy, and we started daring each other to go out, the ones that didn't leave were made fun of."_

_            His mother's frown deepened and Ginta panicked for an explanation that would appease her._

_"They started making fun of me! Th-they called me a female, Okaa-san! I had to leave or get teased by everyone else! And I'm not a female! I'm a male and I'm gonna be a strong warrior some day just like 'Tou-san was!" He exclaimed looking pleadingly up at her as he clutched his mother's gray fur wrap skirt._

_            Niroki observed her son with her calculating gaze contemplating whether his justification was acceptable or not. She sighed approving of it letting her fingers run through hair that imitated her own. There was nothing she could do really. Males would be males and it was a 'get pressured into running with the pack or go against it and get teased and alienated' society. She supposed she should be somewhat proud, in an odd way. Her son was young and obviously afraid of leaving the den without any sort of supervision, but he had faced his fear and done it anyway. Though she doubted he would ever be a great warrior, not like his father had been, Ginta had always been a rather fearful cub, and he was more than likely to be the same way when he reached adulthood. Her attention turned away from her son now thinking of her mate and his father. A scowl smeared over her face as her reflection stare up at her from its place in the stream. The damned Gokurakuchou had been evil bastards, using the lowest war trick of killing off females and cubs to stop their enemy from repopulating. Her mate, Jakobi, had fought with the rest when trying to save the nursery den. She had been the lucky few who got out, and with her pup no less. It had truly been a miracle, but kami takes a penance for every miracle he gives. Jakobi never returned, there weren't even enough remains of him to hold a proper burial ceremony. Now the tribe was left with fewer females, it was now a more or less 5 males to 1 female ratio. If more females weren't born this spring it looked as though the clan may have to resort to polygamy to repopulate. Niroki tensed, she had hoped it would never come to that. She had seen a few tribes that had been reduced too that and it was a miserable sight. She wanted her son to have a mate of his very own and not have to suffer the heart break of having to share. A yelp of pain brought her out of her reverie_

_            Niroki turned to look down at the small cub whose hair she had been gripping too tightly. Her eyes spoke of apologies and she relaxed her fingers to once again gently run through his short locks. Her thighs were beginning to feel wet and she frowned looking down at her now red stained fur wrap. Ginta held his hands closer to his nose obviously struggling to contain the blood still running down his upper lip._

_            A sigh broke the calm silence that had cascaded over the air. Niroki released him long enough to rip a piece of cloth from the bottom of her shirt. She dipped half of the long strip in the water leaving the other half dry to wipe away the diluted blood. Ginta reached a little arm out, the other still protectively guarding his nose, taking away the cloth and covering his pouring nostrils with it. He slowly tilted his head back so the rest of the blood would no longer run down the bottom half of his face._

_"What're you doing?! Don't do that!" Niroki snapped once again taking her son's head in her hand to tilt his head back down._

_            Ginta looked at her in surprise. "Hakkaku's mother told me that's what you do when you have a bloody nose-"_

_"Hakkaku's mother is an air headed fool, and you can tell her I said that." She interrupted, saying the last part as more of an afterthought. Seeing his eyes widen at her callousness softened her tone a little. "If you tilt you head back you end up swallowing your own blood and could possibly choke. Either way, it only leads to a mess I'll be cleaning up anyway. You don't want to stop the blood from flowing, tilt your head forward and blow if you can, old dried blood may be blocking the flow and you'll end up swallowing the rest." She instructed._

_            The little wolf did as he was told, drooping his head forward to let his pouring nose stain the grass. He took a breath and blew out as hard as he could. And surprisingly it worked, within a minute or two his nose no longer oozed the thick red liquid, granted it was a little stuffy and crusty; but that could be taken care of. His mother took the rag from him, re-dipping the damp half and bringing it up to wipe the crusted red stains from his nose, lips, and chin. Soon Ginta was clean again and Niroki softly scrubbed the reddened water away with the drier half of the cloth._

_            After that was done she drew back taking his chin in her hands, turning his head this way and that to inspect her work. It obviously met her approval because with a curt nod she stood expecting her son to automatically imitate her. As always, he did. The youngster rose to his feet catching up with his mother that had paused to wait for him. He quickly caught up reaching up to grasp her clawed hand in his smaller one.___

_"I'm not going to say 'don't leave the den again without my permission.' Because I know you'll be talked into doing it again anyway. But next time you wrestle or someone kicks you, sink your claws into his foot or some other appendage. That way if you go down you're damn well taking him with you."_

_"Hai!"_

_---end flash back---_

            Ginta hesitated, his head in mid tilt before bending over the ground and dropping his head, letting the blood pour to the floor. _'Mom knows best...'_ He thought letting the wave of nostalgia pass over him. And sure enough, the growing stains on the ground went stagnant with the halting flow of blood. With that, he blew a little afterwards bringing his arm up to his face to use it as a makeshift tissue.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            _Completely_ useless. That's exactly what he was. InuYasha for all his faults at least remembered, and was quite punctual at that, to pick her up. _This_ sorry excuse for a youkai however…..that was a completely different story. Kagome paused her deadly thoughts long enough to let out a delicate sneeze. Once that interruption was over she allowed her teeth to continue chattering and her arms to continue rubbing her arms up and down to ward off the growing goose bumps. _'baka Ginta!' _Kagome glowered trying to focus on anything else other than the cold. Why did her dress have to have such small straps? She'd do anything for a nice winter coat right about now. How was she supposed to know mountainous areas got particularly cold at night?

            It wasn't the first time nor would it be the last time that she would wish back her long flowing hair. At least it would have kept her back warm. What were they doing in there?! The only thing keeping Kagome from running in there was her respect for other people's privacy…….that and she didn't think she could take the awkwardness if she were to walk in on Ginta and Hakkaku fighting, particularly if the subject of argument involved her. _'Ok, that's it! I don't care if they're doing it like crazy in there, if he's not out here within the next five minutes I'm going in whether they're ready for me or not!' _She thought somewhat surprised at the unaccustomed raunchiness of her thoughts. _'ew…..they aren't really………..are they? They do hold each other an awful lot…. Kagome stop it! Just start counting!' _

            She shook her head free of the turn her thoughts had taken. Her eyes narrowed counting down 60 seconds with each minute in her head. Her attention stayed on her task only occasionally looking up at the cave's entrance. _'Ok Ginta, you better get your furry butt out here in 10, 9, 8, 7-'_

"Are you still out here?"

            Her gaze flickered up just in time to see Ginta cock his head at her curiously. _'Am-am I still _out_ here!?'_ She thought staring up at him as if he were the one who had lost his mind.

"Nee-san it's getting cold, the mountains have caves for a reason, ya know." He explained to her as if she were two.

            Kagome glared at him jumping to her feet. "I know! I'm not stupid!" She growled stomping past him knocking his shoulder as she went.

"Ite! I didn't say you were!" The wolf easily caught up with her rubbing his shoulder pitifully.

            The angry girl paid no attention to his pathetic explanations leaving her original plan of ignoring him to death only to spare him a glare that promised things of badness. Ginta simply gave her his own weary glances as if waiting for her to pounce on him at any moment. Suddenly she came to a complete stop crossing her arms and tapping her heeled foot impatiently, it would have made a rather annoying ticking sound had it not met with soft grass and dirt. Ginta just stopped with her, staring at her and waiting for her to do something. Kagome rolled her eyes irritably at the clueless expression he was giving her.

"Well?!" She snapped.

"Well what?" He asked innocently.

            Kagome grumbled bringing a hand up to rub her temples. She had been waiting outside for an hour and a half in the dark, in the cold, in the _very_ open field where any youkai could just swoop in on her, _just_ so he could get whatever it was that was frustrating him off his chest. And for what? Absolutely. _Nothing_. Kagome brought her hand up and slapped the hard rock of the mountain cliffs.

"_This_, Ginta! I can't climb _this_! Now just take me to where we're staying." Now it was her who was talking to him as if he were a two year old, retarded, foreigner who didn't speak Japanese.

"Oh. Ok, we're staying in that cave up there." He said appearing not to notice her condescending tone.

            She followed his pointing finger up to a light that was radiating from a slab of plateau jutting out of the side of the cliff, which she could only guess led to the cave in question. With a quick nod of approval she walked behind him forcibly jumping onto his back. Ginta let out a yip at the unexpected attack.

"Baka! I need you to carry me up there, I can't do it myself." She scolded.

            The youkai swallowed and nodded in understanding. He crouched to gain leverage before springing up the side of the mountain. Kagome gasped gripping his torso tighter with her legs. Her eyes clenched shut and her teeth gritted together _'dontlookdowndontlookdowndontlookdowndontlookdowndontlookdown'_ She chanted in her head. But of course as all the cartoons around the world have repeatedly demonstrated, this method never works and never keeps the character from looking down even though he knows he's going to fall when he does. Kagome cold no longer contain herself and squinted one eye barely open, her iris peering down to take a peek at what lay below. No matter how many times she had ridden on InuYasha's back, no matter how high he had flown before, nothing really prepared her for the sight that lay below while her body jarred with every leap off the cliff Ginta used for momentum.

            The said wolf let out a strangled sound as the arms around his shoulders rose to his neck and clutched him in a breath taking grip. He coughed, his eyes bulging at the feeling of every blood cell in his body taking a u-turn and rushing to his head. "N-nee-san (wheeze) loosen your grip, please." He managed to choke out.

"Are you kidding?! Do you have any idea how high up we are?! You can't fly can you?! Oh kami you can't fly! So basically we die-or rather_ I_ die if you fall?!" Kagome hyperventilated.

"We _both_ will if you don't stop strangling me!" He wheezed.

            She nodded, more to calm herself than to agree with Ginta. True to her word she loosened her grip and snaked her hands through his arms to reach up on the other side and clutch his shoulders. Her cheek crushed itself against his back and her eyes resumed their position of a bracing clench.

_'I don't wanna die!'_

"Nee-san?"

_'I know, I know, all guardians of the shikon no tama should face their fate with honor but for kami's sake I'm only 17! I'm still a minor, isn't there a rule against minors facing their fate with honor before they're legal?'_

_"Nee-san."_

_'This new life can't be _so_ miserable. I mean I'm sure I can make due with Ginta who may possibly be the only person I'll be seeing for the rest of my life. But hey, at least I'll be able to _say_ 'the rest of my_ life'_._'

"Nee-san!"

"Huh?" Kagome cracked her eyes open to find herself staring at what appeared to be orange stone.

"We're here. You can let go now." Ginta said releasing her legs.

"Oh." She replied dumbly letting him go sliding down the back of his body to plop onto her rear. Kagome looked around, a fire was set and going in the middle of the floor reflecting off the stone walls, the cave was thankfully wide and extended far into the darkness where the fire's light couldn't reach it. "It's warm in here…" Yet another scholarly statement of the obvious.

"Hai, the fire's been burning for a while. You should have told me you were planning on staying out there or I would have called you in."

            The roller coaster of emotions and urges she was feeling was amazing. One minute she had to call upon all of her miko powers of peace and love for all just to keep from slapping his fangs out, the next she was trying to ride out the adrenaline rush while being thankful that Ginta at least got the place ready for her, and another minute later she was back to the calling of the miko code of peace and love for all creatures to keep from tearing his sorry youkai hide apart piece by piece. It was fascinating, really. She settled for the nice compromise of dazedly slumping to the floor. She closed her eyes trying again to ride the emotional roller coaster before opening them again. It was then that she noticed the fire light flickering off something large and sort of yellow looking that was laying beside a pile of sticks and logs.

"Is that my back pack?"

            Ginta looked up from his task of fueling their small bon fire. His gaze shifted to where she was staring. "Oh, hai. I brought it up a few minutes before I came and got you. I was going to ask what you were doing out there sooner but you seemed to be concentrating on something so I left you alone for a little longer." He explained going back to shifting the logs around in the pit.

            Her mouth dropped and she stared at him as though he had just admitted to having a secret love affair with Shippou. _'I was concentrating on counting out how long it would take you to get your useless hide out there! I swear I-No Kagome, peace and love for all, peace and love for all.'_  Her eyes glared daggers at his oblivious side but decided to leave him be. For now anyway. She groaned as her still tensed muscles urged her not to move. She steadily crawled over to sit opposite of Ginta by the fire. Her hands again snaked up her arms to rub the fading goose bumps away. "So what's going on?"

"Hm?" Ginta asked turning his attention to her.

"What's going to happen? To you, to me, to Hakkaku, to all of us. Where is Hakkaku anyway?"

            Ginta gave a little shrug. "Hakkaku's going out tomorrow. He has to leave as soon as he can to catch the tribes before they leave for their hunting season. We're supposed to stay here until he returns."

            Kagome watched the scowl take over Ginta's impish face at the mention of Hakkaku. She brushed it off to save for another day. "So how long will that take?"

"I'm not sure. He should be back around winter, I guess."

"Why winter?"

"He doesn't really have any other choice, tribe or no. If he doesn't find one with an alpha male he can take then he has to come back or he'll freeze with no shelter for the winter. If he does find a pack and manages to become the new leader then he'll come back so _we _won't freeze."

"Why would _we_ freeze? We're not preparing for winter or something?"

"No, we'll gather the food and fix the cave up, but trust me, it's much easier to survive the winter in a pack than it is alone."

"Oh, I suppose you're right. But where's Hakkaku now? He didn't leave already, did he?"

"Iie, he's checking the caves for any youkai that decided to move in while we were gone."

"Are there a lot of caves?"

"This mountain held an entire tribe of wolf youkai, so there had better be."

            Kagome nodded feeling a little dumb. Well that certainly made sense. No more questions came to her and she settled herself in the silence that swept over the cave. The tension around Ginta lessened a little; but she couldn't help but feel that he forced himself to act normal around her. Which would make sense, he was practically being forced to watch over her and stay with her regardless of his own less than loving feelings towards her. _'How heroic, he's sacrificing his own feelings for the better good…' _Kagome thought bitterly. In all actuality she knew she had no right to be bitter about him forcing himself to be civil towards her. Even she didn't forgive herself, so how could she expect Ginta to do so. _'I hate myself for this and I only knew Kouga for two years, Ginta knew him his entire life, imagine all the things he must feel now. Roles reversed I'd rather freeze outside than be in the same room with the person that had a hand in killing my best friend.' _

            For the sake of thought Kagome tried to picture how exactly she would feel had the wolf had a hand in Sango, Miroku, Shippo, or even InuYasha's death. A sick feeling sloshed in her stomach. She really had no idea how he was restraining himself from taking his anger out on her or at least cutting off any biting remarks _she'd_ certainly be making in his position. Thinking about it again brought back the same feelings of self disgust and guilt she'd been feeling since it had happened. _'And it's only been two days…..'_ She thought mournfully. Time was said to heal all wounds, and time was said to fly when one was having fun. Well, she was miserable managing the wounds that time would probably take forever to heal. Kagome suddenly missed being outside, feeling angry, climbing the cliff and feeling scared. It was better than being calm and feeling wretched. When you're calm it gives your thoughts space to run through your mind. And right now she didn't want her thoughts to wander to wounds that were still too tender to pick at.

            Her attention was taken away to a dull pain in her tail bone. Kagome grimaced looking down at whatever was abusing her sensitive backside. Unfortunately she saw nothing but cold stone ground. Cold, _stone_, ground, of course, what did she expect? A cave made of pillows and cotton candy? She frowned rubbing her sore body part. Why couldn't another shikon no tama magically appear so she could actually wish for a cave made of pillows and cotton candy. It solved both the discomfort _and_ the hunger problem. Her gaze flickered over to the log pile. _'You've gotta make do with what you've got.' _She decided.

Her tailbone sang gratefully as she got up making her way over to the pile and dragging a rather heavy log from it back to her sitting spot. _'See, Kagome? You can be innovative!' _She thought appraisingly. This wouldn't be so bad….

"Were you ever actually planning on becoming Kouga's mate?"

            Or it would be horrible, either way. Kagome blanched, had she been chewing or swallowing anything she would have choked and been thankful for it. "Where did _that _come from?" How could he expect her to answer a question like that? It was like an attack coming out of the clear blue nothing!

            Ginta shrugged looking nonchalantly into the fire. "I was just thinking about it. I mean, Hakkaku and I always cheered Kouga on. We always thought he had a winning chance. You two were a good match. The tribe respected and generally liked you, Kouga…..well we all know what Kouga felt. But what about you? What would you have done after Naraku, had……it not turned out the way it did." Ginta stopped himself from saying 'had Kouga not been killed.'

            Well she couldn't say she didn't have it coming. InuYasha accused her of wanting to run away with the wolf prince all the time, something similar was bound to come up with Ginta or Hakkaku too. She let out a defeated breath resting her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands. "I'm not sure what I would have done…."

"So you would have gone with InuYasha." The vindication she had expected to be in his voice was strangely absent from that comment.

            Kagome thought about it, her eyes widening a fraction at coming to the conclusion that oddly enough, she truly didn't know what would have happened at the end of their journey. Had it not turned out the way it did, of course. "I-I really don't know. I remember thinking the same thing before the whole final battle, ya know? But every time I did, I didn't really see it in the Sengoku Jidai at all. I always saw my future going home, back to my own time. I had usually been able to see being with InuYasha, but….its just so complicated. I doubt he'll ever be able to really let go of his feelings for Kikyou, and that already complicates things enough and then you add him living 500 years in the past into the mix and…………..it just seems really stressful. I love the Sengoku Jidai, don't get me wrong, I do. Its so much simpler here, if I were here I'd probably already qualify as a genius with schooling I took in my time! And it's definitely more refreshing, it doesn't have all the buildings and pollution my time has. It's hard enough finding a normal tree there, here forests are a dime a dozen!" Kagome laughed a bit then became calm and serene, her eyes seemed to fade, like she were remembering something wonderful. "But home, some people say home is where the heart is. And my heart will always be with my family, and they're in the future. I love the Sengoku Jidai, but I will always belong in my own time, with my own family and my own…..my own _reality_! These two places are just so different. My era, even with all the buildings, pollution, and lack of trees, it's what I grew up with, it's all I knew. I guess I always saw myself returning, no matter what happened between me and InuYasha,……or between me and Kouga for that matter."

            Ginta paused, letting all she had said sink in. It _did_ answer his question and then it didn't. She never said directly whether Kouga was even in running for her, but she had said that no matter who _was_ in the running, that home would always come first. And she would have eventually returned. So what exactly did that mean? He did his best to shake off the confusion the torrent of questions was causing him. "If your home means that much to you then why are you still here?"

            Kagome was silent for what seemed like forever before responding. "I owe something to Kouga. He,…he gave so much, and looking back on it I don't think I really gave enough back. Kind of like a life debt thing. If went home I wouldn't be happy. I wouldn't be happy with Kouga's blood lying on my heart. I thought that maybe if I did what you said and did this, that I'd be able to wipe it clean. That my stomach wouldn't decay with guilt and self loathing every time I'm reminded of what happened."

            The silence that once possessed the room invaded it again. Ginta sat there, he had always held respect for the girl across from him. She always felt honor bound to anyone in need of help. Whether it be saving Kouga from dying after almost killing InuYasha or keeping him from being eaten by a Gokurakuchou, she never turned away from her obligations. He didn't hate her. Not really.

"Did you know if you hold your head down when you have a bloody nose that it'll make it stop faster?"

            Kagome looked up from her lost position in her thoughts not commenting on the second out of the blue comment Ginta decided to make. "Really? I thought you were supposed to hold your head _back_."

"No, that only makes you swallow and choke on your own blood."

"Oh. Ew."

"Yeah." He nodded in agreement returning to staring at the fire. Silence only swallowed the room for a little while before spitting it back out again.

"Did I ever tell you about my cat?" This time it was Kagome with the totally random statement.

            The wolf turned to her and shook his head. "No, didn't even know you had one."

"Yep, his name's Buyo. He's huge."

"Hai, cat's can get pretty big if you exercise them right."

            Kagome stared at him for a minute not really understanding where he was going with that comment before realizing it was him that didn't understand. "Oh, no, no exercise, he's just fat."

"Why would you want a fat cat?"

"He was already fat when I got him. I got him when I was eight and haven't stopped feeding him since."

"I don't think that's healthy."

"That's what Okaa-san said, but he doesn't seem to mind. He's as big as a bowling ball now." She caught his confused stare. "Yeah, you wouldn't know what a bowling ball is, ummmm ok lets see….he's as big as……..he's as big as that really big rock over there."

            Ginta followed her pointing hand to see a random rock that lay among other smaller rocks and pebbles. It was indeed the size of what would later be known as a bowling ball. "Why would you let your cat get that big?"

"I guess it's similar being addicted to drugs. I fed him a lot once and when I don't feed him the same amount it's like he goes through withdrawal. He gets really irritable and will start tearing at everything, like my ankles for instance, and then he'll get really hyper and just dart around the house for absolutely no reason. But when he gets fed he's back to being his sweet cuddly self."

"I still don't think your cat's very healthy."

"Well he's lived for nine years, and since cats age nine times faster than humans that would make him 81. So at least I've been doing _something_ right."

            Ginta nodded not really knowing how to respond to that. He reached out grabbing a random stick and began lazily poking at the fire. He rested his free elbow on his knees and his chin in his hand imitating Kagome's own posture.

"I've thought about it."

            His gaze flickered up to her face.

" 'bout what?"

            Kagome looked away her hand coming up to cover her face as if she were gossiping at a slumber party.

            He couldn't hear a thing even with his youkai hearing but her mumbling gibberish. "What?"

"I said I've thought about what it would be like to be with Kouga." She said quickly slurring her speech, wondering if he even understood her rapid talk at all. At the sound of nothing she hesitantly turned only to be met by two black pupils and two grey irises all rolled up into two tiny dots in a sea of white. She recoiled in fright almost falling off the log at finding Ginta directly in her face and half on top of her at that. So he had apparently heard her loud and clear. She doubted even Kouga himself could've gotten that close to her that fast. "What's the matter with you!?" She tried her best to scold him but it only came out as a high pitched squeak.

"You've thought of being with him? How did you think of being him? Did you think of being with him as in mating? What did you picture he'd be like? I've known him for a long time I might be able to help you out! How much did you think of him? What did you think about exactly?!"

            With each blurred question he seemed to come closer and closer to her face forcing her to lean back further and further causing the discomfort in her spine to obviously rise higher and higher. She was immediately reminded of the time she had admitted to Eri and Yuka that Hojou was handsome. They had been on her faster than starving hyenas in an all you can eat steak buffet. "Get away from me, you psycho!" She exclaimed huffily placing a hand on his chest to push him off her. Unfortunately he would only be moved so far. He fell back to his kneeling position which Kagome noted was directly between her legs, his hands positioned on the log on either side of her ready to shove himself in her face again if she spilled another juicy detail. She watched him uneasily as he stared up at her, eyes wide in uncontainable anticipation, like a fat kid at the opening of a new candy shop.

"Well?" He asked, Kagome could practically see his entire body vibrating in suspense.

"I'm not saying a word if you're going to pounce on me at the first syllable that comes out of my mouth." She warned.

"I promise, I promise, now continue!" He whined shaking the log impatiently.

            Kagome glowered at him when her body shook back and forth with her trembling seat. "It's probably not what you think it is anyway-"

"I don't care!!" He urged, once again shaking her abused log.

"Stop that!" She scolded slapping at his hand. The hands left the log only to come to her dress and begin tugging there.

"Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me!" He repeated anxiously.

            She groaned rubbing her temples. This was such a mistake. She pushed at his shoulders urging him out of her 'Kagome Bubble of Personal Space'. "Fine, but don't be disappointed if it's not what you think it is."

            He scooted back as far as he could without being burned by the fire at his back. "I won't I promise!" He exclaimed looking at her for all the world like a child about to be told what his parents got him for Christmas.

            Kagome rolled her eyes but couldn't be angry at the face he was presenting her. "What do you want to know?"

            She didn't really expect the list to come at her again. "How did you think of being him? Did you think of being with him as in mating? What did you picture he'd be like? How much did you think of him? What did you think about exactly?!"

            Her mouth opened to answer the first question but closed not knowing exactly how to answer it. What could she say? She shook her head and continued to the next question finding it just as bad as the first. He didn't really expect her to _answer_ that did he?! The third question she couldn't answer without the second. The fourth was a possibility, and she may be able to do the fifth. She tried to start but everything she came up with just didn't sound right and then she was back to the problem of not knowing how to start. It was no surprise that the only answer she was able to surmise was "Kouga…….was very handsome."

            Ginta stared at her, just looking at her as if his brain simply couldn't process her response. "That's _it?!_ That doesn't answer a thing!"

            Kagome turned her eyes to the ground shyly. "I don't really know how to answer you." When she said she had thought about what being with Kouga would be like she honestly didn't think her thoughts were as bad as whatever Ginta was making them out to be. But now that he was asking the questions she was beginning to second guess herself.

            He sent her a half lidded annoyed look. "Okay, how's this, we'll go slowly. How did you think of being with him?" He did as he promised and asked her slowly, as if she were slow or a child incapable of understanding such a complicated question.

            Kagome ignored his tone and continued to gaze at the floor unable to meet his eyes. "Too broad a question." She rejected.

            The wolf growled resisting the urge to bounce impatiently. "Fine." His mood shifted and his eyes began to twinkle with mischief as he remembered the other questions. "SOoooo,…….did you ever think of mating with him?"

            The suggestive look he gave her left her with the conclusion that the term 'mating' could only mean one thing. She desperately fought the blush staining her cheeks, obviously it was a loosing battle so she retreated to the safe haven of simply turning away hoping her hair would hide her. She seriously didn't think she had thought about that! But of course she could remember a few times in the past, during the night when she couldn't sleep and her thoughts wandered to the wolf prince, that had left her embarrassed, beat red, and fighting off the storm of giggles that would most certainly wake an irritated hanyou as well as everyone else. Really, she was a teenager and only human, it was all those stupid hormones' fault and the bad example Miroku was setting for her hadn't helped any.

            Ginta read her like an open book with related pictures and footnotes. His face lit up like a Christmas tree ready to have a short circuit. "I knew it! You have, haven't you!?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"I'm a teenager! I have hormones that I can't control! I'm allowed to think about that stuff every once in a while! It's not illegal!" She snapped at him.

            He continued, not really paying attention to her outburst. "What did you imagine him to be like? Did you get excited? Did you think he was better than InuYasha? Did you think about…..you know……._girth_?"

            With each passing question Kagome became redder and more mortified. Finally when she couldn't take it anymore she covered her face with her hands snapping her head away from him. "GODS GINTA! SHUT UP!" She shouted.

"Nee-san, you telling me about it would probably be much more innocent than what I'm thinking." He added mischievously.

            He was in her face again and his eyes were twinkling at her in a way that made her feel as though she were in a micro wave set in the savannah. It was then that she noticed something she hadn't thought about before. "I never knew your eyes were grey."

"Huh?" He looked at her a bit startled by the drastic change in subject. Now it was Kagome's turn to get in his face.

"Hai, your irises are so small they always just looked like little black dots. I never even knew you _had_ an iris. Huh, and they're grey too." She was more or less talking to herself not really watching his reaction as she came closer to him squinting her eyes to make out the exact shade of grey. "Did you know the color of your eyes?" She supposed it was a rather dumb question but he may not have known. She doubted he had been exposed to many mirrors, and water wasn't a very good substitute, plus it wasn't likely that anyone else really bothered to get this close to Ginta to do something as menial as examine his eye color.

            Even though she thought it, she was rather surprised so see him shake his head confirming her suspicions.

"Iie, I always figured they were black."

"Yeah me too." She said absentmindedly distracted by her task of still trying to place the exact shade.

"They're really grey?"

"Mm hm."

"Like yours?"

"Mom no, not really, yours are darker."

"Oh." He had to admit that he wasn't quite comfortable with her close proximity. Granted, he had been closer before, such as after the battle with Renkotsu and Ginkotsu they had all but slept on top of each other, much like a normal tribe. But this time was different, Kouga and Hakkaku were not here, and he had never been alone with her before. He was distracted from her thoughts when she decided to continue.

"Ah! I've got it! They're the color of wet stone!" Kagome clapped her hands in victory. She wasn't sure which category of grey 'wet stone' went under, but it was a shade none the less. Again she was obviously talking more to herself then addressing Ginta she noticed, drawing her attention to his confused look. Bringing her hand behind her head she laughed sheepishly. "I thought you'd want to know what they looked like."

"..well, I did. Wet stone, huh?"

"Yep."

"What's wet?"

            Their heads jerked to the side towards the cave entrance at the new voice. There Hakkaku stood walking towards them, his arms carrying a small extra bundle of fire wood.

"Nothing." Kagome answered. "I thought you went to check the caves?"

            Hakkaku dropped the kindle with the rest before walking over to the fire sitting opposite of Kagome and Ginta. "I did, there's a back exit down there" He hooked his thumb behind him indicating the direction. "So I went and got some more fire wood before the summer rains got to 'em first. Then I just went around here."

            Kagome didn't know how to reply so she settled for nodding not as Ginta walked back over to his seat away from her. They all sat there for a while and it wasn't really what she had anticipated hanging out with Hakkaku and Ginta to be like. For one she had expected them to be chatting away, not suffering the uncomfortable silence that seemed to radiate between the two youkai, second……….well there wasn't really a second, the situation just wasn't what she had anticipated. _'Well what did you want, Kagome? A nice little slumber party? Their friend just died, baka!' _Kagome flinched at her mental scolding. It was true though, she couldn't really expect it to be a nice little get together with the stench of death wafting above their heads, now could she?

            She shifted uneasily, could it get any _more_ tense in here? Her eyes flickered between Hakkaku and Ginta taking note of the steady glares they sent each other when they thought the other wasn't looking. _'How mature….'_  She thought sarcastically. It reminded her of the times her and Souta fought when she was younger. _'I guess, Ginta _did_ take out that frustration after all…'_

Ok, that was it, she couldn't stand it anymore. She was not going to go through this for the rest of her time spent with them! It was time to invoke her miko powers of conversation. "So Hakkaku, how long have you had your hair in a Mohawk like that?" Add that was the fruit born from 12 long, hard, years of 8 hour school days, five days a week.

            The wolf's head turned to her at the odd question, he raised a hand to touch his gravity defying spikes. "Ummmm, since I came into adulthood, I guess…."

"Oh, how nice. I really like it. It gives you a bad boy ….kinda ….look….."  Kagome laughed nervously. _'We are now revoking the miko powers of conversation.' _ She let out a defeated breath slumping over her knees. Maybe the silence would get comfortable after a little while.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_'Kagome….'_

_'mmm…'_

_'Kagome……'_

_'mmmmm hmm…?'_

_'Wake up Kagome…'_

_'No..'_

_'Why?'_

_'I can't breath.'_

_'Yes you can. Try.'_

_'……….I'm afraid.'_

_'It will be ok. I will not let anything hurt you.'_

_'O-Okay.'_

_            Kagome hesitantly opened her eyes only to have them flooded with something icy cold. She jolted back turning her head this way and that trying to get her bearings. She opened her mouth to scream, to her horror nothing emitted from her but bubbles of precious air. 'I can't breath!' She shouted grasping at her throat._

_'Ssshh, yes you can. Just take it in.'_

_            Every survival instinct in her body screamed at her not to listen to the voice but her lungs' screams were heard even louder. Kagome opened her mouth as wide as her jaw would allow before gasping for air. To her surprise, the voice was right, she could breath. She quickly began to suck in as much oxygen as she could before releasing it._

_'Better?'_

_Kagome nodded._

_'Good.'_

_            Now that she was sure she could survive her atmosphere, Kagome took the time to look around her and find out exactly where she was. 'Oh sweet Kami, I'm under water. Why am I under water?' She exclaimed breathlessly scanning the marine surroundings. It was a vast waste land of light and deep blue water._

_'Where else would you be?' The voice asked curiously._

_'I-I don't know…' For the life of her she couldn't remember why she had thought anything was wrong. She had always lived and breathed under water, she had always had long green fins in place of legs, she had always had fan like fins for ears, this was all completely normal. So why did something nag at the back of her mind that it wasn't?_

_'__Daijoubu, Kagome?'_

_            The mermaid miko turned her focus to who had spoken to her. It seemed to be an older mermaid, her waist tapered into a long, elegant, obsidian fin, the same color of her fan like ears. She had long white hair that floated around her like oil and black bangs that cascaded away from her eyes. Large shining black eyes stared wondrously at her, there were no irises or whites in her eyes, just large black globes observing her. She felt that she knew the woman but couldn't quite place her. 'Hai, Daijoubu.'_

_            The mermaid didn't seem convinced. With a swish of her fin she drew closer to Kagome, staring into her face she softly tucked a piece of onyx colored hair behind Kagome's ear. 'You ache.'_

_'Hai.'_

_'Dou shite?'_

_'I…I don't know.' Kagome bowed her head, what was wrong with her? Something was nagging at her, something told her that she _did_ ache, but what? And why?_

_'Because of me?' Another voice spoke. This one was different, it was gruff and more masculine. Kagome raised her head and in the woman's place was a merman. He had the same strange eyes as the woman but he was different. Flowing black locks that imitated her own her gathered in a ponytail. A brown bandana wound its way around his head suffocating his black bangs. His skin was a mocha color that encased the muscles in his arms and chest._

_'I know you…' And she did. She knew him but couldn't place him. His name was on the tip of her tongue but refused to slide off._

_            His tanned clawed hand rose to brush her cheek. 'Do I hurt you?'_

_            She stared at him, desperately digging through her memory. It was as if she remembered nothing before opening her eyes here. Everything in the past was just a vague blurry fog. 'Iie, not you. Something about you……I'm not sure.'_

_'Gomen nasai. I never meant to cause you pain.' He said seriously, taking his hand back._

_            Her arms darted out to gather the retreated appendage. She held his hand in hers looking into his eyes anxiously. 'Iie! Its not you! You are wonderful!' _

_            He smiled at her and right before her eyes his black locks turned into a silvery white, his tan skin dropped a shade or two, and furry ears appeared atop his head the same color as his hair. 'Keh! So you've forgotten me already!' The new man spat at her jerking his hand away._

_            Kagome gazed at him pleadingly. 'I haven't, I promise. I'd never want to hurt you. But I need to do this, I need to make the hurting stop. And you can't do that for me.' She said silently begging him to understand._

_            He merely let out another 'keh!' before rudely turning his head away from her._

_'I'm sorry.' She whispered, but she doubted that he even heard her as the amorphous body once again began to change. This time it grew thinner and a little paler, short white hair with a black streak running through it grew out of the skull. _

_'I don't hate you.'_

_'Huh?' Kagome's head snapped up to look at her new visitor._

_'I don't hate you, not really.'_

_'….thank you. I don't hate you either.'_

_'Everything's falling apart.' He looked so miserable. It was a misery that seemed familiar to her._

_'Hai, I noticed.'_

_'It wasn't supposed to be this way.'_

_'I don't think it was.'_

_'Everyone's leaving.'_

_'Hai, it seems like it doesn't it?' It wasn't really a question._

_'You're not leaving.'_

_'Iie, I can't.'_

_'Why?'_

_'I….I don't know. Something bad happened, didn't it?'_

_            The new form said nothing._

_'I feel lost. I feel as though I lost control over my life.' She didn't know why she felt these things or where they came from, but it was the only way to describe them._

_'Hai, I feel alone. I've never been alone before.'_

_'I'm not leaving.'_

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Kagome jerked up from her sleep. Leaving! She had to leave! _Now_! That was possibly the strangest dream she ever had! And all the water didn't help her nearly exploding bladder. She cringed squeezing her thighs together. Gods, she was going to burst! She rapidly kicked the wolf skin covers off her body and began crawling over to the form sleeping on his side in the nest across from her. She winced and bit her lip every time she moved, trying to go as fast as she could without leaking down her legs._ 'Thank sweet Kami!' _She thought graciously upon reaching her destination. Her hand reached flattening itself against his back.

"Ginta." Kagome whispered.

            Nothing.

"Pssst. Hey, Ginta."

            After another full response of nothing she clutched the wolf's shoulder shaking him as softly as her hurry would allow her.

"Giiinnttaaaaaaaaa, get up." She hissed. This time she got an answer.

"Mmm? Wha?goway?" He mumbled.

            Kagome growled shaking him with less of her reserved gentleness. "C'mon, I've gotta go!" She whined her hands fisting in her pajamas near her groin.

"So go." He replied tiredly giving her a sluggish swat when she began to shake him vigorously.

"I can't go alone, baka yaro!" She gritted between her teeth. "Ginta seriously, I have to go to the bathroom!"

"wha?" He grumbled incoherently still not facing her.

            Kagome growled. This was so embarrassing! Normally she would've just taken Shippou with her, but her little fox was sent to a neighboring village for safety before the battle with Naraku. "Ginta I'm not kidding! I'll burst, I swear I will!" She could see the string of drool webbing out of the youkai's mouth when he actually had to move to swat her away this time.

"C'mon, Nee-san. I'll take you."

            She looked up to see a groggy Hakkaku walking towards her. She could have kissed him right then for how grateful she was. Springing up she made a run for the entrance of the cave, eagerly awaiting him.

            Hakkaku still trying to wipe the sleep from his eyes looked down just in time to see Ginta spare him a withering glare out of the corner of his eye. The other wolf glared back before hurrying to the frantic girl.

            The said girl now took the time to actually peer down the cliff. She began to sweat, she couldn't do that again! Last time she had almost been jostled out of her two front teeth. Oh Kami she could cry right about now. She glanced up distraughtly at Hakkaku, her eyes watering at the impossibility. "I can't go down, Hakkaku. I'll jostle too much!" Her gaze took a momentary path down her attire, thankful that she had packed her baby doll pajamas. At least then she wouldn't have to worry about peeing her pants.

            Hakkaku's fatigued mind tried its best to analyze the situation. He looked down the cliff. Yes she would definitely be jostled. "Do you think you can..ano…..just..you know……'go' off of here?"

            The tortured miko turned white with revulsion. "NO! That's disgusting!"

            The youkai rolled the problem around in his mind. There really was no other way around it. "Then you'll just have to hold it tight until we reach the bottom."

               Kagome whimpered fidgeting around already trying to contain the weakening damn inside her. "Mou! Fine! Just, please! Go gently!" She begged stepping over and allowing him to lift her into his arms.

"I'll try my best."

            His best wasn't anywhere _near_ good enough. Kagome thought crying and squeaking each time he landed on the side of the cliff to slow them down. The worst was when he finally landed on the ground. She cried "Oh Gods I gotta GO!" hunching over when he set her down.

            Hakkaku gave her his best sympathy look while watching her limp next to him towards the woods. "Ok I'll wait here and you can just…..go…over there. I'll keep watch." He instructed when they got there pointing to a closely knit set of trees.

            Kagome nodded hurrying over to the spot as fast as her dying bladder could handle.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Heaven. It was absolute heaven!  The now relieved miko sighed, stepping out of the nearby brook. She had completely forgotten the issue of toilet paper and was forced to wash in a brook. Of all the commodities she had to bring Kagome had forgotten toilet paper. _'Not like it would have lasted forever anyway..' _She quickly righted herself adjusting her knee length nightgown.  Walking back to the original spot she couldn't help feel a little guilty at taking so long. She hoped Hakkaku hadn't worried and taken off to find her.

            Of course not. How could he ever find the time to do that when he was _sleeping_! Kagome scowled down at the dozing wolf. She could have been eaten and he wouldn't have been awake to do a thing about it!  Suddenly a naughty smile splayed itself across her lips at the diabolical plan formulating itself in her mind. Creeping behind the tree Hakkaku had fallen asleep against she drew her hands to her mouth and let out a blood curdling screech, "OH KAMI, THE GOKURAKUCHOU ARE GOING TO EAT ME! HELP!!!"

            That definitely woke him up. Hakkaku gasped in fright loosing footing and falling to the floor. An insane giggling tore him from his terror. His head snapped up to see Kagome holding her side giggling insanely. He glowered at realizing her prank before snaking his hand out to clasp her ankle yanking it out from underneath her.

            Kagome paused her laughter to let out an 'OOMF!' upon impact. A few more giggles died on her lips as she crawled away from him standing up. Hakkaku followed her lead rising from the ground and dusting himself off. He snorted and began walking back to the mountains without her.

            She smiled impishly at his immaturity quickly catching up to him. "Why are you mad when I was the one that could have been eaten while you were sleeping?"

            Hakkaku sent a lazy glare in her direction. "Were you?"

"No, but I could have been. Besides, weren't you supposed to 'keep watch.'" She imitated his own masculine voice.

            His grudge deflated somewhat at the realization that she was right. They continued most of the way in a comfortable silence before it was interrupted.

"Are you and Ginta okay?"

            He wasn't that surprised that she was aware of the problems between him and Ginta. She always had a great sense of empathy. He sighed shrugging his shoulders. "I'm not sure. Kouga's death has been hard on all of us and, I dunno, everything's just breaking up."

"What happened?"

"It was partly my fault. I didn't handle his burial ceremony appropriately, and I knew I it. I guess I was angry, at Kouga…. for leaving. And I was angry at Ginta for making me handle all of it by myself. I don't think he's really accepted the fact that Kouga's gone and that's probably going to hurt him later."

"Maybe he's just not ready."

"No one was ready for this. It's not like we asked for this. I miss the old days. We didn't have to be brave, or strong then. We had Kouga to lead us and do all that."

"You guys were brave and strong back then." Kagome reassured.

            Hakkaku glanced at her giving her a knowing smile. "I know what we were. We're followers, Nee-san, not leaders. We weren't brought up that way. Besides, being a coward wasn't so bad, it definitely raised your life expectancy." He laughed off the last part.

"You guys weren't cowards. You were very loyal to Kouga and I'm sure it meant a lot to him." She smiled tapping her head against his shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"Arigato. I want things to go back to the way there were. Ginta and I never fought like this before. We had our wrestling matches but we never could remember what we were fighting about in the first place. Now there are grudges, and we're changing, I know we are. We used to be each other's support in backing Kouga, now that we have nothing to back up we're falling apart."

"Things will be right again, someday. Bad days can't last forever."

"Hai." Hakkaku replied, grateful for the comfort.

            The rest of the walk was continued in peace. Each had there own thoughts and problems to contend with as they re-climbed and re-entered the cave. Ginta still slept and Hakkaku went back to his own nest to re-enter lost dreams. Kagome nuzzled her body back into her pelt covers but the yumminess of sleep eluded her. Her dream kept coming back to her now that it wasn't bringing with it the urge to pee.

_'Things will be right again, someday. Bad days can't last forever.'_

            She just wished those words had the same consoling affect on her as they had Hakkaku.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yay! Chap:4's all done! Sorry it's late but at least its kinda long! Plus it's not completely angsty this time. I decided to put a little bit of Ginta's past(i.e. his mom and dad) into it. And for all of those who didn't get the whole dream mermaid thing, the original mermaid(the one with the white and black hair) was Ginta's mom(I just had to put her in again) Kay, that's all I have to say, look out for Ch:5!

C h a p t e r  V – D o l l h o u s e

_- He watched his friend walk away but wasn't greeted with the fear and loneliness he had expected to engulf him. He felt rather a Pandora 's Box of responsibility and confusion when looking at the woman child next to him. But like the myth he experienced hope. Things would be right again. Someday._


	5. Welcome To The Dollhouse

Sorry this chap's so late, but at least its as long as the other ones. Also, someone emailed me about why this fic is rated 'r'. Well it should be rated 'nc-17' but ff.net doesn't have that rating anymore. Kinda stupid, neh? N.E.wayz, in later chapter you will be exposed to masturbation and sex. If these subject offend you then you might wanna stop reading this story, or just skip through them when they come. Okay? Alright, that's it, enjoy! And don't forget to review!

Luv

The deni pie

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

C h a p t e r V – W e l c o m e T o T h e D o l l h o u s e

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Blue Sun  
Blue Sun  
I never should have come  
Never should have left  
Blue Sun  
These emotions can't be mine  
I don't want to feel again  
Fill the void just one more time  
This will all be over soon_

_'blue sun' – Darling Violetta_

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Was this really it? Was this where she had grown up? Had played with her brother? Had trained with her father? Was this home? Sango scanned the area where her village once was. It was nothing more than a graveyard. Her gaze flickered down to her sorrowful accomplishment. A large pile of earth lay as an imperfect hill on the flat sea of grass and dirt. A few flowers lay crisscrossing over the heart of the hill. She stood strong with a powerful posture on her weakened legs. She could get through this. If she was able to dig out of her own grave as well as fill in her brother's with her bare hands, then she could get through anything. A lump in her throat made itself known as her dirt covered arms came up to wrap around her shivering frame.

'I'll get through this. I'll be ok. Everything will be ok.' Even though the soothing words circled her mind she couldn't stop her eyes from burning. Her throat constricted and she swallowed the lump there. Kami, why did everything have to be so hard?

"Because then it wouldn't be called life. I would be the ride of fun until you die."

She hadn't even realized she'd been speaking aloud until the voice had given her an answer. A very houshi-like voice. Sango whipped around to find a tired and sweaty Miroku standing behind her smiling comfortingly. Before she even realized what she was doing she flung her dirt covered body at him, hugging him for all the pain that had never been soothed in her heart. The tears left muddy trails down her cheeks and she buried her face into his neck to hide them from the world. Miroku for his part drew calming circles on her back listening to her let out all her frustration with life.

"Why? Why does this happen? Why am I the one to do this? What have I ever done to deserve this?" She cried.

Ah the age old question that never received a satisfying answer. Why did bad things happen to good people? Miroku was not a God, certainly not _the_ God, so how exactly could he even begin to answer. Thankfully, Miroku was a Buddhist and did not believe in the Christian God. So he had free liberty to try.

"We don't ask for these things, Sango-chan. They happen, and we can only hope they make us stronger rather than destroy us completely."

The taijiya sniffled, taking her face from his neck and looking up at him, as if once she did he would tell her the _real_ answer. She smiled a watery smile remembering the new endearment he bestowed upon her. She willed the troubling thoughts to leave her, not wanting to stress the houshi for more answers that he obviously didn't have. "How did you get here so quickly? I rode Kirara and it took me a day."

Miroku chuckled and looked back where a small dot in the sky that could have passed for a very large balloon floated away. "I met up with an old friend." Yes, his dear tanuki comrade definitely had his uses from time to time.

Sango laughed shaking the remaining tears from her eyes. Anyone considered an 'old friend' of Miroku's, could never be anyone saintly. "I suppose we should head back to Kaede's."

"Hai, we must stop by another village on our way, though. Shippou has more than likely driven his foster family into the asylum."

It felt good to laugh as naturally as she was now. Sango chuckled calling for Kirara. "I wouldn't doubt it."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"Nee-san, I'll be fine."

"No it'll get cold, and then what will you do? What if you don't find another tribe?"

"I'll be oka-"

"What if they don't like you and won't take you in for the winter and you freeze?!"

"You're overreact-"

"What if you don't find anyone and then you try coming back and you die of exposure!? Huh?! Did that little scenario even cross your mind!?"

Hakkaku sighed, watching Kagome rummage through her enormous yellow pack once again. His arms held overwhelming bundles of clothing and equipment, most of he had no idea what they were for or how to use, but if it would end her sermon on all the way he would die he would bare the weight.

"Hakkaku will be fine, Nee-san, stop coddling him."

Kagome glared at Ginta through the curtain of bangs that obstructed her view, but he got the message just the same. She didn't pause her hunt for the things she knew Hakkaku would need for his journey. She liked the wolf, really she did, and if she could have a hand in saving his life or at least making his trip more comfortable then by Kami, she was going to over kill it into the ground. "I know I put them somewhere…" She murmured more to herself than to anyone continuing to scrape away the assortment of junk that no one present really needed at the moment.

Hakkaku shifted uncomfortably with the luggage cradled in his arms. "Ano…Nee-san? I really have to get goi-"

"You lived your life without going on this trip; you can last a couple more minutes!" She snapped.

The youkai sighed, he hadn't even started and already he wanted to rest. His head snapped up at the resounding "FOUND IT!"

Kagome leapt to her feet dashing to Hakkaku cupping something in her hands he couldn't quite make out. She beamed up at him before standing on tip toes to push the thing down on his head covering his ears. "There!" Her fists found their way to her hips as she examined her handiwork.

Hakkaku twitched his head awkwardly, ignoring the harassment Ginta sent him silently laughing, holding his sides and pointing at him behind Kagome. "Eh, what are they?"

"Decapitated, furry, squirrel butts taped to your head." Ginta snickered.

The miko gave him and outraged shove. "They are not!" She snorted turning back to the other wolf confidently. "Don't listen to him, Hakkaku-kun. They're called earmuffs. Everyone where I come from wear them to protect their ears from the cold during winter. Because 90% of your body heat is lost through your ears." She stated somewhat proud of her little trivial knowledge. She rolled her eyes at the blank stares both youkai gave her. "Just wear them when you get cold, okay?"

"If you say so." He answered adjusting the bundle in his arms. "I better get going."

Kagome followed him towards the entrance not noticing his awkward walk underneath all the clutter he held. "Be safe, stay on your path and don't get lost. And if you do don't be a typical 'guy' and refuse to ask for directions. Well, of course there are certain people you don't want to ask directions from. For instance, if the guy is trying to _eat_ you then you may not want to stop and ask him how to get to the nearest wolf youkai tribe.." She laughed nervously.

Ginta sent him a sly look out of the corner of his eye. "Better make sure those randy squirrels don't try to rut with your ears."

Hakkaku growled throwing his load at the other wolf. "Grow up!" He snarled.

The white haired youkai only laughed doing his best to dodge the flying luggage and act unhurt when he was unable to do so.

"No! Don't do that! Stop it!" Kagome exclaimed seeing all her hard mornings work being flung at Ginta's head. She raced over to the pile, frantically pulling out only the necessities seeing as how Hakkaku wasn't waiting for her to gather it all up again. Dashing over to where Ginta stood she panicked watching the said wolf already making his way down the cliff. "Here!" She hollered throwing whatever she could down the side of the mountain. "Wear the sweater when it gets cold, the snow pants are for when it snows, and I already told you what the earmuffs are for!" She screamed throwing each item at him with its corresponding description. "Come back if you need help! Burry yourself in the snow if you can't find shelter! It'll conserve your body heat!............And don't talk to strangers!" She added the last statement as more of an afterthought, making sure he could hear her she cupped her hands to her mouth for good measure. Kagome sighed, hugging herself in worry. She wouldn't have been able to stand going out in that demon filled world alone. She hoped he would be okay.

Ginta stood with her watching Hakkaku finally reach the bottom and make his way out into the horizon. Hesitantly picking up his hand he began to wave, safe with the knowledge that he wouldn't see the gesture. He watched his friend walk away but wasn't greeted with the fear and loneliness he had expected to engulf him. He felt rather a Pandora's Box of responsibility and confusion when looking at the woman child next to him. But like the myth he experienced hope. Things would be right again. Someday.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun's morning rays flared down on him at precisely the right angle to sift through the tree's leaves and reflect off his closed eyelids, obviously intent on annoying the hell out of him until he woke up. InuYasha groaned bringing a hand to shade his face. He let out a yawn feeling his jaw crack with the effort. Raising his clawed hands above his head he stretched his spine and legs as taunt as a bow string until all the kinks were firmly popped out. Had he really slept so long? The hanyou raised a hand to scratch at his head still shaking the sleep from him. It had been a long night, possibly one of the longest he'd had in a long time. What with the battle with Naraku, the pack splitting up, Kagome running awa-Kagome!

InuYasha tensed, the previous night coming back to him in a rush. He had brought her to Kaede's covered in Naraku's filth. The old woman had tried cleaning her off but that feat was pretty unsuccessful so he had taken her to the river to wash her off himself. A blush tinted his cheeks at the memory. InuYasha shook his head willing himself not to dwell on it. Then the wolf had come and got her. A scowl invaded his face thinking of the other youkai. Of course after that, Kagome had lied. She didn't go home, instead she went with the damned wolf to the even more damnable wolf's funeral. My, weren't we just full of sins this morning? InuYasha looked off into the trees that hid Kagome's trail. He had given her enough time to properly pay her 'respects.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_MMMmmmRRrrrrrr…._

Two sets of hands came down to lie upon two rumbling stomachs. Ginta flicked his attention down to his growling belly only to notice Kagome doing the same.

"Was that yours or mine?" She asked rubbing her empty stomach.

"Doesn't matter, I should go hunt anyway." When was the last time he had eaten? Hadn't he been thinking the same question not long ago? _'There hasn't exactly been enough time to go hunting for anything…'_ He thought staring out into the critter infested forest.

_MMmmmRRrrrr_

"Okay that was _definitely_ mine that time." She stated looking down at her torso.

"Hai, I haven't eaten in a while either. I'll go get something." He stated heading for the cave's entrance. He glanced down the side before feeling a slender hand grip his arm. His eyes turned towards a set of misty orbs.

"This is just a shot in the dark here, but I'm guessing I can't convince you to just go to market and buy some normal food, neh?"

He stared at her blankly, debating on whether she was actually serious. Kagome gave a defeated sigh at his look.

"Fine fine, go ahead. But please don't kill anything cute." She pleaded. She couldn't bare the sight of a dead baby bunny staring at her while it roasted on an open fire, she had done that once and cried, refusing to eat it.

Ginta laughed giving a brief, "Hai, I'll try" before leaping off the side of the mountain.

Kagome looked anxiously. He was going to bring home a baby bunny, she just knew it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was very rare that he had ever hunted alone. Ginta realized as he descended deeper into the forest. He usually hunted with the pack, and since their passing he had always hunted with Kouga and or Hakkaku. Walking as softly as possible, he listened and sniffed for anything remotely edible. Suddenly something darted across his path. He paused letting the creature's scent waft under his nose. It was a rabbit, or hare. He wasn't quite sure which but either way it was too small for his appetite, plus he now had to feed Kagome. He hadn't had to feed anyone in a long time. Not since his mother actually.

_---flash back---_

_ The top of the mountain was packed full of eager young wolf youkai, all wound up and ready for their first official hunt. The Alpha Male approached and all wolves instantly lined up fighting back their excited smiles to put on their game faces. A young Ginta and Hakkaku stood on either side of Kouga. They straightened up, firming their postures and Ginta peeked at Kouga out of the corner of his eye. The wolf stood assertive and poised, his posture never wanted for straightening, it was always like that, just like a prince. A confident smile plastered on his lips, his eyes set and ready to go. The Alpha Male walked with all the severity of a drill sergeant. He took firm lasting steps walking up the line of males, briefly running them over with his sharp eyes, inspecting them. A corner of his tight mouth quirked up in the barest expression of pride upon reaching his son. Kouga seemed unaffected and stood as he was. Ginta almost missed the miniscule nod of approval the Alpha gave the raven haired wolf before moving onto him. _

_ He bid his body to be as firm and confident as Kouga's, but all it did was give the appearance of a young boy trying to be like daddy. His leader gave him a momentary one over as he did all the others and moved on. The two toned youkai felt his body relax the tiniest bit as if he had been waiting to be chewed out all along. No one was sure why exactly they got so apprehensive about the Alpha Male looking them over. The check was only to make sure that they were all of proper age and no ambitious cubs snuck their way up, hoping to be granted early adulthood. Their leader just had that specific presence that commanded absolute obedience. And that wish was always granted. _

_ When the examination was over, the entire line visibly relaxed but stayed where they were. He felt Kouga's head lean in towards him to whisper out of the corner of his mouth._

_"Oi, at least you didn't soil yourself. Remember Koiishko? The loner that migrated to our tribe? Otou-san told me that when Koiishko had to go through this he wet himself right in front of him." Kouga never had to wonder why everyone was like that around his father. He understood how commanding he was and could sympathize with their mixture of respect and fear._

_"Honto? I heard rumors about that but I wasn't sure. Is that why he disappeared?" He whispered back._

_"Hai, Koiishko was so humiliated that he fled. Last I heard he was the laughing stock of the Western tribe." Kouga chuckled._

_ Ginta laughed back nervously. How could Kouga be so sure of himself when_ he_ was about to pull a Koiishko and wet himself with nervousness? This was it. This was the passage hunt. All the young male wolves of proper age in the tribe would be sent on their first hunt. Each was to hunt alone and bring back the best kill they were capable of. Their prizes would then be looked over by the Leader and he would decide whether they were acceptable or not. If he found a male's kill to be acceptable then that male would be given his right of passage and be received as an adult. If not, then he would not be granted adulthood and would have to wait another 14 years before he could try again. It was the ultimate disgrace. Anyone who didn't pass usually left the tribe altogether and became loners._

_ Ginta looked around at all the other males who had now begun gossiping and boasting of the huge feast they would bring home and what they would do upon entering adulthood. He squirmed nervously, not joining Hakkaku and Kouga in their chatter. Most of the surrounding wolves had a distinct advantage over him. Most were either raised by their father or if they were lucky, by both mother and father. The Gokurakuchou raids had left many cubs motherless since the vicious birds were focusing on cutting off their forms of repopulation. Kouga had also fallen victim to this when his mother Maeko was torn apart by a Gokurakuchou. Ginta, on the other hand, had lost his father. He hadn't really been old enough to hunt frequently with him and the hunts they did go on he didn't remember anymore. His mother had been the one to teach him anything and everything he knew now. He couldn't help but wonder how his mother given knowledge faired against the rest. The majority of the surrounding males had been taught and trained by other males; Ginta had only his mother to relay on for training. While Niroki would always be the strongest youkai alive in _his_ eyes, he wasn't quite sure her teachings would be a suitable substitute for the ones a father could give. All of the sudden he felt very small and out of place._

_"Oi! Ginta, Whatchya twitchin' for?" Kouga hollered from across the other side of the mountain. _

_ Ginta could feel the blood rush to his face as a number of the other males stopped to stare at him. He cautiously made his way over to his friends not wanting another streamline of attention. Kouga laughed clapping him on the back while Hakkaku gave him a reassuring punch to the arm._

_"Don't worry. Just think, after this, we're officially adults! No more being called cubs!" Hakkaku exclaimed trying to cheer his friend up._

_ He wondered if Hakkaku and Kouga knew of his 'lack of father' situation and how its affects were now weighing on him. If they did, they didn't speak of it. "Hai, so what are you going for?"_

_ Hakkaku put his arms behind his head in thought. "Ano..a bear, maybe? How about you?"_

_ Ginta sighed and shrugged his shoulders dully. "I dunno. Think a boar would be appropriate?"_

_"I suggest you get the biggest you can find."_

_"Hai, I'll do that. Kouga, you?"_

_ The said youkai smirked crossing his arms across his chest. "Takaruse."_

_The other wolves gasped, staring at him in surprise. Kouga for all his faults could never be deemed uncreative. While all the other males were going for stags, bears, and other large animals, possibly even some low level youkai, Kouga was going for the strongest demon exterminator of a nearby Taijiya village. Though humans for the most part were considered weak and good for nothing but a quick and effortless snack, they were quite intelligent, a feature most youkai underestimated. Some villages decided to use this underestimation as an advantage and incorporate their intelligence with their fighting skills and become Taijiya. Takaruse was said to be the best of his time. _

_"W-would that even be accepted?" Hakkaku asked._

_"Hai, he has killed youkai, but he's also a human. They aren't that hard to kill." Ginta agreed._

_ Kouga snorted turning his head. "Then why is he still alive?"_

_The two paused and looked at each other. Good question._

_ A lewd howl tore them from their conversation. Several others turned to see a brazen male leaning over the mountain to howl and leer at the females that resided at the bottom. Ginta watched Kouga roll his eyes and felt the need to do the same. Possibly the only good thing about the Passage Hunt was the coming home party. Every eligible female hoarded around the top ready to pounce on the pick of the newly adult litter. The male with the most impressive prize unspokenly had his pick of any female in the tribe. Ginta's gaze flickered to Kouga who stood looking disgusted as other males joined the first in catching the attention of the excited females. He would certainly have the choicest kill; but it was also certain that Kouga would not be immediately bonding himself with any female afterwards as most of the other males would surely be doing. The young prince had yet to show any interest in any female within the tribe, he seemed to believe every female around him was nothing compared to what he was capable of getting. Ginta sometimes caught him staring at the night sky, with a look that could almost be described as loneliness. Whatever he was looking for in a mate had obviously not been found yet._

_"ALLRIGHT!"_

_ All the young youkai instantly stood at attention as the Alpha Male returned. He stood before them; the same stern expression marred his face. "I'm just guessing that you all are not so challenged as to not know what you are doing here. The basis of being an adult male is knowing how to hunt and being able to provide for yourself, your mate, and or your family. Those who have not yet reached this level will prove it today as well as those who have. The hunt will begin on my signal. You are to hunt alone, any aiding brought to my attention will immediately disqualify you and you will not pass into adulthood. You are to bring in your best kill; I will look for any evidence that suggests foul play. Such as your prey being diseased, or already dead. I also suggest you not disgrace your family by bringing in a cub, female, or elder. The hunt will end when the moon reaches the top of the mountain, so I recommend you bring in what you can carry, meaning do not be stupid and try to kill a youkai. I believe we've all heard about last year's dilemma with one of the male's managing to kill a bear youkai, only to be stranded in the forest trying to bring it home." A round of snickers could be heard radiating from the line. "In conclusion, I can only hope your parents trained you well and you are able to complete your right of passage." He said looking across the line before raising his gaze to look at the sun. "It is time. Begin!"_

_ And with that, the youkai took off, leaping down the mountain. Hakkaku slapped Ginta's back yelling a quick "Good luck!" He smiled and nodded the same to his friend before skidding down._

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_ This was fucking hard. All day Ginta could find nothing that he thought would be acceptable. It was as if the entire pack had killed off every boar, bear, and mountain cat in the whole forest. He muttered frustratedly kicking a pebble out of the way. Where was everything? He had seen a few rabbits, badgers, monkeys, and squirrels, but Kami help him if he brought any of that in. No doubt Hakkaku by now had found his bear, as well as everyone else and their prey. Kouga, though, was probably still stalking Takaruse. The weight of killing the man didn't surpass, Ginta. If Kouga pulled it off, which he most likely would, then he would have defeated the strongest of the entire Taijiya village. The village would then be at their disposal. So really it was like bringing an entire population of humans back. It was true, Kouga could be slow and forgetful at times, but when he did have an idea it was usually ingenious. Though, they didn't come along all that often._

_ Ginta was taken from his reverie as a familiar scent approached his nose. Was that deer? He wasn't sure if a measly deer would be accepted but it was the largest thing he had come across. His body instinctually crouched down wind. They weren't that far off, possibly a mile or two. He crouched even lower before springing into the trees. Deer tended to worry more about hearing danger than smelling it, anyway. He leapt from tree to tree as softly as he could, following the scent. It got stronger as he came closer. It didn't take him long to reach his destination, five minutes at most with his youkai speed._

_ He leaned down parting some tree limbs and couldn't believe his luck. And entire hoard of deer! All grazing together in an open patch of field. Maybe this wouldn't be such a waste of time after all, now all he had to do was pick out the strongest looking one. He scanned the crowd immediately weeding out the young, old, and sickly. Ah, there it was. Ginta spotted what was possibly the largest stag he had ever seen. It could even have passed for the alpha male of this group. It had the muscular body of a Thoreau bred, and a large set of antlers atop a proud and highly held head. Yes this one would do. He paused looking around, examining the situation. How was he supposed to get down, or over there at least, without making enough noise to alert the other deer? His tested his grip on the limb looking up at the sky, the moon was up and rising, he didn't have much time left. If he was going to kill the stag and drag it all the way back to the mountains, he had to hurry. He licked his lips, his best shot was to climb down this tree as softly as he could and, cautious of staying down wind, make his way towards the stag. _

_ Accepting his plan of action Ginta tightened his grip on the limb before lowering himself to the side of the tree where he gently slid his body down until his feet softly touched the ground. Lowering himself as close to the earth as mobility would allow, he began to crawl underneath the foliage around the field towards the alpha deer. Sure enough, the large buck stood proudly atop a small hill in the valley, watching over the others. Finally Ginta was close enough to formulate a way to take it down. Deer were flighty creatures, and this one appeared to have some strength on its side as well. Where this would have been no problem to an older youkai with more experience, Ginta was still in his teenage years by human standard and only new of hunting by what his mother taught him. He flexed his claws in the dirt, watching the stag from behind. It was now or never. He had to do it sometime and if he didn't manage to take the creature down then…..well then Kami just didn't want him to enter adulthood. That was a good plan, if he made a kill then good for him, if not, blame it on the Gods and their damnable will. _

_ Ginta studied how far the buck was from him and estimated how far he would have to leap to end up tackling it. He bit his lip, as long as he threw his weight into his upper body when he sprung then he should be good. Normally this would have been a good learning experience for the young wolf, but under such enormous pressure it was nothing short of a life or death situation. He took a deep breath mentally reassuring himself before rearing back and springing forward. Just as he had planned, he threw his body weight into his upper body and sailed towards the stag like a hurtled rock. _

_ It was possible the deer heard the rush of wind when Ginta leaped forward. It was possible it heard the crunch of earth when Ginta recoiled back to lunge. It was also possible that it was just a psychic deer. Either way, in mid pounce the buck turned its head just in time to see Ginta lunge for it. Just as he managed to sink his claws into the stag's shoulders it reared back on its hind legs and took off as well as the rest of the deer. Unfortunately Ginta was still stuck to the animal and ended up being dragged with it. His lower body grated against the blur lined ground while his upper body hung off the side of the deer. He grunted and cried out as thorns, rocks, and other painful objects tore at his side and legs. He dug his claws in further, trying to subdue the stag with pain, but it seemed to be too numbed with adrenaline to notice and Ginta just ended up sliding further down its body taking fur, skin and muscle tissue with him. The wolf scrambled, kicking wildly to try to gain some footing, at least if he found his feet he could run with the stag and hopefully wrestle him down. _'Next time you wrestle or someone kicks you, sink your claws into his foot or some other appendage. That way if you go down you're damn well taking him with you.'_ Bless his wonderful mother. Ginta's gaze flickered down to the long spindly legs that were nothing but meshy blurs as the deer ran. His hand shot to the buck's front shin, digging his claws into it and giving the appendage a hard yank._

_ Just as Niroki predicted, Ginta went down, but the stag came tumbling with him. The deer let out a startled cry stumbling and falling to the floor before skidding to a dusty halt in the ground. It kicked viciously, swinging its head to gain momentum and get up. The wolf ducked and dodged the flailing limbs before lunging for the deer's throat. He clawed, strangled, and grasped anything vital he could find in there. His bloody fingers touched something long and cylinder shaped. Hoping it to be the animal's trachea, he clutched and jerked the organ out. Instantly the thrashing creature went still and collapsed to the ground, blood crawling out its mouth and down the tongue that hung out and touched the dusty earth._

_ Ginta panted, his chest and muscles heaving with exhaustion. He swallowed what saliva he had left to quench his dry throat before dropping his weary body on the makeshift corpse pillow. He gasped for air momentarily resting on the blood soaked animal. Closing his eyes, he felt his breathing and heart rate return to normal and began to lift himself off the carcass. He looked down at his kill with as much pride as his exhaustion would allow. Its large sinewy body was more than enough to feed himself and his mother. With a steady breath he drew up taking the stag in his arms and looping it behind his head and around his shoulders to hold its back and hind legs making a grotesque boa. The creature wasn't heavy; it was amazing it put up such a fight before being taken out._

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_ Fatigued, blood soaked, and on shaky legs, Ginta cringed as he took the last leap up the mountain to the top. His breathing was back up and stammering as well as his heart rate. He felt so weak, his eyelids seemed to weigh a hundred tons. He smiled weakly at Hakkaku who eagerly ran over to him._

_"Your mother's been nasty since I got back, she's been snapping at everyone!" He said hooking his thumb behind him gesturing to the two toned female sitting on the other side of the mountain staring keenly down its side. _

_ He watched as her heard jerked up and turned, it was amazing she could smell him through all the blood that saturated him as well and everything else. Her eyes widened a fraction when she caught sight of him. Ginta tried to straighten himself and not look as weak as he felt. He could see Niroki let out a breath of relief and her body visibly relax, but she stayed with the rest of the pack of females on the other side of the mountain top. He smiled, somewhat glad that his mother had been concerned for him. He surveyed his surroundings, the mountain top was filling itself with tired blood covered wolf youkai and the females had been settled on the other have. Animal carcasses were piling up near the Alpha male as one by one each youkai's kill was examined. "Oh! Oi, Hakkaku! Did..did everything go okay?" He asked earnestly staring at his friend._

_ Hakkaku smiled proudly his hand shooting up to give the victory sign. "Hai!"_

_"Well, I think we all saw that coming. Did you get the bear?"_

_ The other wolf stuck his hand behind his head bashfully before replying. "Iie. I couldn't find one, but I did manage to get a really big boar." _

_Ginta patted his friend's shoulder encouragingly. "That is good too."_

_ Hakkaku peeked at the corpse covering the other youkai's shoulder as if just noticing it. "Ah, caught a deer did ya?"_

_"Hai! It's a big one too!" He stated proudly._

_ The spiky wolf whistled looking the body up and down. "It is, you better take it over to be checked out. Good luck, Ginta!" Hakkaku called the last part as his friend began making his way to his Leader. Everyone parted for the new arrival and Ginta suddenly felt small again under the scrutiny. _

_ The Alpha Male sat Indian style, a pile of animal carcasses behind him. He waited with stern patience for Ginta to hand over his kill. The young wolf respectfully lowered the stag to the ground and stood back waiting for the verdict. He could feel hundreds of eyes scorching him, but most of all he could feel his mother's gaze burning hole in his side. His sweaty palms clenched and unclenched nervously as his King surveyed the corpse with professional skill. Ginta gulped down the lump in his throat, his anxiety radiating off him in waves to where he new the entire tribe could smell it. _

_"It is good." The wolf King stated with a curt nod. _

_ He felt like collapsing in relief. All the tension and worry in his body left with a steady breath. He tried to contain his ecstatic smile as he turned and made his way back to Hakkaku who then clapped him hard on the back congratulating him. Ginta laughed punching the other youkai back before turning to Niroki. He could still feel her gaze on him, and sure enough it was. To anyone else her face would appear stony and cold, but through the years Ginta was able to read her like an open book. And her eyes glittered with maternal pride at her son. He turned away shyly back to his friend._

_"When did you get back?"_

_"About twenty minutes ago."_

_"Did you have trouble?"_

_"Ha! Not as much trouble as Kouga's gonna-hey, where is Kouga?" Hakkaku replied, his head darting around sifting through the crowds._

_"You mean he hasn't returned, yet?" Ginta asked puzzledly. _

_"I didn't even think to look for him. But I don't see him anywhere." A little spike of panic began to work its way into the two wolves. Where was their prince?_

_ Ginta resumed clenching and unclenching his fists agitatedly. The moon was closing in over their mountain and they couldn't even go look for him. Once they returned from the hunting grounds, they weren't allowed to go back. Hakkaku appeared to have similar feelings. He nudged the other youkai's shoulder reassuringly. _

_"I'm sure he'll-GAH!"_

_ Hakkaku jerked back as what appeared to be a bloodied head shot through the hoard of wolves. Its short brown hair was caked to its broken skull with viscous red liquid. Its eyes were still wide open, crimson paths trailed from them like bloody tears. The mouth hung open, engraved with a silenced scream. The pack went still, the silence swept over the mountain like a plague as the careening head landed in the clawed hands of their Alpha Male. Unlike the rest, he seemed completely unfazed as he caught the decapitation in his ready hands. His eyes flickered over the severed limb, his gaze holding no trace of amusement. His head turned up to seek out the grotesque Picher. _

_ Kouga stood there, an arrogant smile adorning his features, but Ginta could see the fatigue behind it all. Covered in a tide of crimson, hair gnarled and half of it out of its normal ponytail, pelted clothes ripped and more hanging off him than on him, a mutilated body garbed in Taijiya robes lay slung over one shoulder, Kouga had never looked more the prince he was than in that moment. With a rough shrug of the shoulder carrying the body, Kouga chucked it in the same direction as its separated limb; but instead of landing in the Alpha Male's hands it landed at his feet._

_ Nothing was said as everyone's attention focused on the two when the older youkai looked at the head and body placing the two together. The entire pack tensed watching the Alpha Male stride over to Kouga, then; Ginta could have mistaken the slight quirks of the youkai's mouth to be a prideful smile. With the head still perfectly balanced in his hand he placed the other on his son's shoulder. "You have done well." With that said, he pivoted on his heel walking away. "The moon is in place. The hunt is over. Anyone not present here now will wait until the next passage hunt." He headed towards the mountain edge. Then almost as an afterthought, he turned his head and smirked. "Tomorrow, the elders and I will go and deal with the scrambling ants."_

_ As he jumped out of sight the pack broke into bloodthirsty war cries and howls. Thanks to Kouga, the Taijiya village was without leader. And every youkai knew humans immediately became senseless without someone to assert order. They were like ants without their precious queen. The now adult males surrounded Kouga, giving congratulatory slaps to the back. With the Alpha Male now gone the residing females were free to pounce on the new meat. Most the males circling Kouga dispersed and began to approach the eager females._

_ Ginta watched from the side as his friend turned his head haughtily and soaked up the attention. More females began push through the crowd to get to Kouga. They barked, scratched, and even snapped at each other when the other felt threatened. He chuckled when Kouga rolled his eyes in disgust at the panting bitches._

_"So I taught you as well as I thought, neh?"_

_ Ginta turned his head to see his mother standing nonchalantly behind him. He smiled welcomingly. "Hai, he was a big one." He replied returning his attention to the swarming crowd around the other wolf. He felt Niroki come closer to stand beside him._

_"There is no greater shame."_

_"Hm?" He followed her gaze which rested on the same scene as his had. The female pack and grown and surrounded the wolf prince. All the other males were either shunned away or attempting to court any of the females who hadn't instantly gone for the pick of the litter._

_"Look at them, Ginta. Degrading themselves for false hopes."_

_ Out of the corner of his eye, Ginta caught Hakkaku standing away from the rest and looking longingly at a brown haired female scratching her way towards Kouga. Was Hakkaku degrading himself too?_

_"You don't think he will take one of them?"_

_ Niroki snorted huffily. "The pup does not want life handed to him on a silver platter, why would he want his mate in the same manner?"_

_ He shrugged, he supposed she was right. Kouga always fought for the competition he would never get in this tribe. No male in the clan would ever challenge him, no female would ever deny him, perhaps that was why he went after Takaruse. The Taijiya may have been human, but he was willing to fight to the death. Something no one here was willing to do with him. But now that the challenge was gone, what would he do now?_

_"Love humiliates you, Ginta."_

_"Nani?" He turned his attention to his mother who had a distant look in her stony eyes that made him think that she may not be speaking entirely of the bitches drooling over Kouga._

_"Do you see them. They fight, claw, and snarl at each other for what? For a male that does not want them. And later, perhaps when he does take a mate that isn't them, they will see that. And they will feel the shame and humiliation of it."_

_"I don't think love is something you can control, Okaa-san."_

_"And they will hate him for that loss of control." She responded curtly._

_ Ginta said no more on the subject and returned his focus to his friend who had managed to pull himself away from the flock with a few growls and swats. He felt the sudden loss of presence as his mother left his side. A hand placed its self on his shoulder from behind and soft breaths blew on his pointed ear._

_"Love humiliates you, but hate cradles you. Remember that, little one." And she was gone._

_ He looked around but she had supposedly already gone over the mountain. Had Otou-san's death truly damaged her that much? _

_"Oi, Ginta! Too good to talk to us now that your an adult, ne?!"_

_ He laughed as Kouga called out to him jogging over to his friends._

_---end flashback---_

What sounded much like a human girl's scream broke him from his reminiscing. Ginta perked his ear up waiting for it again and sure enough it did not disappoint him. Only it wasn't a human girl, it sounded more like a wild cat. A puma perhaps? Pushing his previous remembrance to the back of his mind he started in the direction he heard the call.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She could get down on her own. She could get down on her own. She could definitely do this on her own. She didn't need Ginta. It couldn't be that _hard_. With a squeal of fright Kagome retracted her leg from the cliff's edge and scrambled away from it. She sighed, frustrated and incredibly bored. He had been gone for nearly three hours and she had been too afraid to venture deeper into the unknowns of the caves and had considered climbing down the mountain herself. _That_, was quickly becoming out of the question.

"How do you get cabin fever in less than three hours?" She wondered anxiously. This was the place she would be staying in for most of the year, and her relationship with it wasn't starting off very well. She cautiously crawled back over to the edge. Peeking over it she darted back again. Why did it look so much steeper than she predicted?

It didn't look like she had any choice but to wait. Even though she didn't' really have any other alternative, it didn't mean Kagome had to be happy about it. She plopped down near the drop idly watching her toes twitch. _'I should get dressed..' _She thought looking at the hem of her nightgown. With the way things were going it looked like she may have time to root through her pack for something to wear. She had lazily begun to pick at a stray piece of thread on the hem when a large shadow blurred her sight.

"You lied to me for _this_?"

Her head jerked up at the familiar voice. A very irritated looking InuYasha stood there, arms crossing over his chest. "Where the hell are the other wimpy wolves?"

Kagome readied a nasty retort when a low rumbling growl derailed her train of thought. InuYasha raised an eyebrow at the sound, glancing at her belly. She looked down placing a hand on her impatient stomach. "Hakkaku's gone and Ginta's out getting something to eat."

The casualness with which she said Ginta's whereabouts irked him. "You never ate what _I_ hunted!" He snapped peevishly.

"You threw a dead rabbit in my lap! You expect me to just chow down on that!?" She still felt nauseous when thinking about the bloodied think staring blankly at her with its lifeless eyes open.

"Keh! If you were that hungry you would've!"

She rolled her eyes at his senselessness. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"I should be asking _you_ the same question." He growled grabbing her arms and hauling her up onto his shoulder.

"What do you think you're doing?!" She shouted, kicking her feet at him.

He grunted trying to avoid her flailing legs. "Be still!" He barked before leaping off the side of the mountain.

He cringed as her painful screaming forced his ears flat to his skull. A mixture of relief and guilt flashed through him as he landed, the landing abruptly dug his shoulder into her stomach temporarily knocking the wind from her. He sprinted through the forest ignoring her squirming and wheezes when she tried to regain her lost breath.

"INUYASHA! Put me down this instant!" She screeched pounding her fists against his back.

"Ow damnit! Stop fidgeting!" He snarled back, grunting when her knee reached his gut.

"SIT!"

Looking back on it, sitting him may have not been the best approach. One, when he fell he was obviously taking her with him. Two, he still had a remarkable grip on her and where the spell yanked him down to a complete stop, momentum kept her going until she swung down from his shoulders and smashed her head to the ground like a swinging pendulum.

"Iteeee.." She moaned tenderly bringing a hand to cradle against her abused head. A muffled grumbling brought her attention to a weight meshing into her hip. The hanyou had determinedly kept his hold on her waist and was now suffocating himself in her hip. She began to push at his shoulders to remove the offending weight but only got a headache in return.

"Mmf, stupid bitch…" Were the first clear words she heard him growl out as the spell wore off.

Once again she pushed at him, this time with more success. He leaned up and she took the opportunity to crab walk out from under him. Standing up he glared down at her still seated form.

"InuYasha, what are you doing?"

"What am _I_ doing? What the hell do you think _you're_ doing?! You said you were going home and I fucking find you _here_! You also said you were only going for the whelp's funeral and you're still fucking here!"

"Why do you care? The Shikon no Tama's completed, you don't even need me anymore." She stated questioningly.

The hanyou blanched and she could have sworn she saw a faint pink come to his cheeks. He stuttered trying to come up with an excuse when his hand darted into his robes and pulled out lavender marble. "This! See?! It doesn't even work! Your job's not finished!" He answered shoving the glass ball into her face.

Her head recoiled a bit to get a better look at whatever it was he was trying to smash into her face. It was indeed a very completed Shikon no Tama. How did he know it didn't work? _'He probably tried making a wish, baka..' _"Gomen nasai, InuYasha, I already made a wish on it." She said shamefully. Wait, why was she ashamed because of him?! Defeating Naraku was far more important than him becoming a full demon! _'Because you took away his chance to be with Kikyou….' _And shame returned, greeting her as a friend.

InuYasha looked at her strangely. "You made a wish? When? What did _you_ wish for?"

She shifted uncomfortably, she didn't like being reminded of her time in Naraku's stomach. "I, I retrieved the Shikon no Tama when I was swallowed. Next thing I know its engulfing me and telling me to make a wish. So I wished for Naraku to be defeated." It was a very butchered version of what really happened, but Kagome didn't' feel like revisiting the memory.

"It talked to you?" He asked oddly.

"Ano….sorta." She stammered. Taking a deep breath she said the words that she knew would have to come sooner or later. "I-InuYasha, I just wanted to say….that…that I'm very sorry that you didn't get the chance to wish Kikyou back. I know that's what you wanted. I'm sorry you had to find out that way." She said gesturing to the powerless ball.

The hanyou followed her eyes to the now useless Shikon no Tama and understood exactly what she was referring to. "I didn't wish Kikyou back." He grumbled unable to face her.

She definitely didn't see _that_ coming. Did that mean he wanted to become a demon more than be with Kikyou? She really didn't want to think about any of this right now so she opted for the simple reply of just "Oh."

He stood there awkwardly under her stare before leaning down to take her by the arm and pull her up. "Well, anyways, c'mon. We're leaving."

Kagome dug her heels firmly into the ground resisting his pull to leave. "I can't."

"What do you mean 'you can't'?" He growled aggravatedly.

"You wouldn't understand." She said looking away from him.

"Then fucking _make_ me understand!" He exclaimed tightening his grip on her wrist. He noticed her painful flinch and guiltily let the appendage go.

"I have to stay."

"You already said that." He replied testily crossing his arms over his chest.

She sighed exasperatedly. "You remember when I was supposed to shoot Naraku when a purified arrow? Well when I was purifying the arrow it took up a lot of energy and I couldn't hold myself up. Kouga….." She took a deep breath to steady her nerves. "Kouga helped me. He wasted time holding me up instead of defending himself, and K-Kagura killed him. He died because of me InuYasha. And I can't describe how it feels to wake up and know that. To remember that. And knowing that I'm probably going to wake up like that every day for the rest of my life just….it just……I can't stand it, InuYasha! It hurts!"

"And what the hell does that have to do with you staying here?"

She knew InuYasha didn't like Kouga but did he really have no remorse over the wolf's death? Well, considering their relationship, what did she expect? "Kouga wanted me to come with him. And had he lived I would have told him I couldn't. But he didn't. Staying here, doing what he wanted me to do, it-it makes the guilt go a way a bit. It makes me feel better that I'm trying to help Ginta and Hakkaku. It makes me feel a little better helping them find another tribe and carry on Kouga's memory."

"You're not helping them! You're hindering them! You think they _want_ to look after you?! Especially when they have better things to do!"

Kagome paled her lip shaking a little. She had never thought of it like that. She thought she was sacrificing for the right cause, not handicapping Hakkaku and Ginta from getting on with their lives. "Th-That's not true!"

"Yeah? You said Hakkaku's gone, then why didn't Ginta go with him? I thought the two were joined at the fucking hip, yet here he is babysitting you!"

Was he right? Was she only hindering them? _'It's just, I'm supposed to watch you.'_ _'Like a baby sitter?'_ _'Hm?'_ _'Like a baby sitter. You said you were supposed to watch me. Are you supposed to be my baby sitter, or something like that?' 'Um, no not really like a baby sitter.'_ _'I don't understand.' 'With Kouga…..gone, traditionally you're supposed to be taken in by the closest family. And with our tribe….gone, that would be me and Hakkaku.' _Kagome asserted herself firmly feeling her anger seep into her words. "No he's not! You don't even know what you're talking about! He may not want to be here with me but it's not like I want to give up_ my_ life to be here either!"

"Then why the hell would you want to stay?!"

"Because, it's not about what we want, InuYasha! It's about what we _have_ to do! No, I don't want to be here, I want to go home! To _my_ home! But I stay because I'm obligated to! Because Kouga gave up his life to help me, the least I could do is give up the life I want for the one he wanted to have! I'm surprised someone like_ you_ wouldn't understand what I'm doing, then again it's always been about you hasn't it?"

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?!" He snarled towering over her.

"You think Kikyou's death is your fault! So you're willing to die for her, aren't you!? No matter what I say, you still see it as your obligation! I may have not understood exactly before, but I do now! Promising to die with her made you feel better didn't it, InuYasha! Made you feel like you were paying your debt to society and all, neh?"

"Th-That was completely different!" He stuttered angrily.

"NO IT WASN'T! AND I'LL HATE YOU IF YOU TAKE ME AWAY NOW!" She screamed furiously.

InuYasha drew back, somewhat surprised at her passionate outburst. Seeing this, Kagome calmed down a little.

"Life isn't worth living if you're going to be stuck in the past. And I'll hate you if you make me live that kind of life." She whispered.

It grew silent for a long time before InuYasha cautiously moved closer to her. "You'd give up all your precious 'schooling' and 'tests' just to live in some shit hole cave?"

"I think the life I'd live in a cave would be happier than the shamefaced one I'd live at home." She muttered.

He flinched, so she had really intended on going home after all this was over. "You were going to go back after it was all over?" It was more of a statement than a question.

Kagome nodded hiding her head down so he wouldn't see how her eyes were watering. "My life was there before it was here."

"Keh!" He huffed turning away from her. She still would have left him, after all they had been through. He wished the stupid Shikon no Tama still worked so he could wish the damned well closed. A sudden weight he hadn't even realized he'd been carrying was elevated from his neck. InuYash looked down finding the ever so familiar rosary beads missing. His hair lifted from his back and he turned to face Kagome again. She looked up at him holding the rosary in her hands. He gawked at her, speechless as she took his clawed hand in her own and carefully placed the wine colored beads in it. Her hand delicately moved over his fingers enclosing it around the necklace.

"The Shikon no Tama is completed. A wish was made. Naraku is dead. Kikyou is at rest. Its over, and I'm of no use to you anymore. So set me free, just like I set you free." Her slender hand rose to cup the side of his face, rubbing her thumb over his cheek once before she moved away from him. His mouth opened and closed desperately searching for something to say. Some magical word to keep her from walking away from him as he was watching her do now. He stood there dumbly holding the rosary in his hand willing his feet to move. Her footsteps resounded in his furry ears as he stared at her back long after she had gone out of sight.

Her words echoed in his head._ 'So set me free…'_

"…..No."

But no one was there to hear him.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How could the animal be dead and still bleeding to death all over him? Ginta groaned looking annoyed at the large cat. He grunted, the blood making the creature's fur wet and heavy. The wild cat had been a Puma of some sort. Years of experience had made it an easy kill and he was thankful. The meal-to-be was tempting his eager stomach in awful ways. But the scent of so much blood was bound to attract unwanted attention. He had been walking for about an hour and wasn't that far from home. He could faintly smell the familiarity of the mountain. But he wasn't going to make it without starting trouble if he continued saturated in blood. He had passed a waterfall thirty minutes ago, but did he really want to waste that much time getting back? A faint animalistic roar could be heard in the background. It was either animal or youkai but it didn't matter because Ginta was already heading back to the waterfall.

_'Nee-san can't be that hungry…' _He thought unconvincingly. He hated leaving her alone and open to any possible predators. _'Predators…' _He looked back in the direction of the mountain hesitantly. Was she okay? Ginta shook his head trying to rid himself of the worry, if he took this much blood back to the caves, anything was bound to follow him and probably come back later for more.

It didn't take as long as he thought to reach the waterfall. He may have been distracted with worry on his way there or maybe he just made good time, either way. It wasn't a big waterfall, but it was enough for him. He dropped the puma near the pond the waterfall flooded into which later flowed into a river. After shrugging off his pelted vest his hands moved to the middle of his chest to grip the hem of his leather like armor. Pulling it off he wondered why he wore so much anyway. The soft padding of his armbands hitting the earth was soon accompanied the wooshing sound his fur wrap made landing on the grass. Soon his shin bands were gone and Ginta sat down to remove the protective wrapping from his feet. Once nude he stood up enjoying the light breeze against his skin as it fought off the summer heat.

The coppery smell of blood brought him back to reality. He had to get it off before someone else tore it off for him. Leaping up he did a playful cannonball into water. Only being underwater for a moment or two he came up spitting out any of the invasive liquid. It was so peaceful to just bath like this, looking at the waterfall before him reminded him of a larger one he had encountered back in his youth a little before the passage hunting.

_---flashback---_

_SPLASH!_

_ A few young wolves laughed as the others played the game of cannonball. Where they all tried jumping from a tree and into the water, hopefully landing on one of their comrades. Hakkaku had gotten pretty close to Ginta, who had gone under at the last minute. The two toned wolf came up first, brutally dunking Hakkaku back under when he came up for air. The pair had gotten into a heated water fight when someone called out._

_"Oi! Kouga! Where're you going?!" Hinto, the young wolf who had suggested coming to the lake called to Kouga._

_ They turned in the direction he was yelling in time to see their friend following the lake into the forest. Most of the wolves in the lake got out to follow him, unfazed by their nudity. Hakkaku and Ginta were the first out and caught up to him easily._

_"What're you doing?" Ginta asked._

_"Doesn't a waterfall flow into this lake?" Kouga asked absentmindedly._

_"Yeah but that's Tiiruse's-" Hakkaku was cut off by a thunderous hissing._

_ The rest of the small group had arrived and gaped up at the humongous waterfall. Ton by ton of water crashed into the rocks below, creating a misty cloud of droplets and liquid debris. _

_"-Waterfall." He finished._

_"What're we doing here?" One of the wolves asked uncomfortably. There wasn't a single youkai in the pack that didn't know the legend behind Tiiruse' waterfall. Their parents had always told them to never go near it. They were told that Tiiruse, a vicious dragon youkai, lay hidden behind the waterfall, just waiting for any creature stupid enough to come close, then his monstrous tail would dart out skewing whatever it reached, and he would plunge it into the waterfall where he would devour them with teeth bigger then they were. It seemed possible, the waterfall itself was huge and could definitely hold something as big as a dragon youkai. Although they had never actually _seen_ a dragon youkai._

_ No youkai their age ever went near it. They were considered rebels just for being in the _lake_ the waterfall ran into._

_"You think it's true?" Kouga whispered to his friends._

_ They didn't have to ask what he was referring to. "Ano…..I don't know." Ginta replied. "Why?"_

_ His only answer was Kouga walking closer to the falls. He, Hakkaku and the others gawked stupidly. _

_"K-Kouga! What're you doing?!" Hakkaku shouted quickly clapped his hands over his mouth. What if Tiiruse heard him? Well, he wasn't that close to it, surely his tail couldn't reach that far. "Kouga! Come back!" He hissed more quietly._

_"I want to see if it's true." He stated nonchalantly looking into the flow of water the fall ran into._

_"Kouga don't!" Ginta urged, coaxing him to come back._

_"You don't even know if it's true." He replied testily._

_"What if it _is_!?" _

_"Then we'll know for sure soon enough!" He called back springing from rock to rock that lay in the water before he was on the closest one to the falls. _

_ Hakkaku and Ginta gripped each other in fear for their friend. The other wolves were taken aback by Kouga's brazenness. Sure their prince wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but was he _that_ dense? _

_"Don'tdoitDon'tdoitDon'tdoitDon'tdoit." The two muttered in sync with each other. This wasn't good, how would they explain to their Leader that his son had gotten eaten and they hadn't done a thing about?_

_ The said son looked back at them smirking before leaping into the falls. Hakkaku and Ginta as well as everyone one else cried out at the action. He was going to die! They all waited tensing in suspense. They were met with nothing but silence for a long time. Hakkaku let go of Ginta to take a step towards the water. _

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" A blood curdling scream ripped through the air just as Hakkaku was nearing it, he started in surprise and fell back._

_ The others immediately took off into the woods. Ginta stood there, too petrified to move to help his prone friend. He gulped finally gaining enough courage to move._

_"What're you doing?" Hakkaku asked watching him hesitantly jump onto the rock in the water. _

_"K-Kouga's in there. We have to help him, neh?"_

_"And what're_ we_ going to do? We have to go get help!" Even though he was saying it, Hakkaku still followed Ginta, leaping from rock to rock._

_ They approached the falls, both still fighting their fears. 'We'regoingtogeteatenWe'regoingtogeteaten..' was the mantra going through their minds. They neared the falls, each hesitating to go in. Ginta reached out a hand to slide it through the cascading flow of water when suddenly he was shoved back and onto Hakkaku, sending them both careening into the lake behind them. A hysterical laughter broke them from their fright only to find Kouga laughing underneath the falls._

_ They gaped up at him from their place wading in the river. "Y-You're alive!" Hakkaku stuttered._

_ Kouga chuckled gesturing them to follow him. "Our parents are full of shit, look." _

_ The two swam up to the line of boulders underneath the falls, hopping up to follow him under the tons of raining water only to find the hideous form of………….nothing. There was nothing behind the falls but a stone wall. Hakkaku and Ginta looked around a little more, almost disappointed that there was no mammoth monster ready to eat them. _

_"Told ya." Kouga stated arrogantly._

_ They nodded turning to come out from behind the falls. "Why would they lie?" Ginta asked._

_"Probably got a kick out of it." He growled._

_ Well, it definitely sounded like something the older wolves would do. They jumped down from the boulders to swim around watching Kouga look around at the empty forest disgustedly. "Loyal lil' bastards, aren't they?" _

_ They chuckled, Hakkaku doing a lazy backstroke and Ginta resting his upper half on a rock. His gaze flickered up to his raven haired friend to find him still underneath for torrent of water. His eyes were closed and head turned up facing the falls as if the weight of his soaked unkept hair was too heavy to bear. Ginta had always been envious of Kouga. He was always the strongest, the center of attention, the fruit born from the labor of the tribe. Not that Ginta wanted all that attention, but still, Kouga was something to be envied. He studied his friend's body in its nudity. Remarkably tan skin covered a strong body ripped with muscle. He had grown into his body perfectly, his baby fat had long since given way to sharp cheek bones, and his thin arms and legs became firm limbs of unrelenting power. His stomach, once pudgy in his cub years now rippled with toned muscle._

_ Ginta looked down at his own body, suddenly feeling more like a boy trying to be a man. He looked awkward with his pale skin stretched over his tall lanky form. He was not filling out in the way most males were beginning to, his mother had always ignored his insecurities over it. He sighed resting his head on his arms dejectedly. _

_---end flashback---_

Ginta stepped under the small waterfall, turning his head up and doing his best to ignore his once more rising insecurities. He had never grown into his body the way Kouga and Hakkaku had. He had stayed pale, skinny, and awkward looking. He still often felt just as much like the cub he used to be. Swallowing the miserable lump in his throat he ran his hands through his oddly colored hair.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So set me free, just like I set you free. And then I walk away. Even though, I have no idea, what so ever, where I'm going. I'm so intelligent it scares me." Kagome thought sarcastically.

It had seemed like a good idea at the time. She hadn't been able to face him so the most logical answer would be to walk _away_ from him. Well it would be had she known where she was going and not gotten lost. The summer heat was getting to her, the exertion had already gotten her smelly, sweaty, and tired, then sun had decided to pay special attention to her. Luckily the trees overhead provided some shade but the humidity was horrible! Her night gown had begun to stick to her and, the once thought insane, idea of just walking around naked was becoming very appealing.

"I hate nature." She grumbled to herself. Suddenly she became alert to the sound of rushing water. Could it be? Possibly? "Lets just go with it and call it a waterfall for happiness's sake." She said with a gleeful laugh racing towards the sound.

Oh if it was what she hoped it was then a God definitely existed. Kagome burst through the brush smiling elatedly as the sound grew louder. It was unmistakably a waterfall. She came to a set of large bushy foliage and impatiently pushing past it she murmured happily "Thank Kami Thank Kami Thank Kami Thank………Kami." Yes, there definitely was a God. And he stood in all his naked glory underneath the small falls. She stopped and stared in awe at the youkai she had been so frustrated with earlier.

The rushing water plastered his two toned hair to his head and she watched as he ran his long, clawed fingers through it. The water rolling down his tall, lithe frame and with the sun shining through it just right, made him look like a fallen angel. His back was turned to her giving her a pleasant view of his wiry physique. She swallowed, every moral fiber ingrained within commanded her to turn away but an unnamable something refused to let her avert her gaze. She had never seen him this way. Granted she had seen him enough to notice that he was rather plain looking and didn't posses the devastatingly dashing good looks Kouga did, nor the exotic beauty of InuYasha. Even though he hadn't the splendor of Kouga or InuYasha, he held a certain charm that she couldn't quite explain, it was a charm she had never noticed in anyone else before. Previously she had always brushed it off, until now. Seeing him like this took her breath away, it made him beautiful to her and forced her to examine that charm she had always ignored.

_'Stop it, Kagome! You have no idea what you're doing!' _Her conscience scolded her. And she didn't. She hadn't the faintest clue what she was doing, what she was thinking. This wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to be here. Her arrow wasn't supposed to miss. Kouga wasn't supposed to be dead. She wasn't supposed to make the wish. And she wasn't supposed to see him this way. But it seemed the Gods had carelessly flipped her world upside down. And she _was_ here. Her arrow _did_ miss. Kouga _was_ dead. She _did_ make the wish. And she _did_ see him this way. But this knowledge didn't quiet the voice inside her whispering.

_'This is wrong……'_

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, a nice swim was just what he needed. It cooled the nerves and made him forget the problems that would haunt him back home. Ginta sighed, smiling serenely as the water ran down his back. He was happy, the world was at peace, and everything felt so good. He felt every muscle relax underneath the shower of cold water. It dripped and massaged the tension from his body. He was about to fall back into the pond when a blood chilling scream rose to his ears.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well whadya think? Getting' juicey huh? That 'luv humiliates you,hate cradles you quote' was an exerpt from the book 'white oleander' its awesome! I really recommend reading it! Well, here are the instructions for the magical appearance of another chapter.

1:read it.

2:decide if u luv it, hate it, have a problem that needs venting with it.

3:review it.

_C h a p t e r V I - N o t M e a n t F o r M e_

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_ -"Well, maybe not all the rumors."_

_"There were others?" She asked confusedly._

_"Supposedly you were already due with a litter." He said, a mischievous twinkle in his eye._

_"Huh?" Her nose scrunched in bewilderment._

_"Everyone thinks you're pregnant." Ginta answered bluntly._

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	6. A Smaller God

I really didn't mean 2 go this long w/out updating, preparing for college has just kept me I guess. Much sorryness 2 everyone! But we r now continuing, yay!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

C h a p t e r VI – A S m a l l e r G o d

--------------------------------------------------------------------

_Your presence is the night_

_Your absence is the morning_

_I'm searching your dark hallways_

_Trying to find the light_

_Swimming your sad ocean_

_I'm drowning in your sea_

_This will all be over soon_

_And we'll learn to live again_

_A Smaller God - Darling Violetta_

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Ginta's head snapped around at break neck speed as the horrified screech reached his ears. There through the water fall he could see a shaken Kagome with her back pressed against the nearest tree staring in shock at the dead puma. Her hand darted up to point shakily at the carcass.

"W-What is _that_?!" She shrieked her eyes never leaving the deceased animal.

The wolf youkai on the other hand was concerned with more pressing matters. Such as how exactly in the hell did she get here. He jumped down from the rocks underneath the falls paddling through the water until he reached the edge nearest to her. Kagome's focus refused the desert the gory site even as the nude wolf crawled out of the water and onto the forest ground.

"Oi, How'd you get all the way out here?" He asked walking over to her.

"Huh?" Some how her clouds stupor parted long enough to allow her gaze to turn towards the questioning youkai. And she mentally pummeled herself wishing she hadn't. She yelped in surprised embarrassment and instantly twisted herself away from him, the grotesque puma momentarily forgotten. "What do you think you're doing?!" She tried her best to scold him but all the blood rushing to her face forced her brain to quickly abandoned that idea.

"What are you talking about? What's wrong?" He asked, concern coming into his voice as he stepped closer to her.

"W-What's _wrong_!?" She parroted horror-struck at the very thought of explaining the exact 'wrong-ness' of the situation. "G-Ginta!" Kagome started, feeling very embarrassed and not knowing how to say, you being naked in front of me is not okay. "you're not decent!" She hissed.

Ginta looked down at himself. He had never particularly found his body aesthetically pleasing but he hadn't really considered it 'indecent'. He looked away from her, rubbing his arm awkwardly. He suddenly felt like a rejected child standing in front of her. "You're body isn't exactly standing perfection either, ya know." He grumbled.

"What!" Kagome exclaimed twirling around completely aghast at his oblivion. "I'm not talking about your body, you baka! You're naked!" She cried pointing at his blatant nudity.

He raised an eyebrow at her statement of the obvious. He was bathing, what did she expect? "So?"

Her mouth opened and closed repeatedly looking for some sort of explanation on why it was wrong to stand naked in front of the opposite sex. _'You certainly didn't have a problem with his nudity _before_ he knew you were there.' _A naughty voice whispered at her, bringing with it a mixture of shame and curiosity. She felt very stupid stating "I'm just not used to naked men standing in front of me, that's all." She mumbled quickly becoming fascinated with the dirt beneath her.

Hairless eyebrows raised a fraction in surprise at her proclamation. He stopped himself from correcting her, he wasn't a man, he was a youkai. But he understood what she was saying all the same. She had never seen a naked male before? He had grown up with his pack and was quite accustomed and comfortable with the nudity of both genders. Clothing was simply for protection and sometimes to show off a kill, nothing more. His head cocked daintily to the side, all of a sudden feeling very curious about her. His few encounters with humans had taught him a few things. One: Humans were very tasty. Two: They were weak. And three: For some reason or another, humans appeared to be very ashamed with their bodies. The last bit of information he had heard from members around the pack. Female humans, it seemed, were especially embarrassed about being seen nude. They certainly put up quite a fuss when being caught unclothed. Ginta had never been inquisitive about human culture, but now that she was his new den sister he was getting a bird's eye view of it and couldn't help but wonder why exactly human females were so ashamed of nudity. Studying her now as she was, he could see that she was avoiding all contact with him. She refused to look at him and made sure to keep at least two steps away from him. He bit back a chuckle. She even twitched a bit, like a jittery bird.

Experimentally his hand reached out laying a gently index finger on her shoulder. As he expected, she jumped in surprise, letting out a high pitched yip, and instantly batted his hand away from her. He couldn't stop the snicker rising from his throat as she hurriedly twisted away from him and buried her flushing face in her hands. Controlling his laughter, he decided that as long as he was living with one, he might as well educate himself on the ways of humans. "Why are human females so ashamed of their bodies?"

Her head snapped towards him obviously offended. "What?! I'm not ashamed of myself!" She snapped indignantly.

"I didn't say you were. I said you were ashamed of your body." He stated calmly, as if speaking to a four year old.

She turned her body angrily to face him. "There's nothing wrong with my body!"

"I didn't say there was. I'm just wondering why you're so ashamed of it."

"I'm not!" She exclaimed fisting her hands at her sides.

"So what's wrong with me being naked?" It was a question he was truly curious about.

Suddenly reminded of that fact, she 'eeped' and quickly spun away from him. _'What_ is_ wrong with him being naked? You seemed to enjoy it before.'_ Darn that voice of naughtiness! Kagome squirmed, desperately searching her brain for the answer. "I-It's just not proper. Humans aren't comfortable being naked in front of people, or anyone else being naked in front of them!" She rushed the last part.

"Why?" He asked plopping down at her feet like a student before their instructor.

She let out an exasperated sound of frustration. "I don't know! It's just the way we're raised! It's considered shame....ful......." Kagome trailed off considering her own words. If it was considered shameful to be naked in public then didn't that mean that humans were taught to be ashamed of their own bodies? Letting out a lost sigh, Kagome followed Ginta's example and dropped her butt to the ground. "I guess you're kinda right. It's not really that we feel ashamed, it's just that our parents raised us to think that such things are improper in society."

Ginta nodded in understanding. Learning about another culture was interesting but it still left a burning question in his mind. "Why is it considered shameful?"

Kagome paused in thought. "I dunno.....I suppose..........lemme think." She racked her brain trying to think of something to relate this to. "Well I know when a girl shows off her body by wearing revealing clothing, she considered to be um....ano......... promiscuous?" Judging by the blank look on his face Kagome guessed she should try another word. "licentious?" He raised a confused eyebrow at her. She growled in frustration, was the stupid man actually going to make her spell it out?! Damn him and his lack of good vocabulary that was useful for dodging awkward subjects! "Whorish, Ginta. We consider them to be whores. I guess that's why." She explained seemingly too lost in thought to notice that the subject of such nudity was sitting right next to her, still as naked as the day he was born.

"It's sexual?" He was somewhat surprised at the reason. In any wolf tribe nudity was only considered sexual when the female was in heat, other than that no one really noticed. During that time the female, if unmated, would be the receiver of many cat calls and propositions. Ginta gave his companion's own body a once over, strangely interested in what _her_ body looked like. He briefly wondered why he was thinking such things; she obviously wasn't in heat so he shouldn't worry about it. Then again, human's considered all nudity to be sexual, so his own thoughts should be quite innocent compared to any human males'. He gave her nightgown a little tug, catching her attention.

Kagome looked at the source of the new pulling at her pajamas and once again felt very uncomfortable. He was still naked, but now they had talked about why her reasoning for being uncomfortable was so flawed she did not have the nerve racking urge to spring away from him.

"What does yours looking like?" He asked staring at her person inquisitively.

"What!?" She didn't have to wonder what exactly he was referring too and instantly felt her face light up like a red Christmas bulb.

"Just wondering." He stated as if that justified everything.

"It looks just like every other human female's, trust me." She growled warningly.

"I haven't really seen many human females naked, to be honest."

"Well I'm not about to make you a liar!" She cried blushing madly.

Ginta observed Kagome innocently as she continued her reddening fit. Bitches were generally only fertile in the spring, human females on the other hand could conceive at any time during the year. He briefly wondered if that was one of the perks Kouga considered when choosing Kagome for his mate. Yet another biological difference between humans and youkai. "I'm not very good at lying anyway." He stated casually folding his arms behind his head and leaning back against the tree behind them.

A pair of overly large Miko eyes widened as his new position brought back the recent problem. _'Penis!' _Her flustered head threatened to explode as the word reverberated throughout her mind. She gulped jerking her head away and the organ out of sight. Guilt and shame flooded her senses at her hormones' determined curiosity over this new experience. With the exceptions of the few and only second lasting walk-ins on InuYasha and gaudy pictures in health class, she had never really seen a penis before. _'I'm not even going to count those times when Souta had his little 4 year old nudist phase.' _She thought as the memory of a much younger and stark naked Souta running around the house was brought into place. For the life of her, Kagome could not understand where her guilt and shame stemmed from. Ginta was perfectly at ease with his nudity, so she was obviously not invading his privacy. With InuYasha, she just felt horribly embarrassed for catching him during his few bathing times. Now, there was a whole torrent of familiar emotions racing through her blood, yet coming from a totally unfamiliar and unnamable place. "We should get back. It's getting hot." She muttered staring at the ground to the side of her.

The wolf nodded pulling his arms out from behind him and stretching out any kinks his relaxed posture had left. The mention of heat brought his attention to the prone bestial figure laying a short ways away from them. The heat was surely spreading its sent through the forest like wild fire. He jumped to his feet and began wiping the debris and dirt left from the tree off his arms. "Where're you going?" He asked pulled from his cleansing to watch her walk away from him and toward the bushes.

Kagome stopped herself before the habit of looking at whoever was addressing her turned her attention back to the very naked youkai. She settled for reacquainting her eyes with the grassy floor. "I'll just wait over here until your ready, neh?"

He nodded, a little puzzled at her reckoning but shrugged it off none the less. When the bushes swallowed her whole just as they had spat her out before, he stopped his pawing and glanced at his still dirty arms. As long as he was here he might as well wash them too. Ginta treaded over to the water's edge, squatting down until he could safely dunk his hands in up to arm level. The cool water washed over his limbs, pulling the dirt from them and making them pure once more. He hated to leave this place; it was so serene yet refreshing at the same time. Only the mental suggestion that he could always come back kept his good mood afloat as he watched the ripples his hands had made rejoin to make up his reflection. Only it wasn't his reflection they made. His two toned hair appeared to make up its mind and finally settle on a color as the raven hair completely replaced the white. It obviously not only wanted to change color but length as well since it rose into a high pony tail and beyond. His pale, porcelain skin grew shades darker. His dotted irises thinned and expanded into azure slits. Ginta gasped, wrenching his arms from the water as Kouga's glaring face stared back at him. Bile that he had managed to keep from his stomach for days suddenly returned with a vengeance and he swiped his dripping hands over his face to cool the rising hot flashes the nausea brought with it. Swallowing down his pooling saliva his eyes darted down to the waters to confirm his insanity. And he saw nothing. Nothing but his normal face with its normal two toned hair and normal pallid complexion.

A sigh mixed with relief and disappointment broke from his lips and Ginta looked almost longingly at his now normal reflection. He reached a hesitant and shaky hand out, allowing his fingers to softly skim the surface. He was frozen there for a long time, not caring that he was leaving Kagome to wait on her own. He gazed at his own image as though if he stayed long enough, Kouga's own face would return and he would rise from the waters and all Ginta's memories of his death, the corpse, and his broken friendship with Hakkaku would all just be some twisted nightmare his brain had concocted. But no blue eyes and raven hair met him. Only the rippling image of a two-toned young youkai, with lost eyes and a lonely face stared up at him.

Ginta turned away from the water, rising to his feet he made for his clothing. The water may have hidden Kouga's face from his eyes but that scowl and glaring face had seemingly permanently imprinted itself on his mind.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Even _she_ didn't take this long getting ready! Kagome thought pacing impatiently. She had been out here for almost a half an hour, what was he _doing_?! Only her modesty and refusal to allow her hormones the satisfaction of seeing him naked again kept her from storming back to yell at him for taking so long.

"You ready?"

Kagome looked up from her murderous thoughts to see the exact subject of such evil contemplations standing there, fully clothed mind you, with that horrible carcass slung carelessly over his shoulder. She about faced and gave him her best death glare. "Are _you_ ready? I don't mind waiting another three hours if you want to fix your hair up extra nice or something." She bit out making sure he would notice the utter sarcasm dripping from her tone.

He threw her a bewildered glance at her tone but didn't comment on it. "I must have lost track of time. We really should get back; we're probably attracting a lot of unwanted attention keeping our food out in the open like this." He walked over to her and with a quick swoop of his free arm he scooped her up, ignoring the cry of surprise that came from it. "It'll be faster this way." He explained quickly before racing off.

Kagome couldn't have objected if her life depended on it. Blood once again sloshed about her head, bringing a horrible tomatoey hue to her face. His arm was firmly positioned at the apex of her rear and thighs, while said thighs promptly straddled the side of his torso. She had ridden InuYasha's back plenty of times but it had never seemed this sexual. She swallowed the large saliva lump that had gradually formed in her throat. _'It's just hormones. I was always a bit of a late bloomer, maybe they're just starting to really kick in...'_ Kagome thought slowly taking in a deep breath and just as slowly letting it out. This would all go away soon, and she would just end up laughing at herself in the end....

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Ginta was thankful for the mental oblivion running often gifted him. With the young woman child gripped carefully in one arm and the soon to be meal thrown carelessly over his shoulder, he reached their mountain caves in no time. Or what was supposed to be their mountain caves, anyway.

"Oh no. No no no no no." The wolf youkai stopped, his mouth hanging open in reckless abandon as small groups of wolves continued to leap up their cliff and pile themselves into their den.

"Ginta, who are they?" Kagome asked curiously watching the youkai hoard into their caves like ants into a mound.

Ginta barely remembered to keep his grip on the human and the food before he darted over to the quickly disappearing crowd and began to lunge up the cliff himself. Jumping into what had been their den he thoughtlessly dropped both burdens and gaped at the vanishing space ignoring the indignant cry of surprise and sudden pain that came from the ground.

"W-what are you doing?!" He stammered, shocked, panicked, and at a loss of what to do.

"You, pup, get out and find your own pack. We don't take in strays." A stern voice commanded.

The pair looked over at the newcomer. A menacing looking youkai with a built and scarred body looked at them with threatening eyes, obviously waiting for them to scurry out. Kagome looked up at Ginta, not understanding what was happening and waiting for him to take charge of the situation. Then again, Ginta had never really taken charge of anything. She watched his mouth open and close speechlessly. With his body frozen and eyes wide he reminded her much of a deer caught in the headlights of a gigantic pick up truck. Pangs of fear and uncertainty began to bubble in her stomach. What would happen to them if Ginta couldn't handle this?

Said youkai stared at the other wolf speechlessly. This was obviously this pack's alpha male and he had no idea how to handle this situation. They were taking over their home! This would never have happened with Kouga. Unfortunately Kouga wasn't here, and now Ginta had to take control of the situation. He had to be the leader of his tiny pack of two. But he wasn't a leader, he was raised to be a follower and take orders. And now an order was being given to him and his sense was warring with his ingrained teachings.

The older youkai cast a glance down at Kagome, mistaking the fear in her eyes as she stared up at Ginta for the fear prey had for their predator. Reverting his attention back to the younger wolf he snorted in disgust at the paralyzed and 'scared stiff' posture. "I suggest you take your lunch with you if you intend to keep it." He growled out.

The sound of the alpha male's voice seemed to break Ginta away from his paralyzing indecision.

"Wait! What are you doing?! This is _our_ home!" He cried pleadingly.

The elder youkai looked at Ginta in surprise at the protest. A small sliver of sympathy wormed its way into his eyes. He honestly did not take pleasure in harming his own kind whether directly or indirectly. But it was survival of the fittest, and he had worked hard for that title. "We are the eastern wolf clan. The northern clan has been overstepping their territories and those dealings have left us with very little time to complete our migration south. This cave will have to do for now."

This was not happening. Ginta stared at the older youkai dumbfounded. What was he supposed to do? It was ironic that Hakkaku left to look for a tribe to take over, when one had literally just arrived at their proverbial doorstep. Thankfully an urgent tug broke him from his jumbled thoughts.

"Ginta, do something!" Kagome hissed at him under her breath pulling pleadingly at his wrist from her place on the ground.

He looked down at her frightened eyes, misty storms swirling in their depths. The young wolf's head snapped back up to meet the impatient elder. "We're not strays! This is the home of the western tribe." He tried hard to push the unease from his voice, but he obviously did not completely succeed at the task.

The sympathy returned to the old youkai's eyes, his face noticeably softened a fraction. "There is no western tribe."

Ginta's spirits plummeted. Had the news of Kouga's death spread that quickly? "You know then. About Kouga." It was not a question.

The elder gave a curt nod. "Hai. Youkai are quite the gossips, neh?"

Ginta's gaze dropped to the ground in defeat. What else was there to do?

"I am sorry for your loss. For all his faults, Kouga was a good leader. His father raised him well." The other wolf straightened his posture. Nature could be so cruel. "But, I cannot let my tribe pay for that loss. It does not affect our clan."

Ginta flinched at the feel of such coarse and unfeeling words.

Was he really going to just let that man kick them out?! Kagome gawked up at Ginta in shock. So much of a baby sitter he turned out to be! "And just where are we supposed to go?! You're kicking us out of the only place we have just so you can hunt when you already have a home of your own!" She snapped rising to her feet but keeping close to her so called body guard, just incase the other wolf decided to take a swipe at her.

Said youkai jolted slightly in surprise at her impudence. Food was not supposed to talk. His lips thinned threateningly as he spoke to Ginta but did not take his gaze off Kagome. "Shouldn't you have killed your lunch by now?"

Instinctually, Ginta searched the ground until his eyes found the very much dead puma. He looked at the other youkai in confusion before realization finally dawned on him. Oh, he was talking about "Kagome?" It had been a long time since he had thought of her as something to eat.

The older wolf's eyes widened the tiniest bit at the declaration. There were only four wolf tribes in the all of Japan, so news traveled quickly between them. And there couldn't be a single one that didn't know of the scandal involving the Western wolf prince and the human miko. He raised a clawed finger in the girl's direction. "That is Kagome, then?"

"Hai." Ginta replied, curious as to why it really mattered who the 'lunch' was.

The pointing finger curled at her, gesturing her forward. Kagome's brows furrowed in apprehension. She moved closer to Ginta, grateful when he grew tense at the other youkai's interest in her. Maybe he wasn't so useless after all. Which was her last thought as the other wolf's hand darted out to grab her upper arm and jerk her forward. She let out a surprised squeak before feeling another thinner hand snatch her waist in protest.

"Oi! Get a-"

"Why has Kouga not marked his mate?"

Kagome's entire body went rigid as the invasive youkai pushed her hair away from her neck and promptly stuck his nose in the warm middle area. She felt Ginta's arm relax but it did not pull away.

"Their obligations kept them apart for a very long time. He was planning to mark her properly after Naraku's defeat..."

Kagome let out a breath of relief when the other wolf released her. Her hand went up to the violated place at her neck, impulsively feeling to see if anything was injured or amiss. A small pang of shame spiked within her and she stopped frisking her neck at the sudden look of pity and gentleness the older youkai was now directing at her.

"I see he never got the chance." His voice was laden with sympathy, his eyes never leaving the nervous young woman.

Mist colored eyes went to the ground, his stare unnerving her. Ginta's hand left her waist now making her feel very naked and unprotected under the wolf's gaze.

Said youkai mistook her unease for distress at bringing up such a tender topic. A clawed and calloused hand rose to gently stroke her hair. "Loosing a mate is a very lamentable experience. Especially so early in the courtship." He said compassionately.

Kagome's eyes shot up in confusion at the old wolf. Did everyone really believe that she and Kouga were involved in such a serious relationship? Guilt and disgrace swam through her blood at thinking of him in such a way. A very dear friend had died and she was still the little girl throwing a tantrum because her classmates were singing the K.I.S.S.I.N.G. song at her.

The elder patted her head affectionately. "Kouga always was a radical. Never did give two squats about tradition. I suppose it's fitting that the all those rumors about him taking a human mate be true."

A horrible redness spread across Kagome's cheeks that she eagerly tried to fight back.

Ginta smiled nostalgically at the remembrance of his friend. He never did care how taboo it was for him to mate with a human. It was possibly the closest thing to bestiality Youkai had, but then again once Kouga became interested in something, there was no deterring him.

The other youkai's lips suddenly quirked in an impish smirk as if he had just remembered something wicked. "Well, maybe not all the rumors."

"There were others?" She asked confusedly.

"Supposedly you were already due with a litter." He said, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"Huh?" Her nose scrunched in bewilderment.

"Everyone thinks you're pregnant." Ginta answered bluntly. He sighed exasperatedly, it figures. Youkai really were incredible gossips, and gossip always changed with every telling.

Her face was a mood ring of colors at that moment. One minute it was full of that appalling red hue, next it was completely drained of any color, then it was back to the reddest of red. "P-pregnant!? When was I pregnant!??" She exclaimed desperately trying to get her face to return to its fleshy tint.

Ginta patted her shoulder reassuringly ignoring the other youkai's chuckles. "It was just a rumor, Nee-san. You know how it is, tell a friend you caught a fish and next thing ya know the whole tribe is talking about the whale you brought home."

Feminine hands encased her burning cheeks as she nodded. It was junior high all over again.

The elder just laughed, amused by her reaction. He had forgotten how incredibly modest humans were. He patted one of the hands clutching one of her cheeks, charmed by her blush. "My name is Jiikou and it is too bad that it was just a rumor. Kouga had always hoped to leave a little piece of himself behind before he died." Jiikou sighed looking around at his tribe, most were planning where their nests would be, and others were looking at him expectantly, either to see why he was wasting his time with these drifters or for him to give them orders on what to do next. Survival of the fittest...... "My tribe is not so weak that we must stoop to stealing a nest from a widowed female. We will leave out of respect for Kouga. But do not expect us to be so generous next time we meet." He nodded to Ginta after giving Kagome's shoulder a comforting squeeze. He marched back towards the entrance of the cave, barking out orders to his clan mates. Surprised and confused looks were given but no one questioned the alpha male as one by one they followed their leader and hopped out of the cave.

The pair stood staring at the exit of the now empty cave, half expecting for them to change their mind and come lunging back. Finally after a few minutes passed Ginta plopped to the floor with a relief filled breath. His posture slumped with his weight completely oblivious to Kagome's heated glare.

She scowled at him before giving him a rude jab to the hip with her foot. "You were just going to let him throw us out!?"

Ginta flinched briefly when the foot unexpectedly made contact with his hip. He looked up at her replying "What did you want me to do? I accept my limitations, Nee-san. And there was no way I could of defeated _him_."

She shook her head exasperatedly dropping down to sit tiredly beside him. Propping her chin up on her fist she noticed the sky was already getting dark. It had definitely been one of those days.

"On the bright side, we'll be eating well today, ano..tonight I mean." He stated sheepishly sticking his hand behind his head.

Her attention flickered to the limp carcass laying on the ground. She fought the disgusted cringe working its way through her facial muscles. She felt him leave her side to move towards the dead animal and heft it into his arms. He walked over to where they had kept their fire the previous night. He set the corpse down and began to gather wood for another fire. The longer she watched him the further her irritation faded. He was trying. He was trying so hard, and all by himself too. How hard must it be to have that kind of weight on your shoulders? _'Probably the same as literally having the fate of the world on yours.' _She definitely knew what that was like.

Ginta was torn from his task of making a fire when the twigs and other lighting material were taken from his grasp. He was surprised to see Kagome taking them and resuming what he had been trying to do.

"Why don't you worry about......_that_." She said daring a glance at the carcass. "And I'll make the fire."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn't working. He had tried all day and all it did was lay around his neck. Just like any normal necklace would do. If he could somehow go back in time like Kagome did, and meet his former self, that self would probably be kicking his ass up and down for doing what he was doing now. InuYasha had spent the better part of his day trying to get the dreaded rosary beads to sit him again. Shortly after Kagome had made it perfectly clear that she no longer wanted him in her life, he had returned the necklace to its rightful place. But it wasn't the same. It was no longer the magic rosary that with one word from her lips could bring him to the ground. It wasn't even magic at all. Now it was just a rosary. And it hung more heavily around his neck than he remembered. It felt colder, duller, inanimate. Which was what it was, wasn't it? An inanimate object?

InuYasha entwined the said inanimate object around his finger, leaning back into his favorite limb on the Goshinboku. There were upsides to this, weren't there? He no longer had to worry about her subduing him for pissing her off. He no longer had to control his behavior, and he had, whether she would believe it or not. So why did it feel more like a dismissal than a liberation? _'Because she doesn't want you anymore...' _A sly sounding voice reverberated in his head. A low growl rumbled in his throat at the taunting, his fingers clutching the lifeless beads in an aggressive grip. Kagome wasn't that kind of person. She wouldn't just send him away, not after all they had been through together. _"But she did, didn't she? And it wasn't as though it was only the two of you. You two didn't go through much together, seeing as how it wasn't along before you started picking up passengers..." _

The 'passengers' didn't matter, damnit! Sango, Miroku, hopefully even Shippou would have left eventually, probably when the quest was over. And it would be just the two of them again, it was a given that it always came down to just the two of them. _'Then where is she now? Why isn't she here? Why instead is she with a male she barely knows because of another male she supposedly had no feelings for? Do you really mean that little to her?' _His hands froze along with every other piece of his body, and the beads fell lifelessly back to his neck. _Did_ he really mean that little to her? Was he really so low on her priority list that she would put staying with practically a complete stranger, above him? Or was it something else..... _'Something else? Or some_one _else?' _His mouth went dry at the thought.

Was it Kouga? Had she lied to him when she said the wolf was just a good friend? _'She only said that to spare your feelings...' _That sounded like Kagome, she was always sparing feelings. All these thoughts were opening a door to a room he really didn't' want to enter. He had never thought she would ever actually leave him. In truth he could never really picture the whole accursed quest ever ending. But when it did he never thought she would leave him behind. Certainly not like this. He had always believed she would end up staying with him. He never would have guessed it would have turned out like this. Had Kouga's death really affected her so? _'She loved him.' 'NO!' _The thought was blunt and completely unexpected. _'She loved him. All this time she was in love with him. All this time she spent with you she was secretly loving him...' _It wasn't true! He was just mad right now and it was bringing up paranoid thoughts. _'It does make sense thought, doesn't it? She's in mourning, and paying her debt by helping his den brothers. What a faithful mate...' _

InuYasha shook his head trying to rid himself of the devastating thoughts plaguing his mind. He took a deep breath and let it out, calming himself. She would come back. She always came back. Once she realized she was being stupid she would come back to him, just like she always did. When she realized her dumb 'tests' were stupid, she came back. When she realized her little tantrum over Kouga was stupid, she came back. Even when she realized how stupid she was being over Kikyou, she came back. And she would come back after she regained her senses this time, just like she always did. _'Say it all you like. Wrap yourself in your own little world because your lies are easier to face than reality.' _

He closed his eyes. No more bad thoughts. He wasn't lying to himself; he had nothing to lie about. Kagome was fine, she was just being emotional like all females were most of the time. He squirmed into his branch until finding a comfortable position to sleep in.

She'd come back.......

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Yay! Again, sorry it took so long getting out. Getting ready for college has been tough, and I just entered senior year! Senior year has been pretty good to me so far with the exception of a certain teacher who will remain nameless (Ms.Freeman) and since she will remain nameless(Ms.Freeman) I am free to deliver this message.

Dear Ms. Freeman

Fuck. You.

Sincerely

Deni Collins

P.S. Fuck you.

And there ya go.

_C h a p t e r V I I – H e a r t S h a p e d B o x_

_Sorry, I don't really have a chap summary for this one. I would just like 2 say that I am not just winging it. I do have a plot for this fic. When I decided to write it I had already thought of a beginning, middle, and end. And I've already thought of a sequal, but I'll ask if u guys want that when this fic is finished. My thoughts just get kinda jumbled on how I want 2 get to the end, but I know we're not approaching it any time soon soon. So no worries!_

_Luv ya!_

_The Deni Pie!_

Whoops! Almost forgot, a few quick notes to references made in the story. #1: When I refer to the word 'Bitch' I do not mean like what ppl call really mean girls today. I mean a 'Bitch' as in a female dog. So don't get all immature and start giggling 'cause the fic has the word bitch in it. If u'r giggling 'cause of that then ya might wanna stop reading because this fic is rated R for a reason. There will be sex in this fic, so if that offends you, then u might want 2 skip over the chapter I put it in. Its not coming any time soon though. That'll be more towards the endish part. Kay? Plus, the K.I.S.S.I.N.G. song, you remember that song we all used to sing when we were little to really irritate our friends who had a crush on somebody we knew? U know the one, it went something like Jessie and billy sittin' in a stree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G., first come luv, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage. Only just replace 'jessie' and 'billy' with n.e.one u tormented that song with. Kay that's it. And if anything is confusing right now all will be explained in the end. Well I'll explain any sort of symbols and crap I think some of u may not get. Ok I'm shutting up now.

Remember if u want another chap. R&R, the reviews 4 this fic r pitiful! But I am very thankful for the ones that r reviewing! I luv u all! U'r awesome, set and example and don't stop reviewing!

The deni pie


	7. Heart Shaped Box

Woah, definitely been awhile. Sorry about lack of updates, I guess I shouldn't try promising a specific date on when a new chap will be out again, lol �; sorry bout that. But I haven't given up on this story and don't intend 2. Like I said, I already have the entire plot all the way 2 the end and even the beginnings of sequel (if anyone should want 1) all planned out. It's just the whole finding time to write thing that keeps me from doing all this and I have a thing about all chapters being at least 4,000 to 6,000 words in order to be classified as worth reading. N.E. who, it turns out that I did get accepted 2 the college I wanted 2 go 2, Miami International University of Art and Design. Unfortunately 2 go there 4 four years would cost around $100,000, and if anyone has that kinda money 2 lend me, then hey, I will u'r eternal whore 2 do w whatever u wish. But until that happens I had 2 apply 2 another school, Savannah college of art and design, which is just as good, so hopefully they will succumb 2 my charm and good looks and accept me But just incase they're immune 2 those lets all just keep our fingers crossed and wear bunny feet and horse shoes and crap.

Luv

The Deni Pie

--------------------------------------------------------------------

C h a p t e r VII – H e a r t s h a p e d B o x

--------------------------------------------------------------------

_She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak_

_I've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box for a week_

_I was drawn into your magnet tar pit trap_

_I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn back_

_Hey_

_Wait_

_I've got a new complaint_

_Forever in debt to your priceless advice_

_Hate_

_Haight_

_I've got a new complaint_

_Forever in debt to your priceless advice_

_Hey_

_Wait_

_I've got a new complaint_

_Forever in debt to your priceless advice_

_Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet_

_Cut myself on angel's hair and baby's breath_

_Broken hymen of your highness I'm left black_

_Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back_

Heartshaped Box - Nirvana

--------------------------------------------------------------------

_SlASH! _

_Grind……_

_grind….._

_grind……._

_SLASH!_

Kagome groaned throwing her arm over her face to block out what sounded like a red wood going through a dysfunctional wood chipper.

_Grind ……_

_Grind………_

_Grind………_

_SLASH!_

She supposed she could tune out the slashing, but the damnable grinding was slowly eating into her brain. It sounded like nails carving into splintery wood. She turned onto her back yanking the animal skin covers over her head to block out the sound her teeth had started grinding in rhythm to.

_Grind …….._

_Grind………_

_Grind………_

……………………………………

Kagome let out a contented sigh ready to swan dive back into the yumminess of sleep when the unwanted noise seemingly dissipated into the early morning silence.

CRASH!!

The startled miko let out a shriek, jolting up like a jack knife as the entire earth appeared to shake with the thundering bang. Her red, now saucer sized, and very much sleep deprived eyes flittered around the empty cave in disgruntled paranoia. Seeing nothing that would cause her abrupt awakening she cautiously peeked out of her nest to look for her companion.

"Ginta? Psst, Ginta!"

When no answer greeted her she quietly slid the covers off, slipping out of her makeshift bed. Giving the cave a quick once over she came to the conclusion that the youkai most definitely was missing. Even though Kagome put two and two together summing up that her absent friend was most likely behind the noise, she couldn't help the creeping childish doubt that the horrible sounds might possibly be created by a more terrible youkai coming up the cave to gobble her up. Shaking herself of the immature fear she found that the cave floor was a little colder than she had anticipated, or maybe her mind was just now given the freedom to settle down and truly absorb her surroundings enough to realize her feet wanted socks.

Kagome yawned, stretching her joints out with a resounding pop before making her way towards her oversized back pack. Sleepily digging through the clutter her mind's fogginess wasn't able to process matching color, pattern, or even size as she randomly pulled out one sock after the other. The one sock not even remotely resembling its mate. After tugging on one sky blue ankle sock with lavender hearts on it and repeating the same function with a stark white knee sock she toddled sleepily over towards the cave entrance where the ear piercing noises emanated from.

One hand instinctually leapt towards her offended eyes as the overbearing sun beamed down into them, making her cringe. Looking down at the source of her uncalled for wake up call, the slightly annoyed frown finally was given room to conquer her face, bringing her eyebrows together in an irritated furrow and her lips into an frustrated purse. The father of such noise was, as she predicted, Ginta. An enormous tree now lay against the edge of the cliff-like entrance. Her misty eyes followed down the diagonal of the elongated trunk to the grassy floor where the wolf youkai stood digging into the bark and carving out horizontal, shelf like curves from the wood.

As if on cue he looked up and smiled a greeting at her, completely oblivious to her less than pleased expression at being the early bird to catch the evil youkai shaped worm this morning. After taking one last swat at the helpless log he again raised his head to her, waving dramatically. Kagome was never a morning person. Even years of rude awakenings from InuYasha's frantic shouts and insults to get moving hadn't curbed that. While she had always been annoyed by pessimists she couldn't help but want to strangle every happy morning person in existence, which was why she had been grateful she hadn't been cursed with them on her Shikon Shard quest. Unfortunately, now she had one to deal with. And that one she had to deal with was smiling, and carving, and waving, and moving, and _breathing_!

"Oi! Nee-san, sleep well?" He called up to her cupping a hand to the side of his mouth.

Her frown only thickened. She could only imagine what she looked like so early in the morning. Her hair unbrushed and unkempt, probably frizzing and spouting out in every direction with volumes of inky locks, even more so now that it was cut and had no extra length weight to hold it down, her eyes red from being torn from sleep, and her pajamas were more than likely wrinkled and worn from unnecessary travel. In all probability she looked more like a demon than he did, but at that moment she couldn't have cared less. He woke the demon up and he would have to deal with her.

"I _was_!" She snapped. He looked at her curiously before shrugging and going back to his work. Kagome sighed, deciding to just forget it. She was awake anyway and wouldn't be able to get back to the sanctuary of sleep. She observed his work wondering what on earth was so important that it needed seeing to so early. A bold foot came out, tapping the clean cut of the top of the thick tree. It had been cut of all branches and leaves leaving it barren, looking more like a desolate log than the mighty oak it had once been. "Ginta, what are you doing?!" She called down.

Looking back up from his work he saw her foot pawing interestedly at the tapered top of the tree. "I'm not always going to be here to take you to and down from here, so I thought you might want a ladder so you could come and go as you please!" He called back up to her.

Immediately she felt guilty at being so irritated with him and addressing him so callously. Running a tired hand through her wild hair she took in a deep breath letting it out slowly, he definitely put her on a roller coaster of emotions. Angry, guilty, content, remorseful, so many to pick from! A wry grin broke against one side of her mouth as she stared down at his work. It looked nothing like a ladder. It looked more like a crude bookshelf. She laughed a little, but it was a big improvement from her later situation of sitting around all day coming down with cabin fever while she waited for him to return from whatever it was he was doing. She smiled, squatting down resting her elbows on her knees, becoming interested in her new present. It was so hard to believe he had done all this by himself. Cutting this massive tree down, scaling it and cutting off all the limbs and branches, bringing it here and positioning it so perfectly.

Her thoughts brought her eyes back down to the youkai as he worked so thoroughly. He was working fast. He may be done by the afternoon. Seeing that he was pretty much absorbed in his mission and didn't really need to worry about entertaining her, she stood up returning to the cave to dress and make herself look at least halfway descent.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

'_ow…….ow…OW!'_ Kagome cringed as the brush snagged yet another tangle in its decent towards her ends. She clenched her eyes shut, grabbing the hair above the knot, before it tapered into a tangle, and gently worked the brush through. Letting out a sigh when the pain was over she began to hastily brush the rest of her newly tamable mane. Setting down the torture tool she ran her fingers through the onyx locks feeling the silky softness of them as each strand glided through them with ease. Picking up the brush to return it to her back pack she couldn't help but glance at it and all the hair it had yanked from her head. _'Well I guess that's what you get when you don't have conditioner…'_

"Still, I would've thought less tangles would be one of the perks of having shorter hair." She mumbled idly to herself spitefully pushing the brush into the deeper recesses of her back pack.

"Is that why you cut it?"

She looked up from her pack no longer surprised at the sudden appearances he was so good at making. Although she _was_ surprised at his new state that he made this one in. Ginta stood there casually wiping the sweat from his forehead with a removed armband. Kagome watched him stand there; not looking so much as winded as he was overly hot. His question seemed to be more rhetorical than for her because his attention was away from her as soon as he asked it and turned to wringing out his dampening armband. She was glad he wasn't focusing on her, that meant he couldn't see the way she stared. He couldn't see the way she looked at him as he seemingly blocked the sun, creating a Godlike outline of fuzzy sun beams around his body. His chest was completely bare. The only things he appeared to be were his fur wrap and leg and arm bands. Every inch of him covered in a thin layer of sweat as each bead dripped down his body, mapping out every curve and crevice of wiry muscle in his lean form. The wolf youkai wasn't handsome, at least not in any conventional way. He didn't possess anything that would make a girl swoon but for the second time since she met him, Kagome found herself charmed and somewhat enchanted by him. He had something unidentifiable about him, something she couldn't name in his awkward features, something that separated him from everyone else, and it captured her. It made her look twice and study him to see what it was and if it was even there or just a figment of her imagination.

So it was a bit ironic that as he stood there, covered in and secreting sweat, and probably smelling every bit as worked as he looked, she found herself oddly wanting to touch him. She didn't know why or where the thought came from, but maybe she would be satisfied if she laid a hand to that shining chest, or helped him wipe off the cooling sweat._ 'Stop it!' _Kagome could feel her cheeks burn as she whipped her face away from the underdressed youkai. What was she thinking?! _'Stupid hormones…' _She shook her head trying to rid herself of the complicated thoughts. Maybe she was just lonely….

"That's and interesting pattern…"

Kagome looked up from her thoughts at his voice, looking at him before she noticed his focus on her dress. She glanced down at her yellow and blue plaid sun dress. It was one of her favorites and was the coolest thing she could find that would help against such humid weather. _'He's probably never seen plaid before…'_

"Arigato," She murmured, tugging on a shoe.

"Are you going somewhere, Nee-san?" He asked conversationally plopping down next to her while he continued to wipe himself of the thin sheen dripping along his body.

Kagome shrugged. She didn't know what she was doing but she knew she wanted to get out of this cave and at least try to have an eventful day. "I'm thinking about taking a walk. Maybe trying out that new ladder you got me?" She said amiably, knowing he would be pleased that she was so interested in his 'present.'

As she predicted, his face lit up and he nodded warmly. "It's not done yet. I'm about half way through, so I'll have to help you down a little ways." He added.

She nodded tying her other shoe absentmindedly. It was now day five since this all began and Kagome just felt she needed to have some time to think. Things were beginning to settle down and now was the time everything was beginning to sink in. She idly glanced at Ginta out of the corner of her eye. He seemed to be doing better. How did he deal with all this? He simply sat there wringing out his armband lost in his own thoughts. _Was_ he even dealing with this? Or was he just living day to day like she was trying her best _not_ to do? Not for the first time she found herself sympathizing with the young wolf. How hard it must be to go from depending on a pack to only being able to depend on yourself. She supposed she wouldn't want to talk about it either just yet if she were in his shoes. She wouldn't bring it up, not yet anyway, let him deal anyway he knew how for now. "Ok I'm ready!" Kagome exclaimed jumping to her newly covered feet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

It really wasn't that bad of a day out, she surmised. The sun beat heavily but there was a nice breeze blowing through that tickled her calves and swam up under her dress. Kagome stretched her arms above her head, enjoying the air. She and Ginta had said their temporary good byes and she had left him to finish his work and he had left her to enjoy her walk with a quick warning not to go too far.

She turned her attention to the fluffy grass beneath her as she continued her stroll. His warning had oddly made her miss InuYasha. She had been with him for so long she grew used to him following her wherever with his insistent ranting on how she couldn't go off by herself.Even though she knew she had wanted some time to herself she couldn't help but miss the forced company the hanyou had given her, and she had to admit that she had enjoyed it even though his over protective side could become somewhat grating.

Out of the five days she had been with Ginta, for four she already found herself becoming lonely. None of the familiar faces, she now believed she had taken for granted, surrounded her. No Sango to bathe with and comfort her, no Miroku's hand to watch out for, no Shippou to coddle, and no InuYasha to talk to.

She really did miss the hanyou. She really did miss her _whole life_ before the whole Naraku thing started. Absorbed in her own thoughts she was surprised to see the deep green of the grass suddenly turn into a decaying black beneath her feat. Her brow furrowed in confusion as she surveyed her surroundings. The cave was a way in the distance but still very much visible. Had she gone that far? Her eyes flickered back down to the ground. The white outline of her shoes began to turn a dingy grey as they gathered a black sooty substance.

Kagome twisted her head about her for once seeing that she stood in an enormous circle of incinerated grass, black with death and left over ash. Her mouth went slack and her eyes widened, glossy tears marinating her orbs but refusing to fall._ 'Kouga….'_ For some reason she couldn't summon the urge to instantly leap away and avoid such a tender, sacred place. Instead she felt her knees gradually lowering to the ground as if gravity had suddenly multiplied two fold. Sitting on her heels she hugged herself awkwardly, the once playful breeze suddenly feeling too bold and bitter. No one was there to replace her arms with their own. No one was there to hold her and tell her it was okay. No one was there at all. _'I'm lonely….' _She thought miserably. At least when she was with InuYasha and everyone else she had them to keep her mind off being homesick. Now not only was she 500 years away from her home but she was alone.

Ginta was no replacement for her friends. He was kind and polite, which was amazing considered his admitted feelings towards her. It wasn't the kind of hatred she knew. Then again Ginta was too friendly show the kind of anger and wretchedness she thought hate to possess. His hate had no fire, no passion, it was quiet and drowning, like dying of suffocation. Very passive, but just as deadly. She could feel his resistance towards her. She could feel that forced kindness he only reserved for her out of respect for Kouga. At times she could forget that he felt the way he did and could pretend that they had come together to help each other through this time and could relay on one another. But that wasn't the case. This entire situation was beyond help. Kagome couldn't help but wonder how long he could hate her with them having to remaining in such a close vicinity together. He had every right to feel the way he did, but didn't he feel the same need for comfort and companionship in this time of mourning, the way she did? Perhaps this was his own way of punishing her, allowing her to deal with her own self pity and guilt. Then again that would mean he would have to suffer the same. _'Misery loves company, I guess….'_

This place for some reason began to soothe her a little. Kagome felt her body being pulled to the sooty earth as gravity exuded its force and laid her gently on her side allowing her to curl up into herself away from the wind. The smell of ash and decay spread into her nose and she didn't care. Soot and cinders gathered against her sun dress and body, turning the once bright colors in dingy grey parodies of their former selves, and she didn't care. Lost sleep seemed to find her again and beckoned her to close her lids and loose herself but her conscience scolded her for lying on sacred grounds, scolded her for resting in the mixture of her dead friend's ashes and cinders that enveloped her in a consoling embrace.

And she didn't care…….

--------------------------------------------------------------------

How long was she planning on staying out there? Ginta thought carving his claws into the last step of the 'ladder.' Using the top of the used-to-be log as leverage he leaped onto the cliff edge of the cave to admire his work. It really was a good idea; he couldn't be expected to always be there when she wanted to get in or out. Speaking of which, what was she doing exactly anyway? She had been gone nearly all afternoon and if it weren't for the fact that she hadn't gone out of his range of smell he would have gone after her. But from what he could tell she was beyond the caves but not so far as to enter the forest, so she had to be somewhere around the valley surrounding the caves.

Evening would be approaching soon and he should probably go hunt, even though there was still plenty left of the puma, but there really wasn't anything else to do anyway. Besides, it couldn't hurt to stock up, and it would give him the chance to check on Kagome before he left. After popping all the kinks out of his legs Ginta bounded from the cave entrance to land safely on the grassy floor. _'First to check on Nee-san.' _He thought beginning to follow the trail she left behind.

Well, she really wasn't that far at all. It didn't take long for him to find her with his youkai speed and sense of smell. Her colorful outline caught his eye, her figure lying down in the grass. Picking up the pace he wanted to hurry so could possibly bring her back and could still have time to hunt. Her outline began to become less fuzzy and more focused the closer he got. So did the large circle of burnt decay surrounding her. His feet stopped instantaneously, only a few feet away from her sleeping figure. He stared wearily at her prone body before taking a hesitant step back. The smell of rot and ash filtered through his nostrils, shattering any thought he had of staying, before he took off for the forest, filling his mind with the hunt. Leaving her alone.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Dust clung to the insides of her nose forcing a sneeze out of it. Kagome groaned tiredly opening her bleary eyes. Her surroundings seemed less bright, more shadowed and dark. Eyelids hurdled open as her back sprung up to attention. It was practically evening! Had she really slept the day away?! Kagome turned her head to look around and noticed the sun was low but had not yet set. So maybe she hadn't slept the_ entire _day away….She hadn't realized how fatigued she was until now. Still, she did feel more refreshed and rejuvenated than she had all week. _'Although now I'll never get to sleep tonight…._' She thought exasperatedly. Well, there wasn't anything she could do about it now.

Standing up proved slightly more difficult to do with legs that were still more asleep than the rest of her body. Yet on the second try she was standing and walking with little more than a slight drunken wobble, and even that would go away after a few walk-abouts. Looking down she gave her once pristine dress a once over, not feeling the impulse to swipe away the dust and ash that clutched her clothing so desperately. Maybe she just didn't care enough. After popping her back once more she started her dreary stroll home. Or what should now be called home since she had no where else to return to. _'I wonder where Ginta is…' _Thinking of the wolf now she couldn't help but wonder why he had not come to get her. It was getting late and he had just let her stay out. _'InuYasha would have come to get me……….then again, InuYasha probably wouldn't have let me go out in the first place….'_ The memories of the rash hanyou and his over protectiveness flooded her thoughts, forcing a little laugh out of her and exorcizing all bitterness from her mind. Still, she couldn't fight the feeling of being abandoned by the wolf youkai.

She had only gotten a few yards away from the circle of ash before turning back halfway to look at it once more. As if she owed it a goodbye at the least. Staring at it she realized it was the closest thing to a grave Kouga would get. In a few months, probably after winter when spring finally came, all signs that it had ever been there would be gone. The grass would grow again, greener than it had before, and the remaining ash would be blown away. And what would be left of Kouga then?

Giving the grave site one last lingering look Kagome continued on her way home. As long as Ginta wasn't worrying over her whereabouts then he shouldn't mind if she picked up a few things on the way…..

--------------------------------------------------------------------

He smelt her before he actually saw her. She had apparently already come home, maybe a few hours before him, he was glad that he wouldn't have to go and fetch her then. Swinging the few rabbits he had caught over his shoulder, Ginta made his way up the ladder, choosing to take the longer way than simply leaping up. Her scent faintly covered the carved log but the trail wasn't fading as quickly, so perhaps she hadn't gotten back that long ago after all.

Reaching the top he nonchalantly threw the rabbits to the wall, running a casual hand through his hair. A fire was already going but there was no Kagome to be seen. His eyes scanned the entrance of the cave briefly before sitting down to begin dinner. He could still smell her whereabouts in the caves so she was probably just having a look around.

Reaching for the first rabbit he sat down on one of the short logs that had unofficially won the title of living room furniture and began to skin it. He hadn't caught much, knowing that there was still left over puma and the fact that he was only hunting for 2 and not the entire pack. This would be enough for now.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Kami was definitely with her tonight. Kagome sighed contentedly reclining into the water. She had gathered bundles of sticks, twigs, and foliage, wanting to make some torches for the deeper recesses of the caves that she had been too afraid to venture into. It was possibly one of the best ideas she had ever had. After making a fire for the night and using those flames to light the first made torch, she began to stroll deeper into the cave, noting how at one point it broke off and lead four different ways. She had decided to go to the left and looked along the walls noting that she had no way of hanging the torches. She was glad she had only made one to begin with and hadn't wasted the time making so many.

Adjusting the bundle of sticks still under one arm she continued, she had gone this far, might as well take a look around the place she would be staying in for little under a year. She was grateful at bringing a torch, the caves had gotten darker the deeper she went and she knew had it gone out she would have been terrified senseless. It was then that she had stumbled upon this blessed place. The cave tunnel had gradually gotten a miniscule lighter, and then she saw it. Holes about the size of a large arm were scattered specifically around the ceiling, letting in large beams of moonlight. Moonlight which shined over pools of water.

Kagome had gasped in delight when she found them. Each pool was about the size of a very small Jacuzzi, it could fit one person comfortably, but only one, the water was relatively up to her collar bone, and it was frigid. But it didn't matter, it was water and it was clean. Kagome immediately built a fire next to her chosen pool before quickly undressing and stepping in. Yes it was absolutely toe numbing, but it was the closest thing to her very own bath she would have. Besides, after a half-hour or hour the fire beside her began to warm her enough, and even heat the water somewhat so her teeth weren't chattering.

Her head sunk back in ecstasy, her eyes opening a fraction to behold the small amount of beautiful sky the new hole-made-skylight allowed. She could see stars freckling the face of the sky, but no moon. She gazed pleasantly as dark night clouds shifted here and there along the ink colored atmosphere.

The blackness reminded her of the ash the water had cleansed from her body. Another wave of desolation and loneliness, that her moment of relaxation had numbed her to, washed over her once more. Dripping arms came up to wrap around her naked body once more. Even with the fire and moonlight, the cavern now seemed just that much darker. Had her mother been there she would have caressed her hair and told her that it was ok to feel that way, that the pain would go away and until then she would hold her comfortingly. Had InuYasha been there, he would have looked at her awkwardly before telling her she was being stupid, then he would shift about uncomfortably before asking if she would be okay, and the macho-tough hardness he used to conceal any feelings other than anger and pride would break, just a little, and she could see the real concern underlying them. But no one was there, no one was with her. Kagome wondered briefly if when Hakkaku came back and lead them to a new clan if she would make any friends; or if everyone would just look at her uneasily and politely ignore her once they found out that they couldn't eat her and had to put up with her living with them.

She supposed either way she would be alone. There would be no husband, 2.5 kids, or white picket fence for her. She doubted she would ever be comfortable taking a companion in front of Ginta and Hakkaku. She doubted that anyone would even want to take her as a wife or lover, since there was a good chance the only remotely intelligent beings she would be seeing for most of her life would be youkai. Why did her future have to look so desolate? Why did she even have to go with Ginta and Hakkaku? What use would she be? She would basically just be there for little more than decorative purposes. Like an old trophy or medal on the wall, soon they would forget what it was there for, but just so long as it was there.

_---flashback---_

_You're my woman and I'm in love with you!"_

_---end flashback---_

_---flashback---_

_Kouga's forehead touched the earth as he lay on top of her. His mouth open in a distorted, silent scream, as blood dripped from it like a broken faucet. His lifeless eyes lay open staring unseeing at the ground._

_---end flashback---_

Kagome closed her eyes, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. It seemed every time she thought of being selfish, of running back into her mother's arms, into InuYasha's arms, she remembered that once scene. His eyes were still open….She knew if she left, those eyes would never leave her. She would always feel blood dripping down her porcelain hands. Life would be unbearable, any happiness she would ever receive, were she to leave, would be tainted with that memory, with that guilt. At least when she was here, happiness, when she felt it, was real and unsoiled. She was even proud of herself for being happy fulfilling her debt to Kouga. Perhaps this life would never let her attain full happiness, but it was better than returning to her old life and only attaining a stained, corrupted parody of happiness.

Sinking further into the water, Kagome felt a sort of muted pride in her decision. The sort of pride a martyr would have sacrificing his life for something he so greatly loved and believed in. It was the most difficult, the most demanding, decision, but no right decision worth making is easy and free. No, she wouldn't be a martyr, it wasn't anything so grave as that, but she was giving up a life. Much in the same way she gave up a normal life for the life of being the reincarnation of a dead miko destined to track down Shikon no Kakera and help overcome evil. And now she was giving up that life for the life of redemption. Monks and Nuns did this all the time! It wouldn't be so bad. Though this new life often left her feeling dejected and lonely. Kagome sighed, happy she wasn't Buddhist or Catholic. Yet for some reason she seemed to be paying the penance all the same.

Slender fingers traveled through her sopping hair, down the back of her neck, to the side, and ended with her palm resting on her collar bone and the finger tips touching the side of her throat. Matted eyelashes, spiked with water drops, slid to the tops of her cheek bones as she tried to relax herself and relieve the despondency from her heart. The fire didn't seem to warm her anymore.

"Hey, you found the watering holes!"

Kagome gasped, her body wrenching around at an uncomfortable angle, her arms crossing in front of her naked breasts. Ginta stood there indifferently, not looking at her but gazing around the large tunnel with a pleased and innocent smile on his face.

"I knew there were some somewhere but I just didn't get around to looking for them." He stated as if an explanation were necessary, still walking along the path examining pool after pool.

He appeared to have forgotten the subject of their entire conversation yesterday as he walked around the same tunnel she was very much naked in with complete oblivion. An exasperated sigh escaped her lips, her arms falling from their protective guards and her body slumping tiredly back into the pool. What was the use? He obviously didn't care and had no interest in her or her nudity, so why bother? She found that the fight had been beaten out of her as of late. Mist colored eyes returned to her skylight, courteously ignoring his presence. A slight shifting almost escaped her hearing, had the tunnel not been completely silent with the exception of the burning sticks and her breathing. Choosing to ignore it, her attention went back to the glittering stars, whose light had been muted by a passing cloud. Her eyes widened and a confused and slightly indignant furrow worked its way in between her ebony eyebrows as a quiet splash pilfered through her ears. It wasn't so much as a splash as it was a mute separation of water. Water which must have separated due to a body dipping into it.

Kagome's head whipped around in the direction of the sound, finding, as she predicted, a very much relaxed Ginta reclining into another pool a few pools diagonal of her. A pang of outrage crept out of her but was soon quelled. At least he had the decency to keep his distance from her own water hole and to have his back facing her. That was as close to a bathing screen as she was going to get she supposed. Shaking her head in wonder at his carelessness she turned to the side of the hole, folding her arms over it, she gently laid the side of her head in their cradling softness. Observing him she noticed how he was seemingly unconscious to her presence. A small laugh escaped her. She guessed that was his equivalent to giving her privacy. As long as he felt comfortable bathing with her, and she had just lost the fight to avenge her modesty, she might as well strike up polite conversation. They were going to be together for a good long while anyway. Her mouth opened but he apparently beat her to it.

"There's some cooked rabbit by the fire if you're hungry." He stated, his back still turned to her.

Her mouth opened and closed, she had forgotten she hadn't anything to eat all day. It was funny how someone could forget such important things when their mind was so cluttered. "Thank you." She managed. She didn't have to ask which 'fire' he was referring to. The fire that was always made at the entrance was pretty much dubbed '_The_ Fire', just as the entrance in her mind was christened 'The Living Room.' "They aren't staring at me are they?" She asked uneasily.

"Nani?"

"The rabbits, I can't eat them if they're going to look at me with those burned eyes and everything." She stated, already feeling nausea boiling in her stomach at the thought.

Ginta laughed, sliding deeper into the water. She watched with a bit of jealousy. The water came all the way up to his neck; she had obviously chosen one of the shallower pools. "No, they're ok, I took off the heads."

Well that morbid solution solved _that_ morbid problem. She thought fighting down the disgust. A change of subject couldn't be more welcomed. "I was thinking of putting torches along the cave walls. You know, to solve the darkness problem."

"There are a lot of tunnels here. You really think you can put one along every wall?"

Good point. Kagome couldn't think of an answer, so she sighed, burying her cheek more comfortably into the crook of her arm. Her eyes left the soaking shoulders of the young youkai and wandered to the darkness of the deeper recesses of the tunnel. "I took a walk today." She began.

She felt more than saw the wolf nod in acknowledgment. "You said you were."

She nodded back, more to herself than to him. "I went back to Kouga's resting spot. It was more of an accident than anything else."

He didn't nod, didn't respond. She took that as a cue to continue. "I want to do something. Come next spring there won't be anything left of it. I wanted to plant something there, nothing girly; I know he wouldn't like that……Just, something. Something to show that it was there. You, know?"

When she again received no response, she turned to look at him just in time to see him getting out of his pool completely unabashed at it nudity. He shook himself of the water, unmindful as she froze there in shock watching him walk coolly away from her with that same innocent look on his face as though she had never been there.

Her eyes followed his form until it disappeared into the swallowing darkness. Her body began to loosen from its tensing shock and allowed the other side of her head to lay in the other crook of her arm, still facing where the shadows had swallowed him. Her heart seemed to submerge in the new emptiness that engulfed the once warm room. The loneliness wouldn't be so bad. Not really……………………

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey how was that? I'm glad I was finally able to finish this chap! R&R ppl, I need reviews, criticism and such, so ya know, be a reviewer here. I also believe InuYasha will make an appearance next chap, so its gonna start getting more NC-17, so if u don't like it then stop reading, and if u like it 2 much 2 stop but don't want to read that part then skip through it, because its not gonna turn into a plotless porno with every kind of sex and position in every chapter. So there ya go! Luv ya!

The Deni Pie


	8. Lithium

**Editor?**

Ok it's official, I need an editor. I don't know why it bothers me but I just can't stand after I've submitted a new chap and when I finally have time 2 relax and read it over on or or anywhere else I end up seeing grammar mistakes and crap. The mistakes aren't because I'm retarded, it's just I work pretty hard to dish out a decent chap and get all my thoughts about the plot out before I forget what I wanted to do with the fic and where I wanted it to go and going that way I usually end up finishing at like 3 or 4 in the morning. Then when I run spell check and re-read it, I miss stupid stuff because I've already written it and don't pay as much attention. So would n.e.one like the job of Deni's official editor? Yay, nay, maybe? There are perks 2 the job, u get 2 read the newest chap b4 n.e.one else does, and if I'm stuck on a chap, u'r advice would probably be the one I'd be seeking out when I'm trying 2 get the rest of my thoughts out. I do need a good editor though, seriously. I need one that will be committed 2 this job and not screw around. I need 2 get the new chap out the day after I send it 2 u at the very latest. This isn't a book u pick up and read when u'r done w homework and have nothing better 2 do. I know everyone's busy, because I'm constantly busy myself, so if u even have the slightest doubt whether or not u'd be able 2 do this then I wouldn't ask 4 this job, k? I just need an editor because since they've never read the new chapter they'll be more alert 2 mistakes than I would b.

**The Fic**

I feel the need 2 explain y exactly I'm writing this fic. I've submitted this fic 2 a few other places and the one thing that I found all the reviewers have in common is this thing with Ginta. They either are intrigued by the idea of him being a big char in a fic or they just don't see the purpose and what not. I've always found that secondary characters get the shaft in most manga's, I'm sorry but they do. Let me think of some popular mangas/animes. Ok here ya go, its cliché and stupid but here ya go, Take Molly or Natsue or whatever her name is from Sailor Moon(I never really got into that craze so I'm not sure, she was the red head). Secondary character that completely got the shaft. She fell in love with a hottie who ended up dying and being kind of as asshole tho a misunderstood one, and what does she get 2 replace him? The nerd, the school nerd. Oh yeah baby, that makes everything better. Oh! And Fushigi Yuugi! It's like everyone but Miaka, Tamahome, Hotorhori, and Yui, get the total shaft there. Everyone else in Miaka's crew has like _no_ character development and ends up dying alone and unloved. Fantastic. I just wanted to go more in depth with a secondary character or an often forgotten character and for some reason Ginta just captured my eye. He's like the spastic, awkward guy that knows he's awkward but knows he can't change anything about that and just deals. He never seemed to try to be anymore than he was. He knew he was in Kouga's shadow so he just basked in the shade, so to speak. He and Hakkaku were always so complacement and never tried to be anything more than what they were. They were followers and damned proud of it. I just wanted to go a little further with that.

**Response 4 Pheonix**

Ok sorry everybody about this author note crap being so long but I'm gonna finish up right here. I just got a review that contained some well thought out questions and some healthy, creative criticism. I'm pretty sure everyone feels like Kagome can be a little 2 dramatic when it comes to Kouga's death, believe me I know. I get pretty irritated with portraying that side of her 2. But it _is_ essential to the story for now and I have 2 keep with it, but don't worry everything will be explained in the end. Although, keep in mind, that Kagome does have merit to her guilt. Yes everything Kouga did was completely voluntary and out of love for her but she never appreciated all his doings to their fullest extent because, I dunno y, either she was afraid of encouraging him, making InuYasha jealous, I have no idea, the manga never really gets into that. But basically Kouga was in this whole Naraku war for one thing, and that was Kagura, yes he hates Naraku too but its more personal with Kagura because it's her face he sees when he thinks of the decimation of his tribe, Naraku is more of an extension of that. Yet he gave that up just for a moment to help Kagome and it was extremely hard for him to forsake his clan's memory like that to help a woman that would never return his feelings. Kagome not only asked Kouga to watch her back but basically inadvertly asked him to guard her life at the risk of his own, and she realizes this now. The best way I can describe this would be to say what if someone committed suicide because you didn't love them? And that's basically what Kouga did, I mean turning your back in an all out war is nothing short of suicide and that's what Kagome sees it as. She feels guilty because not only did he turn his back on his entire reason for being in the war just to help her, but he was also very much in love with her and she believes she just brushed this all off thinking she would have time to deal with it later, but she didn't. Kouga not only died a dishonorable death, being pretty much stabbed in the back by a woman, but he died broken hearted, or so Kagome believes, I don't think Kouga was broken hearted because he still had hope because she had never outright said 'no.' Her guilt over Kouga is more of an 'if I could go back and do it all over' sorta thing. Not only that but you have to see that Kagome has to live with the people that were closest to him and loved him. Doing that is bound to screw with your psyche one way or another. She sees this entire situation as her taking something from Ginta and Hakkaku that they can never recover from. It's like going to the funeral of the person who committed suicide over you and having to stand next to their parents. Well this is like a never ending funeral and she has to live with those parents. Basically all this combined with the situation at hand is bound to cause some major self pity. And I hate writing self pity scenes more than anything but for now they're imperative to the story, so bare with me. As for the whole 'Okaa-san' and 'Mama' thing. I'm trying my best to base this fic on the Manga, because the dubbed anime sucks mega balls. I'm sorry but it does. They made like a total mockery of the manga and that just pissed me off. I rather read sub titles than listen to their English and censory screw everything up. I haven't read the entire manga but I've read enough. In the Japanese manga (untranslated) and in the subtitled version of the Anime(which I have seen a few episodes of) Kagome refers to her mother as Okaa-san, and I have Kagome in my fic do the same as well as contain some other Japanese to remind everybody that this is based on the manga and not the series. I only have her address her mother as Mama when she needs to. Because when she truly needs her mother like a little child needs her mother 'I want my Okaa-san' just doesn't sound as right as 'I want my Mama.' But the transition has nothing to do with her growing apart from her mother, but I can definitely see how anyone would think that.

To sum it up, the whole Kouga dying thing is not really Kagome's fault, but then again the whole Kikyou dying thing wasn't InuYasha's fault either yet he still bitches and moans over _that_. It's a little like that I guess. And I'm sorry if answering this one reviewer pissed anybody off who also asked me a question or something. I normally don't respond to reviewers but this one review was just really mature and well thought out and I couldn't write another chap without answering her questions which probably a lot of other ppl had. But if n.e.one else has a question just review and I'll answer u in the next chap or email me and I'll answer u right away, but make it something worth while. If u'r just gonna say 'hey u'r fic is shit' I'm not responding to that. That's retarded, u think the fic is shit then stop reading where u r and go find something u do enjoy, u don't have to be freakin Davinci to figure that out. As for Phoenix, I hoped I answered all u'r questions the way u expected, I'm sorry for the whole Kagome self pity thing, I hate the drama too, but sadly it must b done. Plus what doesn't kill u makes u stronger, yeah?

The Deni Pie

**Phoenix P.S**.: I have no idea y this fic has gotten so few reviews either, maybe it's because my summary of it was kinda vague but I just don't like giving away the entire plot and mystery in a freaking 20 word summary. Yet I c fics about Kagome somehow turning into a demon or something completely retarded like that and ppl just review like hell over it. Oh well, whadaya gonna do.

_Omg it was so fuckin hard 2 find a song that fit this chap, and even this one doesn't really cover it but it was better than the other ones I had in mind. Then again, Nirvana can do no wrong _

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

C h a p t e r VIII – L i t h i u m

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_I'm so happy 'cause today _

_I've found my friends ... _

_They're in my head _

_I'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you ... _

_We broke our mirrors_

_Sunday morning is everyday for all I care ... _

_And I'm not scared_

_Light my candles, in a daze_

_'Cause I've found god _

_yeah, yeah yeah_

_yeah, yeah yeah_

_yeah, yeah yeah_

_yeah, yeah yeah_

_yeah, yeah yeah_

_yeah, yeah yeah _

_I'm so lonely, but that's okay, I shaved my head ... _

_And I'm not sad _

_And just maybe I'm to blame for all I've heard ... _

_But I'm not sure _

_I'm so excited, I can't wait to meet you there ... _

_But I don't care _

_I'm so horny, but that's okay ... _

_My will is good _

_yeah yeah yeah _

_I like it - I'm not gonna crack _

_I miss you - I'm not gonna crack _

_I love you - I'm not gonna crack _

_I killed you - I'm not gonna crack _

_I like it - I'm not gonna crack _

_I miss you - I'm not gonna crack _

_I love you - I'm not gonna crack _

_I killed you - I'm not gonna crack _

_I'm so happy 'cause today _

_I've found my friends ... _

_They're in my head _

_I'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you ... _

_We broke our mirrors_

_Sunday morning is everyday for all I care ... _

_And I'm not scared _

_Light my candles in a daze ... _

_'Cause I've found god _

_yeah, yeah yeah_

_yeah, yeah yeah_

_yeah, yeah yeah_

_yeah, yeah yeah_

_yeah, yeah yeah_

_yeah, yeah yeah _

_I like it - I'm not gonna crack _

_I miss you - I'm not gonna crack _

_I love you - I'm not gonna crack _

_I killed you - I'm not gonna crack _

_I like it - I'm not gonna crack _

_I miss you - I'm not gonna crack _

_I love you - I'm not gonna crack _

_I killed you - I'm not gonna crack _

Lithium - Nirvana

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Around five weeks, a little over a month. Was about as long as Kagome could surmise she had been there. She did her best to keep track of the month and day, though she had always been pretty forgetful so it made it that much harder to keep track of time. Things had settled down and gotten a little better. She and Ginta got along just fine, and she chose to ignore his adamant not so pleasant feelings towards her. He did well to hide them so she did well to politely overlook them. He had every right to his own feelings and she had every right to believe she was doing the right thing and did not need the added guilt of Ginta onto her shoulders; so for now his thoughts were his own problem. She couldn't change it, why try? Once she got used to it she found it much less tense around him and did her best to pretend they were at least friendly acquaintances yet still at the same time respect their barriers.

A few mutual yet unspoken agreements had silently been made between them since that night in the bathing hallow. He would hunt, and she would build the fires and make their temporary home as comfortable as she could by adding whatever furnishings and what not she could find and/or make. He also prepared whatever meal he brought back. Kagome was a self admitted horrible cook in _her_ future, let alone in the past where there were no microwaves and/or can openers. She hadn't the foggiest how to skin or cook a once living animal and wasn't sure she ever wanted to, which was just as well since Ginta had no particular yearning to take the time to teach her. Beyond the unspoken domestic agreement was the mutual understanding that subject of Kouga or anything Kouga related was to never be brought up, discussed, or remotely touched on.

Kagome remembered returning to the entrance to find Ginta already fast asleep in his nest leaving her to dine alone. Yet she was too overwhelmed by self consciousness and felt too uncomfortable about their recent not-so-much-discussion to eat so near to him. So she crawled into her own nest, pulling up the fur covers and trying her best to quell her hunger. Though that hadn't lasted very long. Little more than a few hours later, when she was positive that Ginta was beyond being woken up, she crept back over to the extinguished fire, snatching the remains of the once cute and furry rabbit that she had begged him to never bring home, and made off back to bed.

When morning came, Ginta remained as if nothing had happened, and Kagome never mentioned it again. It disturbed her the slightest bit, but who was she to tell him how to deal with this. If he was going through something, he obviously wanted no help or comfort from her. It definitely didn't curb the loneliness she felt and she wondered if he felt the same, and if he did, what he got out of denying the kind of comfort and solace they both needed. She had mentally shrugged it off at the time, she didn't know what she could do for him, and for now she would have to leave him to his own personal demons until he was ready to release them.

Ginta put aside, her loneliness wasn't helped by the fact that InuYasha hadn't come to visit her since she had released him from the rosary. She didn't know what exactly she expected, well that was a lie. She knew precisely what she had expected. She expected everything to be normal, that they would still be friends, and he would visit her and carry on the somewhat insulting conversations that lacked any real malice behind them that they always had when they had the spare time. As much as she told herself that she had even subconsciously predicted his casting her aside, she didn't. She honestly didn't believe he would simply desert her, though it was she who had relinquished him. Still, the feelings of abandonment always arose when she thought of him.

Drawing up her knees, Kagome leaned her back against the wall of the entrance lazily looking around at the scenery before her. Today she simply felt no desire to venture out and make something of her day. Her choice of dress could have predicted that since early morning. Upon waking up she yawningly made her way to her pack and pulled out her navy long sleeved sweater and a pair of her oldest jeans that she had frequently had to wrestle from the garbage due to her mother's kept threats about throwing them out. The outfit was never something she would wear in public in her own time but here she couldn't have cared less, she had no one to dress for, and at least it was clean. Her uniform had to be the filthiest thing she had ever owned by the time her adventure ended, so she had no qualms with a simple pair of slightly worn jeans. Though the slightly-ness of the worn jeans was something to be argued. Leaning against the wall Kagome's thoughts turned her attention to said jeans. They were quite faded, two belt loops were missing with holes happily taking their place, the stitching that kept her left pocket in place had torn and another small hole was born, one which she was almost positive gave the world a peek of her underwear for the day, the bottom hems of the legs were torn, tearing, and ragged beyond repair, and finally there was a tattered rip in the right knee.

A small smile worked its way over her mouth at the sight. They were shabby but they were the most comfortable pair she owned, and rightly so due to so many years of breaking in. Sliding her eyes shut, her head lay itself against the wall with the rest of her body. The last of the Indian summer days were gone, they had left with the last days of last month, and now a frequent breeze played over the grassy hills and plains with promises of autumn. Today was cooler, not chilly, not warm, not cold, and not hot, but somewhere between cool and lukewarm. The perfect temperature.

Opening her eyes, her head turned to gaze on the horizon. She could almost make out a black spot littered with green dots. Kagome casually touched a lock of black hair; it had grown a bit since she cut it, perhaps a quarter of an inch, maybe? The black spot would someday grow into a tree, she hoped. The day after the incident in the bathing hallow she had gone out and planted a tree in the ash of Kouga's resting place. Her thumb most definitely wasn't green, but hopefully a tree would grow if she kept to it. Gods willing, it would grow tall, proud, strong, and unyielding, just like him.

She supposed it was a bit morbid from a certain perspective, but her visits to Kouga's place brought her the comfort apparently no one else would give her. When she was there, tending to his would-be tree, it was as if all self pity was alleviated from her shoulders, all sorrow was gone, and tranquility settled in its place. The pang of guilt would always be there, but for now she was doing the best she could to make her peace with the man who loved her. It was so easy to know that he wouldn't want her to be so sad over his doing a lover's duty. He died protecting what he held dear just as she would do for anyone she loved. It was so easy to know this now, in her safe circle of serenity, yet it seemed the walk back home from it was like returning to the cave of remorse, shame, and numerous 'what if's an 'if only's. Then her guilt would return and she would find herself plagued by wonderings of 'If I had only sent him away. If I was stronger. If I had told him to help Hakkaku and Ginta. If only………..' and they would give her no relief until she found something else to take her attention from it.

Today was a good day though. She had woken up early of her own accord, of course not as early as Ginta, but still early for her, gotten dressed and brushed her hair without much hassle, toured the caves as far she dared until the darkness frightened her, and made a few more torches. She still wasn't sure how she was going to hang them, but it would be useful to have them handy. Eyes flickering up to the sky she guessed it was around late noonish. It had been a rather gray day and the sun looked more like an out of place moon in the dull sky. Perhaps that was why she felt so sluggish. Well, maybe not so much sluggish, as she just didn't feel any sort of need or desire to do anything. She wondered briefly what Ginta was doing. Not giving much thought to his absence she began to grow curious of how he spent his days. Surely hunting didn't take from dawn to dusk.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bitch. Deceitful, fickle, heartless, disloyal, traitorous, bitch. InuYasha glared at the well, but the glare lacked heat and menace. The small swell of pride he had felt when he first sat back to admire the scratched, hacked, and rather worn look the well now sported had faded somewhat. He couldn't bring himself to destroy it, but he couldn't stop himself from taking his anger out on the closest Kagome related object he could get his claws on. The pleasurable thought of the look on her face if she were ever to see it stapled itself in his mind, bringing a rather sadistic joy to his heart and the pleasure of released vengeance.

Yet now, all rage was taken out and all that was left was a boiling anger only cooled by feelings of rejection and disbandment. Heartless bitch. Unfaithful Bitch. Stupid Bitch. InuYasha shifted crossing his arms over his chest trying his best to maintain his glare honed on the well as if someone would appear from nowhere and scold him were he to let up. Despite the malicious thoughts running through his head sprung from hurt and abandonment, he couldn't help but wonder if she missed him. Even a little. Did she even think of him at all? Or was she too preoccupied with her new found loyalty to Kouga for him to even cross her mind? His teeth unconsciously gritted as his mind brought up the other canine. _'Stupid, fucking wolf…'_

He hadn't seen Kagome since she removed the rosary and it was beginning to wear on him. No one had time for him anymore, no one forced him to come down from the Goshinboku and talk, no one forced him to go back down the well to get them, no one forced him to sit still while they tended to his wounds, no one was there. Kaede was always doing something and he didn't really want to talk to her anyway. Sango and Miroku had brought Shippou back and left him with the old Miko. Then they had simply left. Saying they were returning to somewhere or another, needing time to absorb their journey's end and needing time to get away from some of its more painful memories. They said they would come back, but InuYasha seriously doubted it. He knew exactly what would happen. They would travel alone together, really get to be with each other and appreciate each other and whatnot. Then they would admit their feelings, fall in love, get married, and go to another village to have babies and shit. They wouldn't forget the hanyou, the little demon, and the girl from the future, but they would accept the fact that they just didn't have the time to hunt them down, and the past was best left where it was. They would slowly fade to memories and stories that they would entertain their children with or think upon on a quiet night, but that was all.

InuYasha spat. Good riddance. Now why the hell couldn't they have taken the fucking brat too? He sighed, his face relaxing a bit. He would miss them. He wouldn't obsess over it as if it was the biggest loss of his life, but he would miss them. He had grown accustom to them being there and now they weren't. It was to be expected, he guessed. Yes, he thought they would stay but even during their journey their group that had unspokenly formed into little mini parties. He with Kagome, and Miroku with Sango. It was only to be expected that once Kagome left and the jewel was of no threat that they would have no reason to stay. Everyone had suffered their losses from Naraku and the damned Shikon no Tama, so now it was time for everyone to wander off on their own to nurse their wounds.

Hopping down from the tree InuYasha began to track through his forest. No reason really, he was just sick of sitting. Staying in one place always made him think about things he didn't want to dwell on. InuYasha felt as though he had been cheated by the entire thing. Everyone appeared to get their dues at the end of their adventure. Miroku lost his kazaana and got Sango. Sango avenged her family and got Miroku. Shippou's family was also avenged and now he got Kaede to pamper and coddle him. What did InuYasha get? Some cold beads and a cheap dismissal. A low rumble reverberated through his throat, his foot aggressively kicking a medium sized rock across the forest.

He tried to focus his glare on the forest horizon but couldn't keep the longing out of his eyes. He wanted to see her, wanted to visit her, wanted to tell her she was being a stupid bitch, grab her by the hair and drag her kicking and screaming back with him. Maybe it was his pride, maybe it was the fact that she said she would hate him if he did what he wanted, that kept him from going to her. He didn't even know if he was welcomed near her anymore. Did that interfere with her whole fucking sacrifice?

_splash…_

InuYasha looked down, so lost in his thought he hadn't even noticed he had come across a river. He slowly pulled his newly wet foot out of the streaming water not minding the dripping liquid gathering more dirt to his sole. Observing the discovered river, he wondered at how familiar it looked.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well it appeared the Gods may be with them on this at least. Ginta thought, pleasantly patrolling their grounds after adjusting the burden over his shoulder. Their caves resided on old abandoned wolf land but it appeared no other youkai had moved into the place and still respected their borders, so for now their home was safe. Though come winter, that was another story. He knew how every living thing, youkai and human alike became during the winter. Food and shelter were scarce, comfort was practically non existent, and everyone would be fighting for all of the above. It was always easier to survive in a clan than not. During the winter barely anyone starved with the amount everyone gathered and stored the months before, it was easier to keep warm with sealed caves full of fur and body heat, and no sane creature would dare impose on an entire pack of winter worn youkai.

Ginta sighed a little forlorn at the upcoming prospect. He and Kagome were definitely going to have to struggle through the season with just the two of them. Though there was the upside that food would be easier to gather for two than for an entire horde. Yes, fewer mouths were definitely easier on their supplies than hundreds. Still, the odds were more than probably stacked against them. This would be the first winter he ever spent without his tribe. He wondered how he would fair. Though it wasn't himself he worried over, it was Kagome. He was youkai, granted the food shortage and cold would make endurance tedious and uncomfortable, his survival was practically a given. Kagome on the other hand, was human and the odds were more against her than him. He would have to supply her with more food and warmth than he would himself.

It was pathetically easy to catch dinner. He guessed it was due to the overall lifelessness of the entire day. The entire sky had remained a dingy gray color from dawn to current time and he guessed it wouldn't alleviate any time soon. The entire forest seemed to possess a rather lethargic ambiance mimicking the theme of the day. He hadn't even had to separate the deer from the herd this time. The bleeding had stopped quickly and now it just hung over his shoulder like the inanimate object it had become.

There wasn't really anything left to do for the day except to gather more wood for the fire. He should probably start stocking up on it for winter anyway. After the meal was dropped off he would get right on it. Ginta thought making his way back to the caves.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How could doing nothing for such a long period of time not be remotely boring? Either way it didn't matter because she had started doing something a few hours ago, thus annihilating the nothing. She had begun making more torches and thinking of more ways to hang them in the cave halls. Holders could always be made but it was the getting them to stick to the wall part that was hard, and if she knew how to get anything to stick to the cave walls in the first place then the torches would be there right now. Therefore, no problem had been solved just yet. Ginta was right; it was going to take a lot of torches to give the caves what she considered adequate lighting. Of course her version of adequate lighting was electricity, and that obviously wasn't happening anytime soon. Neither was her ability to gather, weave, and hand hundreds of torches within the next week.

So no the caves would probably never be 'adequately lit' or have an 'adequate' number of them, but at least the few she had, if she ever figured out how to hang them, would allow her to venture further into her new home without the handicap of Nyctophobia.

Now to add to her 'not going to happen anytime soon' list, it appeared that tying more torches wasn't going to either. She had run out of the viney foliage she had been using to tie together the gathered torch limber. Sighing, Kagome lazily fell, sprawling out carelessly onto her back. She might as well go gather more, she would need it anyway, and it wasn't as if there was anything better to do. The cave was clean, never having been dirty anyway, the 'living room' fire was lit, and her makeshift bed/nest was made. Besides, Ginta wasn't expected back until around duskish, so she had at least a few hours to kill. Might as well spend them constructively.

Giving a loud, whining, groan Kagome reluctantly climbed to her feet, as if her mother was forcing her to get up a little too early for school, and started down the ladder. Moving expertly down the shelf-like steps her eyes caught a spot of color she was surprised she missed all this time. A dusting of flowers sprouted from a crevice along the cliff. A frown molded her mouth as she observed the state of it. Maybe it just hadn't been able to get enough water, maybe it was used to the hotter weather and not made for the approaching temperature, or maybe it was just an old set of flowers. Either way they were obviously dying. They were probably once a very pretty shade of lavender, though now death was approaching and leaving them darker, more of a deep wine color. A small pang went through her heart. They reminded her of InuYasha's rosary. She wondered if they too looked so dead and inanimate without the magic that once pulsated through their beads. Her head twisted to look at the forest on the edge of the plain. InuYasha's forest wasn't so far off.

Sucking in a confident breath she moved down the steps determinedly, assured that Ginta wouldn't miss her absence.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"But why?"

"Because it is not our place, child."

"Hai……but why?"

Kaede fought back a tired sigh. She was too old for this, far too old. Her good eye looked back down into the kit's sad and curious stare and found that she just couldn't be all that irritated with him and his insistent questioning. "From what I have gathered from InuYasha, this is something Kagome must do on her own. She wouldn't want to drag you into her own troubles anyway." She explained sympathetically. She knew she was no substitute for the loving and energetic pampering Shippou was so used to receiving from Kagome. She was in her later years and simply could not keep up with the demands of a child, let alone a youkai kit. She had other things to attend to and could not always be there for his 'play times.' Even if her daily schedule would be forever free she highly doubted that she would be able to keep up with his rough housing. She was often tempted with leaving some medicine with a drought side affect in his meals simply to calm the youth down.

Of course, knowing youkai immunity it would probably have about as much affect on him as a piece of bland candy.

"Is that why InuYasha hasn't gone to see her either?"

Kaede's focus returned to the curious kitsune. "I'm sure it is. He's doing the right thing by her to respect her wishes. You should do the same."

Shippou snorted indignantly. "He's probably just sulking because she yelled at him or something."

A worn hand affectionately patted his tousled hair accompanied by a dry chuckle. "Even so, he is doing as she asked. He is giving her the space she requires for her task. Granted he is anything but happy about it, yet he does it anyway. You should follow his example, Shippou." She stated before shooing him away with a slight tap to the rear so she could return to her own task of hanging the laundry.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Died. He had died and gone to heaven. Or hell. He had gone somewhere but he didn't care to contemplate it at the moment. His brain cells didn't have the strength to gather and consult each other enough to form a single coherent thought much less mull over his whereabouts. InuYasha panted against her shoulder, his clawed hands smoothing helplessly down her sides, hips, back, his cheek rubbing affectionately along her collarbone. She was kneeling upright in his arms, her knees on either side of his thighs, her perfect fingers running tenderly through his hair while her lips did wonderful, torturous, wonderfully torturous things to his right ear. Every now and then switching to the other to give the same treatment.

He wasn't dead. He hadn't died. He was dying now. The woman he held in his arms was killing him. Slowly, tormentingly, and he was loving it. He was loving it and hating it and being too dumb struck to know the difference. He sat with his legs spread in front of him and his back lying against a random tree. He wasn't sure how they had gotten like this. How she had ended up nude in his arms and he left in only the bottom of his haori. It seemed unfair now though.

A what would be an embarrassing squeak escaped his throat just as her tongue did something marvelous to the outside of his ear. Gasping for air he pulled her closer, impossibly closer. Gods, nothing should ever feel this good. Nothing that he should be allowed to experience, anyway. Swallowing the ball of saliva that threatened to trickle out the side of his mouth he managed to place a shaky kiss to the collar bone he had been so lovingly rubbing his cheek against before going back to doing just that. It seemed all he could do until she stopped this mind numbing torture she was inflicting on his body.

Her knees being on either side of his thighs unwittingly gave his cloth covered groin a taste of the heat that seemed to saturate her sex. Yet she was still too far raised for him to relieve any of the overwhelming tension building in his loins. Whining in frustration he wanted to thrust her down upon him yet her current ministrations were simply too delicious to give up. He pulled her tighter to him, grasping at her in need or aggravation, he didn't know. Didn't care.

He let out a contented sigh, leaning his head back, as she began to kiss her way down his face, all the while never stopping her affectionate petting. His hips seemed to leave the ground of their own accord and buck helplessly against nothing. She was still too far raised. A low sound in between a whine and a moan left the back of his throat, yanking her to his chest as he buried his face in the juncture of her neck and shoulder.

Giving the spot a tender lick he relished in the encouragement her hands gave him, cupping the back of his head, her fingertips brushing sweetly against the base of his ears.

"Kagome…" He panted desperately in a voice he was surprised to find was his own.

Kissing his way from her neck, he traveled down until he came to the cave between her collarbone, pausing before running his tongue from that hallow up her throat. He could feel the shudder go through her body and couldn't help the feeling of masculine pride at being the cause of it.

"Kagome..Kagome…..Ka..gome…….." He muttered mindlessly, trying to convey to her everything he was feeling, everything he wanted, everything he wanted for her, all in a language that seemed to consist only of her name.

Wrapping one arm around her hips and placing the other hand on her shoulder he began to push her softly but firmly down until she was nestled safely in his lap. With that he almost laughed breathlessly at finally achieving that mind numbing friction his body had been in such agony over. Bringing the hand from her shoulder to join the other arm and fully wrap around her he began to press soft, insistent, kisses to her face. To her lips, her cheeks, her chin, temple, brow. He almost missed the movement of his pelvis in between her legs. He gasped, clenching his eyes shut in agonizing bliss. The pleasure was searing, almost painful, but a miraculous pain that he was more than happy to feel again. All of the sudden his haori became too tight, too restricting. Yet every limb on his body was immobile, all too unwilling to give up their positions for the greater cause. Then, her hips appeared to move against him and he lost all will to move. They pressed and rocked against him leaving him without oxygen or brain waves.

"InuYasha……."

He nodded in encouragement, stroking her face and urging her impossibly closer.

"InuYasha…….."

Damned clothes. Damned any sort of cloth. He swore if he ever got out of them he'd never wear them again.

"InuYasha…………wake up….."

He head turned to look at her passion struck face in confusion. "Nani?"

"I SAID WAKE UP YOU ASSHOLE!"

_thwack!_

InuYasha was violently jerked from sleep as yet another rock hit at the side of his head. He instantly grasped the limps of the tree he currently lay in to keep from falling. His head darted about frantically ferreting out the source of his rude awakening before coming to rest on a more than impatient looking kitsune.

The impatiently irritated expression Shippou had been wearing for the past five minutes dissipated and evolved into a look of terror before he managed to dodge the lunging Hanyou.

"SHIPPOU YOU LITTLE SHIT!" He bellowed taking yet another swipe at the agile kit.

Shippou barely evaded the other male's last swat before he began to bound back in the direction of the old Miko's hut. "I'm telling Kaede, you jerk! You just wait 'til Kagome gets back!" He hollered back springing away.

"SHE'S NOT FUCKING COMING BACK, YOU-" InuYasha paused, all anger suddenly flooding from his body.

He had said it just to hurt Shippou, yet he doubted the little youkai was even paying attention to him since he was so intent on getting to Kaede to tattle to someone, _anyone_. She wasn't coming back. She really wasn't coming back. Miroku wasn't coming back, Sango wasn't coming back, and when Shippou had no need to depend on Kaede's mothering then he probably wouldn't be coming back either. Kagome was gone. She had a new life, not one she particularly wanted, but it was a new life. One he wasn't a part of. Even if she did come back, if she finally felt she had done all she could for Ginta, Hakkaku,….Kouga, she would just go home. To _her _home. 500 years away from here. 500 years away from him.

His body abruptly felt ten times heavier forcing him to gently lean his back against the nearest tree for support, the burning in his loins faded, the rush of loss and emptiness that accompanied this emotional paradigm shift drowning the fire. In the end it didn't matter, her life would never include him. Even if the journey had ended with Naraku being vanquished and everyone living and happy, she would have gone back to the well to continue the life that he was so apart from. He supposed that was why he hated going to her time. Looking at her world and seeing her family, seeing where she grew up, he felt just that much farther from her with all the reminders that she had a life he had nothing to do with outside their hunt for shards.

InuYasha collected himself, stepping away from the tree and began to walk aimlessly around forest once more. _'She's not coming back…' _His mind just couldn't wrap around that concept no matter how hard the logical part of his brain tried to picture and accept it. His life began to flash before his eyes, and he wasn't surprised the flashes started with meeting her. They had been through so much, gotten through so much, together. Could she really just throw that all away over something so ridiculous?

This time he saw the water before making the same mistake. Staring into the river's reflecting water he saw a face he couldn't recognize as his own. The white haired hanyou staring back at him looked as though his world had been turned upside down, sent to hell and back again. He was empty, he was alone. And this time Kagome wasn't here to make it better. He just couldn't imagine that this was how things were going to be from now on. That this wasn't just an intermission in their life, that this _was_ his life now. This nothing. This purposeless existence. He didn't know what to do with himself. 50 something years ago he would have just continued living, hunting, wandering around. Then the Shikon no Tama gave him a purpose, it gave him something to do with his life, and Kagome gave him someone to share his life with. Now that he knew both, he couldn't go back to 50 something years ago.

Bending into a crouch a taloned hand crept out to lightly skip the water, watching as the ripples reverberated through the river briefly before being swept away. InuYasha frowned, another memory working its way into his vision, a more recent one. Sorrow dimmed and the flame was once again lit below his waist. His breathing quickened, he hadn't wanted to think of that day. Guilt over his perversion often laced over any pleasure he could take from it. Now it was as if the shroud of shame had been ripped from the memory and he was able to see it through passion laden eyes. She had wronged him, it was only fair.

_---flashback---_

_He clenched his fists in her hair and back, he was only looking, not touching._

_---end flashback---_

A saliva saturated tongue ran over his lips, his eyes becoming half lidded with fervor. He could see her again, laying there, soaked and tamed in his arms, her body so willing in his hands. Would it have been so wrong to touch? No one would know. It would have been his memory alone. His hand unconsciously snaked over his thigh to the place between his crouching legs.

_---flashback---_

_Kagome's breasts looked both soft and firm at the same time, and absolutely delicious with the way he was arching her back to let the river drain the slime from her hair. Her nipples stood out in their natural reaction to the cold._

_---end flashback---_

A groan broke free from his lips before his body collapsed into the water, kneeling in the rushing liquid that was the only reminder of what had taken place within its depths. Fumbling hands pulled, tangled, and yanked at the knots of his haori, ready to rip the unyielding material to shreds in eagerness. After what in his ardor laden mind seemed to last an eternity the clothing finally submitted and fell around his knees sinking into the water. InuYasha allowed his head to fall back, his eyes sliding shut to make his fantasy all that more real by blocking out all surrounding reality. He knelt naked in the water like a reverent sacrifice.

_---flashback---_

_He let out a contented sigh, leaning his head back, as she began to kiss her way down his face, all the while never stopping her affectionate petting._

_---end flashback---_

His fingers closed around his length, beginning to work it in the rhythm he had long since perfected. He could see her so clearly.

_---flashback---_

_Then, her hips appeared to move against him and he lost all will to move. They pressed and rocked against him….._

_---end flashback---_

There wasn't enough air around him as his mouth gaped open trying to take in all it could. His breaths came out in short pants, his movements growing quicker, frantic, more uncoordinated.

_---flashback---_

_He had always been very curious about her. _

_---end flashback---_

A cry shattered the natural silence, his body went taunt, his muscles froze with tension. Something inside him exploded, taking away his strength and replacing it with mind numbing endorphins, leaving him to fall into the shallow river. Spurts of water flew in every direction as his body collapsed into the water's welcoming arms. Needing air where there apparently was none, he managed the effort to turn himself onto his back, letting himself half float in the river, his drenched and tangled haori anchoring him where he lay. Heavy eyelids lazily slid open a fraction to reveal dazed and unseeing, amber eyes. So curious.

The need to see her had never been so great as it was now. He wanted her to be with him again. He should have woken her in the river, should have told her his intentions.

The sun was setting.

Struggling to his feet, tugging on his water heavy haori, InuYasha took off in the opposite direction of Kaede's hut.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well she had lit a fire. _'And made more of those torches of hers…..'_ He noticed. Shaking his head at her dauntless persistence, he propped his head onto his head, simply observing them. He couldn't fight the twinges of anxiety that sparked every now and then with her being gone so late. He had admittingly grown used to her presence upon coming back, and there was a strange feeling of misplacement when he arrived to drop off the rest of the fire wood and she was absent.

She had gone farther this time, now she was just on the edge of his senses. Probably somewhere on the border of the forest. Had he not patrolled their borders so recently he would have been more worried, but she was safe where she was for now. Placing a hand to his stomach he could feel the impatient rumble of emptiness. Might as well start getting dinner ready, at least it would be done by the time she got back.

There were bright sides to this, such as now he didn't have to feel bad about having to skin an animal in front of her and see the horror on her face. He went a lot slower than he usually did when skinning food, but there really wasn't any reason to hurry now. Now it was just a way to pass the time. He watched the fur laced skin peel off the blood soaked muscle like the peel of an apple, feeling an odd sense of nostalgia. How many times had he watched………

Ginta blinked confusedly before shaking his head to clear the clutter in his mind. His hands began working faster and soon the carcass was divested of its protective covering. Throwing the skin to one side for later use he then prepared the meal for eventual skewering. After the animal was properly sectioned into roastable portions he glanced down at his now blood soaked hands. Chuckling more to himself, he could just imagine the look on Kagome's face if he were to hand her dinner over to her with them.

Getting to his feet he made his way towards the bathing hollow to clean up. Traveling down the twists and turns he could definitely see the young woman's need for lighting in this place. The darkness wasn't enough to hinder him in anyway but it must be absolute blindness for her. He did hope that she eventually found a way to hang the blasted things. Finally reaching the first pool his knees slowly buckled to stoop down and dip his filth covered hands in the water. Instantly the blood, dirt, and crust bleed away. Pulling out he watched the substance dilute and turn the pool the ever so slightest shade of the lightest pink.

His nose twitched pulling him from his thoughts as a new scent reached his nostrils. It wasn't Kagome but it was nearly as familiar. Frowning, he couldn't stop the pang of annoyance at his territory being broached to carelessly. His hairless brows working themselves into an irritated knot he quickly paced back towards the entrance to see what his new guest could possibly want.

It wasn't a run, wasn't a jog, it was more of a quick walk that got him back to the cave's cliff-like entrance in time to see the side of a head wearing a mane of unkempt white hair sniffing and poking around the room.

The hanyou looked up from his place glancing inside a nest hallow to see Ginta staring at him with a polite sort of expectancy. Glaring at the other youkai he continued his rummaging about the place.

"Oi! Where's Kagome?!" He barked frustratedly.

Ginta gave a brief shrug before sitting down on his previous log and beginning to set the first portion of deer over the fire. "She went out this afternoon, I just got back myself." He explained.

InuYasha gaped at him. "You let her go out there alone?! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

He quickly suppressed the annoyed expression he was sure was working over his face. "She's not a prisoner; she can go where ever she wants so long as she's within the grounds. Besides, it's not my place to tell her what to do."

The hanyou glared mutely at the other male, grumbling something beneath his breath before pacing around the cave.

He was somewhat surprised InuYasha didn't simply leave after he gave him his answer. Ginta wondered why he was feeling so tense in the hanyou's presence and watching him so carefully. His eyes followed him about the cave, his hands mechanically and uninterestedly preparing the rest of the food.

InuYasha obviously felt his attention on him and he tossed a crude glare at the wolf youkai. "Oi, what the hell are you looking at?"

"Nothing." He answered politely but couldn't keep the slight frown from taking over his mouth or the twinge of indignancy from his tone. He had never had anything against the other male before. He was Kouga's rival, not his, yet he found that he would like nothing better than for the hanyou to disappear.

If InuYasha picked up on Ginta's annoyance, he didn't let on. A few moments of awkward silence passed where the two youkai simply ignored the other's presence. Ginta could hear the hanyou shuffling about uncomfortably and saw, out his peripheral vision, his mouth moving to find something to say.

He coughed, turning his head away towards the wall, hiding his face. "So, has she mentioned me?" He asked nonchalantly.

The wolf shrugged again. "Not to me." Then again, he wasn't here most of the day so it wasn't as if she had that much time to 'mention' him anyway.

He could feel more than see InuYasha's face fall, but the hanyou quickly recovered and straightened up heading for the entrance-made-exit. Ginta turned his focus back to the would be meal before he noticed InuYasha's pause at the opening.

He stopped at the entrance hesitatingly, standing there a few moments in silence before addressing Ginta. "Just tell her I was here." He said not turning to face the wolf as he jumped down from the edge and took off towards the forest.

Ginta nodded casually, more to himself than to InuYasha or his statement.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His middle toe was just slightly longer than his big toe. Ginta noticed, idly twitching said toe, not bothering to touch the uneaten and now cooling food. InuYasha had left a little over a half hour ago and Kagome had still not come back. A sigh broke through the air signaling his boredom. Glancing out he saw that it was now officially night and wondered if she had gotten lost in the dark. He gave his middle toe another twitch and decided he would wait another few minutes before going to look for her. His ear perked up at the strange rhythm filtering through it. It was a sound coming from outside yet the cave was too filled with old blood, roasted meat, and stale smoke that his nose couldn't quite pick it up clearly. Turning his head towards the entrance he was just in the nick of time to catch a raven haired head sprout up.

"Hey, something smells good." Kagome said, her face wearing a weary but sincere smile.

Ginta couldn't help but smile back. "Hai, it's gotten kinda cold though…." He explained looking forlornly at the cooling and uneaten meat.

Kagome shook her head climbing into the cave, a bundle snuggled underneath one arm before she carefully dropped it to the side. "I'm starving, I'd eat it right off the cute, defenseless creature you tore it from."

The youkai gave a little chuckle, handing her a skewer as she sat on her seat across from him. He held back a comment when her mouth seemingly pounced on the roasted portion. Finally he took his own skewer and began to dig in. "Where'd you go?" He wasn't accusing or demanding, just honestly curious.

Looking up from her meal she looked as though she was about to ask him to repeat his question before an expression of realization swept over her face, appearing to realize what he said. "I was bored and needed more stringy material for the torches that I still have no idea how to hang. Then I guess I just got carried away with my picking. I never realized how many beautiful flowers this place had, if you just know where to look."

For the first time since she came in he noticed her bundle lying away from the fire. There was indeed much vine-like foliage, but they seemed to be outnumbered by white lily looking flowers. He frowned, "They're going to die eventually you know…"

Kagome gave a careless shrug. "Aren't we all?"

"Iie, I just mean, they can't survive in here without any soil or all those other things flowers need."

"Hai, but it'll make the place look nice for the time being, and I'll just go pick more when they die, so it'll give me something to do." She explained, going back to her dinner. "So what'd happened with you today?" She asked more out of politeness than anything else.

Ginta shook his head negatively. "Nothing really. Just patrolled the land and got the food."

"You thrill seeker you." Kagome commented jokingly, her eyes dancing playfully across the fire.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A low, rumbling growl tore his attention from the surrounding abyss of darkness. Ginta whirled around startled to find Kouga standing there a ways away from him.

"K-Kouga?" He croaked.

The other wolf didn't answer. He just stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, growling at him warningly, watching him menacingly, carefully, like a shop keeper would a thieve that hadn't shop lifted yet. The alpha male gave the appearance of an intimidating guard to something not yet known.

Ginta wanted to look around, wanted to find a way out of the unmoving oblivion that seemed to engulf him, but he couldn't tear his frightened, anxious, eyes away from Kouga. He looked ready to attack him if he took just one centimeter forward. A hand started forward beseechingly towards the stronger youkai. The growl increased to an aggressive snarl, making the hand submissively snap back.

"Kouga, what's wrong with you?" His voice squeaked.

The other wolf's gaze pierced him, appeared to stare into the deepest depths of his soul. He felt stripped and bare underneath his stare, as though he were being read like an old book. His heart beat thrummed in his chest like it would escape any moment like a caged bird let loose. Perspiration formed against his body leaving him hot and uneasy.

Kouga's eyes seemed to accuse him of things he had not yet done, like a teacher would a naughty student given the opportunity for mischief. Ginta's immediately wanted to repent, wanted to beg forgiveness for things he didn't know, yet his mouth had gone too dry to support his voice. So he stood there, his eyes wide fearful and full of penitence, his body slick and quivering, like a young boy preparing himself to receive the quick and harsh hand of justice from his father.

"G-gomen nasai, Kouga. Gomen, I'm sorry, Kouga. Kouga I'm sorry!"

And just like that the oblivion disappeared, being replaced with a more familiar darkness. Ginta bolted up, panting; his covers falling to crumple around his waist. His body was covered in a thin layer of uncomfortable sweat. All of the sudden the entire world seemed too hot and not to possess enough oxygen for his wanton lungs. Ginta gulped, desperately trying to get enough moisture to cure the scratchiness currently stinging his throat. Now awake, and feeling very tired yet lacking any sleeping ability, he let himself fall back into the cushiony fur of his nest with a swoosh of rustled covers. He lay there, simply staring at the ceiling of his hollow, desperately trying to get his heartbeat and breathing under control. Finally unable to take the heat that seemed to plague only him, Ginta tore away from his nest, padding softly away from the bed coves and making his way towards the bathing hollow.

Stopping at the first pool, he knelt down he cupping his hands in the water to splash it across his sweat soaked face. The water covered his face, dripping down his neck, and diluting and wiping away the offending perspiration. He began to feel better, calmer. He sighed wearily leaning his head back a little, gazing through worn and tired eyes. Using his arm to swipe away some of the access water he got to his feet shaking his head to clear the fogginess from it.

Opening his fatigued eyes, his first sight caught the water, its last ripple running its course. Kouga's face stared back, still wearing that look of intimidating warning, his eyes narrowed and watching. Ginta gasped momentarily stunned, his body jolting backwards, slipping on the mixture of water and sweat that had dripped off his slick frame. He didn't even get the chance to let out a startled yelp as his feet slipped on the cold, slimy floor, falling back into another nearby pool. A loud splash resounded through the silence, echoed by the reverberating crack of Ginta's head against the stony edge. He came up sputtering and wheezing for stolen air, his limbs flailing to find anything to steady them.

He found himself back in the state that had made him come here in the first place. Laying there in the stilling water he gasped for air, his arms and legs in awkward uncomfortable angle hanging over the edges of the pool, the back of his head stinging and throbbing violently. His body went limp, suddenly just to fatigued and weary to fight against everything. Ginta allowed himself to sink into the water hole, his head turning to one side to rest on the edge and keep anything from aggravating the tender spot. His breathing slowed and his muscles strangely relaxed, too tired to tense under the frigid water. Heavy eyelids fluttered once or twice in resistance before sliding shut, submitting to the cold, fatigue, and pain.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So how'd ya like that? I'm glad I'm writing more; sorry the last chapter wasn't quite 'up to par' as it were. But I'm at the point where I can really start picking the fic up and getting to the places I want to go with it. Remember, if u want the editing job email me at or just review requesting it. Speaking of reviews, remember to review ppl, I need feedback. I don't care if u criticize me just so long as you don't do something retarded like say 'this fic sux balls' ok yeah, so _why_ exactly does this fic suck balls? Make it worth my reading. Luv ya! Thanx 2 everyone who took the time to review and are enjoying the story thus far, u make me very happy

Oh and about the whole Miroku and Sango leaving thing, I just think it was more realistic. Their whole little band was like high school, they came together to do something and once they accomplished that they have to separate to continue their own lives. I know all these other fics have Miroku and Sango reside in Kaede's village or whatever but I just don't think that's very realistic. U don't go through something like what they went through and come out scotch free.

Luv

The Deni Pie


	9. Invisible

* * *

Wow, lets not all apply for that editing job at once. Yeah that was definitely sarcasm btw. C'mon ppl, if I'm not getting reviews I might as well get some help revising this sucker. I mean I'm sorry for the long intermissions between chapters but really, lets not punish me like this. I mean I know I can't pay you and all but I think me kissing u'r proverbial ass for the rest of my known writing career is payment enough. But hey, that's just me. N.E. wayz, here's the new chap, hope you guys enjoy. And for the wonderful ppl I luv who r loyal reviewers and haven't given up on me even during the long intermissions, (cough-u know who u r – cough) I luv and appreciate u guys 2 no end. And if there's n.e.way u can recommend this story, or even 'advertise' it if u will, to u'r friends or other ppl so that hopefully I can sucker my new fic junkie into the editing job, I will name my unborn, unconceived, children after you, and u will have reserved u'r own spot in my Deni heaven of eternal wonderment. 

Luv

The Deni Pie

It took me another while to find a song to fit the chapter. Is n.e.one even reading these songs btw? They're there 4 a reason and have a crap load of hints and symbols in them and they can even direct you on the path the fic is going. They r pretty good and if u ever get the chance to download 'em I highly recommend it. Wait, speaking of symbolism, is n.e.one even getting n.e. of the symbolism in this story? Or is my retarded AP Lit course somehow subconsciously melting into my work? I hate that effin class, I'm sorry but poetry was not written to screw with students hundreds of years in the future. Half the guys writing this crap were on LSD when they were doing it n.e.way. I should get drunk one of these days and just start writing down meaningless crap to see who claims it 2 b works of a misunderstood genius in the future, lol.

* * *

C h a p t e r VIIII – Invisible

* * *

_I feel that you should know  
I have an empty soul  
It's a warning  
It's a warning _

If you leave, if you leave  
I will follow, I will follow  
What am I?  
What am I?  
Yes, they are stomping on the switches

Take my back roads, 'round my fences  
To an empty view

If you leave, if you leave  
I will follow, I will follow  
What am I?  
What am I?  
Yes, they are stomping on the switches

Climb the ladder straight to heaven  
Where the creatures dulcify

Gods and devils take their pillows  
Get in position to multiply  
Surprise...

It's a warning  
It's a warning  
It's a warning

If you leave, if you leave  
I will follow, I will follow

If you leave, if you leave  
I will follow, I will follow

If you leave, if you leave  
I will follow, I will follow  
What am I?  
What am I?  
Yes, they are stomping on the switches

"Invisible" – Switchblade Symphony

**

* * *

**

Red, frost swollen, hands clutched the fur blanket tighter to her shivering sleep cradled body. It took her a minute to realize the foreign, unfeeling, appendages were her own. Heavy eyelids fluttered, only having enough energy to raise half way to the gray light of dawn. Kagome managed a shaking yawn before her jaw went pack to the tittering Morse code pattern of chattering. It took her a while to struggle against the sleep clot clogging her brain plumbing. Finally recognition swept over her shivering body making her grip the fur comforter like a life preserver in the middle of the ocean. Curling into a tight little hedgehog ball, she tried to conserve enough body heat to get said body under control. Unfortunately it seemed the cold could even penetrate her little comforter cavern of solitude and creep right into her bones.

Giving an irritated grunt she managed to sit up, wrapping the blanket around her like a hairy cocoon. Teeth still chattering she poked her head out of the little cavern room to look around dumbly for the source of such frigidity. Slipping out, frost bitten toes quickly made their way towards her pack, trying their best to make as little contact with the icy floor as possible. One of the unfeeling red hands darted out from the safe haven of blanket warmth to dive into the pack, pulling out anything that felt thick, warm, woolly, and probably uncomfortable. When the task was done, the freezing hand swept back into the blanket, leaving four sets of tube socks, a pair of thicker black socks with pads on the soles, two bulky sweaters, one cotton, one wool, and a pair of impenetrable looking navy sweat pants.

After a quick hesitation, almost wondering if it was worth braving the hand against the cold again, she picked the items up and dashed back to her cove. Climbing back under the covers she quickly pulled said items over her pajamas, racing against the chill. Even under the heavy blankets her fog-like breath could be seen, like a smoke stack puffing clouds of misty grey into the air. At last all the layers of clothing covered her from the neck down. Though now looking like a cotton cream puff of varying colors, Kagome did feel a degree warmer; however not warm enough to loosen her death grip on the fur comforter wrapped tightly around her.

While the rest of her body was now covered enough to suffer quietly, Kagome could still feel her ears reddening and stinging. Creeping back over to the pack, the socks making a wonderful barrier between her skin and the hated cave floor, she dug out a little yellow knitted ski cap. It wasn't meant for winter, actually her mother had made it for her because it had gone with a lovely little summer outfit she had bought her for her birthday, but if she pulled it down over her ears, farther than it was made to go, it would suffice for now. Besides, it was all there was; she had thrown most of her winter gadgets to Hakkaku after he had tossed them at Ginta. At first she thought the other youkai had simply left them on the ground after he left, but was surprised to find that all her gifts were gone when she had last been down the ladder and remembered to look for them. She hoped Hakkaku had come back for them and not some other animal or whatnot, though she hadn't a clue what anyone else would do with them, or if they would even know what they were for that matter.

Shaking her head, the extra worry was easily shrugged off. It didn't matter now, they were gone either way and she would just have to make do with what she did have. Pulling the hat down over her ears she noticed that it was almost in her eyes, but as long as her ears were safe she could walk around blind for the rest of the day for all she cared. Seeing her breath again brought her attention outside. It wasn't snowing, yet. But it certainly felt like it should. Winter had come early it seemed. Had August really flown by so quickly? Not finding the inner motivation to search for her little hand made calendar, she guestimated it was around some time in September now. The sound of clicking broke her from her thoughts as she began to jump about trying to regain some warmth, at least enough to stop the irritating chatter of teeth.

Taking deep breaths and rubbing herself up and down, she bounded about stupidly for a moment before feeling something was amiss. Ginta wasn't there. Her brows furrowed a little, ceasing her jumping she walked towards Ginta's own cove to peek inside. No, he definitely wasn't there. She looked outside again. She had never woken up so early in her life; she couldn't even see the sun through the grey matter covering the sky in its marshmallowy thickness. She doubted he would leave this early, if he did she liked to think he would at least tell her how cold it was beforehand so that she could take his unused blankets. Speaking of said blankets…………..Taking a quick shifty glance around the room, Kagome snagged the furry comforters that were not hers and hefted them around her body to join the others in their united mission of warmth provision.

The added barrier against the cold allowed her mind to focus more on the subject at hand. She was positive he went to bed last night, though she thought she had heard him get up. She certainly heard enough of him last night, with all the grumbling and mumbling she had prepared herself to smother him with his own blanket, and was thankful when after a few moments of restless shifting the noise had stopped.

An exasperated groan broke from her lips at the new decision. It was much too early and far too cold for this sort of thing. Was her last thought before wandering farther into the caves to look for the missing wolf.

* * *

It was black and it was cold. But Kouga wasn't there. A mixture of relief and despair swirled within him. The oblivion seemed to have swallowed him again into its murky depths of emptiness. He looked down, continuing his walk, what use was it to look around when there was nothing there. The chill didn't feel as cold as it did oppressive and confining, as though it were sitting on him, making it difficult to breath. His feet felt numb making him almost believe they weren't his own that were walking on an endless path. He didn't know where he was going, or what exactly he was looking for, but staying in once spot waiting for someone to come get him seemed just as pointless.

He hated this new loneliness. He missed his pack, he missed Hakkaku, he missed Kouga. Perhaps that was where he was going, maybe if he walked far enough the dark would lead him to them. Maybe they were somewhere in this void searching for him just as he was looking for them. This thought gave him a new weary purpose, a weary one, but still a purpose, a reason to continue his eternal walk into nothingness. Yes, he would find them. He would apologize and make up with Hakkaku, Kouga would have a new journey to go on and they would follow. Everything would be just as it was. Perhaps that was where this emptiness led to, back to the way things used to be, back home. With a renewed jaded determination, he continued walking into the onyx emptiness.

"Ginta…"

He stopped. Turning his head towards the voice coming from behind him, he noticed how familiar it sounded. It was begging him with just his name.

"Ginta……."

Taking a step back, he looked back to his original destination, then towards the voice again, hesitating. But, Kouga, and Hakkaku?

"C'mon….Ginta…."

He didn't want to; he had gone too far to turn back now. Ginta slammed his hands to his ears to block it out and continued to walk at a faster pace away from the voice, yet his hands might as well have not been there at all.

"Open your eyes……onegai Ginta…"

It felt as though the omnipotent voice had grabbed, was pulling at him. Pulling him away from where he had to go, pulling him in the opposite direction. He could feel it all over his body. He blinked against a new wetness on his face. Was it raining? Clawed hands tried to wipe it away while the rest of him tried to fight against the pulling voice that drove him back. It was useless, the wetness wouldn't go away and all he could do was watch pitifully as the darkness became smaller and smaller, like an empty hallway shrinking into oblivion. A dim light tugged at him like a rag doll, urging him.

He groaned, feeling his body and consciousness begin to enter a realer world, a more painful world. His eyes batted and cringed with pain when his entire being seemed to suddenly be assaulted with all sorts of different kinds of torture. And the wetness on his face only increased, drops falling onto his eyelids, cheeks, and forehead. Dripping lids opened wider into a pool of swimming mist colored eyes.

"Onegai, Ginta, wake up." The voice belonging to those eyes called to him, now allowing him to hear the desperate whimper clouding it.

Another grunt of pain escaped him when he tried to move, but his body appeared to have no drive to cooperate. A little coughing fit ripped through his sore lungs making it feel like hacking up needles.

"Ginta!" And suddenly he was shoved into warm arms with a vice like grip. "Gods! What happened!" She cried tearing herself away from him, petting at him in a weak attempt to wipe away her tears that had fallen onto his face. Though what good did that do when he was lying almost naked in a pool of water that had to be at least a million degrees below zero. Sniffling up some of the snot that was beginning to clog her nose from the cold she tried to compose herself the best she could. "Are you okay? What am I asking of course you're not! Lets go, we've got to get you out of here and into something warm." It was meant to be a command but a sob managed to fight its way out at the end and she threw his arm around her and hefted him out of the water.

He cringed when all the water seemed to pull him back into the pool with its vine like streams that clutched at him in their needy grasp. His eyes were now as open as they were going to get and he could see Kagome lifting him from the hallow and onto the icy floor. His mind tried to work through some of the syrupy goo that saturated it and took note of how bundled up she was. Was it that cold? He couldn't feel anything other than the shattered glass in his lungs. Another wince leapt upon his face, a strong coughing fit pummeled his already beaten lungs. He felt her hands grip him tightly when he keeled over a bit to hack and wheeze freely.

Feeling a little guilty for worrying her so over nothing he straightened up the best he could and helped her carry him back to the coves.

* * *

She couldn't speak; the only sounds penetrating the butter-like silence were her sniffles and his restrained coughs. She was so glad the first place her mind thought to look were the bath hallows. Still, she couldn't get the sight of him out of her head. How he lay there like a corpse tossed out of its coffin. His lips were so blue, his body so incredibly pale, he could have blended in with the non existent snow-Gods but he was cold! She tried to close her mind against it and focus. He had to get warm soon. How dumb was he to fall asleep in the bathing pool anyway!

"Baka yaro.." She mumbled at him with forced gently pressing him into her bed. It was warmer than his, having been more recently acquainted with body heat. Shamefully whipping the bundles of thick fur covers she had stolen and tied about her body she was about to wrap them around him protectively when she remembered his exposure. Her sniffles were now accompanied with sorrowful hiccups as she yanked off her warmer clothes until she was down to her pajama top. As quickly as she could, she dressed him in her many sweaters, socks, her pajama bottoms, her sweatpants, and finally tugged her hat down to his angular ears.

The biting cold instantly took a back seat to her worry, her hands coming up to cocoon him in the mounds of fur comforters. _'Get it together, Kagome…..' _She coached, looking around the tiny cavern thinking what else she could chase away the cold with. She would have to get as many things into the hallow as possible to help with the heat, and then seal the opening. Nodding more to herself than to affirm anyone else she dashed out, grabbing her pack, it was the biggest thing in the cave and would probably fill the entrance nicely. Next she would have to sacrifice one of Ginta's blankets to block the opening with. Hesitating taking a blanket, frost swollen hands held the ends against the opening, coming to another problem. _'Baka! How am I going to hang this up! If I figured that out I'd have hung my torches a long time ago-My Torches!'_ Embraced by another idea Kagome scrambled out grabbing a few of her home made torches, throwing them in the cavern she spied their sitting logs and again had an epiphany.

The hallow was now crowded with an overly large pack, a set of logs and a few bundles of torches. Kagome held some of the blanket between her teeth to the opening, just being able to set the logs on either side and pin the sides of the blanket to the sides of the opening, and adjust her pack into the opening to hold the top of the comforter to the ceiling of the opening. She wanted to build a tiny camp fire but it would be too dangerous. If nothing caught fire from that then the smoke alone would suffocate them. A simple torch may work, though. It was smaller, portable, and the little smoke it spewed forth would more than likely be able to go through the small holes in the sealed opening that the blanket wasn't able to cover.

Oh Gods, now how was she supposed to light it? For the first time in her life, she wished her mother had been some sort of chain smoker so that she could have brought a lighter, or at least a match. She couldn't use sticks, but maybe flint would work. Her eyes flickered about the tiny room only able to find a rock in the midst of the straw bed. It would have to do, though she doubted rocks would create anything, but maybe with a little luck and a prayer.

Holding the torch between her thighs she faced the wall and began to dash the stone against it at an angle. This could go one of three ways. A: Nothing would happen. B: A Gods given spark would light and fall into the straw mattress and burn them both alive, or C: A Gods given spark would light and fall into the Gods given path onto the torch. She had never been a very lucky girl but she hoped that this meant that somebody up there owed her. Her fingers began to become raw and clumsy time passing with no result. She refused to stop, her movements becoming inept and irrational as frantic tears led a collision coarse down her face and frustrated, angry sobs set her body off balance.

"Pleasepleasepleaseplease….." She whimpered, her face wet and her nose running.

She gasped when a spark of light leapt from the stone. Then another, then a few and finally some landed on the torch, and a few landed on her exposed thighs and singed the milky skin there. A wet laugh came from her, seeing the torch light up like a firework. Someone up there definitely owed her, and they obviously had excellent credit. Cradling the end of the torch between her thighs, she sidled up as close to Ginta as she dared. Of course she couldn't keep this lit forever, it was still dangerous, but hopefully it would last long enough to warm the closed hollow a bit. It also helped fight the cold from her bare form.

"Nee-san, what are you doing?" Came his tattered voice, temporarily interrupting her anxiety fit.

"What were _you_ doing? You could have frozen to death you idiot! What happened?" She tried her best not to raise her voice. She didn't want to yell at him when he lay there so pitifully.

"What are you talking about? S'not cold." He slurred, barely able to keep his eyes on her.

"I'm not a doctor, but I think you're either numb, or going into shock. Either way it's not good. Tell me what you feel, if you can." She urged. If he lost consciousness again at least she would know what she had to make better.

Another raging cough seared his lungs before he could answer. "It's neither. Is it late? I need to hunt while it's still early." He mumbled getting up. Or he would have gotten up had he had any energy to move, but in his defense he was able to jostle himself a little.

"Are you retarded! Lay down!" She barked placing her hand on his chest to push him down again with little effort. "Ginta, it's almost winter. Anything you could possibly kill in this forest has either already figured out your time slot or is hibernating. Either way you're not going to find anything. We have plenty of leftovers anyway."

She was cut off when she spied a shudder wrack his body. Most youkai would probably be able to ward off this sort of frigidity; she had to wonder what was so wrong with him to make him vulnerable to it.

"My chest…"

Her attention was again brought to him. His voice sounded weaker.

"Nani?"

"My chest feels like its being pressed into a bed of needles. Breathing hurts, coughing too." He murmured to her. He felt so weak.

She watched his eyes close and felt the worry worm its way back into her heart. Placing her hand near his lips she let out a breath of relief to feel the recognized puff of air against it. It was short and shallow but it was there. Taking in a staggering gasp of air she let her hand rest where it was, the feel of his breathing calming her, helping her get her shot nerves under control. Okay so that was a clue. His chest and breathing hurt so something was probably wrong with his lungs. _'I really wish I had gotten better than a B- in health and anatomy…._' She thought longingly. Kagome was definitely no doctor but she had to do her best, it was simple common sense, every action has a reaction. So what had caused such a reaction in Ginta? _'Okay, lungs, something's wrong with his lungs. They were fine the last I saw him so something must have happened last night. He obviously had no problems when he was still in bed, I heard him make all those whines and noises so it probably happened when he went to the bathing pools. He obviously spent the night there so it had to be severe enough to affect him over night. Okay now onto the bathing pools. It has water, it's far into the cave so it's probably dank, and more than likely has mold. Mold!'_ She glanced at his now sleeping face. _'It might be mold, I doubt just that would affect him like this but add in this weather it probably hurt his immune system pretty bad so that would be enough. And if that's hurt then his circulation could be off too if _he_ can't even fight off this kind of cold.' _

She tried to ignore the iciness of her own body, wracking her brain for solutions. _'If it's his lungs then what would help that? He needs liquids; I need to find something warm. He needs Vitamin C, maybe milk. There's no way I can get any of that way out here, I'd have no idea where I was going, I can't leave him here alone anyway…..Okay water it is. Now what can I put it in?'_ She had never seen Ginta with any utensils of any kind, and she certainly didn't bring any with her.

Kagome caught sight of the other blanket curled around the worn wolf youkai. Lifting a corner to spy the bottom of the cover she saw just what she expected, the dried skin was obviously still there and looking quite leathery. Wasn't that was water sacks or old water canteens were made out of? It was all she had so she had nothing to loose. Taking a piece of it between her teeth she nibbled and chewed at a side to gain a little ripping leverage, ignoring the fur tickling the roof of her mouth. It was tough material; if it could withstand her teeth it should be able to hold water. Finally after what seemed like forever she was able to gnaw a small tear into the leather, it was small but it was enough. Pinning one side of the tear underneath her foot and taking firm hold of the other, with some straining muscles to boot, she tore off a fairly large section of the blanket, fur and all. Untying a piece of stringy vine from one of the unlit torches she carefully sifted her own flame through a cautious hole in the opening and let it drop with a cringe and a hope that it didn't go out immediately. Taking one last look at Ginta she then pushed her own body through, relieved to see the fire still lapping at the bundled twigs at her feet.

Quickly taking it up she dashed back down to the water pool, glad to have adequate lighting for once. Entering the watering holes her gaze darted about, noticing it seemed that the hallows no longer possessed the ambiance of tranquility and solace that it once had. Now she observed it begrudgingly, it was tainted to her now, like a friend not to be trusted anymore. Shrugging the feeling off, she knelt onto the frigid floor and dipped her piece of leather into the sub zero water. Biting back a cry at the stinging bite of cold she watched as the clear liquid cascaded over the cloth then brought the ends together to make a little sack. Pulling it back out the freezing air attacked her wet appendages like a virus, making it remotely difficult to tie the ends together with her little foliage made string.

The torch rested between her thighs again, this time too close for comfort because she needed the room to flood the leather. The flames now lapped at her skin, charring the fine hairs on her legs. Wiping off her free soaked hand she sprinted back down the cavern halls, taking just the right turns and ended back in the bed coves. She again crept carefully into her cove with her burdens, mindful of the trigger happy fire in her hands. The room was now cramped, almost claustrophobically so. She plopped back down into her tiny space with a worn sigh. Giving Ginta a brief once over before deciding that he was still ok for the moment, she decided she needed to heat the water up some how.

Glancing around for her newly proclaimed fire rock it was found nestled between her pack and the hall. Picking it up she began to grind it against the wall, making it smooth and flat. This would take a lot longer than if she had simply had a bowl, but she couldn't just hang the sack over the fire. The water would either leak through and douse the flames or the leather itself would change fire. Finally the rock was thin and smooth enough to pass for an incredibly primitive plate. Gently placing the sack onto the rock, the sides flowing over the slab, she positioned the rock carefully over the flames, just barely into the fire. She didn't have much time and this would no doubt take a while.

This was by far, the most uncomfortable Kagome had ever been. She was absolutely freezing, under dressed, exhausted, and now she had to sit perfectly still with a lit torch between her legs and a delicately balanced rock plate and home made water sack in her hands. Well, at least she had some free time; there was nothing more she could do until the water heated up. Her attention flickered to the pale youkai lying so still and so very close to her. Letting out a worried breath she examined him more thoroughly. His lips were still such an icy color, his body had gone from its porcelain complection to a deathly shade of snowy white, and though she couldn't see the rise and fall of his chest underneath all the clothing and now torn blanket, every now and then she could catch a glimpse of short small puffs of frozen breath coming from his mouth. _'His breathing must be shallow, maybe it's not a good idea do have all that stuff on top of him….' _Unfortunately, right now she was too scared to dare removing anything that could possibly save him from freezing to death in this state.

"Ginta?" She questioned, was he unconscious? Sleeping? Or just too weak to open his eyes?

When no answer came she guessed it was one of the first two. Her eyes then stirred up from watching the light puffs to rest on his face. For some odd reason she had the urge to touch it. She sighed, turning her head away back to her lap. Her hands felt chapped and dry in the moistureless air. Glancing at her pack she wished she had thought to grab some lotion before she left home. Thinking of home made her realize she hadn't seen it in almost two months. A wave of nostalgia and homesickness swept over her but she quickly shrugged it off and leaned her head back against the cold stone behind her. Now wasn't the time for that.

"Itai!" She cried her hands beginning to burn as if she had accidentally touched a lit stove. Noticing a pinkish red circle dully glowing on the bottom of the rock, the water was as hot as it was going to get. Hissing she did the only thing she could think of, dropping the rock she quickly snatched the sack to catch it and maneuvered herself to throw off the heated stone the instant it touched her lap. Her face motioned into a quick wince of pain, even with all her lightening quick movements her thighs still managed to get burnt yet again. With the rock now safely on a section of the free stone floor she was free to examine her sack.

The bottom was quite warm but not hot, yet the sides of it, where the flames must have gotten to, were scorching. She hoped the water would be hot enough; it was all she could do at the moment. Lifting the sack above her head she tenderly brought her teeth to the bottom, cautious of her lips not touching it, and began to worry a small pinch of the leather between them. She stopped when she felt a tiny trickle of overly warm water stream into her mouth. Plugging the small hole with her tongue she made her way to Ginta, turning around to face him. Her hand snaked under his neck tugging him up the best she could. Looming over him she brought the holed sack bottom to his mouth.

"Ginta, wake up…"

* * *

His eyelids cringed, a curious warming in his mouth bringing him from his submission to fatigue. He could feel the same warm liquid flow down his throat, temporarily soothing the rawness he felt there.

"Ginta, wake up…"

His right ear twitched at the sound of his name. His lids slid tiredly open, revealing dotted irises that gazed unseeingly. His vision went in and out of focus for a minute until it rested sharply on a rather surprised looking raven haired girl. She looked as surprised to see him looking at her as he was seeing her looking at him. Her mouth opened looking like she was about to comment on it but it quickly closed and opted for something else.

"Here, you need to drink this." She murmured softly.

He could feel a soft, albeit frigid hand, underneath his neck, holding him up enough to touch the bottom of something warm to his mouth. He nodded warily closing his eyes, too fatigued to protest as he tiredly sucked at the small hole where the warm water cascaded from. A weight appeared to be pushed from his chest, his eyelids glided open again to see her gently shove some of the mounds of cloth to his hips. He sighed somewhat contentedly now that he could mark off at least one discomfiture. Now all he had to worry about was the stinging, chaffed feeling in his chest, but even the water appeared to help that a little.

She was kneeling more against him than next to him because of the microscopic space they now had left. Her pale knees brushing his arm. He was getting a little warmer, his lips were now drifting into a shade between peach and lavender, but it was better than the icy blue they had been. Grunting uncomfortably, his weight becoming just a little too much for her already strained wrist and forearm. Sliding his neck up, she adjusted him until his neck lay in the crook of her arm, the other still holding the water pouch for him. A dark blush stained her frost bitten features when his lids slitted open a fraction to glance at her closeness before shutting again, completely nonchalant, as if it made no difference if she were two centimeters from him or two miles. She swallowed, trying to shake off the flash of modesty. A twinge of irritation welled up within in her; she could probably do naked cart wheels around the room without affecting him. Taking in a steadying breath she tried to regain focus.

He was limp in her arms, the only sign that he was even still conscious was his now even breath and the gentle motions he made softly suckling at the water rip. Kagome had the ridiculous urge to begin rocking him tenderly as she watched him. She was glad he had closed his eyes again, so that he couldn't see the way she was looking at him now. He lay so docile in her arms, he couldn't push her away, couldn't say things that would hurt her, couldn't look at her with that formal politeness. Watching him like this made her feel very affectionate. It had been so long since she had a caring figure around her and she had the strange ardor to run her fingers through his coarse two-toned hair and warmly kiss his cheek.

Snapping her eyes away from his pliant face she tried to turn her attention to the new shame swimming through her heart. He was sick! He was more than likely seriously ill and she was having all these debaucherous thoughts! Perhaps Ginta wasn't the only one that was sick. Kagome shook her head of the mental scolding, she was just lonely and wanton for her old life, that was all. This was probably perfectly natural for someone in her position and would eventually go away on its own.

Licking her chapped lips, Kagome could feel her own fatigue come over her now that she could comfort herself with the thought that Ginta would be okay. The pouch in her hand felt lighter somehow, she thought with a yawn. She couldn't help but wonder what time it was, they had been in here quite a while, so it was probably some time in the late afternoon. Then again, it had been so early when she had…woken up….Kagome couldn't seem to keep her thoughts together. Her eyelids suddenly weighed five million tons and gravity had intensified one hundred G's. Another exhausted yawn broke from her lips and she just couldn't fight it all…….

* * *

She woke up shivering. Again. Kagome frowned, feeling the sleep she hadn't realized she had even indulged in slowly sift away unconsciously curling into the warmth beneath her pulling the covers closer. Since when was straw this soft. Soft and remarkably fleshy. Her eyes snapped open to find a bountiful plane of snowy white skin that wasn't her own. The breath she had been in the middle of taking halted in her throat. Her body lay strewn across the sleeping wolf, her shoulders paired with his and her face right by his left ear. Swallowing the lump in her throat she slowly rose and moved herself away from the oblivious youkai.

Once she was the safest distance possible from him she lifted her hands to rub some warmth back into her arms. Was it just her or did it seem impossibly colder than it had been before? How long had she been asleep? What time was it now, anyway? Glancing down at her attire, or lack thereof, she realized she had the time to at least change into some real clothes. At the mention of clothing she threw a haphazard glance at the person wearing her own. She couldn't help but bite back the giggle now that she had the time to calm down and examine his garb. His height and shoulders made the clothes a little tight, but she was thankful he had been lanky enough to not make them terribly so. Turning away from the spectacle, her hands started to ferret through her pack.

The only thing she was able to find was a pretty red turtle neck and her old worn pair of jeans that she had worn yesterday. It would have to make do for now. Turning her back to Ginta she merely unbuttoned her pajama top and slid the turtle neck on under it. After she was done tugging on her jeans and some socks and shoes she took a glimpse at Ginta noticing his breathing was back to shallow and sounded raspier now. Pressing her ear to his chest she strained to hear his heart beat through all the cloth. It was strong but something didn't sound right. Lifting a hand she felt at his forehead. It was warm against his freezing body. Worry again attacked her feeling the shallow, hazardous, breath from his lips.

It appeared he was back in the woods. This either meant his youkai circulation was back and helping his immune system fight off the mold, or his system was doing poorly and his lungs had gotten worse. Her eyes searched the room for the water sack, revealing disappointment when they found the empty pouch sagging pathetically against the ground by Ginta's other side. Had the water even helped at all? He definitely needed something else. Vitamin C, maybe? Some milk? What did you give a sick youkai!

"Whatever it is I'm not going to find it here." She mumbled to herself, taking one last anxious glance at Ginta before crawling out of the opening.

It was snowing. It was night and it was snowing. Kagome's jaw dropped. It wasn't a blizzard but there were definitely flurries falling from the sky. She had always loved snow; then again that was when she had a nice heated house to come home to. Could she really take her chances out in that? Her thoughts broke her attention back to the covered hovel. She didn't really have a choice.

Taking a deep determined breath Kagome pulled the pajama-top-made-jacket tighter around her shoulders and made her way down the ladder. _'At least there isn't any winter wind….'_ She thought thankfully. _'Okay, while you're at it you might as well think of a plan. I have no idea where I'm going but maybe I can just go straight ahead and hopefully InuYasha will find me. I can ask Kaede for help and make it back before too long. '_ It appeared finding the hanyou was her only chance, seeing as how she had no idea where she was going. She could probably risk calling for InuYasha since most dangerous youkai would more than likely be in for the night, or the winter, whatever. Her body shuddered, a sudden shill went through it, making her bare hands clutch at her pajama top tighter. _'This isn't that bad. At least I have a plan. It could always be worse…'_

* * *

"OI! Get back here you little shit!" InuYasha hollered feeling yet another acorn smack against his temple.

Shippou snickered bounding out of the danger range that appeared to surround the hanyou whenever he was around. "I need to practice, InuYasha. So when the snow gets here I can pelt your fat head with snowballs instead." He explained as a matter of factly, dodging yet another swipe from InuYasha.

"Do you find it completely impossible to behave for a few hours while I am gone?" Kaede asked exasperatedly.

InuYasha growled, giving up on the kistune for the time being. "When are you gonna be back, babaa?" He questioned irritatedly watching for the cub out of the corner of his eye.

"I must leave to attend to some last minute preparations for winter. I do not believe anyone was expecting snow so soon, it is a bad omen." She explained gravely.

The hanyou spat rudely. "This is stupid. Getting all worked up over a few snow specks falling from the sky."

Kaede ignored his crudity. "All I ask is that you stay with Shippou while I am gone. If it is too difficult an errand for you I would be happy to enlist the aid of someone more…… competent."

InuYasha glared at her. "Just hurry up." He grumbled.

The Miko nodded going off on her own way.

Leaping up onto a nearby tree branch, InuYasha glowered down at the kistune dancing happily in the falling snow. Said cub appeared to feel the angry daggers digging into his back as he turned around to send the hanyou a glare of his own.

"Don't be mad at me just because Kagome isn't back yet!" He barked.

"FUCK YOU!" InuYasha snarled. Shippou was relentless in claiming that the young girl's absence was his fault.

Shippou snorted, ignoring the hanyou, turning back to his game of catch the snow flakes.

InuYasha watched the cub heatedly. Kaede said watch him and keep him from harm, though she didn't say anything about not harming him himself. He could just say Shippou had a fit and he had to restrain him to protect him from himself. A wayward grin broke across the hanyou's face, his body crouching against the branch, ready to pounce…

"!"

He froze, his ears turning, prodding the air for the sudden sound. It was so far away he couldn't make it out, but it was familiar.

"!"

His brow furrowed. There it was again. Jumping from the branch, his ears twitched finding the right direction to go in. A sudden weight leaped onto his shoulder.

"What's that?" Shippou asked curiously peering into the forest. He had obviously heard the noise as well.

"Beat it, brat!" He said swatting the kistune away.

"OI! I wanna go too!" He shouted trying to go back in InuYasha's direction.

"Too bad you're staying here!" InuYasha said chucking him away back into the open before bounding off in the direction of the sound.

* * *

The further away from the village the more distinct the sound became. Now a scent was tied to it, the snow was doing a good job of covering it but it was there. Finally it seemed he was close enough to make out the noise. 

"InuYasha!"

He froze, stunned, his ears at attention. His mouth felt dry and his voice hoarse. It took him a minute to regain his senses enough to sprint in her direction. "Kagome!" He hollered back, though he knew she couldn't hear him from this distance. His legs pushed and sprung across the ground, going faster and faster, getting nearer and nearer to her. "Kagome!" He called; maybe now he would be close enough for her to hear him.

"InuYasha?"

He hastened his pace, dashing faster through the forest. "I'M COMING, KAGOME!" He shouted, her scent becoming clearer, sharper, more distinct.

"Where are you!"

Her outline was coming into view and less vague the nearer he came. He saw her whirl around obviously hearing his approach. He slowed down to a light jog so as to not bull her over in his rush. He wasn't even winded from the path, that would've taken a human days to complete, as he came to a halt in front of her. It was as though he hadn't seen her in years, the sight, the smell, the presence, of her was all so beguiling. His senses welcomed her like air to a drowning man. He should be angry with her, and he was, and he would make sure she knew just how much, but later. Right now he wanted to absorb as much of her as he could, she had been gone so long.

They both just stood there, looking at each other for moments on end. They had never been apart so long before ever since they met. It was strange to realize just how much you could miss someone without even knowing it. Kagome wanted to hug him, but she was too cold, too stressed, too worried and frantic to indulge in those comforts now. She tried her best to shake off the wave of tenderness and nostalgia that crashed over her. "InuYasha, I need your help." Her voice sounded foreign to her, it sounded sore and raw from the cold air.

"Nani! What happened?" The hanyou took in her presence; she was wearing a strange assortment of clothing he had never seen before. She looked disheveled, her hair unkempt, her body shaking, and smelling of snow and tears. A low rumble reverberated in his chest. "Did that bastard hurt you!" He snarled angrily, his eyes scanning her for any injury.

Kagome shook her head desperately, trying to quell his anger before it escalated. "Iie! Iie, nothing like that. I need medicine for him!"

InuYasha blanched, he blinked for a moment, taken aback before a furious growl tore through his throat. She hadn't come back to see him at all! "Is _that_ it? You dropped us for Gods know how long and then only come back when you want something! We don't even fucking hear from you! I don't know if you've figured it out yet, but _you_ ran away from _us_! And now you're asking me for help! So tell me, WHY THE FUCK _SHOULD_ I, He roared into her face furiously, looming over her.

Kagome glowered right back. "I can't tell you how much I want to stand here and scream right back at you, but I need _Kaede's_ help with some medicine. Either take me to her, tell me how I can find her, or just forget it." She bit back. She really did want to scream and yell in his face about how immature he was being when she really needed him, but as always, now wasn't the time.

InuYasha glared at her, still fuming. He looked at her for a moment debating on making her walk on foot, though noticing her attire he refused that idea. Snorting angrily he threw her over his shoulder and once again went racing through the forest. He knew how much she hated this position, how uncomfortable it was for her with his shoulder digging into her stomach, and for that he made sure he had to jump over and onto things as much as possible.

* * *

Why the hell was she so fucking worried anyway? He thought conveniently forgetting all her pointless stressing over him when we would have been just fine. He sat sulkily in the room glaring at the floor, every now and then glancing up to see Kagome and Kaede still talking while that bastard Shippou practically drilled a hole in the young miko's stomach with his damned 'snuggling.' The little shit was just a pervert if you asked him, to hell with all that 'innocent child' crap. His right ear perked up, noticing how her voice became softer every time she reached a point in her explanation which particularly upset her. 

"A-and his breathing's very shallow, very raspy. Something's wrong with his lungs, I'm sure of it. Onegai Kaede, I can't stay gone long, I have to get back as soon as humanly possible." She beseeched, fighting back the water gathering in her eyes.

Kaede nodded, understanding. "Hai my child, if all the symptoms are as you speak then I may know what to do. I will work as fast as I can." She said sympathetically. She understood how hard this winter would be with just the two of them up in that mountain cave.

"Is there anything I can do?" Kagome asked eagerly.

"Perhaps you may borrow some milk and other assortments from the villagers. I am sure they would be willing to help your terribly ill……'child'." She explained meaningfully.

Kagome stared at her for a moment before giving an 'oh' of understanding. "Hai, I'll ask."

InuYasha rolled his eyes, all this trouble for a little cold. He would probably recover in a day or two.

Kagome caught the hanyou's rude gesture and sent him a scolding frown. Watching him look so healthy, as if the weather didn't even touch him, it couldn't help but bring out a pang of envy in her. InuYasha was fine, so why was this affecting Ginta so badly?

"Serves the idiot right, falling asleep in the water during winter.." He grumbled knowing full well she could hear him.

"Urusai, Chikusho yo!" She hissed.

InuYasha looked taken aback by her hurtful words but quickly regained himself. She watched him shoot daggers at her before taking his leave through the doorway.

Kagome sighed wearily. Her words really were too mean. But why did he have to be such a jerk when he saw how this was affecting her? Shaking her head she waited a while, until she was sure he would be a good distance away, to go to the village. At least she could bring some good things home for Ginta, out of all this there had to be something that would help him.

* * *

Apparently Kaede didn't interact much with her fellow villagers. They were a lot less helpful than she made them out to be. Kagome thought bitterly. Most of them had just taken one look at her clothing and either proclaimed her a demon on the spot, bad luck, or a sorceress. Though there were some that knew her well enough, or some that had heard about her from Kaede and took pity on her and her sick 'child' enough to give her whatever they had. A shiver went through her body; it was colder without her pajama top to protect her thin turtle neck from the cold. Said pajama top was now used as a makeshift basket for her small amount of assorted items gathered. 

She did manage to get some rather helpful things. She had received some milk for instance, a few vegetables, dried fruit, a young man had given her some flints (for which she was eternally grateful), an old widow even given her a little tea. All in all it wasn't so bad, granted the nice villagers were most certainly in the minority. Another shudder went through her body, apparently the cold and her fickly attention span had taken her mind off ever retying her shoes. Which was unfortunate because with a surprised grunt she was thrown forward, her things making varied noises as they hit the ground.

With a growl of frustration, she brought herself upright to tie her show and examine the damage. Her face fell noting one or two broken vegetables and there must now be a leak in the tea bottle because half of it now formed a small puddle on the ground. With an exasperated breath she reached for the clutter now laying pitifully in the frosted dirt, only to draw back when a clawed hand began to pick up the muddle. Her eyes flickered up to InuYasha in surprise as he put all her things back into her little pajama sling, not once did he look at her but rather kept his focus on gathering her things.

She didn't say anything but let him help her and together they walked back to Kaede's. Neither was sure what to say, both still angry but willing to put that aside for the sake of the other. The walk was quiet and awkward, but it had a certain familiarity to it that comforted them.

"Gomen nasai, InuYasha." She said softly, still unable to look at him. She felt more than saw him give a brusque nod of acknowledgment, not looking at her either.

The stroll was a little bit more comfortable after that.

* * *

"I think this will help him. Granted I am no youkai physician, but hopefully this will at least relieve him of some of his symptoms." Kaede stated, handing her a bottle filled with some liquid, the faintest hint of green, almost yellow. "And here, I believe you already know how to use these." She said handing her a bundle of blankets and assorted robes. 

Kagome chuckled gratefully. "Arigato Kaede."

The old woman nodded, a faint smile marring her wise features. "There is no need, my child. InuYasha," Kaede spoke to the hanyou without taking her eye off Kagome. "you will take her back, I am sure she is late as it is. As am I for that matter. I am afraid I must see you off here, Kagome. You are not the only one sorely unprepared for winter."

"Nani! Oi! Babaa! Don't tell me what to do!" He hollered at the miko's back.

She was either too far to hear him or simply ignored him. Kagome turned to him trying to fight off the bit of annoyance his statement stirred within her. Was he still so angry? "Just take me to where you found me, InuYasha, I can get the rest of the way." She grumbled.

"Keh! I'm not taking you anywhere!"

"Nani! What are you talking about?" She asked outraged.

"I already told you I was against you going in the first place. You think I'm gonna bring you back? I'm not encouraging this shit!"

She wanted to yell. She really did. She wanted to put her mouth right against his ear and give him a screech that would make a banshee blush. But she couldn't. Even if she did she wouldn't know what to say. Ginta was back there going through Gods know what, she was cold, hungry, wasn't a doctor, and had had enough of being in charge to last her a life time. So she only did what any over worked and over stressed female would do. She cried.

InuYasha's eyes went wide at her eyes clouding over with tears, and her little sniffles from the cold becoming sniffles from the sorrow. She hiccupped before pushing rudely past him, huddling over her bundles.

"Fine! I'll go myself, you jerk!" She cried.

Quickly shaking himself out of his stupor he immediately felt guilty. She had come to him for help and he had been an ass to her. He knew that she was only doing for Ginta what she had always done for him. InuYasha quickly caught up with Kagome, turning her around even when she angrily turned her face away from him.

"Iie, Iie I'll take you. Keh, you'd probably freeze to death before you got there anyway." He mumbled taking her up into his arms.

She wanted to make him work for her forgiveness a little bit more, but she was tired and really did need to get back, so she just let him lift her and take her back.

* * *

It was cold. And hollow, too. A pair of pale eyelids fluttered weakly, finally revealing a set of dotted irises. Ginta cringed, apparently Kagome had been right. It was indeed chilly, but the sharp pain at the back of his head was what really made him tense. All at once all the forgotten physical pains rushed at him like an old friend. He let out a shaky breath bringing a hand to his forehead. His nose twitched, this place smelled familiar, but not right. A feeble cough reawakened yet another 'old friend.' He must be getting better, though, because the pressure that had associated itself with breathing was gone and now only the stinging remained and even that would fade eventually. 

His eyes darted about his surroundings weakly, feeling too anemic to actually get up and look around. He doubted it would have helped though with the place being so confined. This wasn't his nest. An enormous yellow pack lay at what must be the entrance, several strange but recognizable garments lay in flaccid disarray across the floor. It was Kagome's room, not his. He winced, raising himself to his forearms, now noticing his strange new garb.

"Nee-san?"

When no answer came he strained to hear for any sound of movement and flared his nostrils to intake any trace of the familiar scent. The only remaining vestiges were long since stale. She must have left a few hours ago. He groaned exasperatedly falling back into the straw nest, flinching once again at the flash of pain at the back of his head. He hoped she had not gone far because he really didn't feel like looking for her now. With a relaxing breath he let his tired muscles settle. Even with the pounding headache and the tedious breathing it still felt good to have time to relax like this. When was the last time he was able to sleep so long? Still laying down he sleepily tugged the oppressing clothes off of him. As cold as it may be, it was nothing compared to the itch and irritation this attire introduced him to.

His jaw opened wide in a tired yawn. Suddenly his mouth halted in mid open. His left ear strained to pick up the sound again. It sounded like scraping and strained wood. Rising to his forearms once more he looked at the covered opening, not really seeing it but trying to focus more on the sound. His brow furrowed in confusion, the blockade against the entrance impaired his sense of smell so he couldn't make out the source of the noise exactly.

His face scrunched into a torturous wince lifting his body up, he moved away the huge pack and stepped out into the open. Looking around his attention rested on the main entrance to the cave. Whatever it was it was coming from there. For the first time he was able to see outside and notice the falling snow. Where had all this weather come from? Was his last thought before a large, furry, hand shot out and gripped the edge of the cave. Ginta jolted back, startled. An enormous body, encased in brown fur rose from the taloned hand to clamber into the cave. Huge trunk-like legs extended up into a hulking torso and back, to leviathan head, completely covered in shaggy brown fur. The enormous bear youkai turned his head about the cave before his beady eyes fell onto the smaller youkai.

Ginta's eyes widened as the massive bear youkai caught sight of him. His mouth fell open at his incredibly bad luck. The bear must have been caught by surprise by the unexpected winter just as everyone else and been too unprepared to find a shelter of his own. The bear let out a low growl advancing on the other youkai. Ginta took a shy step back before another raging coughing fit took hold of him. The mammoth bear took the opportunity and charged the wolf, bringing back his gigantic arm he sent Ginta careening into the nearest wall like a rag doll with one colossal strike. His body hit the stone with a sickening crack. Luckily Ginta was able to brace himself before impact, but that didn't stop the throbbing pain from shooting through his spine and skull. The wolf quickly caught himself from the fall, staggering uncertainly to his feet he readied himself into a crouching position perfect for bolting at any time.

Hastily putting some distance between himself and the other youkai he tried to formulate a plan. The bear had trapped him weakened from his illness, there was no way he could take him down being as incapacitated as he was. Still, he had to get this threat out of the caves. He would either get both himself and Kagome killed by the bear or by the elements, so there wasn't really anything to loose. The youkai began to advance again, foamy saliva dripping from his incisor laden jowls. Ginta held his ground trying to sooth his trembling body. What was he going to do! He was weak and alone! There was an obvious reason wolf youkai always traveled in packs and this was it! Together they were strong, apart they were like fresh meat waiting to be picked off.

Ginta felt his knees grow weak, time seemed to slow down, or speed up, he wasn't sure. If he let the bear win he would die. What was there really to be alive for anyway? He would have been appalled at such a dishonorable death to leave Hakkaku alone for. Now Hakkaku would have a new tribe, he would have no need for him anymore. He would be sad, of course, but it would pass. Ginta let his muscles relax in acquiescence. He was sick, he was tired, and he didn't want to be in a world where he would always be alone, anymore. The bear was close enough to him now and with a salivated snarl lunged for him. _'Nee-san!'_ His eyes widened. She would come back and find this animal here and that would be the end of her as well.

The bear let out a gasp of air, the wind being thrust from him as Ginta collided firmly with his chest. He braced himself again holding securely to the foul, matted fur, feeling the leviathan body being propelled out of the cave. He clenched his eyes shut during the free fall, making sure his attacker took the brunt of the landing. The second he felt his world ram into the ground, jostling his bones, he heard the anguished grunt from under him, instantly leapt out of harms way, and digging his feet into the bear's stomach for propulsion leverage.

Ginta quickly got back into an agile position to dart out of the youkai's rage should he charge again. He didn't have any force against the bear but hopefully even in his weakened state he could still wear him down with his dexterity. He had to get the mammoth away from the caves. He couldn't let harm come to his den brother's mate.

Just as he expected, it took longer for the youkai to mount to his feet, yet when he did he had hell in his eyes. Ginta set his feet determinedly trying to bring his wheezing under control, beginning to have a plan in mind. With a raging bellow the bear charged at him again, his massive talons ready to tear him to pieces. Ginta immediately sprung out of the way taking off to the right for the other side of the forest.

He knew he had enraged the youkai enough to get his mind off finding shelter and centered onto killing him. Ginta's breathing grew raspy, his vision fading into vague blurs. He stumbled a bit bringing a hand to wipe the sweat from his forehead. NO! He had to keep going, he could loose the bear if he could manage to get him lost. Ginta shook his head, blinking rapidly to refocus his sight. His attention drawn from sprinting, he didn't notice the uprooted tree root sticking from the ground. But his foot was able to get caught anyway. Ginta let out a surprised yelp feeling himself unceremoniously yanked to the ground.

Panting he quickly rose to his feet, his eyes darting around to get his bearings back. The snow was coming down heavier, making everything look the same. His eyes widened in terror as a familiar mountain cave came into view to his left. He let out a withered cough; his illness had led him in a damned circle-

_WAM!_

Now it was his turn to have the breath knocked from him, his body being slammed from behind, hurling it out into the open with the ease of skipping a rock. Ginta lay there for a moment, temporarily numb. The first thing he noticed was that the ground was now white. A thin layer of snow covered the green, yet it couldn't cover the red that seeped into it, staining it, tainting it. All at once the pain came back tenfold. His head and muscles stung and now his hand sprung to his side to grip at the dripping gash there. Flinching, his legs flailed to get to his feet again and ignore the searing pain.

"GINTA!"

Oh no.

* * *

"I can go the rest of the way from here. You didn't really have to take me this far." She explained softly. 

InuYasha wanted to protest, he was close to the edge of the forest. The snow was falling heavier than before, snowflakes fell and clung to her butchered hair making her look ethereal. Unfortunately, things were too tense between them to give him the right to voice his protests. So he simply set her down, waiting for her to leave him. Again.

Kagome mumbled a quiet 'thank you' before beginning to jog in the direction of the caves. She could still feel him behind her and paused. _'I can't go with things like this….' _Turning around she found him just as she expected, standing there, looking for all the world like he was waiting for her to come back to him rather than walk away from him. His face remained void of any emotion or expression, even as she walked back.

"Gomen, gomen nasai, InuYasha." She said sincerely, looking into his face for something, anything. When she didn't get a response she continued. "I don't want things to be like this between us. We, we can't go back to before Naraku. We can't. So much has happened. In a sick and twisted way he brought us together," She flinched when she heard the indignant 'keh!' "Now that he's dead, it's like we can really feel his damage. We were in a hurricane, InuYasha. We all shared the same shelter, you, Shippou, Sango, Miroku, and me. But now that hurricane's passed, and it's time to clean up the damage."

His face turned away from her, but she could see this affected him.

"How long do you plan on 'cleaning this up'?" He asked gruffly.

An ironic smile turned her lips. "I don't know. As glad as I am that Naraku is dead, I think that if I could turn back time, I would." She said.

InuYasha turned back to her, his eyes exploring her own resolutely. Kagome closed her eyes, fighting the tearful sniffle that threatened to come out to play, before throwing herself into his arms in a fierce hug. After a moment she could feel familiar arms wrap around her waist. Finally the sniffle appeared and she wiped her eyes, quickly disengaging herself from him, not wanting the temptation to stay in that little circle of comfort between his arms to become too great. She smiled a watery smile before taking off, hurriedly dashing for the caves.

InuYasha stood there for a long time, his face a determined mask of stone, letting the snow fall and bury itself against him.

"Me too."

With that, he started his long walk back. The forest now appearing smaller, more confining.

* * *

Kagome sniffled, the tears trailing along her cheeks being smeared by the wind her running generated. Her nose began to run again and she let out a little cry. She missed her friends so dearly. It was as if she never realized that things truly could never be the same again until a few minutes ago. She slowed down coming to the clearing, running her winter chafed fingers under her eyes to derail the tears leaking from them. Her pace digressed into a drudge, emerging from the last of the trees and walking into the plain that led to the caves. Her eyes observed the new layer of snowy ground solemnly. She had always heard that 'life wasn't fair' and she had always been too optimistic to believe it, until now. 

_CRASH!_

Kagome's head jerked up, startled at the blast of clamor. She gasped horrified as the limp body of Ginta came careening out into the open to land heavily in the snow. A hasty red pool instantly seeping out from under him like a leak.

"GINTA!" She screamed watching him stumble to his feet.

His attention flickered to her and she dropped her gathered burdens, racing frantically towards him. She let out a choked shriek almost tripping over herself as what looked like an enormous bear smashed through the trees and came lunging wildly into the open at Ginta on its hind legs. "GINTA!" She screeched desperately.

His head turned just in time to see the darkening shadow of the youkai over him launching himself at him, bowling him into the ground. Ginta gasped for breath feeling the brunt of the bear impale itself on him. He was grateful for that bulk though, as the other youkai clawed madly at the ground missing his intended target, his own weight getting between him and Ginta. The wolf took the opportunity to tear at the meaty animal from underneath while he struggled to get out from behind. He wormed his way further underneath, hearing the bear pant in frustration, all of the sudden the furry muscle tapered into soft, malleable flesh. Ginta stopped feeling his luck change at finding the stomach. Throwing all of this weight into it he thrust his claws up into the ample sack of vitals and intestines. A bellowing roar broke the frustrated breaths from above and Ginta felt floods of something warm and sticky glide down his arms with satisfaction. The other youkai felt Ginta's grip tighten on something crucial inside him and reared up twisting this way and that, trying to shake him loose.

The wolf was finally flung away, toppling over the snowy clearing. He lurched up, his ears ticking at the sound of thudding, like someone running through the thin snow. His eyes flickered to the forest to find Kagome running towards him. "NEE-SAN STAY BACK-"

"GINTA WATCH YOU!"

He barely had enough time to leap out of the way at the sight of the massive set of dagger like teeth coming at him. Ginta let out a cry of pain, feeling the same teeth intended for his stomach and possibly the rest of him, crunch around his right leg. His face clenched in immeasurable agony, his left leg thrusting out to lash violently at the bears face. The youkai only winced and bit harder, raising back up to fling Ginta about between his teeth like a limp rag.

Kagome gasped quickening her sprint. The youkai was too involved in his adversary to notice her leap at the laceration in his stomach. She cringed at the feel of mushy organs and blood between her fingers but ripped and tore at him determinedly, trying to do as much damage as possible. The youkai cried out, dropping Ginta, to thrash her away.

Yelping at the enormous claws coming at her she managed to jump back and save her head, but not the rest of her body as it was heaved across the clearing. Kagome grunted painfully making impact with the solid ground. She could hear the pounding thud of the youkai coming for her. Her eyes darted up to see the bear lumbering straight at her, her body staggering to move away. Her scream tore through the winter night air seeing the bear make a dive for her only to rear careening back when a firm weight pounced on the back of his head, bloodied claws coming to gouge at his eyes.

Ginta grunted in exertion, digging his thumbs deeper and deeper, ignoring the clumsy swipes the talons made for him, until he finally felt a fleshy softness beneath the pads. Almost instantly the bear stopped, his leviathan mass falling lifelessly to the ground. The smaller youkai gasped for breath, the burning in his chest nothing compared to the need for oxygen. The strength seemed to completely drain from him leaving him tired and so incredibly worn, the adrenalin and endorphins rushing through his fatigued body making him immune to the massive weight now sagging against his damaged torso and leg. He panted wantonly, feeling his eyes close, his mind going blank.

"Ginta!"

His eyelids slid open a fraction at his name and insistent grunting. He looked to the side and down to see Kagome's face scrunched in strained effort pushing relentlessly against the monster on top of him. No, it wasn't really a monster. Just another desperate life trying to survive, wasn't he just doing what he and Hakkaku were trying to do? He couldn't help but briefly wonder if the other youkai had a family of his own before the weight was gone, and Kagome was hovering over him, her face saturated in worry. Ginta didn't know if it was the immense blood loss or the sickness, but all of the sudden, he simply didn't care anymore. At that moment everything was right in the world and there was no reason what so ever to not close his eyes and take a break from it. He should have gotten ill and nearly get killed by a youkai sooner if this was the way it made you feel afterwards, he thought drearily, his mind frolicking between reality and unconsciousness.

"Iie! Don't go to sleep!"

He groaned feeling a firm persistent patting against his cheek. His eyes opened a sliver to the bleary visage of the girl above him now throwing his arm around her to lift him. He made a moan of protest but could do nothing but relent to her will letting her stumble with him towards the wooden, tree ladder. She grunted in surprise when he gave up effort and let his weight sag against her.

"Ginta, I can't do this by myself, onegai! Wake up!" She exclaimed.

He wanted to give her an annoyed look but managed to lift himself enough so that she didn't bare the brunt of his weight. She stopped and glanced up at him again with those concerned eyes when he cried out now reacquainting himself with the pain in his mangled leg.

"We need to look at that, but we can't do this here. Do you think you can make it up the ladder?" She questioned not waiting for an answer before she began to help him up the carved trunk.

Suddenly, breathing became more difficult than fighting the youkai, and his head swam in foggy conscious. Kagome squealed when he sagged against her once more.

"Iie! Ginta onegai! I can't do this by myself!" She bawled.

This time Ginta wasn't able to take most of his weight off her. Kagome grunted, pulling and pushing on him at her side to make it up the ladder. Keeping her eyes on the top she kept telling herself, even as her arms burned with strained muscles, _'almost there, just a little further!' _Just as she reached the last step, the wolf became just too heavy and she felt herself loose footing. She yelped tumbling backwards, but this time Ginta was the one to catch her. Grabbing her wrist he cringed and labored, bracing his forearm against the entrance floor and pulling them both forward to sprawl across the inside floor.

With a tired sigh he fell limply to the stone ground only to be caught in Kagome's freezing embrace. She gasped and raped the room for all the oxygen it had, holding Ginta steadily before forcing herself to rise, lifting him with her and wobbling back to her cove.

* * *

This just wasn't her day, well night actually. Kagome leaned tiredly against the back of the wall, just coming back from finding and collecting her things. Some she couldn't find and had no idea what happened to, such as her pajama top, but the others looked fine. Shaking the green/yellow bottled substance in her hand to re-mix all the ingredients, she removed the top, bringing her hand to the back of his neck again and touching the medicine to his lips. Her worn eyes watched the liquid glide down his throat lifting his head to help it down without him choking. Replacing the top she set the remedy aside for later use. 

Removing some clothing from her pack she tore at it, making long jagged strips. She supposed yesterday she would have cared and never thought of desecrating one of the only things left of her birth home, but at the moment she would have ripped the Japanese flag for all she cared. The mass blood loss would no doubt have him out for the day, two or three at the most, but it wouldn't kill him. If InuYasha could have a whole arm through his stomach and Kouga could have a giant bird practically tear his arm from his body then Ginta could withstand this.

The sickness combined with the cold was the only thing that bothered her. It was an un-seeable, nameless, wound that she couldn't bandage. It damaged from the inside, a place she couldn't get to. It seemed he would be alright though. Then again she was just too tired and too drained to worry as frantically as she had been all day. Watching the pale skin pucker and pinken into the wound she began to address the grotesque lacerations. After his side was done she went to the leg, which was a bit harder. There were bits of crunched and splintered bone which had her going back to the water holes and bringing back something to clean it with. But eventually that was seen to as well.

She sat back, feeling exhausted. She felt unclean and dirty, her hair felt oily and matted. She wanted nothing more than to take a bath but all the running and adrenaline had numbed her to the cold for now and she didn't want to ruin it with icy water and possible death due to exposure. Laying her head back, her eyes ran randomly across the ceiling. Her vision became blurred with smears of fatigue until she finally submitted to the sugary yumminess of sleep.

* * *

She couldn't feel her toes. Or her fingers for that matter. Kagome groaned in irritation. Was this going to be the norm? Her waking up practically having to amputate half her body from frostbite? She winced at the stress headache that appeared to have drilled its way into her head upon awakening but other than that she felt a little better, a little fresher. It was freezing again, and no doubt still snowing. She couldn't feel the fingers that rubbed the warmth back into her arms. Her body quivered under the pressure of the cold. Winter had never seemed so impending, so vengeful as it did now. 

Her eyes snapped open, darting to the form next to her in panic. His body was back to the sickly shade of death, and his lips were a frosty blue. Her breath was temporarily knocked from her ash she mentally pummeled herself. She hadn't taken notice of his exposed state and had forgotten to cover him! He lay there in only his fur wrap he had slept in the night before. Her head fell to his chest desperately, only feeling a smidge of relief upon finding a heartbeat. But he was so cold! He had never felt so frigid to the touch. She darted about the room in search of the clothes she had given him. Where were they? Why had the idiot taken them off at all?

She shivered feeling the ice seep into her skin again, no longer feeling the numbness the endorphins had brought her. Her hands rubbed up and down his chest and arms trying to get some kinetic heat back into his snowy frame. Panicking she looked down at him, fighting back the tears of worry. He would have her as wrinkled as crumpled paper by the end of the month with this! Kagome bit her lip, worrying it between her teeth. Sickness, cold and severe blood loss were not a good combination. _'Stop being so immature, Kagome!'_ She mentally scolded herself. There was no other way…

Taking a deep breath she hesitantly lifted the red turtle neck from her body, followed by her favorite jeans. Kagome crouched into herself, holding herself to protect it from the cold and burst of self consciousness. She knelt there watching him wearily in nothing but her panties and bra, her panties clean but her bra was tainted with a tinge of gray at not being washed. Swallowing the lump in her throat, taking little reassurance in that fact that he would not doubt not be waking up any time soon, she crawled over him. Closing her eyes not wanting to watch herself as she straddled his torso before laying over him, covering them both with the thick fur blanket. Wrapped her arms delicately around him, she tried to keep most of her weight on her buckled knees so as to not aggravate any of his wounds or handicap his breathing.

She waited until her breathing calmed down, gradually digressing to its relatively normal pace to open her eyes. It was dark but not so that she couldn't still see the puffs of frozen air her breath created. Her ear lay against his chest, her head facing the closed entrance of the cove. Her head moved in a barely noticeable up and down motion with his breathing. The gentle _thump thump_ below her ear was soothing and reassuring. For the first time since this all began she felt completely comforted. She felt right and at peace, protected. Nothing could touch her.

Her arms tightened softly around him, and she told herself that it was only to make sure enough contact was made for adequate body heat to be produced. She wasn't sure if it was the heat from her own body or if this method was actually working, but she felt warmer after a while. His skin no longer felt like the icy floor the nest bed was made on, but actual fleshy skin. As bad as the situation was she morbidly wouldn't have traded it to be anywhere else in the world. She swallowed, willing such thoughts to go away, she didn't want to deal with this now.

Kagome buried herself closer to him; it was like cuddling with a heavy doll. His arms hung at his sides, his form completely detached from her. It seemed everything about him was detached from her, she thought miserably. Her hand came to rest against his chest next to her face, the other still holding him closely. His heartbeat felt steady and strong against her ear and palm. At that moment she wanted him to wrap his arms around her, just as InuYasha had done to her not so long ago.

At the mention of the hanyou Kagome couldn't help but wonder why was it that he seemed to be shoved into the back recesses of her mind whenever Ginta was around. She felt guilty for only thinking of him when the wolf wasn't there to keep her company. Perhaps he was right; maybe she did only come to him when she needed something. Thinking these things made her feel sick and selfish. Kagome closed her eyes pressing her cheek into the crevice between his breast bones.

Kagome wanted him to put his hand on her head, to rub her back. Her mind was screaming that she was unlocking a door that would never close. Half of her shouted to her to take her hands away from the lock, the other half begged her to turn the key. She was torn and scared. She was tired, worn, and nervous. She wanted him to be better, she wanted him to take control so she didn't have to anymore, she wanted him to tell her what needed to be done so she could give her brain a rest. But most of all she wanted him to look at her. As much as she wanted him to never know about this, she wanted just as much for him to open his eyes, look down at her, and smile. She wanted him to look at her with acceptance and something unnamable. Not just polite toleration.

Her hand fisted at her head. No more of that lukewarm tolerance. She'd go crazy from it. She wanted him to go one way or the other. Either hate her passionately or-

A small dry cough broke into her reverie. Her head jolted up like a deer caught in headlights. She was torn over weather to stay or to bolt. _'He's warm enough, leave!' _one half told her, _'So he should suffer over your immature modesty?' _the other half scolded. She doubted she could have moved anyway, her body was frozen to the spot with a mixture of fear and anticipation. Thankfully, the dry cough was all. His eyes didn't open, he didn't awaken, the young wolf's head just turned to the side, away from the entrance, and continued his frozen slumber.

She watched him for a long time after that. Her face still and motionless as if he were still on the verge of waking up. The only sign that she hadn't turned to marble were the tiny streams mapping paths down her cheeks. She blinked, hearing the titter of the droplets hitting his chest. Swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat, she observed his plain features regretfully. The same hand at his chest slid weakly up as if to touch those very features that had made her hand turn the key. She stopped halfway, her fingers freezing in midair before coming back to close at her own chest.

Gathering the strength in her legs, she rose up. He was warm enough now. She staggered feebly out of the cove feeling as though she had been kicked in the gut, pausing only to humbly pick up her turtle neck and jeans and snag the other fur blanket on the way out. It didn't feel so cold anymore; it didn't really feel like anything anymore. She pushed quietly at her makeshift barricade and slide cautiously out. Kagome walked on shaky legs until she collapsed at the entrance of the cave, her body sagging limply against the side of it.

Her legs curled against her hip, her hands bringing the blanket around her shoulders to clasp at her chest. She gathered a shuddering breath, gradually letting it out. It was still snowing. It was either really late or really early. Considering it wasn't so dark anymore and since she could actually see the snow she guessed it was the latter.

When InuYasha had first introduced her to this feeling she had thought it was the same as any of its kind. When she had found out about Kikyou, she was crushed. But there was still that hope, it was more subconscious since she always told herself that she was always second best to her incarnation, but it was still there. It brought happiness to her. Gave her visions of them together when she actually had time to let her mind wander to such places. Places that existed before Naraku. Those places brought her so many feelings. Ardor, Hope, despair, envy, sadness, happiness. So many different colors.

There were no places here. There was no hope. He had made that unbearably clear to her. She had thought that there was only one way to feel the way InuYasha had once made her feel. Now she knew its other side. Its foil, it's opposite. Her hands clenched at the blanket. The sky was growing lighter, shades of white and yellow bleeding into the murky navy. A sob convulsed through her body. Her head hung flaccidly against her chest as the quiet weeping wracked her trembling physique. She had opened a door. She had opened a Pandora's Box of loneliness, misery, and shame.

"Nee-san?"

A more violent sob seized her form hearing the weak but questioning voice brake the silence only her weeping had violated. She didn't answer him. She didn't move. If she didn't go to him maybe that would prove her knowledge to be false. The doors were closed and love was still interchanging with colors not this bleak darkness she realized it had become. She didn't hear a second call and the pang in her chest took the place of the satisfaction she had wanted to feel at her resistance. There were so many versions of love. Her first experience of it was full of possibilities, it hurt as much as it contented, it gave as much as it took. And she had thought that was love. That was it, the very definition. There were no variations of it.

It was a lie now. This love was miserable. It killed and made her cry. It made her long for things she would never have and should never want and never gave her any happy fantasies to content herself with. No, it was dark and lonely. There was no thrill, no heart skipping. Instead her heart felt as though it had stopped. Never to beat again. It was like loving the chain that bound you. Like kissing the bars of your prison cell. It was hopeless, unfeeling, and twice as cold.

She had opened a Pandora's Box. Blackness, misery, shame, guilt, agony, and pain swirled around her in grotesque swirls of oblivion. The only thing left, glowing dully in the emptiness was love. And she honestly didn't know how that was enough to survive everything else.

It was still snowing.

* * *

* * *

Holy God that's a long ass chap! Well how'd ya like that? Did n.e.one c that coming? I'm sure some did but I'm just curious. Well I'm glad its out and again I need an editor so please, somebody's gotta wanna do it!

Ok now I think I'm gonna need 2 explain the ending of this chap because I know I'm gonna get at least one reviewer going 'what the hell?' And I hate explaining these things because I like to let you guys take u'r own interpretation of things, but I don't want anyone thinking Kagome's crazy so I gotta do this. Ok did n.e.one get that Kagome has just figured out that she's in love with Ginta? Now I don't want n.e.one thinking that this is gonna be a romantic love story, it's not. When she was describing this new feeling it's her epiphany that love takes on many different forms and is not always a good thing. This is _not_ Romeo and Juliet, guys. Love is never the same the next time around, it just depends on who you fall for. With InuYasha, it was like loving your high school crush even though he had a girlfriend. You know it's prolly never gonna happen but you still fantasize and hope and get all fluttery when he looks at you. Ginta made it perfectly clear to Kagome before any of this started that he hated her. And even though he doesn't hate her, Kagome doesn't know this. It's like having your heart both stolen and shattered within a five minute time span. It's very staggering and hurtful experience to realize you've some how fallen in love with someone you know for a definite it will never happen, and would prolly be disgusted by your feelings. Kagome was so confused about what she felt for Ginta because the only experience she had with love was InuYasha and she made a generalization that it would always be like that, and when she started having feelings for Ginta she didn't know what they were or how to categorize them. Right now, Ginta is completely inaccessible to Kagome. He's going through a lot of stuff and consciously he can't see her that way; but there's a lotta subconscious stuff going on that u gotta look out 4 that's gotta kick him in the ass later. When referring to Kagome's love for Ginta picture what love would be like without the fluttering feelings, the romance, the fantasies and so on. This love is very dark and fairytale-less, but as everyone knows it's not something you can flick off like a light switch. I guess I explained that the best way I could. N.E. wayz, I do some awesome things w this fic so stay tuned because it gets better. This was the turning point guys! The fic takes a huge change now.

Luv

The deni pie

* * *

_C h a p t e r X – R o o m 1 1 8_

_

* * *

_

_He wasn't sure what to make of her dramatic change. She ate little, or if she did she just didn't eat in front of him. She now flinched when he called her and every now and then he would catch her watching at him with the strangest look when she thought he wasn't paying attention. He would just reassure her again that he was fine now and that was the first time he had ever been sick and it wasn't likely to happen again, yet it didn't take the odd sorrow out of her eyes or stop the ailing glances she paid to him._

* * *

Urusai, Chikusho yo! – Shut up, you beast! 


	10. Room 118

Alright first off, I'd like to apologize to my editors. I know I was supposed to email this to u 4 review but I finished early and wanted to get this fic out at a time where readers would actually be home to read it. It happens every now and then. I usually finish at like 3:00 am and that's when I'll email it 2 u guys. Thanks and I hope u enjoy this chap anyway. (sigh) Ok, I know I shoulda seen this coming, and I did, I really really did. But I expected it 2 kinda get old after a while. And it did. But apparently just with me . Ok ppl, I'm just gonna say this and b done w it. I. DENIELLE. DO. _NOT_. HATE. INUYASHA. I do not hate InuYasha/Kagome pairings; in fact I happen to have a soft spot for them. For some bizarre reason or another if someone writes a fic that's even semi controversial to the norm then we're automatically Inu/Kag Nazis. I like the pairing ok, I just got tired of the same old recycled plot. I have no idea where the originality went w this pairing but I just got tired of searching for it. It seems like the i/k fics r either about the whole kik/inu/kag triangle thing, or InuYasha finally getting the balls to admit his feelings for kag but something or another gets in the way and what not, and so on and so forth. U get it, and say what u guys want but u kno its tru, but maybe u can still see the flame of uniqueness in 'em that I can't. Oh god and those fuckin AU's…………….seriously. Like maybe 1 of fans can do a good AU. I'm sorry but its true. And it's not their fault; an AU is a tricky bitch. It's hard to keep chars in character yet out of their original setting at the same time. I prolly couldn't do it either. I'm not saying there aren't some good AU's out there; I've read a couple that I've had effin luv affairs w, but only a few. N.E.wayz onward 2 Chapter 10 bitches! Yeah we finally get 2 some double digits! Whoop whoop! 

Ok I'm just gonna stop givin previews 2 future chaps bc I always end up hearing a song I like better and would b better 4 the chap. Well I've just listened to the redone version of A smaller god and I highly suggest downloading it, it kicks enormous ass.

p.s. if n.e.one else would like 2 be an editor 2 that'd b fine. The more the merrier! And the more I'll luv u! and who _doesn't_ want more luv from the Deni pie?

Luv

The Deni Pie

* * *

C h a p t e r X – R o o m 1 1 8

* * *

_I cannot distance myself  
__You were the one who believed  
__that only half of a girl  
__half more than you could deceive_

_I watch your face on TV  
__All that I am turns to fear  
__When you're the boy that I want  
__I will be waiting right here_

_I don't know what to believe  
__Sew up the sore make it fake  
__When you're the boy that I want  
__I'll be the girl that you hate_

_You end up dead in the end  
__Star no star  
__You end up right here my friend  
__Star no star  
__We end up dead in the end  
__Star no star  
__We end up right here my friend  
__Star no star_

_I can not distance myself  
__You were the one who believed  
__that only half of a girl  
__half you but never half me  
__  
I see your face on the street  
__Burnt hands but features so clear  
__When I'm the girl that you want  
__I will be waiting right here_

_I don't know what to believe  
__peel all the scars from our way  
__When you're the boy that I want  
__we will have one perfect day_

_You end up dead in the end  
__Star no Star  
__You end up right here my friend  
__Star no Star  
__We end up dead in the end  
__Star no Star  
__We end up right here my friend  
__Star no Star_

_I am so distant myself  
__I guess I never believed  
__that you could take it away  
__and I'd have no time to grieve_

_I don't believe in TV  
__I don't believe in the fear  
__When you are searching for stars  
__You will be looking right here_

_You end up dead in the end  
__Star no Star  
__You end up right here my friend  
__Star no Star  
__We end up dead in the end  
__Star no Star  
__We end up right here my friend  
__Star no Star  
__  
We end up right here my friend  
__Star no Star  
__We end up right here my friend  
__Star no Star  
__We end up right here my friend _

_Star no Star _

Star no Star – Jack off Jill

* * *

Did she have a fig in _her_ ear? Ginta observed the strange girl a ways away from him, baffled by her odd turn in behavior. It made him think of a long time ago when his uncle had begun acting strange too. He had taken to yowling and whining for the longest bouts of time on end until the Alpha Male was ready to just put him out of his and everyone else's misery. His mother of course stopped him when she brought up how she had seen the miserable wolf attack the left side of his head from time to time. Upon closer examination it turned out that he had somehow gotten a fig lodged deep inside his ear. After they had carefully removed it he had returned to normal within a day or two.

But Kagome wasn't yowling, nor was she whining, actually he wasn't sure what to make of her dramatic change. She ate little, or if she did she just didn't eat in front of _him_. She now flinched when he called her and every now and then he would catch her watching him with the strangest look when she thought he wasn't paying attention. He would just reassure her again that he was fine now and that was the first time he had ever been sick and it wasn't likely to happen again, yet it didn't take the odd sorrow out of her eyes or stop the ailing glances she paid to him.

Ginta wondered what she would say if he asked to take a look at her ear. He shook his head of the thought. It was probably just the winter days getting to her. The non ending mornings of grey were enough to make anyone a little iffy. At first he thought she was still swooning over his sickness. Yes, he had probably given her quite the scare but it had been two months already! He just found it odd that she would still worry two months over something that had lasted only two days. He suddenly paid closer attention to her when her head began to inch a little to the side, eyes turning to peek at him again. Instantly, upon realizing she had been caught, her head whipped back as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

She did it again! Ginta thought, watching her go back to brushing her short tangled hair. With an exasperated sigh he leaned his back lazily against the side of the cave entrance. There really wasn't much to do during winter. He had already stored what food he could in the now frozen bathing hallows, and what didn't fit there he packed in snow and buried it around the mountain caves. That was a rather tricky place to keep food, though. It was harder to keep track of and vigilance was necessary, especially when there were other winter starved youkai and animals out there looking for anything remotely edible.

A little shiver shook his shoulders and he turned an attentive glance to Kagome. She was once again bundled up, but her nose was red and slightly wet, and she was as huddled to herself as she could get and still succeed in brushing her hair. She was obviously cold, but not distressfully so. Returning his gaze to the falling snow outside of the cave he watched flakes upon flakes float down to touch the white earth, cradled in the air like weightless snow babies. It never really felt real. That this was his first winter without his pack, that is. Watching the familiar scene made him feel homesick. The memories were like grasping at water, just when you thought you had a hold on it, it would only slip through your clenching fingers. He could almost hear the wrestling of restless pups, the conversations of patient females, the old hunting stories of the other males, and of course Hakkaku and Kouga.

They would be sitting together right about now. Talking amiably, maybe wrestling like the pups if things got too tiresome to possibly bear. Of course that never lasted long. A light chuckle left him. He could practically hear their mothers' disgusted tones at their immature behavior and their repeated barks and berates to 'grow up', and to 'act their age'. They would instantly back off with whatever dignity they could muster after having been put in their place by their mothers. Even Kouga immediately became the image of sonly perfection, then again no one in their right mind would ever back talk Kouga's mom, not even her mate. Ginta focused, trying to remember the scene from their puphood. He definitely remembered Kouga's mother. That was a hard female to forget. The creature had been the epitome of Alpha Female. She was a large, muscular, bitch, with long coarse black hair, piercing pale blue eyes, and a rather voluptuous chest. He remembered the times when she went into heat; the second Kouga and his father were out of sight every male eye in the den would instantly become glued to those prominent globes. It wasn't hard to imagine why she became the Alpha Male's mate.

As good a leader as the Alpha Male had been, Kouga was most definitely his mother's son. They shared the same robust and dominating personality, the voracious persistence and determination, and unfortunately the same lack of common sense. Regrettably, neither Youkani nor her son had been blessed by the God of wisdom, luckily both made up for it in their ability to threaten and intimidate. Their ideas may have been ridiculous but you'd be damned if you weren't going to follow through without a fault. He supposed that was where Youkani and his own mother clashed. Niroki had an air of stringency and harshness about her that you just didn't want to cross, she had always taught him to never follow anyone whose ideals where below your own. A lot of good _those_ teachings did. Ginta just wasn't the freethinking leader type, not like his mother. Which was probably a disappointment to her; though he didn't think she ever showed it. However, he doubted she could have ever been Alpha female. Youkani was simply the stronger of the two, even if it were only in bronze.

Then there was Hakkaku's mother. A wide smile broke across Ginta's face at the thought. With her ever so endowed breasts, tapered waist, flaring hips, and a rear end that just begged to be revered it was apparent why every other female in the clan was blood thirsty for her throat. He remembered her thick caramel colored hair that she would sometimes wear over her breasts during the summer when it was simply too hot for clothing. She had a way of walking with just the right sway in her step to make every masculine head turn even when she wasn't in heat. Oddly, the only friend he could remember Shirojio having was Youkani. If anything Ginta would have betted Kouga's mother would have ripped Hakkaku's mom in half given the chance, but he could only guess that their mutual lack of genius was the one thing that brought them together. In fact it was_ his_ mother who took the first disfiguring tumble with Shirojio. It was a long long time ago, before either he, Hakkaku, or Kouga had been born. He supposed Hakkaku should have thanked Niroki.

The story was that before his father and mother had mated, Shirojio had taken a particular fancy with Jakobi. Of course this infuriated Niroki and had strung the arrow of vengeance in its already taunt bow string. Niroki had held her temper, not wanting to seem desperate and weak for Jakobi while he was trying to court her, and had quietly urged another male, Onnuko, who was quite smitten with Shirojio at the time to make his intentions known and turn her away from Jakobi. Onnuko took her advice and began to present himself to Shirojio, hunting more, fighting frequently, and intimidating any other male that came towards her. Unfortunately Hakkaku's mother-to-be saw none of this. She was an odd bitch, superficial amongst a youkai species where shallowness just wasn't an allowed luxury. She would only look in disgust at the scars Onnuko had once bared so proudly. They were only signs of ugliness instead of medals of strength and virility in her eyes.

Finally Niroki's irritation snapped. One day she had noticed Jakobi's absence from her and after a few hours began to ask around. Youkani was the first to haughtily tell her how Shirojio coerced Jakobi to go to the river with her. Her tone intimated that she was obviously pleased at being able to knock the white haired female down a peg. Niroki immediately went into a rage, bounding for the river. She abruptly stopped at the sight that lay before her, Shirojio lay on the ground, quite nude, playfully clutching Jakobi's ankle, pulling him to her as he uttered excuses to get away and disentangle himself from her. The scent of the other female's heat wafted under Niroki's sensitive nostrils snapping her out of her stupor long enough to lunge at the 'strutting harlot' as his mother called her. She immediately had Shirojio pinned, viciously clawing at her face and throat.

Ginta had no doubt that his mother would have killed her had it not been for Onnuko's interference. The male had obviously been close enough to catch scent of his intended's heat and had taken after her only to find one confused male and two scraffling females. Quickly yanking Niroki away from her he gave Shirojio enough time to scramble away. Once she was far enough from the contending female's rage, Onnuko took after her. To be said, Niroki accepted Jakobi's intentions that day.

His mother told him that Onnuko had found Shirojio crying pitifully in a bloody heap. Her perfect face now bore scratches and would no doubt leave a scar or two. Ginta to this day would never understand why any male would want a female so weak, no matter how beautiful. But never the less, Onnuko declared that his affections were none the weaker, and Ginta didn't know whether Shirojio accepted him out of inspired love or out of fear that no other male would take her now. Either way they were also mated and later Hakkaku was born.

His jaw opened wide and popped the tired kinks out in a lazy yawn. Winter definitely wasn't his favorite of the seasons. He should probably do something before all the lethargy of the day put him to sleep. With a tired groan Ginta broke away from the wall, raising his arms high above his head, listening with a strange satisfaction at the quiet cracks his popping bones emitted. "Oi, Nee-san" Ginta paused watching her flinch yet again, what on earth was the matter with her? Shrugging off the thought he continued. "I'm going to give the grounds a once over. Do you want anything to eat?"

The only sign Kagome gave that she actually heard him at all was a subdued, soft little shake of the head. She just continued to brush her hair quietly, staring off into space with that hushed look of sorrow. He wanted to ask again, just to be sure, but stopped before he could say anything. It probably wouldn't do any good, anyway. Taking one last look at her before he leapt nonchalantly from the cave, he hoped she would break from her ailing mood soon.

* * *

The minute he was out of sight Kagome leaned her head back, a miserable sigh escaping her, letting the wooden brush drop to the floor with a hallow clack. Pausing at the low rumble her stomach gave off she was glad it hadn't made its hunger pangs known before Ginta left. Her body picked itself up from the floor with the mechanical essence of routine and began walking down the twisting hallways towards the bathing holes. She wasn't sure why, but she had begun to find it too uncomfortable to eat in front the wolf youkai anymore. Her new feelings seemed to have brought the aversion of looking like a ravenous hyena in front of him when eating. So with the cleverness of an eating disorder patient she started hiding food, sneaking food, and storing food.

Unfortunately the supply in her room had run out last afternoon and she was reduced to waiting for him to leave before she could forage about. She hated getting meals from the bathing holes. Luckily, Ginta had cracked open one to delve into that supply a few days ago, so there should still be some left. The familiar staleness of the hallows greeted her return as she stepped into the waiting cove. Stooping low when she finally found the right pool, her hands instinctively began gathering up some of the frozen meat from the broken fragments of ice.

Rising to her feet, hands full of purchase; Kagome began to tread back down the same hallways. Strangely, the darkness didn't bother her as much anymore. Granted if she had the option of light she would surely choose it but it didn't seem as necessary as it did before. Her eyes just focused unseeingly on the floor, idly sliding pieces of the frigid meat between her lips along the way. An abrupt burst of grey light splayed itself across the ground breaching her feet, signaling that she had reached the entrance of the cave.

Not stopping, Kagome simply walked indolently about until she ended up at the opening. Looking down, she barely even saw the recognizable ladder; her vision was only filled with the drop. All of the sudden the fall seemed just that much deeper, that much more menacing. Shrugging off the thoughts she patted her foot about until it found the first step and began her decent. It was still snowing, but she hardly felt the cold. What was wrong with her? She didn't appear to feel anything anymore. Well, that wasn't exactly true. She felt pain, and lots of it. Ever since Ginta's sickness, it was as if every difficult thing about her whole situation became magnified into unbearability. Just waking up was insufferable.

Why did she feel this way? Why did it feel so wrong, as if by having these emotions she had suddenly become the devil incarnate? Kagome paused her contemplations upon reaching the ground, only resuming them when she began walking a particular snow covered path. She supposed it was a mixture of things. It was ironic really; she was now in love with the best friend of the man who loved her. It would be laughable if it wasn't so sick. Was this how she honored Kouga's memory? Taking up the sacred quest of respecting his wishes and traveling with his pack only to proverbially urinate on his grave by falling in love with his grieving den brother? Kagome cringed; even her thoughts seemed to scold her sacrilege. And InuYasha. When had he drifted into the back of her mind? When had her fairy tale love for him staled and wafted into platonicy?

She sighed. She would give anything to go back to the days when love was an adventure, with hope guiding her around every turn of the maze in her heart. She remembered how exiting it had been. It had hurt too, rejection always hurt, but there had been the hope that survived. She never wanted for much around InuYasha; he fed her with his care and protection, with his kindness and unspoken affection. Granted, with Kikyou she was never sure of her exact place in the hanyou's heart, but she knew she held her own spot within it, and it kept her well taken care of. With him, that love had kept her healthy and happy.

She was dying now. Ginta was slowly starving her to death. No true hope, care, kindness, or affection was given to her ravenous mouth. There was no hope, because there was no maze in her heart for it to guide her through. She was in an indecipherable vortex of oblivion, left to walk the emptiness alone, searching, rapacious for any glimmer fondness or affection to feast covetously upon. Anything to grasp and hang onto before she fell into the void, letting it swallow her up.

Living with the youkai these past months had been agonizing; having to endure these feelings she had no idea what to do with. It was wasted love, that's what it was. It wasn't unrequited, it was only wasted. She had never experienced it before, but it was most definitely the worst kind. This love had no purpose. It simply sat in your belly, in your heart, and rotted, steadily, slowly but surely, rotting inside you from within. And it killed you. It was the worst way to die, from the inside out, having to slowly feel your own putrefaction. Love was not meant to go unused, which was why this sort had the direst of consequences.

And they were consequences she would have to deal with. Because she would watch herself die, watch her self tear apart into crumbling pieces of decay before she would ever tell him. She didn't know if it was from her knowledge that he would reject her and more than likely be horrified at her affections, or the fear of the unknown her admission would bring. All that she was sure of was that she couldn't bear it. She couldn't bear the horror and shame in his eyes. She couldn't watch him mentally berate himself, wondering what on earth he could have done to make her experience such things for him. Most of all she couldn't stand the repercussions. She couldn't stand the way he would look at her from then on, with that soft pity and small traces of mute revulsion dancing in the tiny irises of his eyes. Those looks would kill her.

Kagome stopped, her covered feet feeling the slightest of elevations in the snowy ground. Looking down, her face bearing an expression between indifference and misery, she seemed to peer through the layers of snow into the familiar place that lay beneath it. Dropping to her knees, Kagome gazed down at the slight lump in the whiteness. It didn't look like her tree would make it this winter. She let out a sad breath. Perhaps she would try again, somewhere else, wherever Hakkaku brought them when he came back. Her hand gently swept reverently over the flakes covering her sacred spot. She wasn't sure if she could just leave him here. Granted, she had grown to have a certain distaste in the desolate place she now had to recognize as home, but it was close to Kouga. She wasn't sure if she could just pack up and leave his resting place here where it would go unattended and not given the proper respect it deserved.

She sniffled, her red nose feeling wet again when she swiped a mitten encased hand underneath her nostrils. It had gotten colder and she couldn't feel the wetness running down her cheeks as she clasped her hands together closing her eyes in prayer. _'Kouga, I beg of you, forgive me. I don't know what's happening to me. I know you're up there, but I hope to the Gods that you can't see me, that you can't see what's happening. Kami, I owe you an apology as well. I've sinned horribly, I know this, and I can't bear it. I can't. Onegai, Kami! Take these feelings away! Onegai, punish me differently, don't make me suffer this. I can't! It's killing me, Kami. I'm dying right now. I don't want to hurt this way anymore, I've done so much, can't I be granted this one thing in return? I'm lonely, I'm lonely and I'm falling into a place I don't know how to get out of. No one's here, no one's here to help me, and I don't know how to help myself. I can't bear this, its wrong and I want things I can't have and shouldn't want in the first place. I'm begging you, Kami, take these feelings away, they hurt inside me. I ache. I ache…….' _Gradually through her prayer Kagome had succumbed to her tears. Her quiet crying bringing her to curl up on the piling snow.

Perhaps Kami, or someone, had heard her prayer, because she was suddenly very numb. Kagome sniffed, opening her eyes to watch the dancing snowflakes fall about her. They seemed so serene, if not happy. Her mind was taken away from her sorrowful beseeching and became enamored with the flakes' alluring ballet. They comforted her gently, embracing her once before melting away into her clothes. She swallowed the sadness in her throat, oddly reminded of her mother. The snow was so soft, cushioning beneath her, enclosing her it its own angelic cradle. Kagome snuggled into her hair beneath her cheek, cuddling into herself; her mind feeling cared for in its tired state. _'Arigato….' _

What was she doing out of the cave? Ginta had only spent about an hour tracking around the forest before getting bored and heading back to the caves. He had stopped at the edge of the domain, catching the scent of Kagome more clearly than he should have had she been in the mountain. The young youkai sniffed about, trying to catch her own distinct trail. The snow was certainly not making it any easier. Ginta bounded about with his own carefree manner. Oh well, at least he had an excuse to stay out a little later. He went from spot to spot playing a game of hot and cold with the young woman's scent.

Finally he spotted a lock of raven hair streaming out from underneath a large pile of snow. Ginta's felt a pang of worry go through him as he made his way over to the spot. Kneeling down he hurriedly swept away the layer of snow, revealing what he already knew. The dummy had fallen asleep outside. A clawed hand felt for her breath, relieved to find it warm and hardy. Her lips were a little blue though, but she was well enough. Dusting the rest of the flakes off her clothes cluttered body he hefted her into his arms.

Whatever was disturbing her couldn't get to her in sleep so that is where he would leave her for the time being. Walking in soft step towards the caves be tried his best not to wake her, all the while trying to think of ways to conserve heat within their home. Winter would no doubt get worst and they should really start preparing. He would eventually have to find something to close off the entrance with and they would have to start building more fires throughout the rooms. He sighed, so much to do and not enough time to do it in. Hopefully Hakkaku would return in time so maybe they wouldn't have to go through that sort of labor. Gods willing, his friend would have found a place more southerly than this.

Concern began to creep inside him at the thought of the other wolf having to come back to them during winter. It wasn't the easiest of tasks, but he was due back anytime now, two weeks, maybe four at the most. He looked forward to their journey finally being over and at last being able to settle down for a while and take a direly needed rest. It seemed like it was always one thing after another, the Gokurakuchou, the decimation of their tribe, Naraku, and now this. What had happened to the times where days consisted of nothing more than fighting, eating, and sleeping? He doubted any other clan had these sorts of problems.

* * *

The first thing she noticed was that she was warmer. She felt lighter, a little better. Her eyes sleepily fluttered open. Pale skin met her cheek, skin that did not belong to her. Kagome's eyes traveled up to the bottom of an impish chin. The rush of feelings came back, flooded over her head, and drowned her all over again. "Ginta…" She whispered blessedly.

She seemed to have snapped him out of some reverie because he suddenly looked down at her as if he had completely forgotten he had been carrying her in the first place. A sharp needle poked at her sore heart. _'You really don't feel a thing do you?...' _Everything was so natural for him; she was nothing more than a den sister in his platonic eyes. For some reason his friendly smile gnawed at her more than any scornful look he could give her.

"Oi, Nee-san, it's not very smart to fall asleep outside this time of year. What were you doing?" He asked pleasantly.

Kagome gazed at him through tired, anguished eyes. She didn't want to talk; she didn't want to answer him. Why should she when no one seemed to want to answer her? She was hungry, he was starving her. Kagome sorrowfully cuddled her cheek against his chest, moving closer to his warmth. How could he wear so little and still stay as warm as he was now? If he noticed her bold attention he didn't comment on it, in fact he appeared to forget all about her and steadily paced ahead. She slowly drew her arms around him, bringing her nose into his neck. If he asked, she would blame it on the cold. She would blame it on her wandering moods; she would blame it on anything as long as he kept holding her. As long as he kept her close she would look in the faces of the Gods and blame them to their faces.

And it ended too soon. Too soon he had put her to her feet at the bottom of the imposing ladder and gently nudged her towards it. It was cold, no arms were there to warm her, no hot breath on her forehead anymore. She didn't want to go back in there. In that cold cave, with his pleasant smiles and his false eyes. All of his real affections and care so far away from her. She didn't know how much longer she could feed on this plate of nonchalance and formality he gave her day after day. Turning to his expectant face she wanted to touch him again. Reaching a hand to grasp the safe spot of his wrist she beseeched him with her eyes.

"Ginta, is there a hot spring anywhere around here? I'm dirty and cold." She murmured quietly to him like a shy little student would to a large intimidating teacher.

The wolf look surprised at her request. It was near freezing and she wanted to be in water? Scratching the back of his head hesitantly he didn't want to deny her with her temperament being as malleable as it was. But was it really such a good idea?

"Eh, Nee-san, don't you think you can wait until spring? Or at least until we get to the new home?"

Kagome stared at him in an amazed stupor. Did he really think that she had no intention of bathing until _spring_? "Onegai, Ginta, I would appreciate it."

He sighed defeatedly looking off to where there might have been a spring near the area. It might do them both some good, it would be nice to get a chance to get out and relax for a while. Turning back to her with a happy grin he nodded. "Alright, go up and get some warm clothes first, or anything you can dry off with. It's going to be pretty cold when you get out." He warned.

Kagome nodded, feeling the irresistible urge to hug him, but instead she obeyed and jogged carefully up the steps.

* * *

Ok maybe it wasn't as near as he originally estimated. He had the young woman in his arms once more and was dashing about the forest trying to smell the aroma of fresh water. They had been running, or rather he had been running, for a good half hour and still he hadn't been able to find it. Ginta looked around him taking his attention from the turning grassy paths, wondering if maybe he had taken a wrong turn somewhere…..

"Is that it?" Came the small voice below him.

Ginta glanced down and followed her arm and pointing finger to a cozy sized hot spring. Unfortunately it appeared to have already taken in a few guests. Several monkey waded in the water, letting out an occasional irritating screech. Stopping and landing Kagome on her feet, the wolf easily scared of the invasive animals, rudely jumping in the middle of the water and swatting at them until they clamored out and took off into the woods.

Placing his fists on his hips, Ginta looked pleased with his masculine work. Turning away from his victory he ran a hand through the steaming spring surrounding him. It really was nice; maybe it was a good idea, after all. With that in mind he brought his hands to his fur vest and began removing the soaking clothing.

Redness spread throughout Kagome's face at the sight. He didn't really think he was bathing _with_ her, did he! Bathing in the same room was one thing, but in the same bath? She gulped down her embarrassment and cautiously pushed down her winter pants and pulled off her many multi-colored sweaters. He obviously didn't think her female enough to worry about so why should she concern herself over modesty? That thought made to reassure her only brought back the dark feelings of sadness and heartache.

Finally completely nude, Kagome turned towards the spring only to find Ginta already laid back lazily against the side, his head leaned languidly back, his arms stretched out on either side of him. Hearing her footsteps his head came up to smile cheerily at her, encouraging her into the water. Thinking about giving away modesty ingrained from childhood and actually doing it were apparently two totally different things, thought Kagome as she stared sheepishly at the ground, using her bundle of bathing necessities to cover her breasts. She moved the other hand to her lower vital area, the same bright red glare tarnishing her pale cheeks. Putting the clutter aside for the moment she noticed stepping into the water did calm her a bit. In an instant the heat chased away all cold from her toes all the way up to her calves.

Sighing pleasurably she immediately lowered herself into the water, hissing slightly at the sudden overwhelming temperature. A small smile wormed its way over her lips as she lay back against the side opposite of Ginta. For the first time in a long while she felt totally comfortable, no cold, no hunger. Hunger... At the mention of it Kagome's eyes went back to her package. Forgetting the male in the relatively small hot spring she turned around and began to ferret about. Her smile brightened at her find, pulling out a tied cloth full of various pieces of meat. Suddenly she felt a warmer presence at her back looming over her.

"Oi! You brought food!" Ginta exclaimed happily hovering over her shoulder.

Kagome felt as if she would die from the fire scorching her from the inside out. She gulped slowly and nodded, pleased with his praise. Putting it on the area on the floor between him she leaned on her elbows parting the cloth fully revealing their snack. Ginta immediately propped himself up next to her waiting politely for her invitation to share.

"You didn't eat before you went so I thought you might be hungry." She explained.

It was as though a gun had gone off and his hand instantly dove for a piece of the frozen substance. She looked at him strangely when he dipped it in the hot spring for a moment before popping it into his mouth and reaching for another. After observing him repeat the process with a few more chunks, Kagome was inclined to do the same. The frozen meat was good but the hot spring warmed it up and made it practically melt in her mouth.

Kagome loved to eat. She wasn't one of the calorie counters that would stare with barely restrained lust at a cheeseburger. And if it weren't for those same calories she doubted she would ever stop eating. She loved the feeling of tastiness in her mouth so much it was like a drug. When she first began eating in the Songoku Jidai she had been repulsed by the taste of the primitive food. But ever since she came to live with Ginta she found she had an acquired taste for fresh roasted meat. Even if it _was_ frozen, fresh, roasted meat.

She found that her embarrassment floated away and she was able to be at ease with Ginta again. The warmth that surrounded her seemed to box all her worries.

"You've been quiet lately, Nee-san." Ginta commented conversationally.

Kagome paused the food's quest for her mouth before shrugging. "I just haven't had much to say, I guess."

"You've been acting odd too." He stated, not intruding but curious.

"It's probably just the winter days affecting my mood." She lied.

Ginta nodded. "I thought that was it but I wasn't sure. You aren't still worrying over my illness are you?" He questioned.

Kagome shook her head. "Iie, though I think I still have the right to do that." She stated glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.

"Hai, if you want, but you're going to make yourself sick." He warned.

"I already told you that I stopped worrying over it." She repeated halting when her hand patted at an empty cloth.

Ginta stared sadly at the barren nap sack almost as if just willing it to magically reappear would actually bring all the frozen morsels back. A disappointed sigh shattered the silence when the natural laws of the universe refused to do his bidding. Folding his arms in front of him he gently laid his chin down on his forearms, idly staring at the ground absentmindedly.

Kagome yawned turning around to lean her back against the spring wall and let her head lay against the ground, the heated water making her lightheaded and languid. "Ginta?"

"Hm?" He questioned at her sudden address.

"Do you miss Hakkaku?"

The mention of his beloved friend brought the forlorn loneliness to replace the disappointment. He truly did. "Of course…" He said quietly wondering what the spiky haired youkai was doing at that moment.

"You two have been together forever, haven't you." It wasn't really a question.

Ginta nodded, not taking into question the fact that she couldn't see him. She didn't need to.

"I bet you guys have never actually been apart." She sounded as though she were talking more to herself than to him.

"Never…." Ginta murmured dejectedly again more to himself than to her. It made him homesick all over again.

"You love him, don't you." Kagome opened her eyes a little, letting them rest but allowing her to see the grey sky, the turning and twisting of the mist colored clouds, at the same time.

He turned to lay on his cheek instead of his chin, so he could get a better look at her. She wasn't even staring in his direction; it made him wonder whether or not she had forgotten his presence all together. "Of course, why wouldn't I?"

"I was just thinking. I've never had a relationship like that with someone. To have grown up with them, to watch them go through the same things as me, to have my life so intertwined with theirs. So intertwined that the line between us would be almost indecipherable." She was almost whispering to herself. "I have a brother, but I more raised him than had an actual sibling relationship. I just couldn't imagine the other half of me being torn away so abruptly."

"I'm three parts." He corrected distractedly.

Kagome nodded in acknowledgment. "And with neither of them here there's so little left of you now." Her voice was soft, like the steam slowly gathering around them. "I couldn't imagine……."

Ginta closed his eyes. Why was she making him think these things? It was a while before she spoke again and he had hoped she was through with this mental grave digging.

"I want to tell you a story, Ginta."

His eyes opened suddenly interested. Watching her face he noticed how relax it looked, her shoulders sagging against the damp stone, her neck arched back, face towards the sky, half lidded eyes gazing off into something he couldn't see. She looked as peaceful as he had ever seen her. Making his cheek comfortable against his forearms, he waited patiently for her to continue.

"I remember, I think I was fourteen at the time, reading a book. I had gone to the library to finish a project on our ecosystem." She missed the blank look on Ginta's face. "There was barely anyone there. I was the only one in the science section. I took my books and was looking for a place to put them down and start reading in peace. The only place I could find was near the foreign import section. I laid my research material on the table and sat down to begin reading. When I put my feet down I noticed that I kept kicking something. When I looked down, there was a book lying underneath my table. I looked around to see if anyone was there that might have left it. When I didn't see anyone I picked it up. I don't even remember reading the title, all I remember is the picture on the front. A boy and a girl, or a man and a woman, however you want to see it, lay naked on top of a bed, both were on their sides just sleeping next to one another, facing each other. They looked like they were either in their late teens or really early twenties but they looked so innocent like toddlers, sleeping like that. The book was a translation of the original written in French. France is a place very far away. The book was a dirty book, I knew I shouldn't be looking at such things but I couldn't stop myself. They were naked but looked so innocent, as if they didn't even realize they were like that. I forgot all about my project and started reading. Want to know the story?" She asked, turning her head to him curiously.

He was a little startled at her abrupt turn but quickly regained himself and nodded, eager for her to continue. She turned her head back and looked as though she forgot him again.

"It was about a brother and a sister, twins, Mattia and Fabiena. That's who was on the cover. I remember being disgusted when I found out, but it was like watching a fatal accident, no matter how horrifying it is, part of you is fascinated and you can't turn away. Anyways, they lived in France with their English mother and French father during the 1960's" she stopped and again turned to Ginta to see his puzzled face. "Never mind that, anyways they lived with their parents. Their parents were always traveling, never staying home with them, always just packing up and leaving them with a few checks to take care of everything. They were always alone; they didn't really have anyone but each other. I remember the sister never went on dates, it's like everyone else was inferior to them, they lived in their own little world together. One day an American boy, Thomas, about their age, came to study in France and met Fabiena. He liked her a lot and I think she was more amused by him than in love with him. So she invited him to stay. Mattia accepted him, kind of reluctantly though, and the parents went on another trip and left them alone again. I remember Fabiena and Mattia had something like their own little 'political order', they had bizarre _games_ they would play" she said, saying games as if it were something dirty. "They started to kind of 'merge' with Thomas, letting him play their dirty games and saying that he was one of them. Thomas was grateful; he started feeling like he was a part of their world, a part of their own little order. He even fell in love with Fabiena. Fabiena called him her 'great love.' One night, Thomas asked Fabiena to go somewhere with him to be alone, without Thomas. She was scared, she had never been without him before, but agreed. I don't know whether Mattia was angry or hurt by it. When they came back, Fabiena found feminine clothes laying about that weren't hers. She heard sounds coming from Mattia's room. Thomas tried to console her, they went into her room and he said that he was honored because he felt like he had been accepted into her holy sanctuary. She told him she loved him, and just when she did she heard the noises from Mattia's room again. She started to cry inconsolably and ran to his door, pounding on it and shouting his name, but he never answered. Thomas went to put his arms around her but she screamed at him to get out of her room and leave her alone. He left and she just continued to pound on Mattia's door, and he never answered. I think he was punishing her for leaving him alone. That's scary isn't it?" She didn't wait for a reply. "Anyways, things went back to normal, though something was going on between Mattia and Thomas. There was a rift between them now that Thomas was in love with Fabiena. He was upsetting their order. I remember Mattia telling Thomas that he and Fabiena were one. Two halves of the same whole. If she had been born a man she would have been Mattia. Fabiena and Mattia had forgiven each other and had invited Thomas to play in their dirty games again. They were lying strewn and naked in the living room when their parents came back. They saw them, still sleeping. The parents didn't wake them up, just stared at them horrified for a while before leaving them another check and just like that, going away again. Fabiena was the first to wake up and see the check. She was beside herself and attempted to kill herself but Mattia and Thomas woke up in time to stop her. She told them what happened and they quickly got dressed thinking of what to do. Thomas said they should talk to their parents, that he would help them. Mattia said they had to go away, they had to take the check and leave. They were on the street, arguing. Thomas said that he couldn't throw his sister's life away like that and Mattia kept saying they shared one life. Thomas turned to Fabiena and she just looked at him sadly and took her brothers hand. Then they left Thomas. Just like that." She muttered the last part.

When she was finally done, all Ginta could do was stare at her. It was an amazing story though he didn't know exactly what made her think of that. All of the sudden Kagome turned her head to him gazing at him quietly, staring through his eyes.

"Fabiena loved Thomas, but love was just too small compared to what she and Mattia shared. The book wasn't about the taboo between them; it was about loving a person so much its indefinable. Mattia and Fabiena were one; Thomas could never be a part of that no matter how much they let him in. Mattia never forced her to do anything, his decisions were her decisions. Their entire lives were so intertwined it formed one string. Cut it and they both die. I remember being sickened and awed by the book at the same time when I had finished it. I couldn't help but wonder what that kind of love would be like. What it would feel like to be two people in one. To be three people in one." She said observing him with a softness he couldn't fathom. "I've never told anybody about that book, before." She whispered.

"It was a good story." He murmured, still in awe at the entirety of it. He felt a scorching hand gently lay against his temple affectionately. His eyes met hers briefly.

"You're so small now, aren't you." It wasn't a question.

He could feel her peeking into his soul and wondered if she was possessed. What brought on such a change? But it was like she said, it was like watching a fatal accident, no matter how horrifying, you can never look away. "I'm trying to gather myself." He explained sadly.

"There's nothing left to gather."

"There's always something."

"Maybe you're gathering the wrong things then."

Ginta turned his head away from her, standing up, reaching for a dry piece of cloth and began to towel off. "It's getting late, we should go." He said with the same politeness she had become so accustomed to.

Kagome watched him with miserable eyes as he left to herd up his clothes, the cold not affecting him in the least. She sat there dripping in the water, vulnerable and feeling so broken. She watched her fraction of a man pull his fur on, completely oblivious to her presence. What had made her do that? What had made her think of that horrible book! Where was her mind these days? Clasping her arms around her she retrieved the fur blanket and did her best to dry off with it. Staying as close to the heat of the spring as she could she dressed and once again shrugged the dry side of the blanket over her shivering body. Her senses gradually began to come back to her and brought a new shame with them. It was like awakening from a drunken fog. What was the matter with her! Ginta must have thought she had gone insane! Turning her head she caught him looking at her expectantly. Hurrying to grab the rest of their things she walked back over to him. He knelt a little, signaling for her to climb onto his back. She was cold but did so anyway.

_-Flashback- _

_"I don't think he's really accepted the fact that Kouga's gone and that's probably going to hurt him later." _

_-End Flashback- _

She realized then how screwed up they both were. She and Ginta. Something was wrong with him and like a parasite it had somehow wormed into her, and she seemed to be the only one who realized it. They couldn't live like this, they were killing each other. They weren't themselves; this parasite was eating them from the inside and molding them into something else. Laying her cheek against the wolf's back she held him a little tighter. They were killing each other. Ginta was starving himself and her too. The room was spinning and she wanted it to stop. The Gods weren't here anymore. They were in a faithless place, a place they couldn't touch. They were on their own and Ginta had separated them both. The couldn't survive like this.

* * *

"Daijobu, Nee-san?" Ginta asked setting her down, seeing her wobble a bit before regaining her feet.

The cave felt colder, larger. "Hai, daijoubo desu." She said dropping her clutter. "I'm going to take a walk." She explained grabbing a torch and sticking it into the dying embers of the morning fire they let stay, after a moment a decent sized flame lapped at the foliage.

"Okay, I'll make the fire tonight then. On your way back could you grab some food from the pools?" He asked crouching down, already starting on the first task at hand.

She nodded not even turning around before she walked down the long tunnel.

* * *

Why was it that she had always been a little afraid of this place? Kagome had wandered further into the caves' depths than she had in her entire stay. She was in a new hallway, someplace she hadn't seen before. Not that she was looking around, her eyes stayed focused on the lighted ground in front of her. She hated what these feelings were turning her into. Something had to happen. This had to stop. Love wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be warm, bright, tender, and a whole bunch of other things she just couldn't think of right now.

Kagome stopped as the ground suddenly gave way into steps. Observing them for a moment, her gaze followed them up until she couldn't see them anymore. Watching the crudely carved steps twist and turn up into the darkness she realized she had nowhere else to go but up. The hallway appeared smaller, more closed, almost giving her a claustrophobic feeling. Shaking it off she continued her ascent. Ebony eyebrows drew together in a furrowed frown. She hated this place, she wanted to go home! _'But you can't….'_ She wanted to see her friends again! _'They're not here anymore…..'_ She wanted to return to InuYasha! _'You've changed too much for that…'_ ……..She wanted Ginta to love her back. _'He can't even love himself, how is he supposed love you too?'_

The steps gradually began to bleed into an opening above her, like a man hole sized sky light. Kagome stared up into the black speckled sky. The stars shown so brightly. It was one thing she could never get back home, a night sky like this. A slender hand rose up to grasp the edge of the opening and pull herself up and out. Her eyes widened at the sight, looking around at the enormous platform she appeared to have stumbled upon. _'I'm on top of the cliff….' _She thought. Pulling her legs up with the rest of her body she stood up turning this way and that, looking at the beautiful scenery. A soft, frigid, breeze whipped her cropped hair about her face, temporarily fraying her vision.

"Well, Hakkaku did say there was a back way." She muttered to herself.

It was like a room, minus the walls and ceiling. Spying the edge brought out a curiosity that just wouldn't leave her until it finally compelled her to walk over to it. Peering down, Kagome almost lost her footing. She was so high up! She felt like an offering to God looking down from its gigantic pedestal. Her hands tightened around the blanket covering her shoulders, suddenly feeling very naked and threatened, like a rabbit in a bears den waiting to be torn to pieces though the mammoth animals were no where in sight. _'How convenient….'_ The worst part of her mind whispered to her. _'Damare!'_ She hissed back not able to turn away from the plunging depth.

Though the seed of despair had already been planted in her head. Peering over the edge like this made her remember the time when she was little, how her mother had brought her and a younger Souta to a water park. There had been a huge pool and three diving boards. One was small, the other was medium, and the last one seemed absolutely gargantuan to her. Yet she had still climbed to the top. Now she felt like she was ten again looking over the same diving board, voices from behind urging her impatiently to jump, yet her childish fear kept her back. Kagome's lips stretched into an ironic parody of a smile. She remembered how she had finally jumped. How amazing it felt to finally let go, be free of all the pressure, all the fear, and just let herself fall. She had closed her little eyes and just walked off, letting gravity guide her to the safety of the water below her. She felt so free, like she was flying away, so weightless, so light.

Snapping out of her reverie Kagome was again face to face with the dreadful plummet before her. She had nowhere to go. She could never go back again, and she would never be able to move forward. She was a key stuck in an old lock, not allowed to turn one way or the other, forced to remain absolutely still, caught in this mechanical darkness. Then, everyone was gone. Her friends disappeared, InuYasha was gone, Ginta was gone, Kouga had faded away, and all she could see below her was her mother's smiling face in the water, her arms outstretched to her, telling her it was okay. _'Don't be afraid_..._'_ Kagome took a hesitant step forward. _'Turn around…' _She obeyed turning her back towards the cliff mountain's edge. _'Close your eyes…'_ Her eye lids glided shut. _'Take a deep breath…' _Kagome swallowed nervously and inhaled. _'Now move backward…' _She took the last few steps.

And then she was falling. Kagome's eyes snapped open with a gasp _'What have I done!'_ before crunching shut again prematurely bracing themselves for the plummet. She had barely begun her descent when she came to an abrupt and jerky stop. Something seemed to had snagged the front of her shirt. Pale lids yanked themselves open to reveal the concerned porcelain face of Ginta, before she was tugged forward back onto the top of the mountain.

"Nee-san! What happened? You almost fell! You need to look where you're going." He scolded, but there was no anger in his voice.

She stared into his worried face, wishing he had let her fall. She would only have regretted it for a minute, compared to regretting not doing it forever. Sure, he was worried now, he was supposed to be, it was his job. But what about tomorrow or the next day. Things would return to hell and he had dragged her back into it. How dare he tease her with his concern when he was just going to tug it back at the last second. Kagome sniffled fighting back angry tears. How dare he! She growled at him yanking her blanket away from her shoulders only to whip it at him furiously.

Ginta reared back, temporarily stunned at the unexpected attack. Just as he regained his bearings he felt her lunge for him, her little fist beating and punching at him. Quickly removing the blanket from his vision he was welcomed by an enraged Kagome scratching and cuffing any body part within reach. Shaking off his shock his hand darted up to grab at her wrists, his legs now having to dodge her flurry of frustrated kicks.

"Chotto matte! What's the matter with you!" He managed to yelp out, wincing when one of her covered feet made connection with his knee.

Jerk! How dare he! He hated her, why wouldn't he just act like it! Stop playing these horrible little games with her! No more politeness, no more keeping her at bay with false luke warm acceptance, no more formality. She would beat it out of him if she had to! He should thank the Gods that _he_ didn't have a subduing rosary!

"Baka! Chikusho! Kono! Ike!" She spat, furious tears running down her cheeks, the fight beginning to wane from her and replace itself with inconsolable grief. She sniffled, her frame going slack, feeling weak and miserable, her wrists still in Ginta's grasp.

Said youkai now stared wide eyed at her in complete bewilderment. His body sported a few good scratch marks and his hair was in disarray from her hand managing to get at it. He blinked at her still having no idea what to do with the sobbing miko wobbling at her feet before him. What was that all about! Had she gone absolutely insane! What was with her! Regaining his composure but now having the good sense to be weary of her temper he watched her freely weeping face trying his best to comfort her yet be careful of her at the same time.

"Nee-san? What's the matter?" He asked, using his best gentle voice. No telling what would set her off.

She looked at the man before her trying to regain her breath before throwing herself at him, her arms coming up to wrap around his neck as she sobbed into his collar bone. "Don't hate me anymore, Ginta! I can't stand it!" She managed through her cries.

Ginta hesitated before awkwardly wrapping his arms around her waist, confusedly giving her a consoling pat to the back. What was she talking about? He wracked his brain, trying to think and comfort the distressed girl at the same time.

_-Flash back- _

_"Do you hate me?" She asked in a small quiet voice. She stared up at him both fearing and dreading the answer, but needing to know it just the same. _

_He didn't look at her as she probably wanted him too. He looked into his lap and then at the window before whispering a determined "Hai." _

_-End flash back- _

Was that was she was talking about? Was she still thinking about that? "Is that what's been bothering you?" He questioned curiously.

Kagome took in a ragged breath, nodding sorrowfully into his neck, before crying. "I have nobody, Ginta! You're all I have anymore and you can barely stand to talk to me! Don't you think I'm mourning Kouga too? But at least I'm _dealing_ with it! I'm _healing_ from it, Ginta! Doing_ this_ is helping me! But you won't even think about it, like that will just make it all go away! You just go from day to day, alone! How can you do that with me here, Ginta? How can you bare it, because I know that I can't anymore! We're both alone now, and until Hakkaku comes back we're all we have and you won't even recognize it!"

Ginta listened to her with wide eyes. She was talking nonsense, this was ridiculous. But his arms grasped her tighter, whether it was so comfort her or himself he didn't know.

"You call me sister, but you treat me like an unwanted house guest. You try to be polite and force your kindness but you don't mean it! I know you don't! You said it from the very day you came for me! How do you think I feel knowing that every single day! You call me your sister, why can't you at least love me like _that_?" She whimpered the last part, her hands falling weakly from his neck to clutch at his furred vest.

The wolf held her tight in his grasp. She was wrong, she was wrong about everything! He didn't hate her; he didn't do any of those things she said. Ginta gulped feeling shaky as he continued to pet her back soothingly. Bringing a cautious clawed hand up to cup her wet cheek he watched her piteously. She looked so sad. "Nee-san-" He started before his eyes caught something. Ginta's head darted up away from her confused face. There Kouga stood right behind her, watching him menacingly. His arms crossed over his proud chest. His ice colored eyes daring and intimidating. Ginta yelped, abruptly shoving the startled girl violently away from him in his surprise.

Kagome gasped, feeling the brute force of his strength fling her away, right over the mountain edge. She let out a frightened scream before plummeting into the fatal drop.

Ginta barely had time to watch Kagome fly right threw the haunting image as it disappeared before realization of what he had done hit him like a kick in the gut. Diving for the edge he almost hurled himself over it with her. One arm darted out frantically, scarcely able to manage to snag her ankle, while the other one grasped the ledge firmly anchoring him to the top.

Kagome was practically hyperventilating, the drop seeming to have lasted 3 years instead of 3 seconds until it came to an erratic halt with her staring upside down at the horizon. _'He pushed me………he actually pushed me….' _She thought numbly, almost not feeling herself beginning to be pulled up by the ankle.

When her body was safely over the ledge and onto the top she was able to finally see her attempted murderer. She watched him with wide cautious eyes that mirror his own. He stared at her wildly, his own fear shaking his lanky frame. His dotted eyes held the same spastic look he possessed before all of this had happened, she would have believed that he became the same Ginta he used to be were it not for the touch of insanity that flickered behind them.

She was afraid of him. He knew that the instant he pulled her back over and got a good look at her face. She obviously didn't want to show it but it was there. Oh Gods, what had he done? What had he done? What had he done? What had he done? He almost……Shaking hands of claws abruptly yanked her to him, wrapping themselves convulsively around her, his face burying itself in her hair. She lay slack in his arms and it made it that much more real. "G-gomen nasai, Gomen nasai, Nee-san. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh Gods I'm sorry!" He muttered wildly into her hair over and over again, holding her like a porcelain boa constrictor.

But she didn't feel a thing. She was numb. Completely and totally numb. To it all. 'He pushed me….' It was all she could think of. And just like that she was back. Her mind with all its senses was back. Like that one shove had hurled her back into herself, that one shove had blown away the fog that had so hazed her mind. Something was wrong with him. Something was wrong with the once friendly youkai that was now clinging to her like a scared little child after a horrible nightmare. She guessed she had never truly believed it until now. She never knew how bad it was.

_-Flash back- _

_"I don't think he's really accepted the fact that Kouga's gone and that's probably going to hurt him later." _

_-End flash back- _

Gentle arms rose from the constrictor like grip and crossed themselves around his shoulders to hold him in a mother's embrace. One hand cradled his back while the other ran soothing fingers through his coarse, two-toned hair. She kissed the top of his head and gazed down at the monster she loved. "Don't be afraid. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath." She whispered softly to him.

_'Things will be right again, someday. Bad days can't last forever.' _

* * *

Ok I wanna talk about why it usually takes me a while to dish out a chap. Well basically it's the whole pacing problem. There is a certain number of major events that has to happen in this story, but I've gotta make decent transition chapters for them because if I put them all together the story is just bogus and looses any sort of time and reason. This story is taking place of a decent period of time and I have to make you guys feel that, because if I put in whatever I want to put in it's gonna seem like this all happens in like the span of one day. And I hate stories that do that 2 me. Yeah I hate going slow but I'm gotta pace myself and it sucks. But believe me it's for your own good. I think one of those major event things is going to happen in the next chapter guys, that's where it happens I believe. Oh yeah, and the whole story of Fabiena and Mattia is taken from a certain movie, I changed the names of course. If anyone can remember the move u r fuckin awesome. That movie was so incredibly amazing and it just connected with my whole story,ya kno? R&R pls, I'm not just saying this to take up word count.

Chotto matte – wait a minute

Baka! - idiot

Chikusho! - beast

Kono! - jerk

Ike! - freak


	11. It's a Wonderful Life

Hey! I got a new laptop! Woop woop! Its where I'm writing this fic from at the moment, cool, eh? This sort of keyboard is kinda weird to get used to but I'm tryin'. I just wanna get used to this as fast as I can so I can use it more for this sort of thing. Ok another apology at the longitivity of the time it took 2 get this chap out but I've been working on another fic. I have finally seen the end of big o and found it as gay as gay can b, and I had always thought it was an awesome show. But the ending, omg. U kno those ppl that try 2 b obnoxious and try 2 make u think they're like beyond intelligent by tryin 2 confuse the hell outta u, but u get the feeling they have no idea what they're saying either? That was kinda what I felt about the ending 2 that show. It was good overall, its just the end that made absolutely no sense, but if someone can manage to explain it 2 me I'd really appreciate it. Oh yeah, about the other fic that'll b coming up. It's a big o fic called 'Mechanical Men' I'm pretty happy w what I have of it so far. I was always curious about the whole Beck and Dorothy thing. I mean he knew her b4 Roger did and it was always kinda weird between the 2. I kno its non cannon and what not but there isn't really any pairing in big o and for some reason angel just pissed me off beyond all reason. I hate it when they put out a sexy dangerous character thinking it'll be insanely popular but ends up just being annoying because it looks like they're trying 2 hard or something like that, I dunno. Wow, I am loving this whole being able to type in my room thing, it kicks ass! I could like type naked if I wanted! Or wearing nothing but sox! Yes! Lol, dun worry, I'll let ya kno when I decide its too hot to work w clothes on. Ok, the fic is 'Mechanical Men' basically it stems from the episode where Dorothy gets abducted by Beck's mechanical scorpions for her hard drive, I think the episode was like 'The big fight' or something, if u've seen the show then u know what I'm talking about, and even if u haven't seen that particular episode its still a pretty good fic 2 read. Its NC-17 just so ya kno, but its not just smut, there's a good plot 2 it, I didn't write it 4 the sex. Just check it out.

* * *

C h a p t e r – XI: I t ' s A W o n d e r f u l L i f e

* * *

_Well you can bite the bullet  
Breath in, breath out  
Or be a victim all your life  
Go window shopping  
Save your money  
Riches to rags overnight  
It's a wonderful life_

_It's a wonderful life_

_You can join the family business  
Serve behind the counter  
Even have your name above the door  
Join the order  
Learn the handshake  
You won't need protection anymore_

_It's a wonderful life_

_When you think it's over  
You can look through your photos  
Taken for prosperity and you'll find_

_Have an affair, get a new interest  
Go into debt, go on the sick lists  
Study at your leisure in your home  
Get into shape, try to lose weight  
Regain your confidence, control your fate  
Victim of circumstance, look on the bright side_

_It's a wonderful life_

_It's a wonderful life  
It's a wonderful life  
It's a wonderful life_

'It's a wonderful life' – Emiliana Torrini

* * *

She sighed, shifting a bit into a more comfortable position where she sat leaning against the cave entrance, her fingers idly weaving the bone needle in and out of the furry material. The last bit of fading white flurries made their way gracefully to the snow veiled earth like the gliding train of a wedding gown. The trees had lost their leaves long ago and now looked like emaciated black twigs protruding awkwardly from the contrasting colorless ground. But it looked beautiful nonetheless. For some reason winter seemed to transform the earth into another world altogether, a world of gray skies and glistening white grounds, everything sparkled in the now barren horizon, leaving one feeling breathless, small, and clean. 

Kagome's eyes shifted over to the youkai across from her who continued his vigilant post searching the horizon, looking rather apprehensive compared to her calm exterior. His expression was something she couldn't pin a word on, a swirl of unease, false hope, and acrimony, she suspected. For the past few weeks this was the routine, never leaving the entrance with the exception of when he would go out to scan the grounds, though she suspected it was no longer for the purpose of ferreting out threatening youkai anymore, she was glad for the extra time to wander about those patrols gave her. Granted she knew that she didn't have to stay with him on his watch, he would have probably preferred it if she didn't, but she just felt that her presence was needed. Just because he didn't want it didn't mean he didn't need it.

Things had settled between them somewhat since the incident. They never spoke of it but it had changed the both of them. Now he didn't appear to know what to do with her. He appeared torn between pushing her away, afraid he might hurt her again, and coming closer to prove her wrong about his alleged animosity towards her. And Ginta, she discovered, was someone who simply could not be torn, indecision was just something he couldn't, and had no idea of how, to deal with. Growing up never having to make a single decision on your own could do that to a person, she supposed. So when faced with such a dithering situation, she guessed, he did the only thing he knew how. He desperately looked to someone else. Unfortunately that someone else was nowhere to be found, hadn't been for a quite a while. A while longer than he was supposed to be, apparently.

Hakkaku's prolonged absence was beginning to wear on Ginta, and it was starting to show. He became more anxious, if not a little panicky, taking up the habit of pacing, constantly looking out the opening, scanning the area when he had already done his usual patrol not a half hour ago, and just looking a wreck. He looked so alone and nervous, like a little boy left at kindergarten by a mother who forgot to pick him up. It was obvious he did not like being in charge, and hadn't felt the full weight of it until he felt he had screwed up at it. Kagome supposed if Ginta were to be a form of government, he could most definitely be a full-blown democracy. He severely opposed himself in any sort of leadership position, that was probably what contributed to his indecision.

On the other hand, the incident had effected her in a rather positive light. The new worry she had for Ginta now seemed to overshadow and veil her ardor for him, if only temporarily. She remembered how loving InuYasha had been so much easier, because with his life constantly being in danger it was simply easier to worry over him than to pine for him. And apparently that held true now. She was no longer terribly miserable over her heartbreak; there were bigger things to consider now. Mainly him. He refused to sleep, and ate only when his stomach began to threaten him, and on top of it all he appeared completely incapable of sitting still. Even sitting at the edge as he was she could see his hands fisting and unfisting eagerly.

It had been a gradual process, the first few weeks he was just a little edgy, frowning over the horizon at Hakkaku's blatant delay. Then came the more frequent patrols, then the pacing, the decline in sleep and eating, and now she was beginning to see a bit of betrayal leaking into his anxious eyes.

_crack_

Kagome involuntary winced at the hallow splinter as another of her new homemade bone needles broke. She gave an exasperated sigh and threw it into the pile of other similarly fractured pieces before picking a new one up from a quickly decreasing pile of makeshift needles. It seemed every ten minutes she had to get a new one, she had no idea how people sewed this way. But it was necessary. Ginta had finally agreed to wearing warmer clothing, his simple fur vest and wrap left far too much open for frostbite in her opinion. It was a given that she was definitely no seamstress, but she at least had the know-how to add a few furry sleeves to his vest, along with hemming on some more material to the ends so it at least came down below his hips. Now she had come up with the ingenious idea of adding buttons so he could button himself up instead of leaving the shirt open for the icy wind to attack. Of course she had to cut some of the buttons off some of her less favorable shirts and even spared one from her backpack, but she could always cut them off and re-sew them after winter. She was going to take advantage of Ginta's new appeasing mood if she had to ruin her entire wardrobe. He had even agreed to wear her sweatpants! She had suggested it when she feared his legs getting frost bitten or gangrene from the cold and he had agreed.

Kagome felt a little excitement as she finished the last of the buttons, leaning down to take the string of animal-sinew-made-thread between her teeth and gnaw off the excess. Her frozen fingers worked hurriedly to tie the end before holding it up with a grin to examine her handy work. She honestly didn't know why feminists had such a problem with this being called 'women's work', she loved the surge of feminine pride at being able to create such a thing, even if it was rather crudely put together with its uneven sleeves and mismatched buttons.

"Here, try it on." She said, eagerly thrusting it at him.

Ginta started a bit, as though he had forgotten her in his reverie. After following her protruding arms to the mass of brown fur, that was once his vest, laying in her hands he nodded, taking it from her and shrugging it over his thin shoulders.

She watched him with delight as he pushed his hands through the sleeves, it didn't matter if the left one came to his thumb and the other to his wrist. When he began to stare blankly at the buttons, her fingers darted out to help him.

Ginta obediently let her brush his hands aside and watched her work the unfamiliar little discs with skilled and knowing fingers, quickly inserting them into their own corresponding invisible slots that he hadn't noticed. Looking down at himself when she leaned back to admire him he admitted that it was a great deal warmer now, if not a little odd looking.

Kagome couldn't stop the wide smile from reaching her eyes when she ran her hands along her work. She was glad she could do this for him, but it also evoked a little pride in herself as well. His silence tore her from her little mental celebration party and she noticed his frozen stare off into the distance. The smile wilted a bit to fret and she patted his chest comfortingly.

"He'll be back, Ginta. Stop worrying, its winter, he's bound to be a little slower than he thought." She reassured.

Ginta only nodded absentmindedly, as if he hadn't really heard her. "Arigato, for the clothing." He said, his fingers exploring down the front.

Tomorrow was another day, after all.

* * *

She was a liar! An ungrateful liar! An unfaithful, ungrateful, liar! An unfaithful, Ungrateful, Bit- 

"Do you plan to brood _all _winter, InuYasha?" Kaede inquired casually.

The hanyou glared spitefully at her before muttering a sharp "Keh!"

"I'm hungry, Kaede! Is it done _yet_?" Shippou whined pawing at the large, steaming pot.

"Not yet, little one." She replied one hand stirring the thick broth, the other adding a dash of something or other into mix.

The kit gave a dramatic show of throwing himself down with a heaving sigh, his tail twitching about anxiously.

InuYasha cringed irritatedly at the thump before whipping his head around at the little pest. "Oi! You're so hungry why don't you go hunt on your own, you little leech!" He barked, his selective memory forgetting that he too hadn't exactly fought off the old miko's offerings of food.

Shippou snorted indolently at the older youkai, turning his head away with a haughty air. "If you don't like it why don't _you_ go out and hunt on your own!" He exclaimed cheekily.

"Good idea!" InuYasha snarled climbing to his feet to advance on the kit.

Shippou gave a startled yip before fleeing into Kaede's lap, knocking some random assortment of meat and spices from her hand.

Kaede let out a frustrated breath giving the hanyou a rebuking frown. "InuYasha, is it necessary to harass everyone in this hut into feeling your irritation?"

"Keh, survival of the fittest." He growled giving the little youkai a fierce look.

"_Not_ in _this_ home. I have dealt with a lot from you and for a while I looked the other way out of respect for all you have done, but this is enough! You have the reputation of a hero that you refuse to live up to! When you're not sulking about you're snapping and harassing everyone else! I apologize, but Kagome has chosen-"

"This hasn't got anything to do with Kag-"

"I am 64 years old, I am _not _stupid!" She snapped. "Kagome has chosen her path in life. I am sorry if she now puts that above keeping your idle fancy alive, but you have no right to begrudge her. You have put your own obligations above her many a time, and now she has her own obligation to someone other than you. Do not expect her to come running to you from that well anymore, InuYasha. She does not have the time, nor the strength, to keep your old place in her life open, any longer. If you want that place then you will have to go to her, not wait and sulk and moan when she cannot come to you. That is your responsibility now, not hers." Kaede gave an annoyed shake of her head at his struck look. "As soon as it is done simmering you can eat, Shippou." She said softly, giving the little kit a comforting pat to the head, she must have given him a little start with her scolding too.

InuYasha went back to his place at the wall, sitting down to fold his hands into his sleeves and pointedly ignore everyone around him as Kaede shooed Shippou off her lap to cool the stew. "She told me to leave her alone." He said under his breath, but Kaede heard him all the same.

"When was this?"

He shrugged. " 'bout six months ago. I dunno."

"Where those her exact words? I cannot imagine that Kagome would say such things to you."

"She told me to 'let her go.' There, ya happy?" InuYasha snapped.

"So let her go."

"Nani? You just told me to start going to her!"

"Letting go does not always mean cutting all ties, InuYasha. She wants you to allow her a life of her own, and to make decisions for herself. And so far you have resented her for it. You want to be the main part in her life InuYasha, and maybe with the quest for the Shikon no kakera that was once the case, but not anymore. Are you so unwilling to compromise being the center of her life that you would throw away your chance to be a part of it?"

The hanyou only snorted distastefully and turned away. "You just don't get it." He muttered.

"Perhaps I am not alone in that aspect." She said beginning to pour the bowls.

* * *

Maybe winter wasn't the all out wonderland the commercials made it out to be. Kagome sighed nestling her chin in the many sweaters crowding her still chilly frame. She stilled her hands as near to the fire as she dared without singeing them. All the layers upon layers she now had to wear must have made her look like an oversized Technicolor rice ball but fashion fell below food, shelter and keeping the frostbite off her butt. 

No, winter was most decidedly not a happy go lucky, Alice falling down the rabbit hole, wonderland. It was cold, barren, and boring. Ginta hadn't moved from the same spot he had been in yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before she had stopped keeping track. Kagome breathed out, letting the shiver race its track up her legs leaving columns of goose pimples in its wake. Her eyes followed the cloud of freezing air as it left her mouth. She experimentally blew another, then another, this time shaping her mouth into an 'O' and lifting her tongue a bit. Soon she was entertaining herself with smoke circles of varying sizes and shapes. She was trying her best to put her lips into the shape of a square for yet another experiment when his voice from the entrance broke her concentration.

"He's not coming back." He spat sourly, glaring out distastefully at the glistening bare forest before him.

"Ginta, you don't know that." Kagome reminded heartedly.

"Do you see him!" Ginta snapped turning on her.

Kagome jolted back, surprised because he had never spoken to her so violently before. "You can't say that, because you have no idea what happened." She beseeched laying a hand at his shoulder.

"I know exactly what happened! Look at this, Nee-san! He's got the perfect opportunity! He's got a whole tribe of his own, why bother picking up old debts when you can just start over!" He growled, angrily shrugging off her hand.

She glared at him offendedly. "You have no idea what has happened to him, Ginta! He could be dead for all you know!" She hollered back at his insensitivity.

"He's not dead, he's abandoned us!" He spat walking back into the cave away from her.

"What kind of friend are you to have so little faith in him!" She shouted at his back.

"What kind of friend is he to forsake his pack like this!" Ginta bit back.

"You don't know that!"

"Stop being dumb!" He shouted before turning his back on her to walk back to the dens.

Kagome glowered at him furiously, lunging down to snatch up one of the stones littering the ground floor and fling it at his head.

The young wolf gave a startled yip at the sudden sting hitting the back of his neck. He whipped around to snarl at her, picking up the little stone that had struck him and chucking it back at her.

Kagome yelped seeing her own weapon come hurling straight for her not having enough time to fully duck as it pegged her in the shoulder. She gasped at the nip, her hand darting up to clasp and sooth the smarting pain. She glared daggers at his retreating back. Who knew what a jerk he could be! She had never seen him so angry before. She was sure she would sympathize his side of the argument soon enough but for now she would just sit, nurse her wound, and think bad thoughts about him.

* * *

Ginta glowered down at the floor, kicking any unfortunate random pebbles that happened to cross his path. Just a burden was he! Just an extra weight to drop at any time! How dare Hakkaku! Where did he find it in him to do this! They were friends! The grew up together! They were born in the same den! He growled out viciously kicking the nearest wall in mindless fury. He gasped briefly crying out as his foot went straight through the wall, the lack of barrier sending his body careening into the surface before falling to the cold ground with a pain filled grunt. 

He cringed raising himself onto his forearms off his back and climbing into a sitting position. Rubbing the back of his sore head he glanced out in front of him to examine his current situation, which now involved his limb being submerged in the wall up to its knee. He cried out in embarrassment and frustration, brutally pummeling the wall while his leg tried to extract itself to no avail.

Finally after his struggles proved fruitless and his tantrum lost strength for its steam he gave the stony surface in front of him one last half hearted punch before slumping into himself, his free leg curling into an Indian style position and the other still claimed by the jagged rocky hole.

Ginta's eyes fell weakly to the ground between his legs. He felt spent, lost, and alone. Now that he hand no more strength to fuel his anger he was free to feel the full onslaught of abandonment. Nothing but the arms of silence were there to enfold him in a comforting embrace. He missed his friends. His family was dead. His leader was dead. And his last remaining friend didn't want him. Had left him. Had left him here, alone. Ginta swallowed the bundle of sorrow gathering at the bottom of his throat. He trusted him, he was his best friend. He felt betrayed, betrayed and stupid. He was so stupid. In the thick silence he remembered his mother. _'Love humiliates you…..'_ And it did. He loved his friends and family, and each and everyone had been taken away or left him, leaving him feeling awkward and alone.

What left was there to leave? To take away? _'But hate cradles you….'_ Ginta frowned, concentrating on all the wrongs done him and tried to invoke the familiar anger. His eyes clenched shut in pain as all the hurt suddenly felt more concentrated. He let out a weak breath before slumping against the thieving wall. He was too weak to even hate properly. He was glad his mother couldn't see him now. All he could really resurrect was a small flickering candle flame of anger and even that went out without adequate passion to feed it.

He sighed, willing back the sadness. What was he going to do now?

* * *

Kagome stared into the tunnel hallway as it disappeared into darkness. He had been gone for hours. Turning back to the dimming fire she brought her knees up to her chin, wrapping her arms around them to comfort her. What if he was right? What if Hakkaku wasn't coming back? After all, he did know Hakkaku far better than she. What was she going to do? She could never leave Ginta alone, but there was no way they could survive like this. There were strict boundaries he had erected between them that she could never cross and she couldn't help him if she couldn't reach him. 

She turned her head onto its cheek resting against her kneecaps. The snow had come to a halt but she doubted that it would last. This would probably be the only chance she would have to get out and clear her head for a while. She glanced back at the direction Ginta had taken before making up her mind. She briefly wondered whether or not he would accept or even want her companionship at a moment like this. The dull throb in the shoulder darkened her thoughts and made the decision for her. She snorted huffily, rubbing her sore spot and nursing a grudge at the same time, then began making her way towards her pack to grab her little red snowcap before starting towards the entrance and down the ladder.

She was glad the wind had let up as well, it was now a definite possibility that it would be a good day today, she thought pleasantly. No snow to nip at her nose and cheeks and no icy wind to tangle her hair and sting her eyes as she climbed down. She hopped childishly from the second to last step into the snow, letting out a startled 'ooff!' as the level of snow made her underestimate the drop and sent her crashing into the powdery whiteness. Shaking the rest of the flakes from her hair she rose from the deformed human shaped imprint in the snow to dust herself off. She looked around her, surprised to see that the snow now came up to mid-calf. Feeling the cool weather graze her head, her hand frisked about her hair noticing her hat amiss. Her gaze darted about before coming to rest on a blaringly obvious red lump amongst the whiteness that stuck out like a sore thumb.

She squealed feeling her weight shift as she bent down to pick it up, the heavy layers of clothing almost making her loose momentum right into the freezing ground of powdered ice. She let out a breath of relief when she finally grasped the hat and reared back up into a standing position, toddling a little awkwardly before regaining her footing. Grasping the hat by the hem she tugged it back over her head gasping aloud and cringing when a small avalanche rolled out of the cap and tumbled across her face. She snorted and spat away the frosty flakes before removing the treacherous hat and shaking out all its icy weaponry. Once satisfied, she hesitantly pulled it over her head again, glad to have warmth building back up underneath.

Turning round and round for a moment or two before finding the right direction to go in she began to toddle off in the path most familiar to her. The mounds of snow and fattening puffs of clothing made walking somewhat tricky, but as long as she coordinated her hand and leg movements it could be done. She puffed, ungainly plowing her way towards the recognizable uneven lump in the otherwise level snow. She began to gasp for breath halfway there, either she was getting out of shape or working through tons of snow while carrying an added 200 lbs of clothing was taking its toll on her.

She took one last gasp of air before sucking it in and continuing on her path. Once she finally reached the un-level mound she let herself fall back in the bed of frosty powder. Looking up she watched the clouds move across their pastures of gray sky occasionally seeing her puffs of frozen air floating above her face. A groan broke the silence as she struggled into a sitting position. She wiggled her hips until she was sitting comfortably on her knees.

A reddening hand that was beginning to chafe from the cold rose to sweep across the pearly ground, scattering haphazard flakes to the side. She repeated the motion disappointed to find nothing but more snow underneath. No sprout had grown, no plant, no tree. Nothing was to mark the gravesite but a pile of wet ash that would dry with spring and blow away to be lost on the wind.

She sighed, perhaps that is how he would have wanted it. To forever blow across the earth in a whirlwind that wasn't so different from his everyday life.

Feeling the chill once again work through her layers of winter gear, Kagome let herself lay across the mound allowing her body heat to gather and her thoughts to wander.

What was she going to do? If Hakkaku truly wasn't coming back then maybe Ginta would agree to return to InuYasha with her. She mulled over the thought for a while, turning it over every which way in her mind before deciding it wasn't the best plan of action. If they returned she knew she would end up giving into her need for home and leaping into the well upon sight. Going home was the easy answer to all her problems, and one that her honor would not let her choose. Plus, where would that leave Ginta? She couldn't imagine him ever truly fitting in with their little group. They would never fill the void the loss of his pack had left within him.

Thinking of her friends she couldn't help but wonder what Sango and Miroku were doing. She hadn't seem them in so long. The threat looming over her during her last what could hardly be called a visit hadn't left her the time to seek them out within the village. Where ever they were she hoped they were happy, that they were healing the wounds Naraku had scarred them with.

Tucking her freezing hands under her arms she tried to fight off the feelings of loneliness gathering within her heart. She wondered how her little Shippou was doing, if InuYasha wasn't treating him too badly. Kagome frowned. These thoughts weren't really helping. Trying to help her mind stray to more pleasant subject she found them floating to Ginta. He was worrying her. It seemed every day he was taking a new turn and different angles, none of which she knew how to deal with. He could have her going from confused, to scared, to happy, to miserable, to swooning in a matter of minutes. He could have her scared so badly she just wanted to take him in her arms, trying to press any of the love she held into his body just so that he would feel better. He could suck the very life from her lips if it would get him back to normal.

As normal as she knew him anyway. Could their ever be a time where he would let her do such things? Let her kiss his temple and hold him to her so tightly? Maybe, had things been different. Though she doubted if things had been different that she would even be in this situation. If things hadn't turned out the way they did, would she have ever fallen in love with him in the first place? Kagome sighed, deciding to drop thoughts that would only go in circles. Who knew why the Gods did what they did?

All she knew was that things _weren't_ different. They were just the way they were now and nothing was going to change that. She couldn't change the past so the only thing to do would be to fix the present.

"So what do I do now?" She murmured to herself.

"Stop eating. You've gotten fat."

Kagome shrieked in surprise, jolting up only to topple over back into the snow. She flailed about frantically, rolling about like a turtle that had fallen on its back.

"Oi! Stop that!" He said blocking yet another flurry of stray snow her thrashing had flung at his face.

Instantly she stopped like a game hit on pause. There InuYasha stood, grudgingly brushing the white flurries from the bundles in his hands. She looked up at him, breathless from her panicked struggle. "InuYasha? What are you doing here?"

"Kaede sent me to give you these since you're obviously too lazy to come and get them yourself. I can see why! Probably can't even fit out that cave of yours!" He said leaning a hand out to help her up.

Kagome glared at him swatting the hand away. "I have_ not_ gotten fat, baka! Its cold and I have to wear a lot of clothes!" She snapped still trying unsuccessfully to get up.

The hanyou let out a frustrated sound leaning down to grab the fabric at her shoulder and pull her up after watching her flounder about for a while.

She 'hmphed!' sweeping the flaky powder from her multitude of sweaters. She glanced at the few blankets curled in his arms before politely taking them from him. She looked up at him, watching him stare awkwardly at a point beyond her shoulder. "Is that all you came for?" She asked trying to keep the disappointment from her voice. It was nice to be around someone who actually wanted you there. It had taken her a long while to realize just how much he really did wanted her there. He snorted indignantly and shuffled his foot around uncomfortably, but she understood what his pride wouldn't let him say. A gently smile glided across her lips as she slid her hand into his. "InuYasha, do you want to go for a walk?" She asked, already starting off.

InuYasha said nothing but held the icy hand within his just a little tighter.

* * *

_---flashback—_

_A contented sigh passed through the midnight air as three stuffed wolf youkai relaxed lazily around a dancing fire. Ginta lay his back against a rotting log rubbing his full stomach with a satisfied sort of happiness. His jaw worked into a wide yawn as he nonchalantly shoved a sleeping Hakkaku's head off his log when he began to snore just a little too loudly. The noise paused as the wolf's Mohawk ridden head hit the dirt encrusted earth with a dull thud before resuming the same sinus enflamed snoring. _

_The two-toned youkai shuffled and stretched his shoulders, working into a comfortable position against the gritty wood. Kouga lay on the other side of the fire, leaning against a decent sized boulder that came up roughly to his shoulders. He stared idly into the flames casually picking his fangs with a piece of stray bone from what used to be a nicely, lean, meaty boar. He seemed to be floating in his own thoughts, not really paying attention to the nightly environment around him._

_Not wanting to interrupt his leader and most of all friend from his daydreaming at the moment, Ginta was satisfied to simply observe him there through the merrily flickering fire. Kouga leaned against the rock, one leg sprawled carelessly across the floor while the other was drawn haphazardly to his chest his arm draped unceremoniously over it like a piece of strewn clothing, the other hand absentmindedly twisting the piece of bone back and forth over a random fang._

_Very little played across the alpha male's face but Ginta had clue about what was so captivating. "What do you think Nee-san's doing right now?" Ginta thought aloud. He watched Kouga's right ear twitch at the new sound, ice colored eyes flickered up to him briefly before going back to the fire and his previous mulling._

_Ginta let him be as he shuffled further down the log so that his shoulders were resting against it. Contrary to popular belief, Kouga did not have much time to really think about Kagome. Between searching for Kagura and Naraku, planning the survival of his severely dwindled tribe, and contemplating new rumors and the right paths to take to find their enemy, these few moments before rest were really the only time he had to spare to future queen. Though Kouga himself would never admit it aloud, Ginta new these few minutes were precious to him. These minutes to relax and stop thinking for everyone else and simply plan his own life and future._

_The fox eyed youkai sniffed lazily at his fingers before licking them clean of any remaining meat residue. He sighed happily, these times were good. His eyes slitted open to watch a fly buss about before settling on the upper teeth of Hakkaku's wide-open mouth. He snickered, silently inviting the fly to make himself at home. Another chuckle from across signaled that Kouga was observing the spectacle as well and had probably finished his brooding of silence._

"_Close the idiot's mouth before it decides to lay eggs in there." He laughed._

_Ginta chuckled, lifting his hand under the other wolf's jaw to close it, the fly still buzzing about inside. They both tried to contain their laughter as Hakkaku shifted about in his sleep completely oblivious to the frenzied buzzing coming from his jaws. Kouga folded his arms across his chest, leaning back still sniggering. _

_The quiet laughter had died down and the silence once again greeted the evening air. Ginta observed Kouga easily, deciding to pick up the subject of his thoughts; few things were kept from den brothers. "When do you think we'll see Nee-san again?" He started, he knew Kouga missed his intended and he hoped talking about it might make his friend's yearning a little easier. _

"_Soon probably, we're searching for the same thing so she can't be far." He said looking up at the starry sky. _

"_Would you like to try to look for her? It's a good while before sunrise. We'll wait for you if you get back late." He suggested._

_Kouga shook his head not looking at him. "Iie, let her sleep. Humans tend to need more of that than we do."_

_Ginta nodded. It felt strange to address her as human. For Kouga's sake, the pack would usually politely ignore this blatant fact. But hearing him admit it made him think of all the differences between youkai and humans. They were two completely different species, how did Kouga plan to make this work? True, the lesser youkai would once in a blue moon rut with one of them but it was never heard of to actually take a human for a_ mate_. Perhaps the cultural differences could be adapted too, but the biological ones couldn't be ignored. Other than mating and eating, they had no real instincts. No instincts telling them how to get home, telling them who was part of their tribe, telling them when to breed, telling them to stay faithful. Ginta glanced at Kouga underneath his lids. Had he really considered any of this? He decided to breech the subject with as much caution as possible. "Ano…..Nee-san is very different." He started uneasily._

_The raven-haired youkai chuckled under his breath, a prideful spark dancing in his eye. "Hai, she's one of a kind." He said almost boastfully, crossing his arms behind his head._

"_From us, I mean. She's different from us."_

_Kouga turned his gaze from the stars to look at him queerly, lifting a dark eyebrow._

_Ginta fidgeted uncomfortable under his questioning stare. He knew this was probably going to be a sensitive subject, especially since he never brought it up before. "Hasn't…..hasn't it ever bothered you that Nee-san is human?" He asked. He winced when he felt Kouga's glare settle on him. But oddly he didn't immediately berate him for looking down on his woman. Ginta raised his eyes to see Kouga turned away, appearing to be as uneasy as he was._

"_Does it bother _you_?" He said trying to keep the threat out of his tone._

_Ginta shook his head quickly. "Iie! I'm not bothered…..ano….so much as worried." He admitted somewhat guiltily. _

" '_bout what?" He asked picking up the bone fragment to resume picking at his teeth, relaxing with the knowledge that his friend wasn't questioning his choice._

"_Humans…….humans just don't take mates the way we do."_

_Kouga glanced at him once again signaling for him to continue._

"_Well_, you've_ seen and heard about them. They just randomly rut around, and even when they do take a mate even then they can't be trusted. Mated humans always taking others." _He grumbled in disgus_t. " They don't have the same nature we do."_

"_Are you questioning Kagome's fidelity to me?" He snarled out._

_The other wolf frantically waved his hand trying to cool the wave of anger threatening to crash upon him. This was not a matter he was ready to take a beating over. "I'm just worry for you Kouga! You _and_ her." He said trying to placate him._

_Kouga snorted, pacified for the moment. "That's not for you to worry about. Kagome is faithful. She will be a fine mate." He asserted confidently._

_Ginta was silent, waiting for the youkai's quick temper to fully settle before the next question that would more likely hit home more than all the others. "……..what about her lifespan, Kouga? Nee-san won't live for ever." He murmured the last part somewhat sadly. He didn't think he could bare the effects a mate's death would have on Kouga. It would shatter him. "ITE!" He cried out as the fist sized rock hit him above the eye. A clawed hand instantly rose to nurse the sting._

"_Stop asking stupid questions, baka! Now go to sleep! I'm not gonna be the one hauling your ass up in the morning!" Kouga growled out laying down and turning his back to him._

_Ginta mumbled under his breath grudgingly as he leaned onto a more comfortable side, his hand still rubbing the biting pain from his brow before giving into sleep._

_---end flashback---_

A porcelain ear twitched back and forth almost of his own accord as the cold began to nip at it. Ginta's world flickered between blackness and fuzzy semi-light shapes. He yawned, feeling his eyes open from a nap he wasn't aware he had taken. Shaking his head free of the fatigue induced muck, he rose into a sitting position leaning on the palms of his hands. He glowered at the offending wall finding half his leg still very much its prisoner. His hand rose to massage some feeling back into the slumbering limb.

A sigh left him, twitching the toe that was so hidden from him. His little reminiscing had left him that much lonelier. As complicated and trying as those times were, he'd give anything to return to them. He wanted those late night talkings back, he wanted those easy sleeps back, he wanted his friends back. For all the Gods had taken he wondered if they would ever give anything in return, or if this was some sort of cosmic punishment. He tugged forlornly at his leg wishing he had someone near him at that moment. He missed the warmth and familial trust he had never had to want for within his clan. Looking back in the direction he had taken he could see only darkness, suddenly wanting Kagome to come through that void and sit with him. Maybe find a way to retract his leg without tearing her pants she had given him.

"Nee-san?" He whispered, almost afraid to hear his echo of her name.

"Nee-san!" He called for her weakly.

"Nee-san!" This time with more urgency, his voice reverberating through the cave.

Yet no puffy girl with chopped hair came waddling to his rescue. He waited into the darkness for a little longer and still no comforting smile came to greet him, no soft freezing hand lifted to grasp his shoulder reassuringly. Now that he knew no matter of shouting would bring those things back he found that he missed them in a way he never thought he could. It seemed he had grown accustomed to those things. They had took seed within his conscience and sprouted without his knowledge and now that they were gone he was at a loss, feeling more alone and aimless than ever. Had she left?

Ginta suddenly felt ashamed at the way he had treated her. She still had faith in a friend she had only known a few years where as he had known him all his life and still could derive none of the same confidence. He had given her spite she did not deserve; it was no wonder why she would not want to deal with him. He was wrong, had been wrong for quite a while. She had only been trying be a good den-sister to him and he had treated her like a babysitter impatient for the parents to return. He had been treating her the exact way he promised he wouldn't.

The young youkai gritted his teeth and yanked his trapped leg from the jagged whole, wincing at sound of a tearing gift. He spared the tattered pant leg a forlorn look of apology before jumping to his feet with a determined optimism he hadn't have in a long time. Things would get better! He would go and find her and apologize! Promise her that things were going to be different and ask for her forgiveness! He would truly treat her as the sister he had always said she was! They would talk and comfort each other until Hakkaku returned to take them to a better place! Ginta let a smile take over his face with his new plan. Yes! He thought taking off through the tunnel.

Bad days truly couldn't last forever.

* * *

"It's snowing again." Kagome stated looking at the falling sky and cupping her hands together to catch the descending flurries. 

"Keh! You're gonna get sick." He warned.

"Well then I get sick." She retorted walking on.

He followed her, easily keeping in step. His amber gaze flickered about until it came to rest on an old pine with wide branches. "Oi, c'mon." He ordered grasping her by the elbow and leading her underneath the tree. "You're probably already gonna get sick, might as well keep the snow from finishing you off." He snorted sitting down on the decent sized patch of dry ground.

Kagome laughed softly at his veiled concern before leaning down to sit next to him, but with all of her heavy articles of clothing she ended up tumbling backwards, landing on her cushioned rear with a loud grunt.

InuYasha scowled at her layered garb, tugging at it irritatedly. "Oi, take these off."

"Hentai." She scoffed shoving the offending hand away.

"I said take 'em off, not get naked!" He rejoined.

"First you're worried I might get sick and then you want me to take off the only thing that's probably preventing that." She commented looking at him teasingly out of the corner of her eyes.

His face lit up, though whether from anger or embarrassment she couldn't tell. "Keh! I wasn't worried about you, stupid girl!" He bit out, though it seemed the indignancy was a little forced on his part.

"Well either way, you should be worried about your own clothes. You're lucky you haven't died of exposure!" She exclaimed taking in his usual haori and hakama.

"Hmph, I'm fine. I'm not gonna die just from a few snow flakes." He said and she could have sworn she saw his chest puff up just the littlest of bits.

Kagome chuckled, used to his masculine pride and welcoming the familiar tirade. Unfortunately, the hanyou took her laughter to be at his expense and sent a withering glare in her direction before whipping away from her spitefully. She shook her head still smiling as he sulked, though gods forbid anyone ever actually call it 'sulking.'

The rustling of fabric once again brought his attention to her just in time to see her remove yet another sweater. He observed her carefully as she took her removed garments and the blankets he brought her and gracefully draped them over them both. His cheeks reddened but he said nothing when she snuggled closer to him for warmth, tucking the sweaters and sheets around their bodies. His eyes darted down to see that she still had a few more sweaters and what looked like t-shirts on under each other. "Nani, did you put on everything you own?"

"Just about." She admitted, burying herself deeper into their little fabric den.

They didn't talk for a long moment and it made her want to catch up and make up for lost time. She must wanted to hear his voice, just a little reminder that her past wasn't dead, that it was still very much there and perhaps waiting for her to return. "Hakkaku still hasn't come back." She commented looking down, remembering her argument with Ginta.

"I'd get sick of putting up with that useless fur-bag too." He scowled.

Kagome restrained her tongue, part of her wanting to defend Ginta, the other wanting to get back at him for making her feel so angry and foolish.

"So what's that wimpy wolf going to do without his lover-?"

"Stop." She interrupted. "Just….stop." She whispered. Was she so weak that she would defend him even when he made it blatantly obvious he had no regard for her whatsoever? Her eyes slid shut wanting to block him out and the hurt he made her feel, if only for a moment. She could already sense InuYasha getting ready to retaliate; probably with a fit over her taking everyone's side but his, and probably making up stories about her accused preference for wolves. "I miss you, InuYasha." She said honestly. She didn't want to fight right now. She had done enough of that.

For some reason those little admittances of affection always doused any flicker of his fiery temperament. She felt him shift about uneasily for a moment but she didn't care. Even if he couldn't say it, she knew he missed her too.

He knew he shouldn't bring it up. Kaede had told him this was what was driving her away, but he doubted he would ever be able to simply let it go that easily. "So why don't you leave?"

Had he asked her the same question any other time she would have scolded him for asking her the same thing she had continuously told him the answer to and putting her in an awkward position, but this time she couldn't just ignore her feelings for the better good. "I want to sometimes. A lot of times, actually." She murmured desolately.

He almost jolted, a little startled, he had expected her to berate him for badgering her. Feelings of hope and anticipation swept over him and he looked down at her when she would not meet his gaze. "If you're so miserable just come back. I'll even let that fucking wolf stay with us until his mate gets back."

Kagome stared at the ground, not really seeing it. If she returned? If she went with InuYasha would that really be so horrible? Would the Gods condemn her so badly for just wanting to be with her family? Her family. She wouldn't be going back to InuYasha, she would be going home. There was no way she could escape her yearning for her mother's arms if the temptation were dangled so closely to her face. "InuYasha, if you knew that if I went back with you I would only go back to my own home, my own time, would you still be so eager for me to leave?" She asked raising her head to look him in the eyes.

Her own time. She was still so adamant about leaving him? He tore his gaze away from her, not wanting her to see the betrayal written on his face. "What do they have there that's so fucking wonderful?" He grumbled shoving his hands into his sleeves.

"My family. My family's what's so wonderful there."

"Keh!"

She watched him sorrowfully. Could he never understand? "If_ your_ mother were here, would you be so willing to leave _her_?" She saw his face visibly change as thoughts of his mother swam through his mind. She knew that 'what ifs' where running through him as well as fantasies of her alive and well and loving him. Her hand rose to lay on his knee. "My mother is worried about me, InuYasha. I miss her." She said looking into his face even though he refused to return her gaze. "I would come back here. I would visit every chance I got." She added comfortingly giving his knee a reassuring squeeze.

Visits. That's all this would be: visits. The only reason she spent so much time in the Sengoku Jidai was because he made her. Because he constantly lorded her duty over her head. As much as he complained about how long she stayed at home he knew in comparison to how long she spent with him that all her trips home were simply visits. Now the roles were switched and she would only come back to the Sengoku Jidai 'when she had the time.' And when would that be? Once every week? Once a month? A year? He knew her little 'visits' would dwindle, until one day she forgot to come, and then it would take second wheel to everything else in her life. She would slowly cross out his own place in her life and their time together would fade to nothing but a memory. "S'not the same." He mumbled begrudgingly.

Kagome's eyes went solemnly to the hand resting contentedly on his knee before turning to look him in the face. "Things aren't the same _now_." She watched him shuffled about looking for something to say. Not wanting one of their few meetings to turn into a self-pity fest she decided to change the subject. "How are Sango and Miroku? How's Shippou?" She questioned.

"She and the lecher brought the brat back then decided to go their own way. Wanted to take a break and find some sort of peace, I dunno. They said they would be back, though."

"Oh, and Shippou?"

"Fucking irritating as always." He growled.

She laughed softly at that. "And you? How are you?"

InuYasha looked at her oddly, not used to such formal talk from her. "Oi, what's with all the stupid questions?"

"I just want to make sure you guys are okay." She said honestly.

"What about you? You okay?" He asked making sure to keep the concern from his voice.

She shrugged, her lips slightly turning up into a soft, sad, little smile as she turned her attention to the ground hoping her butchered hair would hide her eyes._ Was_ she okay? Kagome opened her mouth, wanting to speak of her missing her family, but strangely she found no feelings to back the statement up. Oddly enough Ginta's image flashed through her mind, eclipsing her home, her time, and the loved ones residing there. It scared her and made her feel ashamed. Just when had her love for him started overshadowing that for her old life? When had he become the sun in her eyes? So high above the rest of the stars. When had he become the bigger part of the reason she was still here? And he didn't even know it, she thought sorrowfully. He never would. How could she fall in love with something so out of reach? He truly was the sun in her eyes, a star she could never touch.

InuYasha tilted his head trying to get a better view of her. He smelt the salty tang of tears fresh on her cheeks. Where things that bad? "Oi, daijoubu?"

Kagome sniffed when she felt her nose beginning to run. Her hand quickly darted up to wipe at her eyes as she pitifully tried to laugh it off, not wanting to worry him. "Hai hai, just a little sad that's all." She explained.

"Dooshite?"

She turned to him with watery eyes and a soft smile that didn't reach them. "Girls just get sad every now and then."

"Bullshit." He grumbled staring into her face.

He may not love her more than Kikyou, may never choose her over Kikyou, but she knew he cared. And right now that was enough. Kagome gazed into those two pools of liquid amber, wanting to drown in them and never come up because reality was just too hard to face now a days. He represented the 'what if's' that constantly hung over her life now. What if Kouga hadn't loved her, what if he hadn't died, what if Ginta had never come for her, what if she had never fallen in love with him, what if she could go back? But they were questions that she could never get the answers she hoped for and the answers she had now were ones she didn't want. But right now, she felt warm, she felt cared for, she felt peaceful. Almost involuntarily her hands rose to cup the side of his face lovingly, not phased by the horrible blush that stained his cheeks.

Was she okay? No. She was everything but okay. She was scared, she was cold, she was in love, she was miserable, she was worried. But she wasn't okay. Yet at that moment, as she felt strong arms move to her waist she was the closest thing to it she had been in what was like an eternity. That look in her dear hanyou's eyes, that stare of hidden rapture and barely sealed anticipation, resembled the one she longed to see on Ginta's. She wanted him to look at her that way.

It was as if she had lost control of her own body, as though it had developed a mind of its of as it urged her closer to those amber eyes. She was so close she could feel the heat from his lips and the breath from his nose fanning her eyelashes. Pale eyelids slid shut before watching his face descend onto her own. No darkness met her when she felt rough masculine lips touch her soft malleable ones. Instead, a tall lanky form, with a pallid face, dotted eyes, and course monochromatic hair formed beneath her lids.

"Nee-san?"

* * *

She wasn't that hard to find. The snow was deep and therefore left good footprints. Although he didn't know why he ignored that other set that walked beside her own, or why he toned out the masculine scent that accompanied her more effeminate one. This, however, he couldn't ignore or tone out. Bright flashes of red and other randomly assorted color blared against the contrast of the snow and seared itself against his retina. His eyes morbidly followed the motion of her lips, stalked the path of the hanyou's clawed hand as it gripped at her tangled hair. His legs were paralyzed; his throat had crumbled into dust inside his neck. Why did he feel like he had been hind-kicked by a horse? Why did he feel as though someone had punched through his chest and tied his lungs up in a pretty little bow? "Nee-san?" 

They couldn't have broken apart faster had lightening struck between them. He barely gave the other male a passing glance at his annoyed, blushing face, but instead focused on Kagome. She stared at him, horrified, as if her only wish in the whole wide world was to disappear. She instantly stood up, and Ginta couldn't help but notice the tumble of blankets and a few sweaters as they were shoved aside.

"Oi! Wolf!-" InuYasha barked angrily.

"Gomen." Ginta interrupted taking off away from the disturbing scene and the even more disturbing effect it was having on him.

"Ginta matte!" Kagome shouted beginning to dash after him. She was pulled to a jerky halt before she even began when a firm hand snagged her wrist.

"Kagome, what are you doing?" He asked looking at her questioningly.

Too panicked to give a proper answer she quickly yanked away from him, cringing when she felt as though her wrist had been torn from its socket. "I can't explain! I have to go!" She yelled back.

InuYasha opened his mouth to argue, readying himself to chase her down. But he didn't. A few years ago he would have no problem with even wrestling her to the ground and sitting on top of her to get her to listen. But now things were different, even he could sense that. Something was different about _her_. He didn't know what, but he felt he should. Like a name on the tip of your tongue. He threw one last childish glare to the direction she had gone off in before stomping off to Kaede's, leaving the sweaters and blankets on the wet ground to freeze and eventually gather snow.

* * *

She had spent hours looking for him. Staying outside, going as far as her sense of direction could take her, until the cold ushered her back to the caves with hopes he had returned there even though the newly clean, level, and print less snow said otherwise. Worry and guilt warred within her when she had enough time to build a fire and even defrost some meat while she waited. Where could he be? And why did she feel so guilty? Its not like he cared what she did with her feelings. What reason would he have? 

Kagome sighed hunching over in her sitting position on her little log staring into the fire. Why wasn't he back yet? She turned towards the entrance, weighing whether or not she should go back out again. The winds and angry flurries had returned. She could see snowflakes turning, twisting, and racing furiously around the night sky. The image reminded her of a T.V. picking up static. Resting her chin on her palm she turned back to the fire, idly picking at her new section of well heated meat.

There was no reason to feel guilty. She hadn't done anything she knew that would offend him. Did he think she was spitting on Kouga's memory by kissing InuYasha? She could see how that would hurt him, but it insulted her to think that he really expected her to live the rest of her life lonely, forever. Even though she had nothing to feel guilty about she would apologize anyway, once he got back. Kagome watched the reds, yellows, and oranges of the fire dance excitedly back and forth. How was it that he could have her rushing to apologies so readily? Even with InuYasha she had argued her point to the very end. With Ginta it was different. Their arguments hurt her more than the ones with InuYasha; she took them personally, more to heart than the ones with the hanyou.

Glaring into the flames, she couldn't help but think how weak her love for the wolf youkai left her feeling. _'One-sided love will do that to you, I guess.'_ Her lips drew up in a little smile, an honest little smile. Having feelings for who she did was in many aspects wrong. It was spitting in the faces of InuYasha, Kouga, and her whole purpose for coming here in the first place. Yet, its never wrong to truly care about someone, to love them and want to be there for them, to ensure their happiness even at the expense of your own. Real love was sacrificing yourself for the one you love. And no God could condemn that.

She found a little peace in those thoughts. If nothing, her feelings were true and honest. She wanted to see her home, her family, her mother, her brother, Buyo, InuYasha, Shippou, Sango, and Miroku again; she wanted her old life back. But she wanted to be with Ginta more. She wanted to live to see him happy again, even if it wasn't with her. She wanted to be close to him, to earn his care, even if it was only the care of a brother or a good friend.

Kagome felt her spirits beginning to lift. Things were going to get better as soon as he walked through that entrance. She would apologize and reassure him that Hakkaku was coming. She would talk about their new home they would be going to and brighten his mood. She imagined how they would talk into the night with their plans for the future. Yes, things would look up. She smiled contentedly popping a piece of meat into her mouth, trying not to think of the poor helpless animal it had more than likely come from.

* * *

She was a whore. A lying, untrue whore. He had warned Kouga about human nature, he had told him how they were. How dare she! Acting the part of the sufferer for the cause all the while she was changing faces and running to the hanyou. Being both the martyr and the slut! Evil slut! Kouga would never forgive her! Ginta's vehement thoughts continued to poison his mind as he stomped through the snow in directions he had long since forgot. 

How he wished Kouga had seen her true nature. Had seen how she really was! She didn't deserve to be his friend's betrothed! She didn't deserve the dirt he walked on! And to think, he was going to apologize to that harlot! It was a good thing Hakkaku wasn't coming back! Gods forbid he see her for the whore she was!

Ginta fought back the watery sting behind his eyes. He was alone again. He would be alone for a long time to come. Hakkaku wasn't coming back. He had left him. Had left him a long time ago. He shook his head violently. Fine! Let him go! He would kick Kagome out and be rid of them both! Hakkaku could lead his pack all he wanted, Ginta would set out and join his own tribe! He didn't need them! He didn't need any of them! He was so angry he had no idea how he would face her. He didn't want to see her right now.

Unfortunately fate has an odd way of working out. Ginta stopped his mental ranting, his eyes setting of the opening from the forest his absentminded feet had taken him. Apparently he had just stomped in one giant circle around the forest only to return to the caves. He stared at the looming stony cliff a ways away. He pictured her inside, probably smiling about her deceit, wishing she were with her lover again. He growled. After all Kouga had done for her.

It didn't' take him long to reach the peak, immediately jumping up the side to the entrance and just as he thought. There she sat, happily cooking food and sitting by the fire smiling over her little triumph. He panted a little, not realizing he had gone so far. Obviously she heard him, her head whipping around to face him. He could see her fight back her smile at seeing him in turn for a more cautious look. She took a step towards him and she dare to look him in the face after what she had done!

"Ginta…." She started pausing when he stomped towards her, anger blazing in his eyes. She took a hesitant step back at his forwardness.

"Stupid girl!" He shouted at her, giving her a shove that sent the miko tripping back but not falling. She quickly regained her balance opening her mouth to retaliate but he was too quick for her, instantly tramping back to her to shove her again. "Whore! Dirty Whore!" He yelled in her face before pushing her away.

She stumbled back just as she did before until she regained her footing. "N-Nani! What's the matter with you!" She yelled back.

"Don't play stupid! How dare you!" His arm snapped forward snatching her by the elbow, swinging her around and letting her fly into the wall nearest to the cave opening. "Get out! You don't deserve to be here!"

Kagome grunted in pain as her back hit the stone though not hard enough to knock the wind from her. He was obviously holding back. She had no idea he would be this furious! "Ginta listen to me! Gomen Nasai, gomen, I didn't mean for that to happen."

Not even her apologies stopped him from turning on her again and giving her another shove towards the entrance. "You're a liar! A liar and a slut!" He shouted.

She was temporarily startled, unused to such horrible words coming from what was once such a gentle mouth. Her brows furrowed and her lips turned into a determined line. He was overdoing it. "Stop it." She growled out.

"I said get out!" He yelled giving her another push.

Kagome tripped back but still managed to keep her balance. She could tell the opening was near and wondered if he was angry enough to push her out. "Ginta I said _quit it_." She said a little louder and more forceful.

"I SAID GET OUT-" He reared back to shove her again but was interrupted by her arms snapping out around him and pulling him towards her. She held him in what he could tell was a fierce embrace for a human.

"I said stop it Ginta! Stop it." She hissed angrily in his ear with a sad little note to it.

But Ginta's brain couldn't register her words. He snarled at her furiously trying to push her again but her arms held fast around him sending them both tumbling to the ground.

The added weight of him crashing her into the ground left her breathless for a few vulnerable seconds. She gasped feeling her hair dangle over the edge, realizing how dangerously close they both had come to falling off. When she felt him shift she instantly heaved him off of her and scrambled back into the gave making it as close as the fire before she felt a something grab her ankle, yanking and twisting it back.

She turned her head and glared at Ginta before bringing her other foot up to give him a sharp, clean punt across the face. He yipped and flew back into a kneeling position to nurse his wounded cheek, giving her enough time to get behind the fire before he came at her again.

She made a startled noise seeing him leap across the fire in a dive for her. Squealing just as he caught her about the waist she twisted angrily, wrestling with him when he had her on the ground.

"You're a liar! You betrayed him! Unfaithful harlot!" He snarled at her struggling with her wrists when she repeatedly tried pummeling, kicking, scratching and biting at him.

"Knock it off, Ginta!" She shouted furiously landing a knee to his gut.

Ginta grunted at the sudden pain in his stomach but continued to grapple with her on cold floor. "Stupid girl! Stupid slut!" He growled. Pain, loneliness, hurt and betrayal flowed through him, making him blind and dumb. Hakkaku was gone, Kagome was gone, everyone was gone. He was alone. He didn't need them. He didn't _want_ to need them.

Kagome gradually felt his struggles get weaker, she braved looking up into his face and it seemed as though he wasn't even seeing her. She drew in enough air and stopped tussling with him. Instantly he had her hands pinned above her with the force of a rubber band let loose. "Ginta, stop it." She said calmly.

And strangely enough. He did. Kagome let out a breath of relief when he leaned back and crawled off her. She sat up and stared at him. His shoulders were tense and he wasn't looking at her. "Gomen Nasai." She said softly.

"He's not coming back." He murmured.

The raven-haired girl was silent for a long time just observing him. Was this what that was all about? He looked so fragile and lost. Had Hakkaku's absence affected him so horribly? "Don't say that." She said remorsefully putting a hand on his shoulder.

"HE'S _NOT_ COMING BACK, NEE-SAN!" He shouted wretchedly.

His pale hand came up with its long, taloned fingers, and for a moment she thought he was going to shove her away but he simply took her wrist in his hand and mournfully threw himself into her arms.

It seemed as though all his sadness, all his fear and loneliness flowed into her. She could feel it and it broke her heart. She tucked his head into her neck and let her fingers trail softly up and down his back. She felt his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed against her.

"How could you betray Kouga, Nee-san?" He whimpered pitifully.

How could she betray a ghost? She couldn't help thinking. But she understood his pain. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen."

He appeared to accept her answer for the time being because he settled easily against her, using her for support against all the demons that had been haunting him as of late. Kagome cradled him lovingly against her, ignoring the uncomfortable heat at her back from the fire's closeness. It was a mixture of emotions flowing through her at the moment. She mourned his sadness but couldn't help the warm happiness swimming inside her at his nearness. She wondered if he would allow her to kiss his temple. A slight pain sparked in her elbow when she reached too far to sooth his back. It brought her back to their tussle and she fought the blush floating up her face and felt ashamed of the heat in the pit of her stomach thinking of him on top of her in such a way. _'Kagome you're sick.' _She thought angry with herself.

Ginta sighed against her neck, trying to steady himself. What was he going to do? Should he leave? If Hakkaku wasn't returning then what reason did he have to stay? And what of Kagome? He had no idea how another tribe would react to her should he leave and find a new one. He had no dreams of leadership over a clan, since Hakkaku decided to go on his own that was _his _responsibility now. He only wanted to join one, to be a part of a family again, to not be so alone again. He tensed; bringing her closer to him, maybe doing so would bring more comfort to him. It would not be the same. No tribe could ever replace his clan. They were his family. It would never be same. His family was gone…….Oh Gods his family was gone! He thought, gritting his teeth and willing back the dreaded eye water burning behind his sockets. Suddenly something familiar caught his nose. His thoughts instantly paused as it danced under his nostrils. He breathed it in deeply, closing his eyes trying to place it. It was enticing and made to addict. It was the scent of a female in heat. His eyes popped open almost instantaneously. He blinked a few times processing the aroma and the meaning behind it. Kagome, she was…….

This had to be the most humiliated she had ever been in her entire life! Even more so than when her skirt had blown up in front of her history teacher who had come to consult with her at lunch. Her face paled when she felt him begin to sniff like a hound picking up a criminal's scent. _'Oh my Gods….'_ She thought, thoroughly humiliated and disgusted with herself. What could he think of this? Her body froze, as if by not moving he couldn't see her. She gulped, mortified, when she felt him rise up to look at her. She found that she could not look him in the face. Razored fingers gripped her upper arms, her brow furrowed at the gesture and she turned to look at him questioningly just as his face dove to seize her lips. She gasped feeling him jerk her against him and move against her with a passion she had never felt before.

He felt her mouth open and quickly shoved his tongue in to explore the little cavern. Perhaps this was why she had kissed the hanyou. It was a good way to forget about troubles, it pushed all worries and fears to the back of your loins until the only thing in your head was a need dying to satisfy itself. It was strange how just a smell faded everything, like a bandage over a wound. His arm came around her, the force of his kiss bending her backwards. His instincts began instructing his body like the puppet master of a marionette.

Kagome's eyes slid shut in elation. Her hands snaked over his shoulders to run through his monochrome hair. A small part of her was worried, constantly questioning what was going on and why he was doing this, but the bigger more selfish part of her, that felt it had been denied far too long, beat that smaller part into a mutilated pulp. She wanted his arms around her, she wanted him kissing her, she wanted him to look at her the way InuYasha had, she wanted those eyes speaking words of affection to her. One arm wrapped tightly around his shoulders while the other pressed his head closer to her own, wanting him nearer, impossibly nearer. She suddenly felt the hindrance of having so many clothes on and silently wished she had forwent the cold in favor of a light shirt or something easier to remove. Kagome pushed against him, wanting to fix the problem and the chance to see his face, to see him look at her. But Ginta appeared to have the problem figured out. She jolted, startled at the feeling of claws clutching her many collars and tearing their way down. A rush of cold air hit her like a bucket of ice water. She hadn't realized just how much all those sweaters had protected her until now. Her arms wanted to cross over her and rub away the goose pimples gathering there but the youkai before her beat her to it.

Her arms wrapped around him once more, a little fearful as he began to lean her body to the ground beside the fire. The fur of his vest rubbed against her stomach and brushed over her nipples leaving them feeling sore and wanton for attention. A wet smack met her ears when he pulled away from her long enough to tear the buttons away from his fur clothing and roughly tug it aside. Kagome spared her morning's work a mournful glance before her attention was brought back to the fidgeting wolf currently ripping the pants from his hips and legs, not wanting to get up and break contact with her. She opened her mouth to scold him for ruining _her_ pants but he broke her off by attacking her mouth once more.

Her body tensed when he went to her own pants. This was it. Her final _real_ barrier. She stilled herself and hugged him tight, feeling his claws run down the fabric, leaving it in ribbons at her legs before being swept away and pushed aside by the same hands. Kagome felt him frisk around her panties and was a little embarrassed that they were the same ones she had worn the day before. The cold just hadn't allowed her ample time to wash all her things. Though it became a thought of past when razor tipped fingers plunged in and tore them from her hips. She shuddered at the feeling of such dangerous weapons against her vulnerable skin.

He strained against her and she obediently opened her legs allowing him to settle between them. Immediately she could feel him, _all_ of him. And it made her want to shove him away and run for the hills. This was a huge step but she wondered, if she turned from him now, would he ever come to her again? Kagome steeled herself and lifted her legs, wrapping them around his own. His arms snuck under her back to cup the backs of her shoulders as he continued to pummel her mouth.

Kagome tried her best to keep up with him but it all seemed to be going so very very fast, so powerfully all at the same time. It was so intense it left her feeling lightheaded and overwhelmed. Every now and then he would break from her, allow her an adequate number of breaths before diving back in and passionately assaulting her lips and tongue. Kagome froze again when she felt him move against her. She clenched her eyes shut and hoped she was ready. She kept her eyes shut as he shifted above her before something different penetrated her barriers. Her eyes snapped open and her head lulled back from his kiss, feeling his fingers massage her there in a way she hand never experienced. It was like a cradle over her womanhood, rocking back and forth, back and forth. Rocking and rocking, hitting this precious bud at the top before gliding down to slide partially into her increasing wetness.

His face was buried in her neck now, much like before. This time, though, she could feel him panting, his lips every now and then brushing against her skin with a particularly heavy breath, his solid teeth hitting the juncture between her neck and shoulder. She moaned at the loss when the rocking stopped and his fingers left her only to gasp as something bigger probed her entrance. She cried out at the abrupt thrust of his hips. Her lips twisted into a sob, tears flowing down her cheeks and her body felt it was being torn apart from the inside out. He stilled, though whether it was to give her ample time to adjust or savor the sensation she didn't know. It wasn't long before he began to move again, his strokes getting harder, more powerful, more intense. It still hurt but the achingly addictiveness of it kept her coming back for more.

She gasped and whimpered, her fingers fisting in his hair, his claws digging into the backs of her shoulder blades. She felt his thrusts becoming faster, harder still, and with every heave of his hips she was closer to something she had no name for. She silently pleaded for him not to stop, it still hurt but she was so close. Moans, grunts and other sounds of pleasure reached her ear and she cuddled him closer to her. Tell him, she had to tell him. Kagome tried to unfog her mind long enough to whisper to him. "Ginta, Ginta I- ITTE!" She screamed feeling his fans rip into her neck, right at the juncture between her throat and shoulder. She sobbed desperately pulling at his hair, "Ginta! Ginta Stop!" Oh Gods she was so close and he wasn't stopping. Her thighs rose, her legs trapping his torso in their steel-like grip while her fingers continued to try to tear him away from the wound at her neck. The pain and pleasure each tearing her in two, both demanding attention. "Ginta! Stop! Stop It I Love You!" She cried into his ear just as he delivered the final thrust that sent her spiraling into a place where pain and mental thought processing did not exist.

Her breath was torn from her, and she saw stars. Millions of stars before her eyes. She felt the youkai above her tense, his claws cutting into her and his teeth biting harder, but she felt none of it. A loud cry of something she knew wasn't pain resounded in her ear before he collapsed, panting, on top of her. She let him rest there for a while until they both caught their breaths and their hearts stopped pounding. Other than the snaps and pops of the fire their gasps and wheezes for air where the only sounds around them. She wondered briefly if it was still snowing outside before turning her attentions back to her new lover. Her fingers caressed his cheek as she pulled away just enough to see his face. His eyes didn't bear the glowing warmth of a new found love but instead the dull weary ones of a man too physically and emotionally exhausted to stay awake.

She couldn't help the fear and disappointment that panged her heart, but tried not to think about it, instead, tucking his head back to rest on her shoulder and letting them both fall asleep. Things would be better in the morning.

* * *

It was dark again. Ginta breathed a weary sigh, walking through the abyss of blackness. Everything gave the impression of going on forever. It seemed he would walk into infinity for all time until he stopped and looked on all sides of him. Turning around on the path he had been walking from he hoped to see some sign of light, some illuminated direction to go in, but there was none. He sighed regretfully and turned back around to continue looking for some way out. Ginta gasped jolting back in surprise and fear. His body froze in terror as the proud wolf prince stood before him, icy eyes holding fatal promises. His arms folded across his chest tightly, his shoulders firm and tense, his tailed lashed back forth like an angry flame. Every survival instinct in him told him to run for his life, to get away but he couldn't' tear himself away from the glowering, deadly eyes that were boring into him with such coldness. "Kouga, I-" 

"Bastard! You thieving piece of treasonous shit!" He snarled wildly at him.

Ginta could practically see the foam dripping from the other male's fangs. He watched Kouga's muscles get tighter, his posture become tenser with surprised rage. Suddenly his friend's threatening growls weren't the only one's tearing through the silence of the darkness. Ginta's eyes widened as his entire pack sneered and snarled at him from behind their leader. Hundreds of muzzles and teeth dripping with spittle and hungry tongues dying to crush his bones and tear the meat from them. "Iie! You don't understand-"

"Filthy traitor!" Kouga barked his arms uncrossing and taking an intimidating step towards the other wolf. "You pissed on all our graves and you want fucking forgiveness!" He spat. The tribe got more frenzied behind him, barking and tails whipping to and fro as his voice grew.

"Onegai, Kouga! Gomen, gomen nasai! I'm sorry!" He wailed wanting to fist his hands in his ears to block out the sounds of murderous snarls and barks.

"You're sorry? YOU'RE FUCKING SORRY!" Kouga blared, coming closer to his once den brother with every word.

"Kouga, Kouga forgive me." He wept, raising his head to look beseechingly into his leader's frigid eyes.

"You think you deserve my forgiveness?" He rumbled threateningly, his hands darting out to clench in his vest and yank him forward, closer to his sneering face.

Ginta continued to yowl shaking his sobbing head. "Iie! Iie, but I want it, onegai, Kouga." He pleaded through tearful eyes. "Onegai, I'll do anything."

Kouga's fingers clenched into his vest, digging his talons deep into Ginta's pale skin. His frosty eyes went cold, bringing the other male so close Ginta could feel his breath on his face. "You'll do anything, Ginta?" He said in low tones watching the thinner youkai nod his head vehemently. "What the hell could you possibly do THAT WOULD MAKE THIS ALL FUCKING BETTER!" He shouted in Ginta's face. "You were my friend, Ginta! You were my friend and you went behind my back you bastard! WHAT COULD YOU DO THAT WOULD EVER MAKE THAT OKAY!"

Tears ran down his face "I'm sorry, gomen nasai, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He wept.

Kouga grunted giving the wolf a firm shake. "Enough, enough of your howling." He said in a deadly even voice. "You're right though. You _will_ make it up to me." He continued, twisting the fur of his vest in his firm grip. "And here's your chance!" He roared lifting the other youkai and hurling him towards his awaiting pack.

Ginta cried out as he was chucked careening into the awaiting jaws of what was once his tribe. He continued to scream and struggle, feeling their jaws bite into him, tearing away his skin to get at the lean muscle inside. "KOUGA! KOUGA ONEGAI!" He screamed reaching for his friend.

But his last sight was of those frost colored eyes boring icily into his, watching his pack rip him apart.

Kagome was jolted awake, feeling her partner unexpectedly shove away from her. She blinked a few times, fighting back a yawn as she turned her sleepy head to look up at him looming breathlessly over her. Her eyes slammed open at his crazed appearance. He was hovering over her balancing on his palms on wither side of her, panting and gasping for air as if he would never get enough, his lanky frame covered in a thick sheen of sweat, his pupils constricted, staring at her in horror.

Her brow furrowed in concern and she raised a hand to touch his face. "Ginta? Daij-?"

"IIE! No, no don't touch me!" He screamed throwing himself away from her.

Kagome sat up in worry, watching him scramble against the wall, his eyes darting wildly around the room. "What's wro-"

"Its true! ItstrueItstrueItstrue! I betrayed him!" He whimpered still frantically scanning the room for some hidden evil.

Forsaking her modesty for the greater good, Kagome began to crawl over to him. "What's true? Who'd you betray?" She asked completely confused. What was wrong with him?

"KOUGA! Oh Gods he can't find out! Th-that dream must've been a premonition! He found out then but I can still stop him from knowing! Oh Gods Nee-san he can't know! It'll kill me if he found out!" He pleaded, his body shivering though whether it was from fear or the cold she wasn't sure.

She ignored the pang in her heart him still calling her 'Nee-san' sent through her. _'Kouga?'_ What was he talking about?

_---flashback---_

"_I don't think he's really accepted the fact that Kouga's gone and that's probably going to hurt him later…."_

_---end flashback---_

Kagome's hand darted to her mouth. Her eyes watering in sorrow and sympathy. "Oh, oh Ginta, come here, listen to m-" She pleaded comfortingly, reaching out to him.

"IIE! No, you're going to tell, aren't you? Oh my gods you're going to tell!" He shouted hysterically jerking away from her as though she were on fire.

"Nani? No, no Ginta I'm not going to-"

"Yes, yes you are!" He exclaimed. "I can't let you! I can't let you tell him!"

A scream tore through her lips as he tackled her to the ground. She began to wheeze and struggle when his fingers clamped firmly around her throught, his razor tipped thumbs pressing into her windpipe. Her legs kicked out frantically, her hands clutching at his wrists, her head trying to shake itself loose.

"You don't understand, Nee-san. This shouldn't have happened. Our, our _rutting_ was a mistake, and I can't let you tell." He said regretfully spitting the word, his thumbs pressing more firmly into her esophagus.

A strangled sob escaped her closing throat. Tears cascaded down her face. This couldn't be happening! How could fate be so cruel?

Ginta applied more pressure feeling her thrashing beneath him. He watched her tearful face and instead of gasps of air only choked sobs made it through her lips. His heart broke at the sight. The sight he was currently the cause of. His teeth clench forcing his hands to still. No, he couldn't do this to her. It wasn't her fault.

Kagome instantly wheezed for air, her lungs made with their greed for it when he released her throat. She turned on her side to choke and gasp in peace the minute he drew himself off of her, clutching his head in agony. Quickly scrambling to her feet, she watched him wearily now.

He tossed about in a panic before his eyes settled on her once more. "He can never know, Nee-san." He whimpered making his way towards here.

Kagome bawled wretchedly, backing away from him. He continued to steadily approach her staring at her in paranoia.

"I-I don't want to hurt you, Nee-san." He said dolefully.

She wept freely not bothering to wipe away the tears flooding her eyes. "Don't do this Ginta. Don't." She sobbed still backing away. She shrieked and managed to dodge the swipe he made at her.

Kagome cried and took off running only to come to a screeching halt before the cave entrance where the blizzard continued into the night air. She whipped around just in time to see an ashen arm draw back and come down upon her. Her head snapped back and all she knew was that it suddenly got very cold and she could not feel the floor anymore.

Sailing through the frosty sky and into the snow ridden earth, she landed like a rag doll hitting the floor with a dull crunch, jarring her weak frame. The several feet of snow managed to break her fall long enough for her to survive it but not enough to keep the furious pain from shooting up and down her body. Kagome moaned, trying to fight off the temptation of unconsciousness. She forced her battered lungs to work and regain the wind knocked from them. Her eyes blinked the blur away from their sight to see Ginta standing at the opening looking down on her.

A painful gasp jolted her lungs, watching him leap off the ledge towards her. She coughed and thrashed to her feet ignoring the agony running up and down her spine. She stumbled but regained her footing long enough to hear the thud of snow breaking. She sobbed sensing him coming for her as she continued to run, a throbbing pain stinging the insides of her legs and ankles with each step.

Ginta chased her to the edge of the forest. His warring insides making him slow. He didn't want to catch her, he didn't want to hurt her, but at the same time he couldn't allow her to run off and tell Kouga about what they had done. He couldn't bear the look of betrayal on his best friends face.

The raining snow obscured his vision but he knew it must be more damaging for her. She had a decent head start but she did not have the luxury of his youkai speed and strength. She ran as fast as she could the snow easily slowed her down. He chased her to the edge of the forest when a new fear overcame him. What if somebody saw him? What if they saw them in this state! Suspicions would arise and they would get back to Kouga! He couldn't go on looking like this! He staggered beginning to trip over the hidden rocks and uprising roots. He stopped within the forest borders watching her dart deep into the woods.

"DON'T TELL, NEE-SAN! ONEGAI, DON'T TELL!" He shouted though he doubted she even heard him.

He stared down the path she had gone for a long while. He felt drained. Drained and numb. How could he sink any lower? How could the Gods ruin him any further? The stress and fatigue grabbed him in their clutches, sending him to the snowy forest floor. He gazed up at the black sky from within his deep, youkai shaped indent. The snow fell to his body, making him want to be buried alive. The world, it seems, was simply too much to bear. His eyes lids were heavy and his muscles were weak.

'_What have I done?'_ and he succumbed to unconsciousness just before feeling two strong hands grab him.

* * *

Hey hey! Sorry for the long time no update. But I think this chap is worth it, what about u guys? The last chapter is the end! Like I said I have a bit of a sequel all worked out but not sure if I should do all this again. Either way, R&R ppl! Next chap is the ending! 


	12. Where the Willows Never Weep

Wow, the first of this fic series is at an end. Who really saw this coming? It feels good to finally get the end out and really look back on this work in its entirety. I'm relatively proud of this story. It has its flaws and what not but the next part will be better. I suppose I should talk about the sequels to this fic so you guys can decide whether you want them, or if you would rather just end it now because you feel any continuation to it would just ruin the whole thing for you (coughlikesomanyDisneymoviescough) Unfortunately I cannot talk about the continuations until you guys finish this last chapter. If you guys want to see what I've got planned then you should read the author's end note at the end of the chap. Hope you guys have enjoyed this fic as much as I have (even tho I haven't gotten as many reviews as I had hoped…………….u bastards.)

The deni pie

p.s. I would like 2 thank my editor Belle for editing this fic and being the best beta I could find Lets all give a lil' mental thanx because w/out her this story would b nothing but a literary world of grammar mistakes and spelling errors.

* * *

C h a p t e r – XII: W h e r e T h e W i l l o w s N e v e r W e e p

* * *

_  
He said that he would stay forever  
Forever wasn't very long  
He said that he would take the high road  
He thought that I was always wrong _

Cause when he lied it meant he loved me  
And when he lied it meant he cared  
And when he lied it meant he loved me  
Cause when he lied it meant that he was there

He said that he would go his own way  
Wrapped up my leg and down my spine  
He said that he would be the fairest  
Drenched in blood and turpentine

Cause when he lied it meant he loved me  
And when he lied it meant he cared  
And when he lied it meant he loved me  
Cause when he lied it meant that he was there

I am never going back I don't care what he said  
I wish he could see the hate in my head  
I am never going back I don't care what he said  
I wish he could see the hate in my head  
I am never going back I don't care what he said  
I wish he could see the hate in my head  
I am never going back I don't care what he said  
I wish he could see the hate

He said that he would tell no secrets  
He said that he would never lie  
He said that he would spring eternal  
He said that we would never die

Cause when he lied it meant he loved me  
And when he lied it meant he cared  
And when he lied it meant he loved me  
Cause when he cried it meant he cared

Cause when he lied it meant he loved me  
And when he lied it meant he cared  
And when he lied it meant he loved me  
Cause when he lied it meant that  
He was  
He was  
He was  
He was there

"Rabbiteen" by: Jack Off Jill

* * *

How could he! How could _she_! What had she done! Kagome sobbed, arms wrapped tightly around her shivering form as she ran through the snow, eyes clenched to dam up the overflowing tears. She was an idiot! An idiot! Even though his footsteps were no longer ringing in her ears, she could still hear them like thunder in her heart. Her legs just couldn't stop running. The adrenalin dulled the pain a little, making it a throbbing ache rather than the unbearable knife in her chest it was probably going to be when her flee instinct wore off. 

She could feel water and salt dry and crust on her cheeks along with the mucus trails under her nose and over her upper lip. How could she bear this feeling! It was like running over the shards of her broken heart with bare feet. It was cold and the wind ripped at her chopped hair and frozen skin, tinting her pale body with light blues and lavenders. She sniffled, not caring that dried clots of snot were flying back into her nostrils. Why couldn't she make the crying stop? Why couldn't she make this unbearable pain stop?

Her throat choked weakly on another wail. Her body had gone numb; no physical ache could touch her. But that was all made up for inside of her where her spirit had shattered and the remains continued to jab at her insides. Those she could feel very well and very thoroughly.

She kept her head down to keep the wind out of her face and to prevent it from blowing her tears back into her stinging eyes. Her cries got harder, more intense as her adrenaline began to fail her and throw all of the night's happenings onto her shoulders; forcing her to bear the weight alone.

What was she going to do? Kagome bawled, clenching her chin tight to her chest. Keep running. That would solve everything. There was no way she could go on like this. If something didn't get her eventually, then exposure would take care of that.

Kagome continued to sob, pumping her legs faster through the hard, icy snow.

* * *

Shippou ran about through the forest, scattering waves of frozen powder everywhere he went. The blizzard had ended with the dawning light and left the afternoon knee deep in mounds of flakes and flurries. Kaede, for once, needed InuYasha's help in the village more than his, so the day was free for fun and exploration. He had been looking for a frozen pond or lake for the better part of the morning, hoping to slide and slip about on the ice, and maybe even break a hole in it to get at the fish inside. Winter was the season where the fish were lulled into a false sense of security under their frozen barrier, and were much easier to catch when they weren't expecting it. 

The little kit hopped about, the level of snow making simple walking tedious on him. He stopped briefly, looking back at his long trail of paw prints, realizing he had probably gone farther from InuYasha's forest than he had meant to. He entertained thoughts of returning, before shrugging and springing on his way. He would always find his way back, and most youkai were already in hibernation, all the dangerous ones were anyway.

With new determination the cub bounded along, searching for a tree he could climb that was high enough to see around the forest. Maybe it would help him find a nice pond or lake. The kit cried out when he suddenly landed on something softer and squishier than snow. The unexpected change in balance sent him sprawling into a snow bank. Quickly crawling out of the Shippou shaped crater, he shook off the offending flurries before cautiously creeping towards the treacherous lump in the ground. His nostrils twitched this way and that, the snow wet enough to dampen and camouflage the scent of the oddity poking out of the whiteness. Shippou wrinkled his nose still trying to make out anything recognizable from the soggy smell.

Finally, he was near enough to the icy bulge that he could have reached out and touched it if he wanted. Emerald eyes ran over the figure widening when they came to a thatch of raven hair swimming over the snow. Stepping closer to the form, he swiped his hand tentatively over it, revealing a smooth, pallid, human shoulder. Shippou began to worriedly paw the snow away from the familiarizing shape. One paw dashed away a mound of flakes near the thatch of hair, unveiling a very recognizable face.

"Kagome!" He gasped frantically.

His breath quickened into almost hyperventilation. "Kagome!" He shouted louder, shaking her roughly. "Wake up!" He pleaded rushing the rest of the snow off of her bluish form. Hiccupping away the tears that were quickly developing behind worried eyes, he pressed his ear to her upper back, waiting hopefully for sound.

…………_..bum..bum…..bum..bum….bum…bum _

He tore his ear away from the frozen skin, fighting down his happiness to think clearly. The beat was there but it sounded weak. He needed to get InuYasha! Shippou skidded to a stop before even beginning. He couldn't just leave Kagome here! He leapt from one leg to the other, fanatically trying to push an idea into his head.

His worried motions finally came to an immediate halt. He _did_ need InuYasha……that was it! Shippou bounded into the air, and with a resounding 'pop!' a familiar hanyou now sporting an obvious foxtail came down to the ground. The kit turned InuYasha hurriedly gathered the fallen miko into his arms before darting off into the forest, following his footprints that would quicken him along the way back.

* * *

"Damnit babaa!" He growled as the old woman had him repairing yet _another_ hut thanks to the fucking blizzard. 

"If you have something of greater importance that needs attending to, then by all means please tell me." Kaede said calmly.

InuYasha glared daggers at her, hefting another part of the roof onto the home. "damned hag….." he mumbled under his breath, half hoping she would hear.

If she did she wasn't paying any attention to him, not enough to rouse enough energy to scold him, anyway. Wrinkled fingers dug deeper into her heavy robes, drawing them closer around her to keep the cold out. Small swirls of heat drifted from her teacup and warmed the skin under her nose. The blizzard hadn't spared many homes, most of them belonging to newlyweds that hadn't the chance to sturdy their house properly.

"INUYASHA! INUYASHA!"

Kaede almost dropped her teacup as the shrill scream broke the frozen air. InuYasha dropped the part of the roof he was holding, letting it slide off the shingles and onto the ground. "What the hell?"

There dashing at top speed through the snow was InuYasha, carrying what looked like a human in his arms. The old miko watched the doppelganger sprint towards them in confusion, until she caught sight of a familiar foxtail whipping behind him.

The real InuYasha obviously spied the same appendage before he bellowed rudely, "What the hell do you think you're doing, runt!" Annoyed at seeing another version of himself coming at him.

"It's Kagome! Something's wrong with her! I just found her like this!" He wailed showing it feminine bundle.

Amber eyes grew wide, InuYasha snapped out to snatch her from the Kitsune's hold. "Kagome!" He shouted at her, jostling her shoulders as if the nudge would wake her. Her head merely fell limply over his arms like a broken toy left for trash. Her body was a pale white, taking on a bluish tinge, and her lips were the color of a deep bruise.

"Why are you just staring at her! Quick, get the child inside! She must be half frozen to death!" Kaede commanded, jerking him from his horrified daze.

It was as though a gunshot had been fired, signaling the start of a race, as InuYasha sped to Kaede's hut. The snow crunched around him, sounding like bones being broken. The hanyou cringed at the thought, holding the icy girl tighter. His brain was frantically chasing itself around in his head as he made it to the miko's home. He quickly found the woman's futon and almost forcefully shoved Kagome under the covers. His hands rubbed the blankets along her sides, trying to get warm friction against her frosty skin. Pressing his ear to her chest he could hear a vague heartbeat thumping pitifully against her breast. Gritting his teeth he rose up and continued to rub the blankets along her skin, silently cursing his remaining companions for not hurrying fast enough.

Luckily, he didn't have to wait very long, but in his mind it might as well have been an eternity. "Where the fuck have you guys been!" He snapped angrily as a still InuYasha disguised Shippou scampered through the entrance with a winded Kaede on his back.

The breathless miko paid the angry hanyou no mind, quickly shoving him out of the way to get a better look at the critical girl.

"She's breathing, and she has a heartbeat." He said looking worriedly over her shoulder. "It's weak but it's there."

Kaede nodded, only half hearing him as she checked the frozen woman's pulse. "Go boil some water, now! Shippou, I want you to make a fire!" She ordered.

The frenzied patter of clawed feet and paws signaled their obedient departure. She sighed, running her withered hand over the girl's hair, which had encrusted itself to her cheeks and neck with frost. She hated feeling so helpless. Without proper materials there was nothing she could do. Kaede took a breath to gather herself. She couldn't despair yet, Kagome still had to be checked and looked after properly. Drawing the blanket back she began to examine her for any damage. She splayed her fingers along the collarbone and down the arms. Pausing at the awkward feel of the right wrist, she estimated it might either be sprained or fractured. There was no positive way of telling until Kagome awoke. Kaede spanned the width of her patient's ribs; her fingers finding what may or may not be a weak fracture on one or two of the bones, nearest to the back.

The lines around her eyes increased, heavy with concern, with every abnormality she found. She poked and prodded around Kagome's hips, breathing a sigh of relief when nothing there seemed to be damaged. Any injury there could hinder future child bearing. Kaede skimmed down the rest of her body, inspecting the knees, calves and ankles. She stared sorrowfully at the chafed and lacerated feet, now that the cold was melting away they were allowed to bleed freely. They would need thorough cleaning once InuYasha returned with the water and it was adequately heated.

Lifting one foot to feel for any other harm she frowned, her eyes traveling down the length of Kagome's leg. There on the inside of her thighs, blood caked and cracked along the soft skin. Setting the limb down she moved to grasp Kagome's chilled hand in her own. The evidence was enough to mourn the loss of something dear. Her hand once again ran over the young woman's head in sympathy, this time digging her fingers into the strands to gently scrape through the ice still freezing it to her scalp and neck. When the frost began to melt from the body heat in her hand, the tresses and locks sagged, laying wetly between her fingers. She wasn't sure if this was a nightmare the child wanted to wake up to.

Pinching the bridge of her nose with stress, she had no idea how Kagome would react once she awoke. _'_If_ she wakes……'_ a despairing voice whispered inside her head. The fingers running through the dampened locks gripped a little too harshly at the thought. No, Kagome was a strong woman, she would make it through. Kaede took a deep breath, attempting to relax herself until she received some help. Her gaze went back to the slowly defrosting miko laid out before her. Small scratches marred her face, no doubt from wandering tree branches, or perhaps some foliage she had fallen into. Her lips though, were beginning to look a little less purple, which was most definitely a good sign. A relieved smile wormed its way over Kaede's lips before turning into a fretting frown at the small trickle of blood appearing to make its way down the other side of the young woman's neck and onto the futon.

Kaede's brow furrowed, her hand gently grasping the Kagome's chin and turning it towards her to get a better look at the opposite side. She tentatively brushed away the locks of hair still clinging to the skin there. It wasn't a threat, just a small trail of crimson liquid seeping through two puncture wounds on the juncture between Kagome's neck and shoulder. A hand darted up to stifle the gasp in her throat. Free fingers wiped away the red dribble. The punctures were obviously youkai made. An animal would simply have torn the flesh apart. This was a deliberate attack. Her mind flew over any information that related to the situation at hand. The only youkai she was with were the friends of the wolf youkai InuYasha had so vigorously resented. He had told her that one had left her in the care of another.

The old woman looked into the girl's face with pity. Was that why she was so intent on staying? Had the wolf tormented her into submission? Kaede shook her head, rubbing her temple, there were so many questions. She had no right into assume anything until Kagome woke up to tell them the truth. For now it would be best to keep this information from-

"I got the water!"

Kaede jolted, whipping around as fast as her aged form would allow. InuYasha instantly stopped his tramping towards her, arms full with buckets of sloshing water. His face looked puzzled, his nose twitched about as if offended. The old miko took his pause to hurriedly move to toss the blanket back over the immobile woman; but InuYasha beat her to it, dropping the pails to the ground, water pouring out in floods, as he leaped over, shoving Kaede out of the way.

He threw the covers away, for once ignoring his friend's nudity. He knew that smell. His instincts screamed answers he didn't want to hear. It was the smell of blood and sex. The ice had covered and dampened the scent, but now that it was melting away it assaulted him furiously. He felt like Sesshoumaru had run his arm through is stomach again. Beyond the blood and the odor of fucking, was a familiar scent. One that came from inside her and from the red stains caked to her thighs. InuYasha felt his claws dig into the blanket, tearing small holes.

"FUCKING WOLF!" He snarled lunging up and turning towards the entrance.

Kaede rose up hurrying behind the InuYasha, grasping his haori to stop him. The enraged hanyou rounded on her, the whites of his eyes pinkening gloriously. "FUCK OFF!" He roared ready to toss her aside should she try to stop him again.

"You will stop, now InuYasha." She commanded sternly.

Kaede straightened her posture angrily as he readied to storm out and wreak gods' know what havoc. She rushed as fast as she could, intercepting him and the door. Snatching his hand before he could knock her aside she spoke in a deadly calm voice. "What she needs right now is a friend to be there for her, not a righteous defender going to war over something that can no longer be helped. Now are you truly intent on deserting her when she needs you most? Or are you going to endure your anger long enough to help her?" She said moving her hand comfortingly to his shoulder. She watched him stand there, his body shaking with fury, claws twitching and itching to rip sweet, deserved vengeance into something. His fangs were clenched against gritting teeth, but the pink began to bleed away from his eyes.

A small encouraging smile turned her lips, a proud glimmer entering her eyes when he silently turned and walked back to the prone woman he cared for so much. She knew what he was fighting, she knew how direly he needed to bring retribution to whomever had done this to Kagome, but she also knew that Kagome was more important to him than his own justice.

"Here's the wood, Kaede!"

The old woman glanced down as the kit appeared in the doorway. "Arigato, Shippou. Gomen, but I am going to have to ask you to get the water, as well." She said taking the bundles of whatever dried sticks and lumber he had found.

The kitsune looked at her bewilderedly for a second before turning towards the mess of fallen buckets and flooded floor. He growled, glaring heatedly at InuYasha's back. "Baka! You dropped the water! Can't-"

"JUST GET THE FUCKING WATER, BRAT!" InuYasha bellowed back at him.

Shippou bolted from the hut, but not before sparing his aggressor one last glower.

Kaede let his rudeness slide for the time being. There were more important things at hand. Picking up a bucket or two that appeared to have retained enough water for the moment, she moved to sit beside InuYasha. Tearing a piece from her heavy robes she dipped it into one of the fuller pails before proceeding to take care of Kagome's tattered feet. She would ask about her other injuries later. The old miko tossed her companion a sidelong glance, wanting to ask him to leave to uphold Kagome's modesty, but knew moving him would be more trouble than it was worth. She sighed, giving up, and began to tenderly move the wet cloth over the bloodied feet. The futon beneath her turned pink with every trail that dripped down her worn skin. "InuYasha, perhaps you could prepare the fire." It wasn't really a suggestion, but barking orders wasn't really what he needed right now.

She watched him nod, never taking his attention from his fallen friend's face. It seemed hard for him to get up and distance himself from her before going to his assigned task. Kaede gave an approving nod as he turned away to gather the lumber in a pile, giving her more room to hover and nurse Kagome. "You had nothing to do with this." She said softly. "Do not blame yourself." Kaede knew he had a penchant of taking it upon himself to carry extra burdens and faults during tragedies. Her only answer was the hollow clicking of sticks and the rough sound of flint hitting one another.

InuYasha knew very well who to blame. And as soon as Kagome was better, he was going to blame his fist right through the bastard's chest.

* * *

The sun wasn't out, but it wasn't dark either. Everything looked to be covered in a dim gray light. Ginta's eyelids forced themselves open, weakly trying to unfuzz the world around him. A hard coldness was at his back, he was back in the cave somehow. Cringing, he sat up, bringing a clawed had to his pounding head. His body felt sore but unwilling to sleep any longer. A shifting sound like fur gliding across itself caught his ears as one of the pelt blankets he didn't put around himself fell around him and into his lap with his change in position. Ginta's head turned this way and that confusedly, trying to piece the events that had gotten him there. 

"Took you long enough. You let the place go to hell and it smells like a rabbit hole during mating season."

Ginta whipped around to see what he thought was lost to him forever. Hakkaku was casually leaning against one of the nest entrances behind him. "Hakkaku…" He whispered reverently.

The other wolf looked at him oddly before continuing. "What happened? I found you like that outside. Where's Nee-san?" He questioned, glancing around as if she would suddenly appear.

His mouth opened and closed, stalling for time to allow his brain to ferret out the answer in the mush his mind had awoken to. Ginta swallowed, his tongue feeling heavy and so dry. Dotted irises roamed the ground like they held all the meanings of life, his focus halting on what looked like an innocent piece of blue cloth laying pitifully beside his blanket next to the ashy remains of the fire.

_---flashback---_

"_You're a liar! You betrayed him! Unfaithful harlot!" He snarled at her struggling with her wrists as she repeatedly tried pummeling, kicking, scratching and biting him._

_---end flashback---_

He reached out hesitantly picking up what was now no more than a tattered rag.

_---flashback---_

_"Knock it off, Ginta!" She shouted furiously landing a knee to his gut._

_Ginta grunted at the sudden pain in his stomach but continued to grapple with her on cold floor. "Stupid girl! Stupid slut!" He growled. Pain, loneliness, hurt and betrayal flowed through him, making him blind and dumb. Hakkaku was gone, Kagome was gone, everyone was gone. He was alone. He didn't need them. He didn't want to need them._

_---end flashback---_

He shuddered, his claws digging into the cloth, ripping into the pathetic material. Had he really been so cruel to her? That wasn't like him at all.

"Ginta!" Hakkaku said trying to get his friend's attention. Was he not speaking to him? He wasn't still mad about their little fight was he? It wasn't like them to stray angry at each other this long.

Ginta's head jolted up, looking at the other male in a daze. "Huh? Nani?"

Well at least he was still talking to him. "I said, what happened? What's wrong? Where's Nee-san?" He asked, catching sight of the cloth in Ginta's grip. "And what's that?"

The two-toned youkai followed Hakkaku's eyes back to the jean material in his hand.

_---flash back---_

_Her body tensed when he went to her pants. _

_---end flashback---_

Ginta stilled, his face going three shades paler. "Iie, Iie I didn't."

The mohawked wolf grew more confused, sitting up straighter, becoming worried. "Didn't what? Daijoubu?"

_---flashback---_

_She stilled herself and hugged him tight as his claws ran down the fabric, leaving it in ribbons at her legs before being swept away and pushed aside by the same hands._

_---end flashback---_

He cried out, abruptly dropping the torn cloth as if it had caught fire.

Hakkaku instantly came to attention, moving towards his friend. "Nani? What's wrong?"

Ginta hiked the pelt up and gathered it around his shoulders, suddenly wanting to crawl into the earth and die. What had he done? What had he done? "Gomen nasai, Hakkaku…" He whimpered, more into his blanket than out loud.

"What are you talking about? Nothing's made sense since I got back, what happened?" He became more concerned as the monochrome wolf began rocking back and forth ever so slightly to comfort himself.

"I hurt Nee-san, and….and I hurt Kouga too." He said, his voice shaking.

"Nani! Ginta, what did you do! What happened to Nee-san?" He asked urgently, his hand coming to grip Ginta's shoulder. He didn't have to wait for an answer, his nose summed it up for him instead. Hakkaku froze as everything fell into place. The smell, the absence of his leader's intended, finding Ginta worn and winded in the snow. He let out an overwhelmed breath. "Tell me what happened."

Ginta abruptly tore himself violently from his comrade's grip. "Don't you get it! I told you! I went behind Kouga's back! He could never forgive me for this!" He yelled getting to his feet.

Hakkaku stood up with him, fixing his gaze on the other youkai. He never should have left, he should have worked through this with Ginta instead of forcing themselves to deal with it on their own. "Do you even hear what you're saying? Maybe _you _don't get it! Kouga's de-"

"And where were you! If you had come back and not taken your sweet time this wouldn't have happened!" He shouted getting in Hakkaku's face.

"Would you listen to me!" He hollered back.

"Why should I! You never listened to me! You never listened to me about Kouga's-"

"Kouga's what, Ginta! Kouga's what!" He yelled back when the other male suddenly cut himself off.

Ginta growled shoving Hakkaku back. "Don't change the subject! Maybe if you hadn't left! Maybe I you had let _me_ go instead! Maybe if you had just taken us along with you, all this wouldn't have happened! Maybe if you hadn't shoved your own crown on your head and proclaimed yourself king of the world we wouldn't have had to _suffer_ all winter! I wouldn't have had to almost get myself killed getting a full grown bear youkai out of the mountains!"

"Listen to me!" Hakkaku growled.

"Face it, you've changed, Hakkaku!"

"Would you stop and listen!" He said more forcefully.

"Kouga wouldn't have put up-"

"KOUGA'S DEAD, YOU IDIOT!" Hakkaku screamed in Ginta's face.

The other youkai lunged at his friend blared "SHUT UP!" taking him down hard to the floor.

Hakkaku could do little as the wolf that was once his den brother pounded him into the stony ground. He grunted and yipped in pain with each flurry of claws, kicks, and punches. He was still tired from his journey and his friend had gotten stronger with the anger pent inside him for so long. With every swipe, he tried to twist his way out from under him, all the while struggling to get a good punch or kick into a sensitive spot. "Kouga's dead, Ginta! Get over it!" He bit out mercilessly.

"SHUT UP!" Ginta snarled clawing at the arms Hakkaku had put up to guard his face.

The spiky haired youkai suddenly shoved Ginta's arms away from him before looping his arms around the other male's elbows and over his back, squeezing him in a strangling bear hug. If he couldn't fight him, maybe he could at least restrain or subdue him for the moment. "He's dead, there's nothing to go behind or betray anymore…." He whispered, allowing the words to sink into him as well as Ginta. "He's really dead…" He said more to himself than aloud.

Ginta snarled and spat, struggling against the arms around his own but the force of it was hurting his back and he felt the strength drain out of him with every word. A warm liquid began to slide down his cheeks, his body slumped into Hakkaku and he finally succumbed to the tears he had barricaded since the death of his beloved leader and friend. "No, he's _not_." He sobbed childishly.

Hakkaku felt his own eyes water at the confession. Their best friend was gone forever, they would really never see him again. Kouga had crossed into the other life, and youkai being immortal this would probably be the only world they would ever know. They would never be reunited with him again. "Hai, Hai, he is." He said softly loosening his grip, but Ginta still leaned limply into him, crying tenderly.

Each tear was a knife in his eye, each sob a stab at his throat. It hurt, this really, really hurt. Kouga was dead, his friend, leader, and brother was gone from him for eternity. And eternity was a really long time. Ginta wept harder, feeling Hakkaku shake against him. Kagome had been right, he hadn't really dealt with this fact until now. There was always something he was able to preoccupy himself with to keep from acknowledging what had happened. He had to focus on the future of the clan, plan to keep it from dying out, he had to take care of Kagome. It seemed the more time went on, the less he had to do, and the more alone he was, alone to run from thoughts he didn't want to think about. And he had paid the price when they caught up with him. Kagome had been right all along. "Nee-san…." He whispered, his eyes unclenching, staring wetly into nothing.

Hakkaku moved away, feeling Ginta stiffen. Dotted eyes that mimicked his own, blinked sorrowfully into his.

"She'll never forgive me…" He whimpered.

A tanned, clawed hand came up wiping the snot more than likely dripping from his nose. Hakkaku sniffled and snorted the phlegm away; it was time to move one. "Tell me everything that happened."

She was an idiot. The darkness was becoming brighter. The brightness brought a sickening pain to her head. With the pain, her brain began to function and make her realize that she was an idiot. Her eyelids shifted up and down for a moment before slowly rising up, as if fighting against 10 lb weights. Dull gray eyes focused on the ceiling above, it seemed that ceiling always woke her up to memories that changed her life in ways she didn't need. She wanted to hate that ceiling, but her hate refused to spare any of itself, instead fixating on one person. Kagome wanted to close her eyes, go to sleep and never wake up. _'I'm so stupid…'

* * *

_

Everything hurt. Her feet hurt, her legs hurt, her sides hurt, her back hurt, her head hurt, her neck hurt. The only things that didn't hurt were her arms. Kagome swallowed some saliva into her chafed throat. She flexed her hand bringing feeling back into it, wanting to massage the soreness away from her muscles and bones. Her fingers moved under the blanket, rubbing her thigh to bring warmth back to it. Her legs shifted a bit, aching from being in the same position for so long. Kagome winced, the motion bringing back a stinging between her legs. One hand moved to cup the sore place, feeling what was probably dried blood, dirt, and other things she didn't want to think about. She was so stupid.

A fierce, stinging ache bolted up and down her spine, raging its fury on her nerves. Perhaps the snow hadn't broken her fall as much as she would have liked. Giving into the urge, Kagome clenched her eyes shut, willing away the memories. She wanted to cry, she did, wanted to sob her misery to the world. Perhaps that part of her had broken. Trying to turn onto her side, she didn't want to stare at the treacherous ceiling any more, but her entire body lacerated her with pain as punishment for the effort. She cried out stiffly before going back to her prone position.

If she couldn't move her body then the least it could allow her to do was to turn her head. Yes, she was definitely in Kaede's hut again. This birthplace of so many adventures, so many fond reminiscences, now left a bittersweet taste in her mouth. Twice it had bore her to a changing world she didn't want to go into.

"Ah, it seem the Gods truly love you, child."

Glancing up, she recognized the grandmotherly voice. Kaede looked at her from across the room where something was boiling in a pot.

"I have warm water, and I am making you some tea." She answered, noticing Kagome's attention to the kettle.

She didn't know whether that was the tea or the water in the pot but she honestly didn't care that much. Footsteps sounded in her ears signaling the older miko's approach. Robes of red and white intercepted her view of the rest of the hut. One wrinkled hand reached under her neck, making her cringe at the soreness, while the other brought a cup to her lips. Kagome turned away stubbornly, "Iie, Kaede." She said softly.

"Onegai, child, drink it. I will not force you, but if not for yourself then drink it for me." The old woman almost pleaded.

Kagome sighed, Kaede was taking care of her, there was no reason to be so unappreciative. Obediently turning back, she allowed the cup into her lips and let the warm, if not overly so, liquid to spill into her mouth. It warmed her throat almost instantly, taking away the cracking sting of dryness and cold residing inside.

Kaede took the cup away when it looked as though she had her fill. Letting Kagome's head down gently she put the cup to the side and began to quietly stroke her hair.

The touch reminded her of her mother, it soothed and comforted her, but the need for such things brought mementos of why, exactly, she needed them in the first place. How could something console her and make her want to cry at the same time? Moving her head away again she felt apologetic for rejecting her benefactor so rudely, "Iie Kaede, don't touch me, onegai."

Obligingly taking her hand away, Kaede looked at the girl, her gaze full of sympathy. "Hai, I understand, Kagome. Gomen ne."

And this time she did cry. Silent, watery trails, wormed their way down her cheeks. "Don't be sorry, Kaede. You didn't do anything." He was already making her hurt others, the bastard…..

"I am not sorry for my offers of comfort. I am only sorry for you." She whispered taking Kagome's hand in her own, warming it away from the cold that had claimed it for so long.

Stormy eyes turned to the grandmotherly woman. "Why are you sorry for me?" She asked weakly. Did she know? _'Oh Gods please don't let her know…'_ It was dirty and shameful, she felt so filthy.

"Would you like to talk about it? It may help." Kaede murmured consolingly stroking her hand.

Shutting her eyes tightly, she willed away more tears as she turned away. She knew, the way Kaede was looking at her told her she knew. "Gomen ne, Kaede." She whimpered.

"Oh child, there is nothing to be sorry for. This is not your fault. You did nothing to deserve this." She said the last part almost fiercely, clinging to the warming fingers inside her own.

Didn't she? If she had done nothing to deserve this then why was she being punished? Kagome took in a shaking breath. Why had this happened to her? She was in love. She was in love, why was that so horrible? She squeezed Kaede's hand, bringing it to her forehead to stroke her hair. She was already crying, there was nothing to stop her from taking comfort now.

Kaede seemed at a loss for words. She wanted to say such things like, 'it will be alright' but she was wise enough to not make premonitions she could not predict. Since she could not promise Kagome a bright immediate future full of sunshine and flowers and cute little animals, she would settle for running her hands through the girl's hair and murmuring soothing noises as she cried.

She wanted somebody to hold her. She wanted desperately to be held but the sharp pain in her back refused to let her sit up and attain her goal. Slowly her cries turned more into tears of frustration than emotional weeping. She wanted arms around her and reassuring words in her ear.

Her long fingers continued to glide through the inky strands, now dry from the fire's heat. "I managed to pry InuYasha and Shippou from your bedside to gather more wood for the fire should you want to talk without them present." She said knowing that certain things women did not like whisper around men.

Kagome nodded her acknowledgment pitifully. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to say how she had fallen in love with the man whose friend had died protecting her, whose friend she couldn't love back. She didn't want to say how miserable she had felt for so long. She didn't want to say how just when she was beginning to accept her feelings and look to a brighter future they were dashed on the floor like unwanted trash from a moving car. Most of all she didn't want to say how she had given her virginity to the same man that had tried to strangle the life out of her body. "Why did this happen, Kaede? It didn't have to." She muttered through her tears.

"I cannot say. I want to give you all of your answers. I only wished I had them." She said regretfully.

"I'm so stupid." Kagome whispered, her sobs subsiding, tears fading into wetness on her cheeks. She felt so spent.

Kaede caressed her forehead reassuringly. "No, you are not the foolish one. Any man that would succumb to forcing a woman is the one that will inevitably pay for his foolishness." She said, though she had no doubt that InuYasha would give 'inevitable' a good hard shove to 'now.'

Kagome stopped and stared up at the woman hovering over her. She thought………….of course she would think that. A small, dark part of her wanted to agree with Kaede. The part that didn't want to admit that _she_ was the one who had succumbed. If she was forced, then she never willingly gave herself to someone who didn't want her, if she was forced then she never willingly gave her _heart_ to someone who didn't want her. But it wasn't true…………. "Ginta didn't….it wasn't……….there was no forcing, Kaede." She confessed feeling the hand still in her hair, the fingers come to a halt inside the raven locks.

"I do not understand, Kagome." The old miko said looking at her patiently for an explanation. She knew not to make assumptions, and was glad she had stopped InuYasha from doing the same.

_'That makes two of us…'_ She thought sadly. Where had all the rhyme and reason gone from her life? "I….I cared about him. I cared about him a lot." She admitted not wanting to look at the old miko next to her.

Kaede sighed with mixtures of relief and remaining remorse. "And did he not share your feelings?" From where the events had gotten her she already had her answer.

The raven-haired miko shut her eyes painfully and shook her head.

"Gomen Nasai, Kagome." Kaede said offering what consolation she could.

Kagome nodded not trusting her wavering mouth to speak. "I know, Kaede, me too."

"KAGOME! You're better!"

Both Kaede and Kagome turned at the shrill cry and furious patter of paws on hard wood. The young woman smiled opening her arms and ignoring the ache as the kit came barreling into her chest. She hugged him tightly, listening to him chatter endlessly about how much he missed her and to never leave him with InuYasha ever again. Her eyes went to the entrance, half expecting the hanyou to come stomping in with readied curses about Shippou talking behind his back. No one stood in the doorway, no growling InuYasha to rile up the ease or to tell her how stupid she was for sleeping in the snow. She felt the slightest bit of relief at his absence. She didn't want him to see her this way, for some reason it would hurt worse for him to see her so weak.

"I missed you too Shippou."

* * *

'_Ginta didn't….it wasn't……….there was no forcing, Kaede.'_

'_I….I cared about him. I cared about him a lot.'_

Those words resounded in his ears like a gong in the middle of a quiet night. He had reluctantly gone with Shippou to get more wood for the fire, only after Kaede threatened him with Kagome's death due to exposure _and_ his refusal to leave her side long enough to help her get well. He had only stayed on the edge of the forest, opting to simply rip branches from the trees there instead of leaving the village. Luckily Shippou had already proclaimed that he would collect more lumber than '_'his'_ lazy ass could ever get' and had raced off into the woods before InuYasha had the chance to get a hold of him. At least he didn't have to deal with the brat and could get back to Kagome before the pest could assault her with his suffocating squeezing and insistent need to be coddled.

After filling his arms with whatever limbs that looked like they would fit into the fire-stove he returned to Kaede's. He had heard the old miko's voice first before he even reached the hut. It sounded like she was speaking with someone. He instantly dropped his burden making a dash for the little home, intent of berating the hag for not coming to fetch him the minute Kagome awoke. His legs sprung forth, only stopping when he heard Kaede's voice again.

"I managed to pry InuYasha and Shippou from your bedside to gather more wood for the fire should you want to talk without them present."

InuYasha had come to a halt next to the entrance. Would Kagome really tell the babaa things she wouldn't tell him? He mulled the thought around in his head before leaning his back against the side of the hut, his ears perked and listening. Just because she couldn't say it in front of him didn't mean he didn't have the right to know. Kagome began speaking again and his claws flexed at the high cracks and weary tones in her voice. He knew who had put them there. There would be no remains left of the bastard when he found him, he would make sure of that, but first he needed to talk to Kagome. He needed to make sure she was okay.

"Why did this happen, Kaede? It didn't have to."

Tensing at the sorrow he heard there, he wanted to do something, something to help, but he knew no charming expressions to whisper in a girl's ear, he had no pretty, frilly things to offer. What he did know was that bloodshed wouldn't stop her tears, unfortunately, it was the only form of comfort he really knew, and could give freely. She couldn't honestly expect him to let the son of a bitch live after this. No, death was too good for him, but it would have to do. As soon as he could reassure himself that she was better, and wouldn't break with the snap of the fingers, he would be off. He would take care of this the only way he knew how. InuYasha gritted his teeth, silently willing Kaede to get off her fat ass and leave so he could talk to Kagome alone.

"No, you are not the foolish one. Any man who would succumb to forcing a woman is the one that will inevitably pay for his foolishness."

'Pay' was such an understatement for what he was going to make the bastard do. And there would be none of this 'inevitably' shit. Ginta would be nothing more than a mass of entrails at his feet by nightfall. There was a long pause and InuYasha swiveled his ear towards the entrance, less she be whispering and he miss something. But she wasn't whispering, nothing put silence flew under his youkai radar of hearing. Maybe Kaede would finally get the hell out and leave them alone.

"Ginta didn't….it wasn't……….there was no forcing, Kaede."

The hanyou froze, his body going numb and his lungs forgetting how to function. _'What the fuck?'_ What nonsense was she talking about?

"I do not understand, Kagome."

_'That makes two of us_._'_ He thought leaning harder against the side of the hut, as if he could somehow mold himself to the door to hear better. The wait for the explanation was long, a droning quiet overtook the room as he stood perfectly still, taunt and anxious.

"I….I cared about him. I cared about him a lot."

The wind was knocked from him and he heard no more. No more conversation, no noises of nature, no bird chirping or fucking squirrel chatter. Nothing but white noise rung in his ears.

'_I…I cared about him. I cared about him a lot.'_

It was the wolf. The fucking wolf. She had feelings for the mangy, piece of pathetic fur. So many questions tumbled through his mind. When had this happened? Why did it happen? But most of all: why hadn't he seen it? What did that sorry ass excuse for a youkai have to offer her? He was weak and a coward. He held no status in the youkai world. Kouga was bad enough, but this one was no more than his fucking _minion_! How could he have known? The scrawny pup wasn't even a blip on his radar, how did this happen? How was he supposed to see this sickly looking runt as a rival for Kagome's affections? How could he beat down a competitor he didn't even know was a challenge to him? The manipulative asshole played the submissive bitch, panting pitifully and rolling on his belly for any dominant male, yet had managed to sneak past him when his back was turned and make off with the prize.

He felt physically sick. InuYasha struggled for breath, his claws digging into the wood behind him. He didn't even notice Kaede coming out until her sluggish steps were practically sliding past the door. Quickly snapping out of his daze, the hanyou leaped up onto the roof making sure to land on his toes so as to not make any noise, clinging to the thatching he waited until she was out of sight. He stayed where he was long after she was gone, unable to deter his mind from the twisting and multiplying thoughts long enough to focus on operating his body.

InuYasha could see them together now. The picture came unbidden and unwanted, but it was there, like a hated birthmark blaring on the back of his eyelids. He didn't even have to close his eyes to see them, touching, kissing, moving together. His head began to shake back and forth furiously, his silvery mane whipping violently to and fro, needing to get the image out of his head. But it wouldn't leave. It was truth and it was real. InuYasha may have known Kagome longer, but Ginta had something with her he had never known, would never know. They now shared something he couldn't touch.

Abruptly stopping his tantrum, his eyes focused unseeingly into the roof as if just by looking he could burn the entire home to ashes.

He may not be able to touch it, but he could tear it apart.

* * *

"That's a pretty big fuck up, Ginta." 

The other wolf didn't have the heat to glare at Hakkaku. After a story like that there really wasn't anything left to say other than 'you fucked up.' After telling him everything, Ginta gave Hakkaku some time to process what had happened, and in turn he took the time to tug on his fur wrap and bands. He couldn't even look at his vest. It laid a little ways away from the fire, strewn helplessly over the floor, the mismatched and multicolored buttons gleaming pleadingly at him. Sitting back down he ran a hand down his cooling chest trying to look at anything other than the altered pelt vest that seemed to beg him to pick it up. "I can't believe this happened." He said miserably.

Hakkaku spared his friend a sympathetic glance. Out of all the scenarios he imagined coming home to, this wasn't even on the list. "Where is she now?"

The monochrome youkai's eyes almost bulged out of his head. Where _was_ she? "Oh Gods, I don't even know! She, she just ran off into the forest alone, it was snowing, and she wasn't covered, Oh Gods-" He babbled hysterically.

Hakkaku squeezed Ginta's shoulder confidently, trying to contain his own anxiety. "It'll be okay, I'm sure she found shelter. We…..we just have to find her, she's smart, she'll be okay." His voice wavered.

_'You didn't see her the way I saw her_….._'_ Ginta thought, recalling the hurt and terrified expression on her face as he chased her from the cave. _'You _threw_ her out of the cave_._'_ His eyelids shut tightly, forcing the scene from his mind. It hurt too much to look at. She was out there somewhere lost and alone, or worse……..

"Oi, we'll _find_ her." He reassured, hating to see his comrade so miserable.

They were wolf youkai; of course they would find her. It was _how_ they found her that he was all but hysterical over. He couldn't live with himself if they found her anything but warm and safe. And if she was indeed warm and safe, what then? "We can't take her with us Hakkaku." He said dejectedly. How could he even show himself to her after what he had done?

"Nani? What are you talking about?"

"Did you find a tribe?"

"Hai, it's not as strong as our own clan, though. Their leader was old and lazy and the pack pretty much just ate, slept, and rutted when I got there. We'll definitely have to whip 'em back into shape!" He said proudly.

Ginta smiled sadly. He was happy for his friend, really he was. "We'll find her, we'll make sure she's okay, then we'll leave." He said determinedly.

"Nani? _Why_?"

He turned on Hakkaku, frustrated, angry and hurt. "Why! You think Nee-san will forgive what I did! You think she'll just forgive and forget and come along quietly!"

"So not only are you going to strangle her, shove her off a mountain, chase her through a blizzard, but you're going to abandon her too?" Hakkaku asked incredulously.

"Abandon her? Hakkaku she never wants to see me aga-"

"That's your mate, Ginta." Hakkaku interrupted gravely. "Don't you get that she cares about you? She never left your side through all this and did nothing but try to be closer to you. You owe it to her to make things right between you two. And I don't think you should call her '_Nee-san_' anymore."

Unable to do anything but gape at him, Ginta tried to take it all in. He and Kagome had been together, she was his mate now. Until just then he had never seen their coupling as something other than another way he had hurt her. A mate. He had a mate of his own.

_---flashback---_

"_Ginta, Ginta I- ITTE!" She screamed feeling his fans rip into her neck, right at the juncture between her throat and shoulder._

_---end flashback---_

He had marked her. She would bear his love bite when he found her. He didn't mean for her to hurt so much.

_---flashback---_

"_Ginta! Stop! Stop It I Love You!"_

_---end flashback---_

She loved him. She loved him. She loved him and he had caused her pain. She had given him the answers to the hole that had been inside him so long, and he threw her away. "How can I ever hope to make things right with her?" Ginta whispered desolately. The Gods had taken a friend and given him a mate instead. And he had thrown her out like garbage.

"We'll figure that out when we find her."

"Iie, _I'll_ go find her. You stay here and just get what we'll need for the trip over." He would make things right with her.

He had to.

* * *

This pain had to be something akin to childbirth. Granted not in the same area, but the intensity had to be similar. Kagome cringed, winced, grimaced and made every single ache filled noise and face she could muster as she managed to raise herself into a sitting position and was now working on standing up. 

Kaede had left a little while ago, taking Shippou with her. The kit had gotten overly excited and she had insisted on Kagome's rest, so she suggested Shippou come with her to fetch InuYasha and help patch up some of the damaged village huts. Kagome agreed that she was indeed very tired; this was obviously a dramatic exaggeration. She had slept long enough and was now too rested and too sore to sleep, but she wasn't sure how much longer her aching body could have endured Shippou's insatiable appetite for crushing hugs and demands of being held.

Of course now she had to pay the price of being along and get herself her own tea. Grunting and whining, she fought not to shatter the cup in her hands as she rose to her feet gripping desperately at her ribs. Her back and sides hurt horribly, but she was hungry, thirsty and cold, and since there was no food to be found, she would have to settle for the tea that would cure at least two of her symptoms. Kagome sighed a satisfied breath of relief when she finally stood on her own to feet. Breathing hurt a bit, but it wasn't as bad as the pain in her back. Tying the lighter sheet around her chest, she tried to get the motivation to make motions toward the tea filled pot. It looked so filling and pain curing, but it had been torturous enough getting up, she hadn't tried walking yet.

Taking in a deep breath she took one foot hesitantly in front of the other. Hey, it wasn't so bad. She smiled a little at her tiny victory. Suddenly a heavy thud came from just outside the hut, a shadow appearing through the doorway startling her enough to drop the cup. She jolted, forgetting about the shattering pottery. Whipping around towards the entrance felt just as bad as getting up. InuYasha stood in the entranceway, his shadowed silhouette illuminated in an outline of gay light. She let out the air she had been holding and made an exasperated noise seeing that he wasn't a murderous youkai, monster, boogeyman or any other assortment of childish fears come alive to get her. "InuYasha! You scared me half to death! Where have you been? Kaede and Shippou went to look for you."

She watched him step inside, hesitantly walking towards her. He seemed different to her somehow, she couldn't put her finger on it, he appeared taller, more looming, more intimidating for some reason. He said nothing to her and she observed him advancing on her, wary of him for the first time since they met. She felt nervous and helpless, like a lamb with a broken leg. She could only imagine how she looked, standing there weakly, slightly hunched over, clutching her ribs like a bleeding wound. It was then that Kagome noticed his face, it was the reason he looked so different to her in this light. He resembled a dog readying itself to pounce on an intruder. "InuYasha?" She echoed cautiously when he was right at her feet.

How dare she act so fucking innocent! Right then he wanted to hit her more than he ever had. He was angry and hurting, and he wanted her to hurt too. Stupid bitch. Kissing him, tempting him with her false adoration, all the while letting that fleabag lead her away. All this time he was being concerned for her and she was fucking someone else. His fingers felt itchy, aching to teach her a lesson, punish her for her infidelity. _He _was the one who protected her all this time, the one who looked out for her, the one who gave up being a full youkai for her! Bitch!

Kagome eyed him carefully, put off by the hanyou's silent air of aggressiveness. If he didn't want to talk perhaps it was best to simply leave him alone to glare at her until he was ready to tell her exactly what had him in a hissy fit. Glancing down at the shattered cup, she mentally apologized to Kaede for dropping it. Turning, she approached the teapot hoping Kaede would have saved some spare cups around there. She gasped, suddenly feeling her arm snatched in a firm, taloned grip and screamed as she was abruptly swung around and shoved against the nearest wall to her side. A painful grunt broke through when her already tender spine hit the wood and InuYasha clutched her upper arms pressing her harder into the unyielding barrier. "Baka yaro! Have you lost your mind?" She cried, her teeth gritting at the torture running up and down her back and throughout her sides.

"Was he good!" He spat angrily getting in her face, his grip on her arms tightening with his increasing temper.

"What are you talking about! Let me go, now!" She glowered at him.

InuYasha shook her hard, her head and entire backside of her body hitting the wall with a heavy 'thud!' "I'm not stupid! Don't play the fucking victim! I heard everything between you and the babaa!" He snarled furiously.

Her face blanched and Kagome felt her stomach drop into her feet. She had never wanted him to know, she never wanted _anyone_ to know. "InuYasha.." She started.

He growled threateningly at her, giving her another whiplashing shake against the wall. "Don't talk to me like that! Don't talk to me like I'm some pup too stupid to understand what happened!" He barked.

"I'm not!" She protested.

"I'm not dumb! You fucked him! I know it, I heard you say it! Don't try to deny it!" His voice rose with each sentence as if his own words were angering him even further.

"I won't!" Kagome hissed. "You have no right to treat me like this! How many times have you run off to Kikyou and I stayed silent because I only wanted you to be happy! What happened last night had nothing to do with you!" She had to use her Kikyou card, it was her only defense against him and hopefully it would take the wind right out of his sails.

"Stop changing the subject!" He enunciated this with another shove against the already unrelenting wood at her back, she hissed at the piercing ache stabbing into her wounded spine. "You kissed me-!"

"And you kissed _her_, there's no difference!" She interrupted.

"There's every difference! I didn't FUCK her!" He roared in her face. "Was this your way of 'fulfilling your obligation' to the wimpy wolf? By fucking his bitch of a lackey! You didn't even answer my question! Was he good!"

"STOP IT!" She shouted.

"Look!" He barked, spying the twin bite marks already scabbed over on her neck. "He's all over you, Kagome!" He snarled his hands moving up, his talons flexing on her shoulders. "He's all, _fucking_, OVER you!" InuYasha hated it, he could smell the wolf on every part of her, she hadn't yet bathed and he could smell him between her legs as well as if he were still there.

Kagome cried out as he began ripping at her blanket, she clutched it to her tight but the tug-o-war only lasted all but a second, InuYasha wringing it from her body with ease. Kicking and swinging at him heatedly, she yelped in pain when he shoved himself against her making her hit the wall one last time. "STOP!" She shrieked but his ears only flatted to his head, ignoring her angry cries.

He couldn't stand it! The son of a bitch was _everywhere_ on her, the scent driving him insane! No snow was there to dampen it anymore and now it flared at him like a bonfire. He wanted to hurt her, punish her for turning her back on him. He wasn't going to let the little he-bitch tear them apart! He hated that Ginta had known a side of Kagome that he hadn't, but he was going to fix that now. His human side felt abandoned and betrayed, and wanted her to know how badly she had hurt him. Yet the darker part of him, the one that whispered primal things from the deepest part of his being, told him this would make her stay with him. Whether she liked it or not she would be connected with him and have no choice but to remain with the stronger male. They would mate and Kagome would _never_ be able to erase that, she would stay and he would find Ginta and rip his sorry excuse for competition apart. That primordial part of him refused to realize that Kagome was human, not youkai, and would follow her heart, not instincts.

Kagome grappled with him the best she could with him now pinning her arms, at the elbows, to the wall. She kicked and screamed at him to leave her alone but he might as well have been deaf for all the benefit it did. She thrashed about wildly when she felt him nip dangerously at her collarbone before moving further down her body, licking and biting possessively at anything he felt needed staking. She yipped involuntarily at the feel of his fang roughly tracing her nipple. No! No, this was not what she wanted! What was wrong with him! Her mind screamed. _'I hurt him………didn't I?'_ The thought came silenced and unexpected. It quieted all the other whirling adrenalin-fueled emotions and panicked thoughts in her mind. She slowly stopped struggling._ 'He's hurt, just like you_…._'_ The empathetic side of her hushed. Her skin gradually fell numb to his rough lips and heated bites. "InuYasha, don't do this. You won't be able to forgive yourself if you do, and I don't know if I will either."

She winced at a particular sharp nip he delivered to the skin around her belly button. She wanted to hurt Ginta, cause him the pain he made her feel, and she knew InuYasha was doing the same. "I love you, you're my friend."

He growled angrily shoving her heavily against the wall again. "Shut up!"

Kagome shook her head sadly her misty eyes gazing down at him with regret. "You're my friend, InuYasha. That's it." Her voice was sorrowful and tinged with remorse.

"I said be quiet!" He snarled, but he had stopped further advances on her tender flesh.

Her voice cracked as she continued. "Ginta and I made love-"

" URUSAI!" He roared yanking his hands from her arms and smashing them against his ears. He didn't want to hear her refer to what she and the wolf did as '_love_.'

He could hear her; she knew you couldn't just block youkai hearing that easily. "-but he" Kagome stopped to gather herself, hold back the tears and keep her voice in check. "…he said it was a mistake. Maybe he was right. And he did all he could to get me away from him." She could still see Ginta's face staring at her as though she were the epitome of all his sins. And he had thrown her away just as such. "I never wanted to hurt you. You know how much I care about you. But our time for love was over a long time ago, InuYasha. I just don't think we wanted to accept it. " And with that, she watched him crumble.

The violent anger fell to his feet and drained from his body. A different kind of anger replaced it. An anger he could do nothing about, it was the kind one feels when defeated, completely and utterly defeated. InuYasha's hands dropped from his head as he kneeled there, he stared at the skin on her waist not knowing what else to do and feeling helpless to do anything at all. She was gone from him, for real this time.

Kagome didn't tense when his arms suddenly darted out to loop around her waist, his head burying itself in her stomach. Gently sliding her fingers through his tousled white mane, she cradled his head to her with maternal ease. Loving InuYasha hadn't been a lie. She did, wholly and truly. But she was not the same Kagome that followed him adoringly, that held her heart on her sleeve for him to do with what he wished, that still believed everything would turn out right in the end. She had changed, just like they all had. She went from a girl swooning at romance novels, butterflies, puppies, and rainbows, and grown into a woman wise to the world's shades of black, white, and gray. Romance novels were fiction, most butterflies died 16 days after coming out of the cocoon, puppies chewed shoes and urinated on rugs, and rainbows never lasted. InuYasha's arms squeezed her tight, and she ignored the pain in her back, for him.

His muscles were tense and refused to relax into her tender embrace. Maybe if he stayed still enough the world would too and they would be like this forever. Of course he wasn't stupid enough to actually believe that. This wound inside him, it was deep and bled profusely. How could their time be over? It hadn't even begun. The clock had stopped somewhere along the line without him knowing. If a demon threatened him he would kill it, if Sesshoumaru tried to take Tetsusaiga then he would beat him, if Shippou was pestering him then he would bat him away, but how could he defeat _this_? How could he beat an enemy he couldn't fight? Clenching his teeth, InuYasha pressed closer to her, drawing her tighter to him. How could he stop the woman from going away from him if his heart wouldn't let him draw a hand against her? He was lost and confused in a world where his strength meant absolutely nothing.

Kagome's eyes were fixed on the top of his head, InuYasha's silvery hair gleaming back at her. Her face didn't contort into sobbing, but she let the tears falling quietly down her face, sinking into the white locks below her. She cried for him, she cried for her. But most of all she cried for all the things lost to them now.

* * *

He traveled a greater distance in less time by simply leaping over the snow rather than running through it. Ginta continued to bound from one spot to the next, leaving footprints and skidding indents in the powdery flakes behind. He couldn't help the joy and relief flowing through him when he found that she was alive and okay. Body scents needed to be traced fast if you wanted to track something or someone because the trail faded quickly, but hormones lasted longer and were much stronger, making them easier to pick up and follow. He picked up Kagome's scent quicker than he thought he would have due to the blizzard last night, but the smell was so saturated with adrenal hormones that, while a little stale, it had lasted through the storm. 

As he continued to follow the scent, it didn't take long for him to figure out exactly where she was headed. He found it hard to believe that she could find her way through such a snowstorm, but the direction roughly lead to InuYasha's forest. If she had gotten far, there was no way the hanyou or the Kit that so often accompanied them could miss her.

Spirits high and feeling energized, he reached the clearing where the familiar hut lay father than he had estimated. Ginta hurdled over the remaining trees and landed only a little ways away from the home where he had first come to fetch her. The smell was stronger around this area, as well as that of InuYasha's. Unfortunately, snow covered the cozy hut along with the rest of the land, making her scent level across the clearing, so he couldn't be sure whether she was inside or had recently left. Ginta leaped towards the little home, haphazardly hopping onto the roof as he felt the wind pick up. If he was lucky, the breeze would pass the smell over him and he could tell which direction it was coming the strongest from.

He landed onto the shingles with a heavy 'thump!' peeking down, his nose twitched and sniffed when the recognizable scent rose from beneath him. Pacing around the roof he found himself inspecting another odor he had caught onto. It was obvious she wasn't alone, and it smelled like InuYasha. Ginta's brow furrowed in confusion, the hanyou's scent was all of the sudden getting rapidly stronger but it didn't seem to be coming from underneath him anymore.

Ginta didn't have time to think as something solid slammed unrelentingly into his back.

* * *

She wasn't really sleeping, he realized; it was more of a light doze, not heavy and easily awakened. InuYasha, though, lay wide awake, his head now pillowed in her lap. Kagome had slid down the wall about an hour ago and continued to run her fingers soothingly through his hair as he adjusted his position onto his side. When her hand had stopped only a few moments ago he figured she had fallen asleep, but she was still upright and her breathing was too shallow for someone sleeping. He wanted her to never wake up so that they could stay like this. If she didn't wake up then they both could just pretend this all never happened. 

Sighing, he reluctantly rose up and away from his comfortable place. Yep, she was definitely dozing. Her chin rested against her chest and her hair swayed gracelessly into her face. InuYasha took the blanket that was now pooled at her waist and carefully laid it across her shoulders, tucking her in and hiding her modesty. He honestly didn't know where they went from here. Things were new and confusing, the dynamic of their entire relationship had shifted and now he had no idea where they were, what was going on, or how to fix it.

A loud 'thump!' from above tore him from his thoughts and his head darted up just in time to see the ceiling shudder with the unexpected addition of new weight. He frowned, staring up suspiciously. Getting to his feet he took one last look at the raven-haired miko before stepping outside to investigate. The icy frost crunched beneath his bare feet as he moved into the open away from the hut. Turning back he lifted his amber gaze to the snow and ice ridden roof.

Almost immediately all his rage and fury came flooding back ten fold. The son of a bitch was more of an idiot than he had thought to come back here. The intensity of his hatred bore him down, he was frozen, too overwhelmed to move. Ginta just walked about on the hut as if he owned it and with every step, InuYasha found something new to hate about the other male that he barely even knew. It was like he was no longer in control of his body, the next thing he knew he was abruptly lunging at the wolf with the force of a run away freight train. He felt the wind leave his opponents lungs as he smashed the brunt of his shoulder into him, body slamming into Ginta's back. His eyes followed the youkai, watching, satisfied to see his body careen through the air.

Ginta was quick, though, managing to get his bearings back in time to twist and flip around, landing safely on his feet, if not a little stunned. He shook his head free of the vertigo-induced muck, but the hanyou gave him no time to counter attack or even set up a defense. InuYasha was on him in an instant, snapping, swiping and lashing out madly. Ginta jumped, ducked, zigged, zagged and dodged, evading most of the blows. He gasped, wincing when the other male's talons caught his side, digging in and cutting through the lean muscle there. "Matte!" He panted. "Chotto matte! I need to speak with Kagome!" He huffed desperately, trying to maneuver and speak at the same time.

"Don't even fucking _breath_ her name, you bastard!" InuYasha spat viciously.

The two-toned wolf made a startled noise, dropping his head at the last second before the hanyou could shred it from his shoulders. He couldn't keep this up! He couldn't go out like this, he had to get to the hut, he had to speak with Kagome before this mutt tore him apart! Ginta skidded to the right, eluding another lunge before his eyes caught a head of short, jet black hair playing gently in the wind, contrasting against the pale whiteness around it. _'Kagome_…._'_ For a moment, time stop. She was there, standing back by the little home, clutching a blanket around her shoulders, watching them. Just watching them.

Apparently the longer time stood still, the faster it moved afterwards to catch up. Ginta wheezed painfully as the wind was knocked straight from his lungs, the hanyou thrusting his weight into the youkai's stomach, tackling him to the ground and into the snow. He gasped for air, mounds of pure white flakes surrounding him, his breath coming out in smoky puffs. He felt InuYasha's breath against his ear, whispering something murderous, drawing his arm back ready to deliver the final blow. Remembering blankets, fleshy skin, and ink colored hair, Ginta turned his head to his side, the only part of his body he could move under his opponent's weight.

She still stood there, staring as razored fingers rose to come down and rip his throat from his neck. Is this what she wanted? Had she told InuYasha? Had she told him what he had done in hopes of revenge? He couldn't breath, and this time it had nothing to do with his attacker. If this was the only way to set things right with her……………..

* * *

It was the voices outside that were the first to jolt her from her light nap. Her eyes instinctually flickered about the room for InuYasha but found nothing. The yelling and familiar masculine tones came again. Kagome whined, slowly getting to her feet, her ribs and back still quite adamant about making her existence a living hell. Quickly tying the sheet around her chest, she fetched the heavier comforter to shrug around her. Walking hesitantly outside, she wasn't keen on freezing her bare feet in the frost covered ground and definitely didn't intend to stay long. She would see what the commotion was; tell them to be quiet, and go back inside. Kagome shuddered, stepping around the hut to the side to peer out into the clearing behind it. 

"Matte! Chotto matte! I need to speak with Kagome!"

She stilled in her tracks at the voice and her heart stopped beating. Staring across the desert of snow and ice she saw InuYasha ferociously going at Ginta, constantly on him, giving no time for protection or retaliation.

"Don't even fucking _breath_ her name, you bastard!"

Her lungs wouldn't give her air and her body stubborn body stood firmly in place. She couldn't think, couldn't act, couldn't understand what exactly it was that she was doing. Observing the scene in front of her was like witnessing a car wreck. It was horrifying but left you completely unable to look away. Her eyes followed them as Ginta twisted and lunged to the side. And he saw her. She looked right past the man that wanted him dead, past the yards of ice and snow, and looked right at her. She watched him freeze, seemingly struck with the same immobility as she. He looked at her. Looked right _into_ her, as it were. And then he was on the ground. He was thrust into the ground with InuYasha shoving his knee into his chest.

Kagome traced up the haori-covered arm to the red stained claws that would end his life. Her lover that didn't want her was going to be killed by her friend that did. She wasn't positive but there had to be some literary term that defined this moment. Why did she feel so numb? Why couldn't she move? Why couldn't she speak! _'Because you're enjoying this_…._'_ No, no she didn't want _anybody_ killed. This wasn't what she wanted! Yet in the murky recesses of her mind she knew it was true. It was why she couldn't move. It was why she couldn't stop it. She wanted him to see her let this happen. It was the only way to take it all back. If she sacrificed him this way then how could she have ever really truly loved him? And he would know it too. She could take back all her feelings and finally _he_ would be the fool.

Ginta maneuvered his head in her direction. Even as he was about to have that same head rendered from his shoulders, he turned and looked at her. There were no accusations in his eyes, no blame, no anger. There was only shame, grief, acceptance and something else, something else that had come too late to analyze. _'Ginta_…….._' _He had hurt her. The damage he had done was irreparable. But he was still Ginta. He was still the gentle, insecure, apprehensive boy she had stayed with. Had _wanted_ to stay with. He was also the monster that had shoved her off a mountain, smashed her into the ground, squeezed the breath from her windpipe. He was the boy and monster she loved. As long as that was true she would _always_ be his fool.

Her body appeared to have made up its mind and snapped out of its immobility as InuYasha's hand descended into the wolf's throat. "INUYASHA, OSUWARI!" She screamed dashing towards the struggling pair, forgetting that the rosaries were gone, as the safe word, over the years, had become as natural an involuntary defense as flinching.

InuYasha's froze, bracing himself for an impact that he had forgotten would never come as well. He too, had learned to adapt to the dreaded 'Osuwari', and even now without any beads to bring him to the ground his body still knew to ready itself for being subdued.

The hanyou's pause gave her just enough time to come sprinting over to them, flinging herself at InuYasha and clinging to the raised arm. "Leave him be, onegai." She whispered, smashing her eyes shut as if in pain. She didn't want to see the way she knew they were looking at her; she didn't want to see the way she knew Ginta was looking at her. She was so weak.

"Nani!" He cried outraged. InuYasha jerked himself away from the prone wolf and turned on Kagome, unsympathetic to the regret in her eyes. "You come to us half frozen to death because of this bastard and you want me to let him go!" He barked angrily. How could she? How could she still care about this asshole when _he_ was the one trying to protect her?

Kagome made sure her back was to the other male, made sure she was between him and InuYasha as she felt him climb to his feet behind her. "Onegai, InuYasha." She pleaded quietly, unable to look him in the face. She could hear the InuYasha growling furiously at her but was glad he had nothing else to say. "Ginta, just leave." She ordered out harshly, keeping her back to him, not wanting him to see the weakness in her face. She had to be strong now; this was her future, her life.

Ginta stared mournfully into the tousled onyx hair in front of him. No! He couldn't give up now. He had a mate now, he had things to tell her. He had to tell her how sorry he was, how he was willing to spend the rest of his eternity making it up to her. Swallowed the anxious lump in his throat, he placed a nervous, beseeching hand on her shoulder. "Onegai Kagome, I need to-"

"Don't fucking touch her!" InuYasha howled practically lunging himself over Kagome's shoulder, intent on ripping the wolf a new face.

She jerked back at the sudden attack, her hand snapping up of it own accord, firmly cuffing the hanyou across the face. It was as though she had an out of body experience, her spirit left her physical being long enough to see her hand come down with a force that surprised even herself, afterwards coming back to awaken her to the sight of InuYasha staring at her in total bewilderment. And just like that, he was still. Kagome could say nothing, could do nothing with him stared at her, Ginta and the whole world were forgotten in his eyes. A redness spread across his cheek, contrasting with the normally healthy skin found there. Her brain promptly refused to function and her mouth opened and closed, looking for something to say but not knowing the words.

This was it. It wasn't her leaving, it wasn't her not visiting, it wasn't even her sleeping with Ginta, it was this that decisively tore them apart. With a slap she had taken the other youkai's side, had proven that, no matter what else went on between her and InuYasha, Ginta would always come first somewhere in her mind. The bastard had hurt her and she still, if not subconsciously, defended him. For that one split second, something in her had forsaken InuYasha and their relationship for Ginta, just for that split second. But it was enough. It was enough to change everything.

Kagome stared after the back of what was once her greatest friend and greatest love. She stood there long after InuYasha had disappeared in his forest, gone from her. He would never forgive her, he couldn't forgive because she knew he wouldn't be able to forget that one instant she turned her back on him. That one instant where she put his enemy above him. A shiver ran up her spin and she shook with angry tears. She had sacrificed her best friend, the one who had always been there for her, and for what! A man who tried to kill her! She felt the clawed hand at her shoulder again and heard him murmur her name.

Promptly rounding on him Kagome brought her fist firmly into his jaw. "_Why_! Why are you here! Do you have any idea what you've done! InuYasha is gone! My family is gone! Everything's gone, Ginta! You take _everything_!" She screamed pounding fiercely at his chest and shoulders.

Ginta bore her barrage until she began to attack the wound at his side; he winced at new tearing of more muscles and vessels. "Kagome, matte, I need to talk to you-"

"What could you possibly have to say to me after this!" She shouted, barreling into him, knocking them both heavily to the powdery floor.

The minute he landed in the snow, Ginta rolled away from her, keeping a safe distance before attempting to speak to her again. Leaning in worriedly when she cried out with undue pain he watched her try to rise to her feet but only making it to her knees, grabbing tearfully at her ribs. Ginta teetered on his hands trying to see where she was hurt, but she only clutched her sheet tighter around her, glaring at him spitefully. "Kagome, Kagome gomen ne. I'm sorry." He pleaded.

Kagome stared into his face; this was what she was afraid of. His eyes were pulling her to him again, the sorrow he held there, all for her. And she was terrified of relenting. "What are you doing here, Ginta?" She asked shaking her head dejectedly. "What do you want?" She spat, but the anger was more directed to herself.

He gazed at her, willing the Gods to give him the words. He needed to do this, he needed to make her okay. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything." He muttered miserably. And he was, ever since she came into his life it was as though he could do nothing right. It seemed that everyone else in the world knew how to take better care of her than he did.

Misty eyes observed him with wet anger. Had this only happened two days ago, she would have been the happiest girl from the future there ever was. Now all she could do was hate herself for believing him. For believing that he was, indeed, sorry for everything he had done and didn't do.

When she didn't say anything he had no choice but to continue. "I……I want to take you with me, Kagome." He said, his eyes falling to her chin when he lost the strength to look her in the face. "I wish…." Gods there were so many things he wished, but he knew this was the greatest of all. "I wish things were different, had been different." He wanted to stop when she began to cry, when she began to sniffle, but he couldn't turn away from the watery pools of gray that were fixed on him. Gulping down the unease settling itself at the back of his mouth, he couldn't stop himself from resuming. "I wish we had gotten to know each other better, before this all happened. I wish my pack was still here so I could at least give you a family for the one you gave up." He gave a dry, nostalgic, chuckle at the thought of her trying to fit in with his family and friends. "I..I wish Kouga were still alive." His friend, his leader, he would know what to do; he would know how to make this better. But he wasn't here, he was dead, and it was something Ginta was beginning to know how to live with. "I wish….I wish things had gone better, in the cave, that night. I wish I had been gentler. I wish," he laughed at the irony. "…that I had known what I was doing."

As he finished, she was crying quietly. He wasn't even doing anything and yet she still felt so powerless against him. "Ginta, we can't just undo everything, we can't simply _go back_." She choked on the words, because that was what this had all been about, hadn't it? Wanting to turn back a clock you couldn't touch. Wanting to return to a life long since gone, long since changed.

Ginta smiled sadly at that. "I don't want to. I want to go forward. We can't change the past………and I don't want to." Kagome looked up at him and he had a sudden attack of shyness. "If anything _did_ happen, if anything _was_ different, then we wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have a mate. I wouldn't have a mate to promise to take care of, to promise happiness to, and to beg to come back with me because now I don't know what to do without her."

Kagome couldn't tear herself away from him. She was his _mate_? What was a mate? She remembered, the first day she met Kouga he had said that wolves mated for life. Was that their version of a wife? Shaking her head, she wondered why was she even thinking these things! How could they hope to build a relationship from _this_? The foundation for anything between them was already born crooked but was now cracked and crumbled at their feet. How could they manage get beyond this? Kagome looked at him, at his eyes full of hope and anxiety. What was wrong with them? Sometimes she thought that the Gods were just playing mix and match with their lives, that not even _they_ knew what they were doing but rather just going through the motions as well. She wondered if they made mistakes too. If perhaps, she and Ginta were one of them. The Gods had put them together like Lincoln-logs, building a toy home, putting this here and that there, experimenting to see what would make the house stand. And they had crashed and burned, and were now nothing more than a house of ash.

Wiping the wetness from her eyes, Kagome sighed defeatedly, giving a watery laugh. Now they were in love. When there was nothing left to return to, they were in love. But what else did they really need? He couldn't promise her perfection, nothing was perfect, especially not them. But he was promising his true and utter devotion. When there was nothing left, where else did they have to go? What they had was flawed, faulted, and painful; but it was real, and strong.

Ginta grew worried and uneasy when she didn't say anything. When she sat there, in the cold, like she had no idea what she was doing. But he made a surprised noise when she threw herself at him, making him jolt as she wrapped her bare arms around him, clothed in nothing but her paper-thin sheet. Getting over the initial shock, Ginta squeezed her to him, resting his chin happily on the top of her head. "Oi, your hair's growing back." He noticed it seemed a bit longer than it was.

"Is it?" She laughed at his random statements. Kagome supposed she could mark off 'good timing' from his list of better qualities.

"Hai." He affirmed, tugging at the ends of the locks when she ducked her head deeper under his chin.

They were both lost, and still healing from their separate wounds. And they had no stable foundation from which to build a normal relationship. But things could grow in the strangest of places. Her hair would be long again someday, and maybe the little acorn she planted would still grow into the tree she hoped for. If they could get beyond this then maybe what they had was even stronger than the rickety foundation it was born to. And maybe, just maybe, something could be built on their house of ash.

* * *

(Sighs dreamily) its finally finite. Did you guys like the ending? I'm pretty happy with it. I finally have my first fully completed story! Ha! U fuckers! I want to thank all the ppl that reviewed and enjoyed this fic. I hope I did right by you guys. It would definitely be nice for all the ppl who read and never reviewed to finally do so since its the end and all…………………..ya kno. Ok n.e.ways I promised I would tell u guys about the continuations and I'll get right to that so I can let u decide whether or not u want them. If u don't then that's perfectly okay w me, less I have 2 write. Like I said, I pretty much have 'em all planned out but if u guys would rather leave this here then that's good 2 because again, less 2 write and less I have 2 bother my poor beta. 

Ok

1st continuation:

Ophelia's Feathers: Don't worry about the weird name; it's a weird combination of 2 names I was thinking of. Okay, basically this fic follows just about where Kagome and Ginta left off. Kagome needs to say goodbye to Sango, Miroku, and Shippou, before they leave with Hakkaku, and Kagome gets Miroku to marry them. It's a sweet little scene, don't expect the whole tuxedo, fancy dress up, friends and family, normal wedding, it's pretty much all they can put together with what they have but it is cute. And yes Sango and Miroku make a surprise appearance. I'm not gonna go into it because that's fic territory. So this story follows their lives into the new tribe they react to Kagome. It even has Kagome's pregnancy and their children in it, don't worry, Kagome didn't get pregnant in "Show Me How it Ends", all that is strictly for the other fic. I really think you'll like this story. "Show Me How It Ends" was pretty much Ginta and Kagome developing into a weird unorthodox and unexpected relationship, but with "Ophelia's Feathers" we get to see what happens when Kagome tries to adapt to pack like and even how they react to their hanyou children. Even Kouga makes a _live_ appearance! I guess u'll just have 2 read it 2 understand. Again, I genuinely think u'll enjoy this story. But again, if u think we should end it here, then hey, less writing and bitching from non con haters for me. Woop woop.

2nd continuation:

Where the Willow's Never Weep: Yes I kno this fic has the same title as this chapter, but that was basically because this story was the one that was supposed to go after "Show Me How It Ends." But I knew that this fic was too great a leap from SMHIE and 2 much would have been left unexplained. There for I took the extra time to rough draft and develop "Ophelia's Feathers." Which strangely now ended up being the fic I was more intent on doing than this one. WWNW is a sequel to OF. I can't explain much because there's more to give away in this one. I pretty much revolves around Ginta and Kagome's oldest son but Kagome and Ginta r still very much part of the main character plot. Kagome more than Ginta in this one, n.e.way. it traces Kagome and Ginta's kids when the first-born is about Kagome's age. I don't think this is a story where u can predict anything and it's definitely not what you'll be expecting. Big changes have happened. This is the fic where InuYasha returns and plays a larger part. Again I can't really tell u guys a lot about it because there r so many changes and to tell more I would have to give something away that I don't want 2.

Okay, so tell me which sequel u want, if u want one, or if u want both, or if you want none. U'r feedback is direly needed, so if u have never reviewed then now would b a good time, if not just to give me u'r answer.


End file.
